My eyes open again and I'm on dry land. My hand reaches across grabbing Catos. I can hear applause all around the arena. It's live from the people of the capitol. But anger overtakes me before I can register what it means. I jump on top of Cato hitting him in the chest
"You tried to leave me!" I cry "you tried to leave me alone!"
He rolls ontop pinning my hands to my side so I can't assault him anymore. But the anger dissolves into sadness. Catos body suddenly goes limp and he lands on top of me dribbling water from his mouth. I let him just crush me not making an attempt to move.
That's when it registers. We both won. That could be the only reason for applause. But why. Is it because we were both going to die had they left it. Imagine both their victors drowning. It wouldn't be the end they want and this is the alternative. I'm suddenly mad at myself for lashing out at Cato. Though his body on top of mine is making hard to breath.
I push his head to the side. Trying to see the sky but everything seems to contort into weird shapes and colours two ladders drop down. I feel somebody pull Cato off me and I try to sit up. Gravity instantly pulls me back down. I'm still gasping for air. His body seems lifeless as they drag it to the ladder. Another person comes over to me as well. The pull me up onto my feet I hunch over spewing water out of my lungs doubled up coughing. They guide me to the other ladder. I try to call for Cato but no words come from my lips.
I can't walk my whole body seems defeated so the person drags me quickly, they hold on to the first rung the other arm attached to me. The electrical current freezes us in place and it starts to rise. The arena starts to look smaller and smaller. I hear doors close behind us and the current dissipate. I fall immediately, not being able to support my own weight. I look around weakly but I can't see Cato.
"Cato?" I ask
People around look at me. But they don't reply.
Three Doctors is sterile gloves, masks and robes start swarming around me. Two grab under my arms and lift me onto a sliver table. I just let them take me. Weakly mumbling Catos name. I feel sharp prick enter my arm, it immediately sets me into fight mode. I lunch myself up ready to fight the attacker. But before I can I throw up all the water from my lungs into a bucket held by one of the doctors. That's defiantly why they saved us. We would've drowned from the inside. There would be no fight to watch. I fall back onto the bed exhausted from the effort of throwing up. The doctors leave the room
Cato
I rip the tube that made me throw up from my arm making blood spurt from it. I sit up taking a while to regain myself then try to stand. My legs instantly buckle, but I need to find Cato. I pull myself back up using the metal bed and head twords the door. Using anything I can grip onto for support. I push the door open walking into a deserted main lobby so I push towards the next door. I successfully make it in double the time it should take. Then I see Cato one more door a glass door. I start pushing myself twords it . a few doctors drain his lungs of water like the did mine. But he insnt awake yet. I need to get to him.
A capitol attendant notices my presence and puts down whatever she was reading to walk over. But she's just a barrier between me and the boy I love. I propell myself pushing my arms off the mantle pice I'm clinging too taking me and her to the floor. She squels as she falls and I crawl to the door pushing it only to realise it's locked.
I pound at the door with my fist screaming for Cato. I didn't realise how much I needed him. And now his not with me all I want is him. A doctor turns to look at me then goes straight back to Cato. It's a bad idea to distract them I decide. I'll just sit here instead. I'll make sure he stays ok. I see his eyes flicker open and catch mine. He smiles before his eyes fall closed again.
I pull my knees up to my chin staring through the door. I can see the capitol attendant walking out of the room in a huff complaining to herself in the reflection from the glass door. I look down and catch my own eye. The neat hairstyle now hangs limply. Strands of hair stick to my face, my checks are completely hollow, lips so cracked that I can see blood forming at the crevices. I can also see the damage from Thresh for the first time. A Canyon on my temple that is only been able to feel before . I look like a wild thing. I look down at my hands, dirts clings to me everywhere and worse blood. Blood etched so far within my skin I'm sure no amount of washing could rid me of it. I'm cold so cold except the warm trickle of blood from my forearm from the drip I pulled out. I shiver staring into my own eyes, then staring at Cato wondering how he loved me when I looked like this.
Cato is awake now. But the doctors don't let him through the glass door. We hold our hands onto the glass against each other. Both crouched pathetically not having the strength to stand. Wishing we were with each other. Longing for eachother. We can't talk the glass blocks out the sounds. We sit like this for a long time.
Suddenly Cato's banging on the glass looking wildly behind me, pointing. He slams himself against the door. Screaming. I turn just in time to see the capitol attendant jab a syringe in my back. I look to Cato his panicked eyes are the last thing I see before the world is yet again pulled from me.
When I wake I stare up at a ceiling glowing a pale yellow colour. The room is entirely empty except me on a bed. I can't even see a door. I'm trapped. I'm trapped in a room that smells of disinfectant and death. I roll my head to my right to see several tubes emerging from my arm. They flow into the wall behind. I'm completely naked. There's nothing but the bed clothes covering me I can feel it. I lift my arm,
Prepared to make an escape I don't like this room. I feel like a bird in a cage. I realise my arm is completely clean. My nails are even back to looking perfect. I lift my hand to feel my head, the crater seems to have lessened . I poke it and it sends a pain shooting through my head. But no where near what I've felt before. I push my hand back running it through my hair. As I expected soft and conditioned.
My body feels strong enough there must be a door here somewhere. I try to get off the bed but some sort of restraint around my chest pulls me back. I struggle against it trying to slip out but it doesn't seem to move. The wall slides open and an avox walks in. I know avox's are harmless, but my mind just tells me that the avox is just another thing trying to kill me I struggle more and the avox places the tray down beside me ignoring my rapid movements. They press a button raising my bed. I stop struggling. There's no point.
They set the tray across my thighs, hands me a spoon and leaves though the same sliding wall they entered by.
I turn to the tray there's a bowl of clear broth, a small severing of applesauce and a glass of water. I look at it hungrily but can't bear to eat a spoonful of it so I sip the water slowly. I think of all the kids who will never eat again because of me, the thought compelled me to put the half finished water down as well.
I wonder how long I've been out for. The part between the victory and the victory broadcast are never documented. Nobody wants to see their victors like this probably. I wonder how Catos doing. His probably is the exact same position as me. I wonder if it was my prep team who did my nails, hair and cleaned me. It's a comforting thought. I don't know why though. I wonder how long it took to make me even look slightly presentable. I bet the team are out there preparing my final look for the ceremony. Brutus, Enobaria and Nimit will be arranging a feast for the sponsors and making final preparations for our presentations . I wish they could be here. They'd probably think me pathetic for wanting all the people. But surely they must know how lonely it is they've been here too. Well except Nimit.
My thoughts shift to home, back at district 2 they'll still be partying. Ready for us to come back. The thought makes my stomach turn. I don't want a party. I just want to be home. I want to be home with Cato. Home where I'll be safe from everything. I need to find Cato I know where the door is now. I try to covertly slide out of the restraint but a cold liquid goes into my veins I immediately lose consciousness.
It seems to happen all the time. I wake up an avox comes in with foods I won't eat and then I feel the conscious leave my body. It's an infante, tourtureos loop that never seems to end. When I'm awake I notice that all the injury's and marks I've accumulated during the games Are disappearing.
Soon the day comes when I look to my right and there's no more tubes in my arm and no more restraint around my body. I immediately get up. I don't feel weak or dizzy. So I know in some way the capitol are feeding me. I notice my body is in the same shape of when I entered the games. Toned, strong. My skin is practically glowing. I look far from someone who has been in the games. I notice even the scars from years of fighting at the acedemy are gone. My body is rid of any sign of life. I wish it wasn't. Scars, bruises, anything is important to me it shows that I'm not afraid of a fight and that I've lived a life . and they've taken that from me. Just when I thought they couldn't take anymore.
I reach up to my forehead My skin is impossibly smooth. Maybe the scar from Thresh is the only one I won't miss. A coldness hits me. In my excitement to finally be able to move I've forgotten I was naked. I quickly look around for anything and recoil when I see what they've laid on the end of my bed. It's what we wore to the arena. The outfit I was so excited to adorn. Now it repulses me. I stare at it willing it to turn into anything else even though that would be entirely impossible. I dress into it slowly. However it does give me the warmth I need. I look how I did in the first day of the arena. Except my hair is down, my skin is glowing, I have no knife vest and no ring.
No ring
Oh no the necklace. I feel around my collar bones and am immensely disappointed when I can't find it.
The door suddenly slides open. I walk eagerly through it wanting nothing more that to escape this room. I'm in an empty hall way. The door shuts behind me so the corridor once again looks doorless. Cato must be behind one of these walls! I walk quickly dragging my hand along the wall. Waiting to find some sort of indication it could open. I punch the end of the wall in defeat of not being able to find it .
I hear a screech and look up instantly Nimit comes clipping over
"It took ages to get all the wounds off you" she says sternly picking up the hand that collided with the wall.
I can see Enobaria. But no Cato, Brutus or Desmond . I thought at least Desmond would be here and part of my heart sinks when he isn't. I don't know why I found him annoying. I pull my hand away from Nimit and walk over to the chamber Enobaria is sitting in. I know this moment will be broadcasted. I have to appear like a Victor. Nimit flutters over beside me, saying how she knew we were going to win and how we gave them quite a show, and that I should be proud of myself. Proud? I feel anything but pride right now. I notice a man in the corner of the room.
"Where's Desmond and the prep team?" I ask cutting of Nimits rambling
"Oh there with Cato love. His prep team got upgraded!" She says excitedly "Desmond and his team have to do double the work because Catos team joined district One. Shame on them really. They'll miss all the ceremony's. Tigress is out. She used to be District ones stylist, They offered me a place in district 1 too. The very district that makes fashion. But I rejected it to be with my victors" says Nimit
She says it like staying with our district was such a massive sacrifice for her. Even though everybody wants to be with Carear districts. One is the one to aim for. Because they create fashion the capitol love them. Enobaria hasn't said a word this entire time. I'm about to ask her a question when the man in the corner walks into the centre of the room. He doesn't look like a normal capitol man. The only thing capitol about him is some sparky gold eyeliner. Maybe he got a promotion too. But then my stomach goes sick. That was katniss' stylist.
"I'm Cinna, they moved me to district 2 after my designs on katniss." he says her name sadly. I can tell his not here by choice.
"Follow me" he says
He leads me down passages through the maze of a building. The scilence hangs heavy. We get into the elevator.
we're still in the training centre. Just deep underground. I don't know why I didn't expect it. A handful of guards stand outside the elevator. We have to cross the gym floor to get to the main elevator. I look around suddenly remberimg the 22 tributes who trained here who are now dead. My feet feel glued to the floor. Terror takes over my body for no apparent reason. My knees buckle and fall to the floor
"I'm sorry!" I yell looking up to the ceiling. As if somehow the people who I muderd can hear me
"I'm so sorry!" I yell again. I can feel arms lifting me on to my feet and then around my shoulders keeping me upright. I meet eyes with Cinnia
"I'm so sorry" I whisper to him. I must look a mess. Tears stemming down my face, screaming at nothing. But I don't care.
"I know" he whispers back but it doesn't sound hostile like I expected it to.
We ride up to the second floor I take time to conduct myself. As soon as the door open a new gaggle of a prep team instantly come over. But they don't seem solem like Cinna. But excited maybe because they've upgrade several districts in one. The look exactly how I expect capitol people to look. I wonder why Cato got Desmond and I got the dead girls team.
The gaggle introduces themselves venia, Flavious and octavia. I don't care much for all there saying. How there so excited to be here. They show no remorse for the girl who died in the arena. Maybe I shouldn't be etheir. I hadn't actually killed her. But I feel like I killed every single person in that arena. They sweep me into the dinning room. There's a feast laid out. They all seem to talk so quickly and estaically I can't understand what there saying.
I slowly eat a bowl of broth. Not wanting to draw any attention to myself. Every swallow feels like a knife in the heart. If I didn't deserve this before I definitely don't now. The prep team talk together about the games. I ignore every word. Cinna has gone off somewhere.
When they've finished the drag me into my old room. I wonder where Cato is. I haven't seen him at all since the games. I wonder if he gets prepared before or after me. The prep team start working on my body. I can't imagine there's much to do. But apparently their is. They talk enviously about how the capitol did a "full body sweep" on me. But I look it the mirror and realise my eyes betrayed me earlier. I don't look how I did when I entered the games I'm not tonned like i thought. Horror overcomes me. What if my heads broken and I can't see me proply. I run my hand over my stomach as it feels pulled and solid. I slide them up and can feel the bumps of my ribs very faintly. I don't know if I'm happy or sad about this. They work on my hair ,nails, everything. The chatter is continuous. They more talk at me than to me. Some things catch my attention like when they talk of the games they always manage to make it about themselves, where they were, how they felt. It irritates me that they never talk about how children died. They don't even talk about katniss. The girl they prepared before the games. They must've been close in some weird way. Maybe they can't afford to get close. After all they normally watch their team die.
Cinna walks in the room holding a sliver garment. The same deadly silver as my throwing knives. The prep team shuffle away. Cinna slips the dress over my head zipping the side. The dress is skin tight, comes an or three inch above my knees, it's armless and the straps are gold chain. the material glistens. And when you move you can catch a glimpse of auburn
Finch
I don't know why but she had become so important to me. No I do know why. It's because she was never apart of the games. It's because she sacrificed herself. She was clever. Too clever. Cinna looks at me and a smile threatens to form on his lips. But he brushes it off quickly
"You'd rather be dressing katniss" I say
He replies simply "yes" but then he continues "I see her in you. They way they broadcasted it, the games, you two were nothing alike, but now I can see you, unfiltered" he says
"So the bronze on my dress, it's for katniss?is it her flame?" I ask
"No" he says. He pulls a necklace from his palm and clips it behind my kneck. It's finch's the one she gave to us.
"You saved it" I smile for the first time since I left the arena.
"They wanted it thrown away. I didn't let them. I didn't understand why you had it. But I think I do now" he voice is soft
I hold the necklace between my fingers.
"Thank you Cinna" I say
He picks up a pair of heels the same silver as the dress but what strikes me is the fact the heels are constructed out of knifes. I wonder how I'm going to walk without impaling the ground on each step. When I put them on I notice a see through square at the base of the point. The knifes are comforting in a weird way. Knifes feel like safety. I can rely on them to keep me safe. Cinna places a gold chain belt around my waist so it matches the straps. And then ushers me to look in the mirror.
My moth drops open. I somehow look ... amazing. Cinna is a hundred times better than Desmond I think back to the frilly interveiw dress.
"Desmond said your hard to work with and that I should hide your body in frills like he did. I'm glad I didn't listen you look beautiful" Cinna says looking over my shoulder in the mirror
My hair is up in little balls like it was in the arena. Completely slicked back. My nails are pointy and gold. And my face looks completely natural, my freckles are uncovers and my checks are highlighted softly . It's all natural but the two flecks of gold eyeliner. It reminds me Cinna's own eyes. Then I realise two holes have been poked into my ear lobes and small gold chains dangle from it. The idea of making holes in your body just to display more jewellery is weird to me but I can't deny it looks good. I look like a warrior. I guess that's what they want me to look like. It makes me feel strong and confident. The whole prep team shrieks and gwaps around me. I'm glad Desmond didn't dress me now. I don't want to think of what awful get up he'd have me in.
We walk together to the elevator. At this point I'm desperate to see Cato. We head down so we're beneath the stage. We'll all crowd onto the stage shortly First the prep team, than the escort, the stylist , the mentors and eventually the victors. I'd watched enough games to know this.
We enter into a dimly lit room like the one when I was first brought into the hunger games. Only Enobaria is here pacing around. The prep team and cinna have left to put on there own outfits.
"Wheres Cato?" I ask
Enobaria looks at me only just realising someone else has entered the room as well.She walks over to me and hugs me. Weird. I don't hug back. She hisses into my ear.
"You couldn't care less about Cato. All you cared about was winning and bringing pride to the district... ok?"
I stumble backwards out of her embrace. There was an urgency in her voice if never heard before.
I nod my head. But how could I pretend not to care about this boy. All I've wanted to do was be near him since we left that arena. Dread runs through my veins. I'm still playing the game