I'm not sure how long it was before we pulled apart, gasping for air. My mind didn't wander further than the fact that it didn't last nearly as long as I wished it would. Both of our grips never let up, faces only centimeters apart from one another.
"Jesus," he said, letting out a breath, nose skimming the side of mine. I looseneed my hold on his light brown locks, letting my fingers slide down to his neck. I wasn't sure what to do at this point, because I didn't completely comprehend what had just happened.
I slowly backed away, trying to concentrate on anything besides his face. I blinked multiple times, falling back into my original seat. I reached my hand to my mouth, glancing up to meet his eyes. He was confused and surprised with a sort of excitement in his gaze. My entire body tingled, something I hadn't felt in years. I leaned back against the seat, using the arm to support me.
I sucked in a breath through my nose, hand moving to my eyes, and then through my hair, "Shit." I mumbled softly, reapeating the same word multiple times. I sighed softly, head slumping to stare into my lap.
Zack didn't have to ask to know what my concern was. He knew who I was thinking of now that it was too late to go back and change what happened.
"Lauren, I'm really.." he started to apologize, but I shook my head at him, lifting my eyes to meet his.
"You weren't the only one that did it," I whispered, hand rubbing my forehead. My head was pounding, making it hard to think. I didn't want to think right now. I didn't want to remind myself that I just kissed Zack, when I told Craig I hadn't even been hanging out with him.
I got up from my seat without a word, moving towards the bathroom. I opened the door with a small thump before continuing to the cabinet above the sink that held my savior, Advil.
I twisted off the cap, shaking two blue, gel-filled tablets into my palm. I opened my mouth, leaned backwards and let them fall in. I swallowed them without water, one hand ont he sink while I put the bottle back in place.
When I moved towards the door, I noticed that Zack was no longer seated on the couch, but instead standing in the kitchen, leaning against the refrigerator that was next to the door. My heart sank into my stomach at the sight, causing a falter in my step while searching for his eyes from across the room.
"I should probably go," he murmured softly, but never made a move for the door. I shook my head, chest aching at the thought. I wasn't sure where that feeling had come from, but it wasn't going to go away. And Zack leaning definitely wasn't going to help.
"Please stay," I barely felt the words leave my mouth. His eyes wandered to my face, letting out a breath before nodding. I gave him a small, grateful smile before moving towards him, and into the kitchen. I leaned on the counter across from him, arms secure and tight over my chest.
There was a silence that fell, full of questions neither of us had answers to. I was too scared to speak, afraid that I would say the wrong thing or have the wrong idea. I felt so vulnerable, and that hadn't happened in a long time. Emotions like this were foreign to me; it would take me months to get used to them again.
"What are we going to do?" Zack asked bluntly, biting the inside of his cheek. I looked up at him, shrugging with a small shake of my head. I didn't want to suggest something that he didn't want, I didn't want to hurt him or for him to hurt me. I was tired of feeling that way.
I had to say something; he was waiting for my answer. "I don't want you to leave," I said timidly.
"I don't want to, either." Neither of us were referring to him leaving for the night. It was so much bigger than that. "But if I don't leave, what will happen?"
I thought about that for a long moment. Those pictures were fighting in my brain. Craig was losing, and he was losing fast, especially after the way Zack kissed me. He didn't stand a chance with everything going on right now. He was thousands of miles away, when Zack was standing right in front of me, waiting patiently.
"I don't know," I said staring at my feet. "What do you want to happen?"
"I think you know what I want to happen, Lauren," he chuckled, running his fingers through his hair. "But you have Craig, and I'm the one fucking up. It's your decision."
He was right, even if it wasn't in the same way that he was thinking I had Craig. Craig was my best friend; he was someone that I cared about. He was also soneone who meant a great deal more to me than any other friend that I had before. I was lying to him, I was lying to Zack, I was lying to everyone besides Stella and the only reason she knows is because she won't tell a soul.
I'm really going to hell for all of this.
"You're not fucking anything up, Zack," I sighed, picking myself off the conter before putting my hands on either side and lifting myself up next to the sink. "I'm the one that can't make up her mind about anything anymore."
"It's not your fault if you can't make up your mind," he smiled at me, moving from the other side of the nook towards me. He picked up a cup from the sink and filled it with water before handing it to me. "It happens to everyone."
I took the glass with a small thank you, taking a sip. This was the Zack that I got to see that almost no one else did. This was the side of him his fans never got because he always kept to himself. He was always so damn understanding, that it made event he pope look bad. It was somethign that I didn't get with Craig most of the time, and it only reminded me of all the things that I missed about him.
He was standing so close to my side, only tempting me the same way it had twenty minutes ago on my couch. I set the glass down before extending my free hand in front of me, fingernails brushing his lower triceps, trailing down his forearm before pulling him in front of my legs.
I lifted his arm, placing it on my thigh, staring down at it. He had gained so much muscle since I last saw him. His veins showed through his skin, allowing me to trace them with the tips of my fingers. It hurt to think about how much I missed him, and how I would feel letting him go again. I had finally picked myself and put all the pieces back together only a year or two agao and started to move on. Here I am, again, trapped in this hold that he was on me.
"Why don't you sleep on it?" He said, lifting my chin with his other hand to meet my eyes. I opened my mouth to protest, but he only shook his head. "At least a night, so you can think about what you're getting yourself into."
I don't know how it turned the tables so quickly, but I felt myself nodding nonetheless. He gave me a small smile, fingers touching my jaw lightly. "I'll see you soon, alright?"
"Okay," I whispered, watching him as he broke away and turning towards the door. He offered me a small smile before opening the door and closing it behind himself, leaving me to drown in my thoughts.