BEFORE OCTOBER'S GONE
✩
𝐎 𝐂 𝐓 𝐎 𝐁 𝐄 𝐑 𝟐 𝟓 𝐓 𝐇
"It's nice isn't it?"
I glanced between Fred and the view of the grassy fields with the Black Lake beside. We stood on top of a hill that overlooked a massive view of the lake below, sitting like a blanket. The dark water glimmered under the sunlight that bounced off the surface. The trees wore beautiful colours-red and orange and golden; the season that dressed in vibrant hues, autumn arriving like a sweet song.
Today was an unexpected warm day. On days like this, you could breathe in the golden that kissed the trees and ground and feel it soak into every part of your being.
"It is." I exhaled deeply.
Fred swung an arm over my shoulders, grinning. "All the little reasons that make life beautiful, innit?"
My eyebrows drew together in suspicion as I turned my gaze to the red-head. "Totally, but what are we doing here? We should be having breakfast, Freddie."
"Well-look, you need to see the beauty of life beyond the figure of Draco Malfoy."
My mouth fell open and I gaped at Fred. I swat his chest and pushed his arm off. "Fredric Gideon Weasley! Draco Malfoy is not my only reason to live!"
Fred quirked an eyebrow. "Sure about that? Seems he's the only thing that's kept you hanging on these last few months-not that I'm complaining. I'm glad the poor sod has something amazing enough within him to keep my best friend sane. As close to sane as you can be."
I punched his arm, gawking. "Merlin, you lot act as though I have a death wish!"
Fred grimaced as the playful hint in his eyes diminished. "Lys," he turned my shoulders so my body faced his entirely. "I've been a shit friend for not checking in as often as I should've. I didn't see the drug abuse, and then you say you were better off left for-"
"Fred-"
"I'm being serious." He cut me off, his eyes holding multiple visible emotions. Guilt, sadness, sincerity. "I do hope you don't have a death wish but-you've been struggling so much and sometimes I've failed to see it. I just want to help you. I know you're doing this whole healing shabang which includes distance from Draco."
Fred was right.
Draco had become the sole commodity that kept me holding on for so long-and it was unfair for me to put him in that position. It was never his responsibility to save me, but he did, over and over again.
You know you'd die for people. Draco makes me want to live for him. For us.
And he always will.
But-Fred was right. I did need to see more beauty beyond just Draco.
Admittedly, I had spent a long time angry at the world, resenting the universe for all I had been put through.
I resented life. I spent a long time silently yearning for death because that seemed so much easier than continuing to suffer.
This was part of tending to my wounds.
I looked back out at the view ahead. The rays of sunlight embraced the carpet of golds and reds sitting before me. Like a floor covering for royals, the autumn pigments bedizened the world into an image that looked like it had been plucked right out from a painting in a museum.
"All the little reasons."
Smiling, Fred pulled me close into his side. "All the little reasons."
-
"You can sleep alone. That's something." Ginny noted. "How do you feel?"
I ran a hand down my face, groaning inwardly. I adored the tentativeness and efforts my friends put into my 'healing shabang'-as Fred would put it. They were all keeping themselves very involved in my progress, a clan of shrinks and healers bombarding me. It warmed my heart.
It also made me feel absolutely deranged. A psychological patient being thoroughly examined. A lab rat. A new found breed of dragon that everyone wanted to inspect.
"I feel-like my heart is aching for him. I crave him, Ginny." I stared at her, looking as manic as I felt. "Which does not make me nutty. It means I haven't talked to him in a week, let alone even properly looked at him. Attachment issues, that's all it is. An unhealthy dependency-yes, but that's entirely why I haven't talked to him, let alone properly looked at him. I'm keeping myself away from the guy I'm so consumingly in-love with, which is a decision that no longer makes sense to me."
Ginny stared at me flatly. "You're staying away because of said unhealthy dependency."
"I know that!" I exclaimed.
"You just said it doesn't make sense to you why you decided-"
"Oh, good Lord." I slammed my books shut with a loud thud and stood from my seat in the library. "I need-"
I need Draco.
His mere presence is enough to calm me when I feel ready to explode.
"I'm going to go cope in a healthy way."
"How?" Ginny pressed.
I refrained from rolling my eyes. "I'm going to get Ron to sneak into the kitchens with me so we can snag some cheese puffs."
-
𝐎 𝐂 𝐓 𝐎 𝐁 𝐄 𝐑 𝟑 𝟏 𝐒 𝐓
"I don't think I want go."
"What?" Ginny sputtered. "You can't miss the Halloween party! It's going to be wicked."
I scoffed, flipping through my Herbology textbook as I struggled to write the assigned essay. Herbology was always dreary to me.
"It's just a party."
"But-it's not just a party. I spent weeks picking out a costume." Ginny frowned dramatically.
I sighed as I lifted my gaze to look at her. "I've already seen your costume. Don't you worry, Pansy will love it as much as I do."
Ginny's face flushed but she brushed off my comment and looked at me sternly. "Come on, Lys. You never sit out on parties. You're the life of them."
I leaned back in my chair, fiddling with my fingers. "It's hard enough as is to not see and talk to him. I just-I don't think I can handle seeing him there and not being able to be normal with him."
I may go crazy if I see him across the room and yet again, have to remind myself not to walk right over to the boy.
Though sighing, Ginny nodded understandingly. "How are you feeling, anyways?"
Her daily question-one that held more weight than sounded.
I shrugged, looking down at my hands. "I don't know. I feel like shit. I'm just-all gloomy and sulky without him." I hated to admit it but it was true.
Ginny grumbled out a groan. "Not the answer we're looking for." She pushed her chair back and stood up. "I need to help Luna decide on a costume-it's already so last minute. Please think about it, though. Change your mind and come tonight. You've been working terribly hard to be better. You deserve to cut back for one night."
Smiling faintly, I only nodded as Ginny turned to leave the library.
Much to my dismay, Pansy had shown up to my room later that night-with the sole intention of dragging me to the party. All my pleading protests fell mute to her. Pansy Parkinson was not one to take no for an answer.
She showed up in her costume-dressed as a muggle movie character from Pulp Fiction. Her short hair perfect for her to play Mia Wallace for the night. Faux blood dripped from her nose, her lacy bra peaking through the partially unbuttoned white shirt she wore-that would surely leave Ginny drooling.
"I don't even have a costume!"
Pansy rolled her eyes at my argument before rummaging through my drawers. "Sit." Pushing me onto the edge of my bed, she started drawing on my face with an eyeliner.
"What are you doing?"
"Making you a costume. Quit moving so much."
Scowling, I shut up and let her continue.
She grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a pillow off my bed. Pulling out her wand, she pointed it at the pillow and muttered a transfiguration spell that turned the pillow into-a headband?
"Here. Now you have a costume."
She placed the headband on me before pulling me in front of a mirror.
A fucking cat?
She had drawn a small circle on the tip of my nose and whiskers on my cheeks. On top of my head, she had transfigured the pillow into cat ears. They even moved, appearing to be animate.
She beamed a charming grin. "Need me to grow you a tail?"
I swatted her arm, turning for the door. "Merlin, no."
From levitating candles to eyeball halloween treats and live bats, the Ravenclaw common room had become a reception for all the monsters that lurked in the shadows. Thousands of live bats fluttered from the walls to the ceiling; the candles in the pumpkins stuttered. Dressed in daring ensembles, tonight people wore noticeable disguises instead of their usual public facades that masked private despair.
"Lys, you showed up!"
Ginny pulled me into a bone-crushing hug when Pansy and I entered the common room.
When she pulled away, she gave me a twirl to flash her stunning costume. As though she stepped out from Heaven itself, embodying the Greek Goddesses, Ginny was glowing. Her red hair stuck out like lightning against her white and gold ensemble.
Pansy bit her lip as her eyes roamed up and down Ginny's figure.
"I'm going to-go find Fred or someone."
Sighing, I left the two of them to philander.
Past the flashing lights that bounced off the walls, I struggled to see through the crowd. With all the costumes, I didn't know how I would find a familiar face.
Then, I walked right into someone.
"Sorry!"
"Oh-hey."
I lifted my gaze. Draco still held onto my shoulders.
Fuck. Being near him made me lose my breath.
"Hi." I mumbled, peering up at him. My eyebrows lifted when I took in his appearance. Layers of shirts; a black t-shirt, red shirt unbuttoned on top, followed with a long leather trench coat that fell past his knees. His right eyebrow had a slit drawn in it-almost like a scar. His hair was different-slicked back the way he had it in first year. "Nice costume?"
Draco grimaced as his cheeks flushed. "Apparently I am something called a Spike."
"Spike?"
He bit back a scowl. "This newfound courtship between Pansy and Ginevra is doing me no favours. Granger showed them two a picture of some bloody muggle character. A vampire no less-Buffy slaying vampires something-I don't know. Thus, Pansy forced this costume upon me, telling me it was made for me."
I failed to suppress a smile.
Everything about this was adorable. My heart was turning to mush because despite Draco's scowl, he looked oddly pleased which he tried to hide.
"Well, you make a charming vampire."
Draco's eyes settled on mine and his features softened. "I see you've pulled out all the creative stops. A cat. Cute."
I snickered, rolling my eyes. "Also forced upon me by Pansy. Last minute, I didn't have a costume."
Draco's eyebrows pulled together. "You didn't? I thought you enjoyed Halloween. You and the Weasley twins always have a riot with your Halloween pranks."
I shrugged softly. "I didn't know if I wanted to come this year."
"Oh."
As if on cue, the music grew eery enough to make it feel like there was a pricking breeze running through the room. I turned to see the common room door swing open as Mara strutted in, bouncing in her ever-sultry costume. She was merely dressed in lingerie with fairy wings thrown on her back. Her makeup glittered, sparkling under the fluorescent lights.
Something wicked this way comes.
All eyes fell on her.
She was a sight. Gorgeous, no doubt. The devil is no man with red horns and a tail. The devil can be beautiful-just as Mara is. A fallen angel, after all.
My eyes flickered back onto Draco who was looking at her. His expression guarded as his eyes carefully followed her movements across the room.
My once turned to mush heart, now plummeted.
"I-uh-I'm going to go find Hermione." I offered a Draco a small smile but he hadn't even gotten the chance to look at me again before I had already walked away.
"Want some?" Fred held out a bottle of Firewhiskey when I fell onto the couch beside him.
I shook my head, sighing. "I'm taking a break from drinking. Mending myself and all."
"Good," he mused. "That's really good, Lys. I'm proud of you."
My lips curled distastefully, sneering. "Yeah, yeah. This blows."
Later, we sat in a circle as Fred and George told spooky stories in their intoxicated states. With the help of magic, they knew how to leave everyone on edge. A subtle flick of the wand and the lights would flicker or the window would burst open, resulting in loud gasps from the crowd. Amusing as it was, I had been familiar with their Halloween tale-telling since I was old enough to remember.
I excused myself to get a drink-which left me drinking stale punch since I was trying to cut back on alcohol. It greatly dimmed my partying mood which was scarce to begin with.
Leaning against the wall, I poured myself the punch and considered what excuse I could give my friends to bail the party early. At least I had showed up for a while, right?
"Abstinent, are we?"
I didn't bother turning when Mara's voice sounded from behind me. Despite my decision to ignore her, she helped herself to walk right over and take stance beside me.
Everyone else was further in the common room, surrounding the couches and listening in on Fred and George's anecdotes. It occurred to me that being alone with Mara was not going to end well-but I wouldn't give her a reaction.
Don't poke the dragon. Tempting as it may be, I can just as easily prevent the situation from escalating.
"Humour me a little, Ambrose."
Placing my plastic cup down, I tried to move past her and leave. Her hand clasped around my arm to stop me, her pointy nails digging into my flesh.
My teeth grit. I could already feel my blood begin to boil. "Come on, Mara. Let me get out of your way and we both can have one night without some bullshit drama."
Her grip on my arm remained firm. She snickered at my suggestion, her eyebrows raising disbelievingly. "Is that defeat I'm hearing? Where's all your Gryffindor bravery and desire for thrill?"
I sighed softly, ignoring the pain developing in my arm. "You win, alright? I claim defeat, isn't that what you want?"
This was painful-having to be the bigger person and walk away instead of unleashing the hell on her that she deserved.
"Hardly." Her eyes flashed with devilry. In a quick movement, she had me near pinned against the wall with her wand jabbed under my chin. We were behind a corner that left us hidden from being seen by anyone else in the common room. "Surrendering ceases the sport."
Don't freak out.
Don't poke the dragon.
Don't escalate the situation.
Let things be simple.
"What do you want?" I hissed. "Get it over with."
Her lip curled into a malicious smirk. A psychopath. Indifferent to herself and everyone else, empathy deactivated and sick forms of joy obtained by cruelty and iniquity to both swim in and consume. A lone wolf hidden among the rest of us who are her sheep.
Leaning her face close enough to mine so I could feel her warm breath hitting my face, she spoke in a chilling whisper. "What's Halloween without a little blood? You drew mine last time, I'll draw yours now."
I blinked.
I froze.
My blood turned to molten lead.
I didn't have time to comprehend what her words meant. She had grabbed my arm and dug the tip of her wand into my skin, muttering a quiet incantation that split open my flesh. Right next to the scar I already wore, the one given by Samael.
A familiar feeling coursed through my body but my mind couldn't pinpoint where I knew the feeling from. Like a sense of deja vu. I have lived through this present situation before yet I can't seem to remember.
Samael. My extracted memories.
I couldn't remember it. I could only feel it. Things I was sure I had felt in the past.
My breath fell out in a sharp exhale as tears stung my eyes. I watched the skin being carved open as Mara held onto my arm tight enough to bruise. The blood pooled out, trickling down and dripping to the floor.
"Know your place, Elysia."
Mara smirked diabolically as she harshly let go of my arm. I gasped when she grabbed the hem of my shirt and wiped the tip of her wand with the fabric.
Spinning on her heels, her hair hit my face as she flounced away.
I gaped down at the laceration on my arm, a ball of panic spreading within the pit of my stomach.
My hands trembled.
I couldn't think.
Blinking away tears, I bit my tongue to stop from crying out when I placed my opposite hand over the cut to apply pressure and control the bleeding.
Fucking hell.
I pulled out my wand and with shaking hands muttered a healing spell I remembered Madam Pomfrey using on me before.
"Tergeo."
With a second spell, the blood faded away and I was left spotless, as though the last ten minutes never happened to begin with.
Through glossy eyes, I glanced down at the drops of blood sitting on the floor. The small stain of red left on my shirt.
I need to get out of here.
My hands wouldn't stop shaking.
It appeared the Halloween party had given Mara all the license she needed to show entirely what a monster she is, yet easily be able to claim it was a costume.
I hated that she left me jarred and staggered. I didn't want her to have that power over me.
Brushing off my damp cheeks, I bolted for the exit before I could run into any of my friends. I had just gotten out of the Ravenclaw common room when a hand gently took hold of my arm to stop me.
"Hey-"
I flinched away from the touch, ripping my arm from their grasp.
"Hey, hey-Elysia. What's wrong?" Draco took hold of my shoulders to stop me. His were clouded behind very obvious concern.
I blinked frantically to rid the tears blurring my vision.
I trembled slightly. "Nothing-I just-I-I'm just tired and want to go to bed."
I tried to turn and leave but he didn't let me. "Lys," he brushed hair away from my face and I almost could have melted right into the warmth of his touch I had been missing so dearly. The solicitude in his eyes chipped my heart. "What's wrong?"
I inhaled deeply, masking over my face to hide any emotion from seeping through. "I told you, I'm tired." My voice came out detached and cold; the hurt that displayed on Draco's face nearly broke me.
"Just because we're not-you know-you can still talk to me." His voice was pleading, desperate for more. For something. Anything.
I took a step away from him. His expression broke even further.
It killed me but Draco can't keep saving me. I need to save myself. I need to hold myself up. I need to hold myself together on my own. I need to at least be able to do that-before I can grant Draco the liberty to sometimes help with that if he so wishes.
"Go back to the party, Draco."
"I can't-"
"You can." I sighed softly. "I'm okay. I will be."
I turned and walked away from him. I couldn't contain the tears any longer.