"𝑳𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝑮𝒐"
MAJIA| jia
MARCH
Atlanta 📍
It took another long and boring week for Savior to return to work. This time when he returned, we ignored each other. We didn't exchange any words or glances, nothing, even though we sat right next to each other.
I just wanted to do what I came to the studio to do. I didn't need Savior to tell me what to do like he liked a or joke around with me as I poured my heart out into my work. I just needed myself and it would always be like that. It was okay if he was mad at me because at least I didn't get pulled in too deep.0
I didn't regret anything I did last week and probably never would. I wasn't taught to let people beat on me or hit me without hitting back.
But, now, I was going through a rough patch. My best friend and brother were still broken up. And Destiny wasn't someone I could reach out to anymore, simply because I would feel guilty if I did that to my little brother. I was still trying to get over what happened a few months ago. So, when things got tough and I had a nightmare or a panic attack, there was no one to call. The only person I called was my mama cause she and my pops were the only people that could calm me down.
I zoned back in to my conversation with Ant.
"Yea, she wanna buy that piece for 12,000. Ain't that something? Your work in the last couple of weeks has been worth a lot Majia." Anthony told me.
"Yea, I noticed."
They were only worth so much because I had no other way of getting my feelings out.
Anthony walked away and, as I wanted to did the same, there was a knock at the studio door. After we got a lock for this door, we didn't have people just strolling in anymore.
I opened the door to Sav's ex girlfriend. The girl was wearing a sheer and see through top, with long black jeans and some sandals. Baby, it's March.
Compared to me, she was over dressed. I had on my, almost uniform, gray hoodie, afro, and black leggings.
"Um, hey you. Where Sav at?" She looked me up and down.
I didn't even say anything I just moved out the way and let her find him herself.
"Hey, baby." I heard her greet him as she walked over.
I needed to go back to my space but I really didn't want to deal with either of them. At the same time, I didn't wanna look scared by standing over here while they talked, so I went back to my seat.
"Ari, why you here this time?" Savior sounded annoyed.
"Ion know. I miss you."
"Ight? Didn't I tell you not to come by here or even fucking text me last time I saw you?"
"Yea, but we both know you ain't mean that." I saw her rubbing his back from my peripheral vision. Break this bitch's neck Savior.
"I did."
"Hmph, wait ain't you the bitch that Messy be saying he fuck with? I knew ya name sounded familiar."
I turned my head swiftly at the question directed at me, "Huh? No, I-I don't fuck with him. At all."
I couldn't believe that this was still going on. Savior told me he took care of it.
"Ariana, you doing too much, man. Get the fuck out. I'm not playing."
"You really let a bitch like her fuck up your whole life. Listen, hun, he know where home at." She turned to me.
"I don't even like this nigga, yours or not. So, you gon address me by my name or not address me at all," I put down my brush for a second.
"Whatever, you a hoe ass bitch an-"
"Ariana, get the fuck out!" Savior stood up.
All she did was roll her eyes and finally leave. I decided that I was done for the day. I couldn't handle this. I couldn't handle old situations coming back to haunt me. It felt like my life was on repeat. Be harassed and/or assaulted, get called a hoe for it, shut down, get past it, and then rewind.
"Sorry, Gee. I ain't know she-"
"It's fine."
I got my bag off the floor and gathered some of my stuff.
"Nah, it's not fine. Ari shou-"
"Savior," I paused and made eye contact with him, "it's fine."
It wasn't.
I went home and got away from everyone. I felt like I was being destructive. I felt like I was the reason that everyone's life was changing for the worse. I led Messy on, I ruined Savior's family, I got my brother and best friend together, and then I got Mani shot.
It was hard being strong all the time. It was hard taking care of myself all the time.
The only way I could cope was to express myself through my work. I pulled out the biggest canvas I had, took out every single paint I had, and splatter every color I had against it. There was no method to my madness other than yearning to feel relief.
Reds, blues, and yellows mixed together in front of me to make purples, oranges, and greens. Purple over powered each one of them.
By the time I was done with all the paint throwing, I went to wash my hands, but, when I finally looked up at my self in the mirror, I looked horrible. My tears were falling down my cheeks, my eyes were red and puffy, and overall I just looked disheveled.
I was appalled at what I was seeing. This person wasn't me. This wasn't the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be strong, confident, Majia. That's who I wanted to be.
But I had to realize that I couldn't be her all the time. I could wish and desire to be her all I wanted, but that wasn't realistic.
Thoughts of Messy poured into my mind as I cleaned up my space. After Ariana mentioned him today, I was terrified. Knowing that he still talked about me made me scared to even be alone in my house. Who knew when he would excise that whatever deal he made with Savior didn't matter anymore?
My house became uncomfortably quiet. The eerie silence made it easy to hear every eingle crack in the floor and all the movement from the floor above mine. I hated it.
I tried turning on my TV to help fill some of the room with life, but I couldn't even focus on it enough for it to work.
My anxiety grew with each minute that passed and did my heart rate. When my breath began to hitch is when I had to think about what I should do to calm myself down. I told myself that I wouldn't call anybody. This was for me to deal with.
But, each noise I heard I couldn't help but think it was him, or rather them. I could see them now: standing powerfully at my front door with those duh smiles on their faces, knowing how they both scarred me in a way that I couldn't come back from. But Messy, Messy was someone that I could rise above and move on from the situation, the thing that made it so hard was the trauma that came from Ryan.
In highschool, I was a little fast when I got into junior year. It empowered me to be sexually desired and I took advantage of that feeling of empowerment.
I went to Ryan's house after school. We were just friends, nothing more, nothing less. He told me that he thought of us as a duo and a couple, as I sat down on the edge of his bed. When I told him that I never thought of it that way, he became angry with me and hostile. I tried not to think about what happened next, but that thought was the one circling my mind the most tonight.
It got bad when I called the first number I could find. He picked up in three rings.
"Hel-"
"Savior! Savior you have to help me! They're here! They're here and I-I don't know what to do!" I broke down. "I'm so scared, Sav. I'm so so scared." I cried into the phone.
"What?" I heart him moving around. "What's going on? Who? Who's there?"
"Messy and Ryan. They're here."
"Okay, Jia. Just- uh- just try to calm down, ight? I'm coming."
I couldn't calm down. I went to lock my doors and close my shades to ensure my safety. After, I threw in the most constricting clothes I could. I wouldn't make it easy for them.
There were bangs at my door. I froze and tear welled in my eyes.
"Majia? Bae, it's me. It's Savior. Can you let me in please?"
I unlocked the door and slowly opened it. Savior came in in a grey hoodie and black joggers. As soon as he got through the door, I locked it back. Then, I dragged him into my room where I closed the door and locked it behind us.
"I-I know we're supposed to be mad at each other, b-but I'm scared. I know they're coming, I just don't know when." I said with heavy breathing and climbed into my bed.
Savior climbed in too, "We not worrying about that shit from last week, right now." He pulled me
into his lap. "Jia, look at me, ight?"
"Mhmm." I finally met his stare with mine.
He held my face in his large hands, "I'm not letting nobody come up in here and do nothing to you. I'ma handle Messy again and whoever Ryan is he not coming here. Any nigga that come in here not leaving alive this time. So, you need to calm yourself down, baby. It's okay."
I sniffled as my tears came in contact with his warm thumbs, "Are you sure, Savior? How do you know they're not coming to get me again? Huh?"
"I won't let anyone mistreat you again, Jia. I'm here. You're safe, okay? I'll stay here for the rest of my life if you need me to."
"Okay." I nodded my head.
I laid my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck. He rubbed my back as I got control of my breathing and thoughts.
I was feeling better, now that I wasn't alone. Savior made me feel protected in his arms.
"I need to take off all these extra clothes. I'm hot." I sat up straight in his lap and took off two of the three layers that I was wearing.
"If I'm not with you and you ever feel like this again call me, Majia. No one should ever have go through this shit."
"I will. Thank you." I said and gave him a quick appreciation kiss.
The only problem with that was I forgot that we were on a break from being mad at each other. I'm sure we wouldn't be all touchy feely in a couple days.
Instead of working myself up over something else, I laid my head back down on his shoulder and he adjusted himself to lay back.
As I fell asleep, I felt kisses being placed all over my face. I could get used to this.
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