CRAZY LITTLE THING
CALLED LOVE
✩
My knuckles softly rapped against Draco's room door. I waited for a minute. I was partially expecting he wouldn't open the door tonight. Maybe we both need to take a breath away from one other, released from our draining codependency for just one minute. Maybe we both did need that.
Then, the door opened.
Draco's arm extended as he held open the door, peering down at me with the same exhausted expression I wore-like we both were entirely spent from the constant hindrances that never allowed our relationship to be effortlessly normal.
For months, last year and this, there has always been more pain and recovery than bliss and affection. We were never out of the fog-or I wasn't, and Draco stayed there with me.
After having my memories extracted, we thought, maybe, finally, for the first time we are out of the fog. We can be happy. We can be normal. Things are simple-as they would be with anyone else, someone not broken the way I had been.
Then today, we learnt there is still a fog. Maybe I hadn't even known it myself. Even without the exact memories of my trauma, there was still an emptiness within me that wasn't going to allow me to love Draco the way he deserved to be loved; nor allowing me to let Draco love me the way he wants to.
How can I love someone, let them love me, when I resent life itself?
There was always something. Samael, the post-trauma hindrance, the pills and drug addiction, even Mara stirring difficulties-there was always something. I remained broken, Draco remained continuously breaking as he stayed in the dark with me, for me.
We both drained each other entirely and maybe, we did need a break away from each other to charge ourselves back up. Breathe. Entirely exempt from our dependence on one other.
Maybe our mutual dependency on each other was too exhausting.
"Come in." Draco moved his arm out of the way, allowing me to come inside. He closed the door behind me before moving towards his bed. He struggled to meet my eyes.
He would never let go. Even if I hollowed him from inside out, he would never let himself free from my hold. He wouldn't let me free him either-I'm afraid even if it's what I wanted to do, I would never be able to anyways.
Draco's skin flushed, his eyes faintly red; he looked terribly sad.
"I forgive the world, Draco."
Sitting on the edge of his bed with his hands folded between his legs, Draco lifted his head to look at me. He remained quiet, his lips in a straight line. I didn't know if he was struggling to believe me, or scared to jinx it.
I walked towards him, kneeling on the floor in front of where he sat. I took his clasped hands in mine.
"I forgive the world because it has you in it."
Draco's eyes glinted.
Draco deserving to be loved by a me that is not broken, was enough for me to become whole again.
I smiled sheepishly.
In a quick movement, he took my face in his hands and his lips confiscated mine. He kissed me, melting my bones and entering my blood; Draco Malfoy has become my never ending daydream.
"Come 'ere."
Helping me up off the ground, Draco pulled me into bed next to him. I snuggled into his side, my arm wrapped around his torso.
His head rested on top of mine. He sighed softly, his fingers absentmindedly threading through my hair.
I found myself tracing 'I love you' over his shirt with my finger. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Just say it.
I'm too nervous.
"Are you okay?" He asked warmly.
I nodded. "I think I am."
"A lot happened today. It would be okay if you weren't okay."
"I know. I feel okay. I always feel okay when I'm with you." I craned my neck back to look at him.
Draco bit back a smile, peering down at me with his eyes brimming with warmth. "That's all I'll ever need."
For a moment, time stopped. We just looked at each other, Draco brushing hair away from my face.
"Draco." My voice came out in a whisper.
"Yes, my love?"
"Kiss me already."
Draco's eyes flashed ravenously. In a swift movement, he leaned his face down and kissed me. A single kiss, slow and sweet, lingering. A single kiss that could part the sea.
Draco's arms wrapped around my torso, my back against his chest.
"Nox."
He nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck, placing a soft kiss on my shoulder.
"Sweet dreams, mon coeur."
-
My eyes narrowed as I watched my ginger-haired friend become entirely zoned out, nearly drooling over her plate in the Great Hall. Ginny's face rested in the palm of her hand as she stared into space, sighing softly.
I waved a hand in front of her face. "Gin, you in there? Is something wrong?"
She quickly snapped her head towards me, her cheeks glowing brighter than her hair. "What? No, of course not. Why would something be wrong? What makes you suggest that? Nothing's wrong-nothing at all."
"What a shite liar you are."
Ginny laughed awkwardly as she waved her hand in the air dismissively. "I was just thinking."
I quirked an eyebrow, leaning forward on the table. "About?"
The blush on Ginny's face only became more prominent. She avoided meeting my eyes. "Just-the potions essay I have to write. Nothing interesting."
And people call me a terrible liar?
"Alright," I shrugged. "If that's what you're sticking with."
Ginny paused for a long moment, hesitating many times. She opened and closed her mouth again and again, as though she couldn't decide whether to say what was so obviously taking her mind for a whirl.
Finally, she sighed and looked at me forlornly. "Can I tell you something that must only remain between us two for now?"
My eyebrows pulled together as I nodded my head warily. "Of course you can."
Ginny glanced around the Great Hall to make sure none of our other friends were around to overhear. When she was sure nobody would be approaching us, she leaned over the table to become closer to me. "I-well-you know in the summer when Harry and I broke up?"
I nodded slowly. Cautious. "Yes. You said there wasn't a spark and you both mutually agreed you were more friends than boyfriend-girlfriend."
Ginny grimaced faintly. "I had spent so long thinking I had a crush on Harry and once we finally started dating, I was so happy. As things progressed, we both saw that we had no chemistry, whatsoever. We are far better off as friends, we're both so much happier now-and I'm entirely thankful things aren't awkward."
"Okay..." I mused thoughtfully. "So-what's the problem? What's playing on your mind?"
Again, Ginny hesitated. She quickly glanced around to ensure nobody else was around before continuing, her voice in a hushed whisper. "I've recently admitted to myself why there was no spark between Harry and I-hell, why there hasn't been a spark with anyone I've dated. Even with Dean Thomas in fourth year, I wanted to cringe every time he kissed me."
"Ginny, spit it out already."
She faltered for a moment as her face grew red again. "The problem isn't my choice in men. The problem is men."
I squinted, confused. "Well-I suppose yes, some men are absolute gits. Is that the big revelation because I could have told you that much sooner."
Ginny winced slightly, still struggling to spit out whatever was on her tongue. "No, Lys. I mean-men. I am not attracted to men."
My mouth fell open.
A sheepish and embarrassed look settled on Ginny's face as she leaned back in her seat.
"I-wait-you-you're not straight?"
She nodded shyly. There was a fear in her eyes, like she was terribly anxious to see my reaction.
I gaped for a moment, my eyes growing wide. "Holy shit. I-I don't know how I hadn't seen that sooner! Merlin, am I a terrible friend for not having noticed?"
A laugh bubbled from Ginny's mouth. "No silly, of course not! I think a part of me has always known there's something-something missing, an undiscovered part of myself I haven't been able to place a finger on. It took me this long to notice it for myself."
A smile broke on my face. "Good God, Gin-that's wonderful!" My chest erupted with warmth. "I'm so happy for you, truly. You've learnt something substantial about yourself and now, maybe you can find someone you do have a spark with."
Ginny gnawed on her bottom lip, fiddling with her fingers nervously. "Well-actually, there's something I wanted to ask you."
I nodded eagerly. "Go on."
Hesitation, again. "I was wondering-well-" she cut herself off, groaning as she ran a hand down her face. "You're close with Parkinson, right?"
My eyes grew into saucers. "No fucking way. You like Pan-"
"Shh!" Ginny nearly flew over the table to over my mouth with her hand. "Not so loud, Lys!"
"Sorry, sorry, sorry." I smiled sheepishly. "But really, you have a crush on-Pansy?" I said her name in a hushed whisper.
Biting her lip, Ginny nodded timidly. Her face matched the colour of the red apple sitting in front of her. "I don't know how I didn't realize it sooner considering how often I'd find myself staring at her over the years."
I was beaming. This was the best thing I had ever heard. "Lucky for you, Pansy swings both ways."
"Do you think-well-would she-she wouldn't ever go for me, though. Would she?" Ginny nearly started chewing on her hair from nervousness.
"Gin, you're absolutely stunning. You're one the sweetest souls I know. I reckon she'd be all over you if she had the faintest clue you're into girls."
Ginny tried to fight a smile but failed. "That's-well, that's oddly much more exciting news than I anticipated."
"Do you think you'll make a move?"
Ginny sighed, shrugging. "I don't know. Maybe. But-can we keep this between us for now? I've been trying to figure out a way to tell my brothers before anything else. I want them to hear it from me."
"Of course, Gin. It's yours to tell."
"Ooo, what secrets are we hiding here?"
Ginny and I both glanced over to see Mara stop at our table while she had been walking by. Mischief played in her eyes.
I refrained from rolling my eyes. "We were just talking about how to get away with a murder. Surely, you must have some helpful advice."
Mara snickered. "Good one, Ambrose. Terribly clever."
I held no energy to deal with her. I diverted my attention to the book sitting in front of me, though I could no longer find myself able to focus enough on the words to comprehend what I was reading.
"Did you need something, Silvius?" Ginny asked wearily, also not bothering to even look at Mara.
Mara shook her head nonchalantly. "Nope. Nothing at all." With a wink, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and strutted away.
"The fuck is her deal?" Ginny grumbled as she stared daggers into the back of Mara's head.
I slunk back in my chair. "The devil has no deal but to simply find entertainment in other's misery."
"She needs therapy."
"She probably needs far more than just therapy."
Ginny laughed. "That's an understatement."
"'Ello, love." Draco beamed a grin as he slid into the seat next to mine, swinging his arm over the back of my chair. He peered at me with delight lighting his eyes.
No matter how much time passed, how normal dating Draco became, the fluttering feeling he induced in my stomach never seemed to go away. "Hi."
"Hello, Malfoy." Ginny rolled her eyes. "Not as though I'm invisible."
Draco sighed heavily, deliberately slow as he turned his head to look at her. "Ginevra." He acknowledged.
"Must you be so formal?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Prefer I call you weaselette, do you?"
"Draco!" I swatted his arm. "Be nice."
Draco rolled his eyes. "I am being nice."
Ginny smirked as she folded her hands on top of the table and leaned forward slightly. "You can call me weasel-whatever if I can call you ferret."
Now, Draco scowled. "Terribly funny. Really witty."
"Now, now, children. No need to bring drama to the dinner table."
While Draco rolled his eyes, Ginny burst into a fit of laughs.
"I'll see you at the party tonight, yeah?" Ginny looked at me with her eyebrows raised as she stood and started gathering her things.
"There's a party tonight?"
"The Ravenclaws are throwing one. You didn't hear?"
I shook my head.
"Well, I might need you there to play wing-woman." Ginny winked at me. "See you later, Lys."
"Later, Ginevra. Not as though I'm invisible!" Rolling his eyes again, Draco called out behind Ginny as she left the Great Hall, only causing more laughs to sound from her.
Sighing, Draco turned his body to face me.
I quirked an eyebrow. "Nice rapport you two have going."
Draco grimaced. "I'm only friends with them because they're your friends."
"So you consider them friends?" I failed to bit back a smile.
Draco's entire face twisted in distaste. "I take that back. I only put up with them because they're your friends."
"Yeah?" I retorted smugly. "So you'll deny the rumour I heard about you nearly sucker-punching Goyle for making fun of Neville in Herbology?"
Draco momentarily froze as a pink flush spread across his cheeks. He scoffed. "What-that's-no, of course not." He shook his head adamantly and refused to meet my gaze. "That's ridiculous. Why would I care if-"
I cut him off by taking his chin between my thumb and index finger, forcing his face towards mine and placing my lips on his. I kissed him slow. He took a moment before sighing into me and kissing back.
When I pulled away from him, he frowned-like a child who was caught sneaking cookies from the jar. It was adorable.
"I don't want to give you reason to hate me," he mumbled quietly. "I can't exactly let my git friends badmouth your friends."
I leaned into him, smiling giddily. "Oh, Draco. You cannot hide the nature of your heart. Just admit you're actually kind."
Draco sneered. "Please. I could care less about Longbottom."
"You act as though you hate everyone but really, you never let bad things happen to those who don't deserve it. If that's the case, how come you allow yourself to think so lowly of yourself?"
Draco's jaw clenched as he glanced elsewhere. "I-uh-I need to grab some Herbology notes from Blaise. I'll see you later."
"Draco-"
He already got up and left the Great Hall before I could stop him.