Pushing the front door open after a successful second day, I'm surprised to find Noah sprawled out on the couch watching tv. He looks a little rough, hungover or maybe coming down from something else. I don't even know how to tell the difference anymore and having never touched anything myself, I know I'm a little naive.
He has bags under his once bright eyes. I notice for the first time that he seems to have lost weight recently. His light brown hair getting long and slightly curly, and he is in need of a shave. He is only a shadow of the boy I once fell in love with.
He glances up as I enter, giving me a half wave and a grunt before laying his head back on the cushion.
I glare at him instead of greeting him. Unbelievable. I literally haven't heard a word from him since we were looking at each on Sunday and all I get is a grunt. For all I know he could have been locked up, in a hospital bed or even a gutter somewhere and I get a grunt.
I move off to the kitchen, wondering how much longer I can live like this. I thought I loved him, but now. Now I'm not so sure. It feels more like a relationship of convenience, than love.
It isn't even that convenient for me.
I put away the groceries, pulling out the chopping board and knife to prepare some vegetables for the stirfry I'm throwing together. I turn my music on low and get lost in the beat, singing along lowly.
I nearly slice my finger when I glance up and get a fright to see Noah leaning against the door frame to the kitchen. He's watching me with a lazy grin on his face. For a brief moment I'm transported back to happier times. Times when he always looked at me like that.
He would give me that grin and I would catch his eye back, smiling sweetly. Then he would wrap me up in his strong arms, whispering words like I love you and you're beautiful, and how he couldn't wait to share these moments with our children one day.
Then I remember how he just disappeared for a day and how nothing is the same anymore, and I shoot him a glare, making it clear how I feel right now.
"Where were you?" I ask, my tone cold as I continue slicing, willing myself to concentrate on the food.
"I went out with the boys, lost track of time and crashed on Jamie's couch. My phone died, sorry babe. I should have got one of the guys to text you."
It seems a simple explanation. One I might have accepted in the past. But something feels off, like it was rehearsed.
"You sure? All sounds a bit convenient to me. What about when you got home, or even before you left? Before your phone died, when you saw the battery getting low. You didn't think to let me know? Did you think about me at all?"
He shrugs his shoulders. He didn't have the rest of his answers prepared. He didn't expect me to keep asking questions.
I take the vegetables over to the stove. Hearing the hiss as the pre sliced beef strips hit the hot oil.
"Are you sleeping with someone else, Noah?" I ask over my shoulder, as casually as someone might ask about the weather.
"What? No!" He says immediately. "Why the fuck would you think that?"
I turn my body completely now, facing him as I see him stand up straight, alert and defensive.
"Oh maybe because I heard you flirting with some girl the other night, referring to me as your housemate and then you fucking disappear for a whole night without a word from you! What the hell am I supposed to think?" I'm yelling now, unable to control the rage I feel inside.
"I think you heard wrong," he weakly defends himself.
"I really don't think I did," I say pointedly, turning back to the meat cooking, stirring and turning down the heat.
"Mack, I wouldn't do that to you. I love you," he says, but I no longer believe it and I especially don't feel it.
"Do you? What is happening to us? We don't talk, we don't spend time together like we used to. We just exist under the same roof. I'm not sure you really do love me, I think it's just easier for you to live like this. You don't have to do anything, you have no responsibilities, and you know that I will keep picking up the goddam pieces."
"What are you saying Mack?" Noah says bitterly, his voice now raising too.
"Do you not love me anymore? Think you can do better than me now that you have your new fancy job. Maybe it's you that's the problem. Are you looking for an out Mack, looking for a chance to go stick another guys dick in you? Throw away the last 5 years of our lives just like that?"
By now he is standing right in front of me. He is practically spitting his words into my face. I stare him in the eye, and refuse to back down, I can see the anger, the resentment he currently has for me as he believes his words. Maybe they are true though. Either way, this isn't the Noah that I know, that I fell in love with, but it seems this is who he is now.
"Maybe some other guy might be able to actually get me off. Another guy might meet my needs too and give a shit. Another guy might provide for me or help me out once in a while instead of leaving every little thing to me," I spat back at him.
I watched as his eyes narrowed and he changed from being just angry to absolutely livid. He takes a step closer to me, and I step back , but my lower back to hits the edge of the bench and I'm trapped as he removes all the space between us.
"What are you saying Mack? Don't I do it for you anymore? You used to scream my name," he sneers, his voice laced with venom as I shudder. He has me trapped and I've never seen him this angry and unpredictable before. I have no idea what his next move will be.
Refusing to show any of the fear that he is making me feel, I reply. "I haven't screamed your name while you fuck me for a long time. I have to get myself off after we are done just to feel something!"
As soon as the words leave my lips though, I know this confession was the wrong thing to say right at this time as it only made him angrier.
He pushed his whole body against mine as though trying to prove to me that my words were wrong. I should have been shocked to feel that this argument had apparently turned him on, but I wasn't, I could feel the sexual tension in the air. It seemed that anger and jealousy over the idea of someone else having me was the one thing to make him want me.
I wanted to fight it, but as messed up as it was, the feel of his rock hard cock pressing against my core was only turning me on too. I don't know if it was him I wanted, or just wanted to feel a release.
"Prove me fucking wrong then. Make me scream your name and I'll admit that I was wrong. Show me that you can make me come Noah," I hissed, knowing I was provoking him even more, but now needing it as I moved my hips against his just slightly.
His breathing got heavier the more I moved my hips creating friction between us. When he didn't make any movement I decided I either needed this to move along or end it. The meat sizzled behind me, asking for my attention as Noah kept me pressed between himself and the bench.
"You fucking can't," I whispered, attempting to push him off me so I could tend to our now probably burnt dinner.
In the blink of an eye, like my last words spurred him on even more, or maybe it was the way I doubted him, he reached over and flicked the gas off on the stove, then grabbed at my hips turning me around and forcing me to bend over the bench slightly.
He reached around my front to find the button and zip of my pants, practically ripping them down, taking my panties along too, allowing me to kick them off when they reached my ankles.
"You want me to make you come, I'll fucking show you," he growled as I heard him unbuckle his belt, then his jeans dropped to the floor as I slipped my top over my head.
I risked a glance back over my shoulder at him, his eyes flicking to mine as I did. His eyes were dark, menacing but also full of lust. I glanced down to see him stroking himself as I felt myself dampen.
He roughly unclipped my bra, leaving me now completely naked, in the middle of the kitchen. My hands resting on the bench in front of me as he grabbed a hold of my breasts from behind, squeezing them hard with all he had until I let out a yelp.
It was painful, yet erotic and I needed him in me.
"Just fuck me already Noah. Prove me fucking wrong," I grit out as he roughly squeezed again, then pinched my nipples hard making me groan and throw my head back.
"Such a fucking bitch you are. You think your fucking better than me. Think someone else will do it better for you huh?"
"Yes," I whisper, knowing full well it would make him insanely jealous to hear those words.
He growls in my ear, one handing leaving the rough play of my breasts plunging between my now incredibly wet folds, roughly pinching my clit then inserting three fingers at once, stretching me more than I was expecting, making me let out a long and loud moan.
"You seem to like it rough Mack. Have I been too gentle with you all this time?" He asks, voice gravely. He doesn't wait for an answer as he pulls his fingers back out roughly.
He grabs my hips to pull me back a few steps, forcing me to bend over further and nudging my knees to spread my legs more. I moan in utter relief when he finally plunges into me, filling me completely before thrusting mercilessly.
I can hear him grunting as he slams into me, over and over again. From his position he hits the right spot with each and every thrust.
"Harder, Noah. Make me fucking scream," I beg of him through gritted teeth, gripping the edge of the bench hard.
He respond immediately by slamming into me harder, then surprises me as he slaps my ass too.
"Yes!" I scream out, needing this feeling he is giving me. It's like nothing we have ever done before and I'm surprised to learn that I like it this rough.
"When did you get so fucking dirty, Mack," he growls as he slaps me again.
I respond with a moan, feeling myself build. Amazed that he may actually prove me wrong.
"Give me all you have Noah, I told you, make me come," I demand.
He continues his thrusts as one hand holds me up and the other moves to my breasts, squeezing and pinching myself, craving more of the roughness he gave me before. He notices this and it seems to turn him on as he starts to move quicker inside of me.
"Come on Noah, more!" I beg, finally feeling myself climb up that ladder.
He reacts by moving his hand to my clit and rubbing circles. My breathing gets faster, but it's all still not enough to take me over the edge. Noah seems to recognise this as he drags some of the wet from my front to my ass.
"You want fucking dirty Mack?"
"Yes!" I scream out.
He runs his finger down my ass between my cheeks until he reaches the tight opening. A place neither of us have ventured before.
"You want this Mack? You want me to touch your ass too you dirty girl."
"Do it," I can't stop myself from begging, craving anything I can take from him.
He responds immediately by plunging his long, thick finger right inside me. I've never felt anything like it, but it's good. Different, but incredibly satisfying.
Seconds is all it takes before my walls are clenching, and I am screaming his name. With a final few, hard thrusts Noah spills into me too, stilling for a moment before pulling out and stepping back to rest against the fridge door, catching his own breath.
I am still bent over, breathing heavily when Noah speaks.
"Made you fucking scream my name ,didn't I?" he spits out.
I put my bra back on and find my panties, giving myself time to sort out my thoughts and disassociate them from the powerful orgasm he gave me, before turning around to answer him.
"You did. But that wasn't out of love Noah, that was anger and I still don't know where that leaves us. You can't get angry at me just to fuck me hard enough to make me feel something every time. Something isn't working between the two of us."
"What are you saying?" He asks, finding his own pants and getting dressed too.
"I don't know. Do you even care about working us out? Do you really love me still, or you just think you do because that's how it's been for so long?"
"I do love you. I want us to work. Are you saying you don't love me anymore?"
"I don't know. I don't know if this is worth fixing or if it's like glueing pieces of a mirror back together."
"Are you saying we are over Mack?"
"I don't know, Noah. I... I have to think about things. We can't live how we are, hardly talking, you disappearing for a day without telling me. We don't communicate, we don't spend time together, then have a fight and fuck like that. Neither of us are happy."
He just stares at me blankly, I'm not sure he is even hearing me anymore. We watch each other for a moment before he nods his head and pushes off from the fridge and walks silently out of the kitchen to his games room. He closes the door behind him and that's the last I see of him for the rest of the night.