THE SPACE BETWEEN US
✩
𝐎 𝐂 𝐓 𝐎 𝐁 𝐄 𝐑 𝟏 𝟗 𝐓 𝐇
It had been a week. Draco and I hadn't been talking-although it wasn't actually clarified if cutting all ties of communication was part of this release-of-each-other situation.
"Is hell freezing over?" Ginny mused, intrigued as ever.
My mouth unwittingly fell open when I watched Draco and Lorenzo walking into the Great Hall together. They were speaking to one other, almost grinning. Then, they parted ways. Casual as ever, Draco walked to the Slytherin table while Enzo approached out usual spot.
"What was that about?" Hermione raised her eyebrows, fascinated by the sight.
"You're friends with Malfoy?" Harry didn't bother hiding his distasteful sneer as Enzo slid into an empty seat beside mine.
Enzo shrugged, helping himself to grab some food. "I wouldn't call us friends, per-say."
"What would you call it?" Ginny pressed, a charmed grin on her face. "Secret lovers? Long lost cousins? What about-"
"None of the above." Enzo tossed her an odd look. "We just have an... acquaintanceship."
"Acquaintanceship?" Hermione laughed loudly.
"What the bloody hell is that?" Ron mused with a mouthful of food, causing Hermione to swat him for not having better manners.
Enzo slunk down in his seat, shrugging carelessly. "I don't know. We agree on certain things-like murdering my sister, for example." He waved his hand dismissively.
Admittedly, I agreed with everyone else that this was unusual. Entirely unexpected and unforeseen. It almost made me sad that Enzo hadn't mentioned his newfound "acquaintanceship" to me-I just assumed we were close and told each other every little thing.
Perhaps, it made me sadder that Draco was no longer someone in my life I could know about. Not right now at least. I could no longer lie beside him at night while he held me, telling me all about his day before I told him all about mine.
I knew this temporary space between us was for the best but it didn't rid the part of me that felt missing. A hollowed bit of me that was reserved only to be filled by Draco. I missed him so terribly that my heart ached all day long.
It scared me to think that maybe this space would show Draco he was better off without me. Maybe he doesn't miss me. What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he sees how weightless he feels without having the burden of taking care of me; that once I'm in better mental-health, he doesn't want me to come back to him?
Stop it.
I need to get better for me. For my own sake.
Not just for him.
Evidently, I was still solely dependant and only willing to live for Draco which was entirely what needed to be fixed.
Later, though.
I leaned into Enzo's side when everyone else fell into other conversation. "How is he?"
Enzo glanced at me, lifting an eyebrow. "Who?"
"You know who." I tossed him a dull look.
Enzo exhaled deeply. "Just because we're sort-of friends now doesn't mean he confides in me about his emotional anguish."
"I know," I grumbled sheepishly. "But you've obviously seen more of him than I have lately. How does he seem?"
Enzo shrugged. "He seems-fine. I don't know. I reckon I don't know him well enough to know whether or not he really is fine."
I just want to know how he is. I need to know.
Sighing, I ran a hand down my face and suddenly felt very tired. I was tired-tired of how persistently the blonde Slytherin ran in my mind until it drove me mad; so close yet so out of reach.
"Sorry. I'm not trying to rope you into the middle of-whatever this is."
Enzo shook his head in a dismissive manner. "You're not. Don't worry. He asked me about you too, you know."
My heart rate should not have accelerated as much as it did. My eyebrows shot up. "Really?"
Rolling his eyes, Enzo laughed. "Distance does make the heart grow fonder."
"Or it makes the heart lose feeling."
When he looked at me again, his face twisted into a look of disbelief. "Trust me, Elysia, you're not easily forgotten."
Heat rose to my cheeks. I swatted his arm playfully. "Stop it, you."
Enzo laughed wholeheartedly. "Really, though. He seems to be doing as well as you are-which I can't say is much."
I slunk further down in my seat, stuffing my face with cornbread.
-
"WHAT?" Ginny's ear-splitting scream nearly deafened me. "Why didn't you tell me Pansy was coming to our common room to hang out tonight?"
I could only stare at her, blinking slowly. "I did tell you. Just now."
"Not soon enough!" Throwing her arms in the arm, Ginny nearly tore apart my room. She started with the closet, finding a different shirt to change into-stripping out of George's worn out sleep shirt she had been wearing. Then she moved to the dresser and frantically began searching for some mascara.
"Ginevra!"
I gripped onto her shoulders and turned her body to face mine. It was mildly adorable to see her this flustered. I had never seen her like this before. Not when she was with Harry-which now made so much sense.
"Calm down, my love. It's just Pansy."
Ginny gawked, looking horrified by what I had just said. She tugged on her orange locks, restless as ever. "She may just be just Pansy to you but I'm trying to marry this woman!"
My mouth fell open.
She rolled her eyes at the look on my face. "Okay, not literally. Not yet, at least." She waved a hand dismissively. "I just-I don't want to look like a bloody basilisk in front of her."
"You could never look like such a thing." I sighed in defeat as I moved to sit on my bed, wearily watching Ginny brush her hair. "I can assure you, Pansy's going to show up in her own pyjamas. You don't have to-you know, worry so much."
But boy, was I wrong.
Pansy had shown up to our common room, dressed, her hair straightened and a thin coat of makeup over her features. I tugged her to the side before Ginny and Hermione could join us.
"Going on a date, are you?"
She rolled her eyes at me. "No. I looked like this all day."
I snickered. "You weren't wearing makeup in class this morning."
Redness crawled up her neck and flushed her face. She huffed. "Fine. I wanted to impress the She-Weasley. So what?"
I laughed. "You already have her impressed, bubba. You two are-nauseatingly adorable."
Pansy scoffed, rolling her eyes again. Any more and they may just roll right out of her head. "Please, I had to deal with you and Malfoy being all mushy-gushy for-well-forever."
I fell silent.
God, I miss him.
I miss his voice. It's been so long since I've heard his voice.
Or felt his arms around me.
A week that felt so much longer.
Long enough.
I need to shut up. Now.
"Fuck." Pansy winced when she saw the change of my expression. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring him up."
"It's fine, really."
Biting her lip, Pansy pulled my arm along and sat us down on the couch in front of the fireplace. "We haven't really talked about this-separation or lone-self-healing journey-whatever you want to call it. Are you doing okay? Because he's moping around like a little bitch."
"He is?"
Pansy rolled her eyes again. "Obviously. How are you, though?"
I shrugged, looking at the sparking flames. "I miss him but I keep telling myself that we need this. To be right for each other, we need to be okay on our own. We can't-we can't drain each other the way we have been all this time, it's not healthy."
Pansy nodded slowly as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it in a comforting manner. "I know. You're doing the right thing."
"The party people sit in wait!" Hermione beamed a bright smile as she came down the stairs, her brown curls bouncing. A blushing Ginny followed behind her. Hermione held out two bottles of Firewhiskey, one in each hand. "What do you say we turn this girls night into a-drunk girls night?"
Surprised but delighted, my eyebrows raised. "This is new coming from you, Mione."
She winked as she spun a lid open. "I know. I'm going rogue, as Fred would put it."
Three hours later, Hermione was nearly passed out on the recliner. Her curly brown locks were sprawled all over the place, messily thrown across her face. Every moment or so, she would peak an eye open and mutter a terrible joke before bursting into a fit of laughs. I had nowhere near the amount she did to drink, remaining mostly sober; I would desperately try to hush her before we got caught.
Meanwhile, in their equally intoxicated states, Pansy and Ginny flirted absolutely horridly.
Ginny's face was glowing as bright as her hair as she giddily gnawed on her bottom lip. "I love your hair," she mused sheepishly.
Pansy placed a hand over her heart as she awed. "That's so sweet," she slurred between giggles. "I love yours. It's just so bright. It reminds me of the summer sun."
"The summer sun!" Ginny gasped. "That-that's like the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me."
I wouldn't be surprised if Ginny started crying at the compliment.
Hermione and I shared odd looks, both our eyes narrowed.
"Gross," Hermione cackled, causing Ginny to glare at her. "I'm going to use that one on Ron. I'll write him a love note telling him all about his summer-sun-like hair."
Ginny grabbed the nearest throw pillow off the couch and chucked it at Hermione's head-which resulted in more loud laughter from a terribly plastered Hermione.
"Okay!" I clapped my hands together as I got up on my feet. I was thankful I had decided not to indulge in even half the amount they had to drink. "You ladies have had far more than enough fun. Pans, we need to get you back to your dorm before we get caught."
Pansy groaned as I took her hands and struggled to pull her entire weight off the couch. She didn't bother getting up on her own. "But-we're having so much fun," she whined.
"And you lot will be crying when your hungover in Snape's class tomorrow morning." I glanced over my shoulder at Hermione who was half-asleep and nearly drooling. "Terribly rogue, Hermione. Terribly."
With her eyes closed, Hermione beamed a cheeky smile. "And I love it. I might just stay rogue."
I swung Pansy's arm over my shoulders, bringing her up to her feet and dragging her out the common room. "Stay quiet or I'll hex you if we get caught."
She murmured incoherent words into my hair but didn't fight with me as I lugged her along through the dungeons. I struggled to hold her upright but somehow managed to get inside the Slytherin common room.
"Pansy!" I whisper-yelled when she nearly fell forward and face-planted. She did nothing to help me and I was nowhere near strong enough to carry her on my own. Waking other Slytherins was the last thing I needed tonight.
"What's going on?"
I froze at the familiar voice, almost letting go of Pansy and dropping her right onto the ground.
My gaze lifted.
Draco in all his beauty, stood from where he sat on the couch in the common room. I caught him shoving a familiar brass compact into the pocket of his sweatpants before walking over to Pansy and me.
"She-I-we were just-she's drunk," I sputtered. I stared at him, gawking. I don't know what came over me.
"I can see that."
Draco's tongue swirled around the inside of his cheek as he took Pansy's other arm and swung it over his shoulders to help me carry her. Most of her weight leaned on him as we walked her to her room.
When we got her inside, she instantly fell onto her bed. Her hair sprawled all over and makeup mostly smudged.
I pushed her dark hair out of her face, turning her body so she was laying on her side. At the same time, Draco placed an empty trash can beside her bed.
The walk back to the Slytherin common room was silent and unnerving.
We hadn't spoken in over a week-which may not seem long but considering everything we shared, it was substantial. Unspoken words and feelings lingered above our heads and made the atmosphere feel airless.
Before I got to the door to leave, I turned to face Draco. "I-uh-thanks for helping." I winced at myself inwardly.
Draco nodded curtly, shifting from foot to foot. He looked as unsure as I felt. "Yeah, of course."
I rubbed the back of my neck.
Why is this suffocatingly awkward? I hate it.
"I should-"
"How have you been?"
We spoke at the same time.
"I've been-" I froze. Do I lie? Do I tell him I'm getting better or do I admit how difficult this has been? "It's been harder than anticipated."
Draco cracked a small smile, seeming relived by my answer. "I'm glad you said that."
I bit my lip. "You are?"
Draco's head tilted to the side, his eyes glistening as he peered at me. Eyes like the ocean that cajoled whirling typhoons within me.
"Of course." His voice was so soft, melting me to the core. "If it had been easy, it would mean there's not very much to lose."
"How have you been?"
He stuffed his hands into his pockets, shrugging lightly. "I can't say I'm liking it-at all, but I do hope you are getting what you need."
My breath hitched.
Merlin, it feels so fucking good to hear his voice. To talk to him, even if only shortly. To be in his heartening presence.
I stepped towards him and almost reached for his hands but stopped myself. That would only make it harder. It would confuse things. We needed this-the space, the time, the healing, the ability to stay apart and not break because of it.
"I'm sorry."
Draco's eyebrows pulled together. He looked devastated to hear me say those two words. "For what?"
I shrugged faintly. "For being so broken that we have to do this."
Draco exhaled sharply. He seemed to follow my thoughts-stepping towards me and ridding the proximity, leaving him close enough for me to almost feel his minty breath. He almost reached out but stopped himself as well. "You're not broken, Elysia. You're strong and you deserve to heal the wounds you bear."
I cracked a small smile. "Thank you."
Cocking his head to the side, Draco smiled. His beautiful little smile that turned my heart to mush. "For?"
"For being you."
His smile grew.
I took a small step backwards. "Goodnight, Draco."
"Goodnight, mo-Elysia."