Three gunshots.
Three loud gunshots.
I flinch harder with each one that is fired after the other. I grab onto Harry for dear life and he doesn't move a muscle. He doesn't flinch or react, but he does hold me as tight as possible to his chest. As soon as the first one was fired I shut my eyes, screwing them closed, praying this wasn't real. My mind was struggling to catch up with what was happening as it just began spiralling and the flashbacks began.
I could hear Harry saying something, people yelling and moving about but it was as if I was underwater. Everything felt so far away yet so close and almost within reach. My body began to move, with each step I tried to take it was unsteady. If it wasn't for Harry's arms wrapped around my waist and shoulders, I would've tumbled down the first step we took.
Still with my eyes shut, I feel us move around the bar as it hits my back but I don't move, I keep my body strapped to Harry's. I now hear Nialls voice, his and Harrys are a little clearer but I can't define the words as flashes of black and white cover my mind.
The noise.
God, the noise.
I can hear even more gunshots. On repeat. My head is pounding and my body is shaking. I know the sounds aren't real otherwise Harry and others wouldn't be standing behind this damn bar. But they're in my head. That night on a constant loop.
The sweat. The club. The suffocation. The panic. The dread. The pain.
As soon as I hit the part of the pain my hands automatically fly up to my right shoulder gripping onto it. This is the only movement I have made since the three shots and I feel Harry pull away from me. I wish I could open my eyes and see his face right about now but I can't. I can't will my eyes to open.
Instead, I pull my body away from Harry's more and then fall to floor. I land with a hard thud but I feel Harry follow me down, he's saying something but I can't hear him still. I try to grasp onto the small strands of his voice seeping through my flashbacks but it's pointless. Again, the loop begins.
The sweat. The club. The suffocation. The panic. The dread. The pain.
Now, my shoulder hurts even more I cry out in agony.
"She's hurt." I hear Niall's voice loud as it booms through but I can't argue against him. I need relief.
Without waiting a beat, I throw my leather jacket off in hurried motions and I struggle when it snags on my arm. I presume Harry can see my struggle as I feel him help me remove it which I flinch at originally, still half consumed by my flashback. Once it is off, I reach for my cropped jumper immediately pulling it up and over my head. I can hear Harry's voice clearer now,
"Niall fuck off. Go see what's going on over there." He spits Niall's way and I hear him take a deep breath before his heavy footsteps leave behind the bar. I manage to pull the jumper over my head and throw it somewhere before my hand finds my shoulder again, gripping onto it so hard I know there will be bruises tomorrow. I need relief from this pain.
I don't even care that I'm sat here in my bra, that is the least of my concerns right about now.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrap one arm around them and bury my head in between my knees crying out trying to rid the pain. The panic is rushing through my body so fast and so intense I feel like I won't survive. My breathing is choppy and it is then I am thrown back to the flashback once more, a harsh hand is holding my mouth shut as I struggle to breathe and scream. I really can't breathe now.
With sharp inhales, I try to steady my racing heart but it's no use. I feel like I'm losing this battle. And I had completely forgotten Harry was sat right before me until I feel his large calloused hand along my back. I couldn't help but flinch and pull away, which he stopped and then slowly but carefully began caressing small circles on my back.
My head was so loud with noise, noise that I couldn't distinguish if it was real or not. My head was pounding and all I wanted to do was scream stop but nothing would come out. through my haze, Harry's voice seems to have seeped through.
"It's okay baby, I got you. You're okay, you're safe baby. Please breathe, in 1, 2, 3... out 1, 2 3. Good girl, now again." repeating his mantra which I managed to focus on. Everything in the background becoming quiet and drowned out by me focusing on the deep voice aiding me. My breathing began to even out, I managed to take large breaths but more frequently. My shaking began to ease but only by a slight. The more Harry spoke, the more it allowed me to escape my head and come back to reality.
My grip on my shoulder slowly eased but I still held onto it as the pain dwindled. Harry moves his own grip to my shoulder instead of my back and slowly pushed me back to sitting up straight. My eyes aren't screwed shut but I don't dare open them. I'm terrified of what I'm going to see.
In careful movements, I feel one of Harrys hands fall gently down my left shoulder and arm until he reached my hand taking it in his. He rubbed his thumb along my wrist, that was probably pulsing like crazy but the soft, melodic movements helped relaxed my tense stature. His other hand, that was on my right shoulder, holding over my own hand seemed to hold my own hand there and then slowly peel it away. My eyes screwed shut once again as I expected the pain to return but it didn't because before I could even consider it, something touched me. A soft motion that I only realised was a kiss when I heard the small smack when Harry pulled away.
And that was the last thing to pull me back.
I couldn't focus on anything but the fact that Harry kissed my scar. And he did it again. and then again. with each one, each string tying me to that flashback, to the fear, to the pain, they all snapped. And I was left with my body completely spent and consumed with exhaustion. I felt Harry peel backwards and it was only then that I managed to open my eyes. The light shocked me at first, the red hues were gone and the main lights had been turned on. I had to blink a couple of times before I could focus on what was in front of me.
Harry.
Those famous ivy green eyes watching me. He has a crease between his brows where he was frowning, the stress lines in his forehead were more prominent than ever. Instantly, I wanted to reach out and smooth them but I don't think I had any strength left in me. He reached forward tentatively, smoothing his hand over the side of my cheek and threading his fingers in my hair. I lean into his touch and closing my eyes once more.
Nothing.
There weren't any flashbacks. No noise.
Just us.
And when I opened them again, I saw Harrys features calm and relaxed too. He lets out one deep breath before leaning forward and placing his forehead against mine.
"Thank you." I mumbled,
"You don't need to thank me, baby, god, I was so worried." He shook his head slightly.
"I'm sorry." I then spat out realising how much panic I probably put him through. he then removed his forehead from mine, the frown back and his other hand held the other side of my face so I was looking directly at him.
"You definitely don't need to say sorry either. I'm just glad you're okay now." He leant in and kissed me. A slow soft kiss. One that spoke thousands of words. and I kissed him back.
"You brought me back-" I whispered. "- I thought I was lost but I found you." I had been crying this whole time so I was surprised when a tear found its way out and Harry smoothed it away with his thumb.
"You found me." He hummed and kissed me once more.
Without saying another word, he reached over to his right and found the jumper that I had discarded during my panic attack and in one motion pulled it over my head and threaded my arms through. I blushed tremendously now I was back on planet earth and realised I had basically stripped in front of Niall and god knows who else saw. Harry must see the heat rise in my cheeks because he leans forwards whispering in my ear,
"No one saw. Only me. For my eyes only, right?" then he leaned back with a wink which made me giggle a little. He then stands up, straightening out his silk shirt and reaches him hand down to me, "Come on little one." I take his hand and he hoists me up. My legs are still weak so immediately reach out to hold his arms. He makes sure I'm balanced before he wraps them around me and hugs me to his chest, holding my head too.
"So who was it?" I hear Harry shout out behind me. I went to turn around but Harry kept his hold of my head. He clearly didn't want me to see whatever was there.
"Someone from up North." I hear Niall reply.
"Alive or dead?" Harry asks so nonchalant you think he was asking gravy or peas with his dinner.
"Alive. Upstairs." Niall replies again.
"Okay, well I trust you to deal with him appropriately."
"You're not joining us, boss?" I think it is Liam this time.
"No, I don't think you need me." I know what he truly means is that he doesn't want to leave me and that warms my heart, so I squeeze my arms around his waist so he knows I appreciate the gesture.
"Okay big man." That was Zayn and then I hear footsteps and doors then it's complete silence.
"Clean that up yeah?" Harry says to someone, although I thought we were alone. There is no reply but then I hear something being dragged along the floor. "Make sure you contact the family. Make sure they're reimbursed." Once again no reply but Harry then parts our bodies.
He takes my hand in his and leads us out of the bar but towards the back of the club, not towards the stairs and entrance. A part of me dares to turn around but I know there's a reason Harry didn't want me to look, and to be honest I have been traumatised enough for one day I really don't need any nightmares on top of this.
He leads me down the back hallway where I have never been before, there are 4 doors, 2 on either side but we don't go into any of them. instead we exit the one at the back that has keypad where Harry enters a passcode and it opens up to an outdoor staircase. We climb them and then come out down the side of the abandoned building. Harry takes us to the back of it where his range rover waits and we climb in.
Neither of us speaks on the way to his apartment which isn't a long drive anyways, but we continue to stay silent as we ride up in the elevator and through his apartment until we make it up the spiral staircase and into the bathroom.
My body feels weak. It feels like a task to lift any limb and move anywhere. My head is still pounding with an ongoing headache but thankfully the shaking has slowed to almost none, and my heart rate has levelled out.
"Do you want to bathe or shower?" Harry turns to me, moving my hair that was sitting on my chest to behind my shoulders then slowly dragging his hands over the lapels of my leather jacket and inching it off of my body.
"Shower." I hum, I know it would be nice to lie down right now but I just want to hug Harry whilst the water runs over our naked bodies.
He then turns around and switches on the double shower that sits in the wet room portion of the bathroom. He runs his hand under it and when he's happy it's at a good temperature he walks back over to me. I haven't moved a muscle, I don't know why I really should've undressed myself but I truly can't find the strength right now.
"Want me to help?" he asks with a soft glow in his eyes and I just nod in response. He steps closer and moves his hands to the bottom of my jumper, peeling it up and over my head. His eyes immediately land on my scar, something I always ignore and never realises is there but now it's like it's beaming a beacon of light. I almost move my hand to cover it but Harry leans forward and places yet another kiss on top of it.
It takes everything in me to be able to stay standing after that. Again.
Kneeling to the ground, he reaches to undo my boots and remove them one by one followed by my socks. Then he reaches up and unbuttons my jeans, peeling them from my legs until I'm left just in my underwear. The nice underwear I would've hoped to have ripped off my body but right now that is the last thing I want to do.
I want Harry to hold me and never let go.
Leaning forward, Harry then begins leaving a trace of soft kisses along my thighs as he pulls down my laced thong until it puddled at my feet. Then he leads those kisses up my stomach and to my breasts, slowly climbing back to his feet and unclasping my bra and letting that fall to the ground too. His kisses followed through the middle of my breasts, up my kneck which made my breath hitch and then they finally landed on my lips.
"I-" he whispered, then he shook his head and kissed me once more. "I'm so proud of you."
I didn't know what to say back but I nodded with a soft smile, then I undressed him. I took my sweet time as he did, his shirt first which pooled on the floor. I traced my hands over his arms and down his torso until I found myself on my knees. I position I tend to find myself in when his cock is lodged down my throat but right now, we've never both been so innocent. I peeled his jeans off his legs along with his own boots, socks and lastly his boxers.
I then stood to my feet, taking him in an embrace with my arms wrapped around his neck. Our naked bodies flushed against one another and I buried my head in his neck. His hands journeyed all over my body until they landed on the backs of my thighs as he lifted me until I wrapped my legs around his waist. I leant back then and kissed him. this time with tongue.
Our mouths worked as one and he walked us into the stream of one of the showerheads. At the first contact with the water and my skin, I flinched and arched my back into his chest but I soon adjusted and relaxed. We didn't stop kissing for who knows how long. It didn't grow more intense or lead to anything more. it was just us kissing until our lips were numb.
When we did pull apart, Harry gently let me down to my feet but I kept my arms around his waist and turned my head sideways to rest against his chest. the sound of his heart beating and the water falling on us, was almost a lulling me to sleep. But in this vulnerable state, I finally got to reflect on what had happened tonight. Harry knows I am scared of guns. I mean who isn't? but he doesn't know why. He won't understand why it affects me so much, why I had a panic attack and why I clawed at my skin to reveal a scar along my right shoulder. He doesn't know and he will never know unless I tell him. and tonight I scared him, I worried him with my uncontrollable behaviour. And as much as it is something I can not control, it is something I can help him to understand.
I swore to myself I would never relive that night, and I didn't want to put that burden on harry ever. At the end of the day I was caught in the middle of a gang war and he is a leader of a gang. The irony isn't lost on me. But he deserves to know. We deserve a fair shot at our relationship, and that can only happen if I'm truly open and honest with him.
"When I was 18-" I spoke out, taking a deep breath with my voice wavered and weak. "- I was shot."
I felt Harry's body stiffen for a moment before he relaxed and wrapped his arms tighten around me, and placing a kiss on the top of my head.
"I was out for my birthday, it was my 18th birthday and we were in this club. It was super hot and sweaty, and I couldn't breathe. So I went out for some air-" my breathing began to pick up, getting choppy and I knew Harry could hear and feel it so he began stroking the back of my head, my hair and my back. Soothing me and it truly worked.
Harry's my anchor. I won't ever forget that.
"-When I got outside, I took one deep breath before a sharp pain began in my shoulder. I don't even know if I screamed or fell in silence. But it hurt. The pain is something I can't even describe. I fell to the floor but someone caught me." Shaking my head, I continue, "I don't know who it was or what happened. All I know is that I woke up in the hospital three days later with a scar and the knowledge that some mystery man saved me." I shrugged. "They told me that in that area, gang crimes had gotten worst and it was a shame I got caught in the middle. I don't know if the guy who saved me had been the one to shoot me but he saved me none the less. The nurse had said if he hadn't brought me as soon as he did I could've died." Harry really did tense then, halting his actions of stroking my hair and back. And he didn't relax after either which made me pull back and look up at him.
"Harry-" I reach up and cup his cheek, he isn't looking at me instead he's looking straight at the wall not even blink. "Harry-" I tug on his head to move it down, and when he looks at me I see a wave of emotions flash by his eyes. Sorrow. Hurt. Guilt. "-It isn't your fault." I speak gently.
"Zuri, I-" he tries to begin but I shake my head. I know what he is going to say.
"This isn't your fault. Listen to me,-" he tries to shake his head out of my grasp but I move my other hand up now to hold his head so he has no choice but to face me. "I don't blame you."
"But you should." He whispers out which makes me frown and shake my head.
"No, Harry. I don't hold any resentment against you. Yes, you lead this gang. And yes it was a gang war that got me injured but I don't hold it against you. Being with you, it has made me feel alive again-" with a deep breath I continue. "- that night, I wasn't just physically scarred, but mentally." I can't miss the horror that washes over Harry's face. "It fucked me up, greatly. And it ruined my life. But ever since meeting you-" I rub my thumbs over his damp cheeks as the water still falls from the showerhead above. "I've found myself again. I've found you. I've found us. And nothing will take that away from me ever. So please don't blame yourself."
"I-I-" he stutters blinking, I can see he is having an internal battle with himself. He probably blames himself because it could've been someone in his gang or someone he knows who did it. and as much as I would love to thank the person who saved me, I think it is time to finally move on from that horror. My life began again once I met Harry and I don't want to look back. Ever.
"You don't need to say anything. I just want you to hold me." I whisper smiling at him. He hesitates for a second before wrapping his arms around me and bringing me back into his chest.
"I won't ever let anyone hurt you ever again. Never." He says with a kiss to my temple.
We stand there under the shower stream for however long, until our fingers prune and then we decide to actually wash ourselves. He washes my hair and I wash his. Although it is a struggle with him being taller so he had to bend down to help me. He washed my body and I washed his, and I couldn't ignore his erection standing tall and proud.
"He can't read the room." Harry rolls his eyes but it makes me laugh as I give him a little pet then move onto his legs.
We walk out of the shower, wrapping ourselves in large fluffy towels and then heading back to the bedroom. When we enter, Harry turns the lamp on beside his bed that sends a warm yellow glow throughout the room. On my side of the bed, I let the towel fall around me to the floor and I move my hands through my hair and flutter it out along my back. I had my back towards Harry and only when I peered over my shoulder do I see him stood there, watching me like a hawk.
A hawk that looks hungry.
I haven't been with Harry in days, and I miss him. tonight has gone nothing how I expected and although not even 10 minutes ago I wasn't even thinking about sex, knowing that I am naked and he is naked beneath that towel. I can't help the way my whole body comes to life.
Turning around slowly, I face Harry as his eyes fall to my breasts and then back up and he takes a heady deep breath. I stalk forward until I reach the side of the bed, then keeping my eyes on Harry I place my palms flat and move them forward until I bend my knee and raises that onto the bed, the other following. My eyes don't leave Harry as I crawl towards him, and he follows my every movement until I'm on all fours before him on his side of the bed.
My eyes flash down to his crotch area to see the straining of his erect cock beneath the towel. I sit back on my heels, making sure to keep my eyes remaining on Harry's as I reach forward and untuck the towel so it falls to the floor. Harry shivers as the cold clearly reaches him but then when I take his length in my hand he shivers more, a small grunt escaping as he hips thrust forwards slightly.
"We don't need to-" he says.
"I want to. I want you."
"You do?" he asks clearly shocked at the clear change of events.
I nod at him whilst slowly moving my hand back and forth along his cock, slowly jerking him off. "I want you if you want me?" I ask with a hint of insecurity. I want him to want this. With me. Even after tonight.
"Of course I want you. I always want you." Looking at his lust-filled eyes I see something more, something deeper. And an idea comes to my head.
"I want you to make love to me." He seems to choke at my words but recovers it with a groan as I continue my movements along his shaft. He doesn't say anything as he steps closer to me, I keep my hand on his erection and he cups my cheeks bringing me in for a passionate kiss. It's full of heat and tongues, but no aggression or eagerness that takes place with most of our make outs. This one is slow and needy, taking our time to explore one another mouths.
Harry leans over me until I am forced to let go of his cock and lie backwards across the bed. He separates our lips to begin kissing over my jaw which has me squirming. Then down my neck where he begins sucks and biting. My hand nestle their way into his wet hair, holding his head to my neck as I arch away to allow him more room. He sucks on one particular spot beneath my ear that has me thrusting my hips up to meet his which makes him laugh.
That sound.
The deep husky laugh sends an electric bolt straight to my core.
Now I'm aching.
His hands find their home on my hips and waist to keep me pinned to the bed and stop moving about as his lips move so slow it's torturous, down the centre of my chest. He reaches the swell of one of my breasts, leaving a heavy kiss and suck before moving to that nipple at biting it. now he moans out, sucking more on the nipple flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud and now it's his turn to thrust his hips forward as his heavy cock sits on my lower stomach.
"God, I missed you so much, baby. I'm sorry for staying away." He murmurs as he moves over to the other breasts, playing, biting and sucking that one just as much.
"I missed you, please don't do that again." I plead.
"I won't ever. I promise." He replaces his mouth with his hands as they continue grasping at my breasts as he moves his mouth down my sternum and finally reaches my centre. He removes his hands so that he can grab my thighs and open them wide so that my knees hit to bed on either side. His warm breath on my core makes me thrust upwards and cry out, and before I can tell him off for teasing me he lands a long lick along my centre and I crumble.
"Oh my god, Harry, I need more!" and he listens. His mouth connects with my clit, lapping his tongue around causing butterflies in my stomach to grow more intense. my hands remain in his hair, constantly pulling and pushing his head further into my pussy. He pulls my clit between his teeth and that really makes me cry out, and with that he slides two fingers straight into me, curling them around and massaging my inner walls.
There's no point in trying to keep me stilling now, I move with Harry fucking his fingers and riding his face as he continues his attack. A string of fucks and I'm close follow and I feel the tightening in my lower stomach grow so intense that I feel I might explode.
And explode I did.
"Harry, fuck!" I cry out with my back arched so far off the bed, pushing his head deep into my I question if he can actually breathe. His tongue rides me through my orgasm with slow sensual licks until it's too sensitive and he pulls away just in time. he climbs back up my body and kisses me again, micing our tongues together as I taste my own release on his mouth and I hum in approval.
The thought of Harrys hungry and waiting cock sparks me with some new found energy and I push against his shoulders so that he rolls over so now we switch positions. I repeat his process, kissing his mouth then his jaw and neck. He keeps a firm grip on my hips as he grinds his cock against me and my soaking wet centre. I feel another orgasm building from the constant friction with each thrust. I nibble on his collar bone that really gets him groaning out, then I follow it down his chest flicking my tongue over his nipple watching him as he falls apart and his eyes roll to the back of his head.
I make it all the way down to his waiting cock that is now slick with my arousal and has his own precoma leaking from the tip. I don't wait another second before licking a long stripe up his shaft and then sucking on the tip.
"Fuck baby, do that again." He moans threading his hand into my hair, guiding me to repeat the process. I then take him into my mouth, hollowing out my cheeks and sucking on his cock. I take it all the way back until I gag before pulling back and repeating the process. I feel him pulse inside of my mouth and I know he is close, but I want him inside of me.
Now.
So I pull away and his eyes shoot open until he realises what I want. he then smoothly rolls us back over until I lay under him. his hand raises and caresses my cheek before following down my body as his eyes watch his movements. I ,too, watch as his fingers barely grace over my breasts and stomach then down to my thigh. He grasps onto it, I see his fingers dig into the flesh and then he hoists it up over his waist.
With both of our heads pointed down we both watch as he moves forward, sliding his cock into me and then back out again. we both moan together, my head falls back as Harry remains watching his cock moving in and out of me. I begin lifting my hips to meet his thrusts and his eyes meet mine. and in that moment, we don't look away from one another. We watch each other as we slowly fall apart with each thrust. Every inch of my body is screaming to kiss him, to hug him, to climb all over him but I stay here in this moment. Just watching him watch me.
"Zuri, baby, god-" he chokes on his words as he picks up his pace only by slight.
"Baby, I'm here, right there-" I cry out pulling his face to mine. my orgasm is about to erupt once again, I don't know how he does it but he brinks me to the brink every time. Then pushes me over the edge and I always, without a doubt, explode into oblivion.
"Fuck, I'm gonna come-" hearing Harry moans sending me over that edge and I clench my thigh around his waist, his fingers holding it dig in harder as my core tightens around his cock as his thrusts become lazy and then he stills, pulsing inside of me. Our foreheads fall together, our heavy breathing matching and the sweat falling off of both of us.
We've had slow sex once before but it never felt like that. that felt like something completely different. Like something changed.
"Zuri, I don't know what I'd do without you." He whispers placing a kiss on my forehead.
"You don't need to know, I'm not going anywhere."
And I'm sure for a fraction of a second, in my post-sex comatose state, I heard harry whisper
I love you.
//That was fun.
We love a rollercoaster of emotions.
I wasn't planning on writing any smut for this chapter but it kind of felt right?//