TU ES À MOI
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Every year, it was to be expected that the first weekend back at Hogwarts would entail a party. All houses members were gathered in the Ravenclaw common room, the floor vibrating from how loud the muggle music played. A semblance of levity.
I arrived at the party with Luna who forthright appeared to be astray in her own mind as she glanced around the room.
I leaned into her side, having to yell over the music. "Looking for someone, my love?"
A blush crept up Luna's neck as she shook her head. "No. Just scoping out the party." She was a terrible liar, but even if she hadn't been, the look on her face gave it away. Eventually, her eyes stopped roaming when they fell upon Blaise Zabini.
"Zabini, huh. You still like him."
Luna snapped her eyes towards me, her face glowing red. "No-why would you say that?"
"Oh, come on. I can see it all over you, love." I nudged her softly, grinning. "Let's go talk to him."
Growing shy as ever, Luna sputtered protests as I dragged her along with me. Blaise was standing with Pansy who poured the two of them drinks.
"Bubba!" With a bottle of muggle vodka still in her hands, Pansy flung her arms around me. In the manner she nearly toppled the both of us over, I knew she already had plenty to drink.
"Hey." Blaise nodded acknowledgements to both Luna and I but his eyes lingered on Luna for much longer. It was adorable-neither of them noticing the other one staring.
"Drinks?" Pansy looked between Luna and I as she grabbed more red plastic cups.
"I'll take the whole bottle."
I did. I took the bottle Pansy held out to me, starting chugging before anyone had the chance to speak. As much as I previously enjoyed the occasional drinking, ever since I was introduced to the world of narcotics, drinking now seemed all the more appealing. I arrived at the party sober and intended to be anything but throughout the night. It was unhealthy and a dangerous road to go down but as my use of pills increased, I continued growing more fond of being buzzed, intoxicated, anything but sober.
We numb our minds and heart,
so one need not be broken,
and the other need not be bothered.
"Slow down." Pansy looked at me with wide eyes but laughed. "We've got all night. What's the hurry?"
I didn't flinch as the burning liquor slid down my throat.
"Luna, shall I pour you a drink?" Shy, Blaise looked at Luna in question.
She smiled her adorably bashful smile as her hair fell, curtailing around her face. "A little, sure. Yes. Thank you."
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I watched Blaise pour another drink for Luna. Pansy and I shared similar looks, both of us patently sensing the tension between the pair. They couldn't keep their eyes off one other but both remained too shy to act boldly.
As the effects from the liquor slowly made me grow lightheaded, I noticed Theodore Nott sitting on the couch and passing around a blunt. "I'll be back." I handed Pansy the bottle, my eyes trained on Theo as I approached him.
He leaned back on the couch and smirked up at me. "Elysia Ambrose. Hogwarts very own goddess."
Giddy from the alcohol, I grinned as I slipped beside Theo on the couch. "Are you planning on sharing?"
Theo quirked an eyebrow, his fingertips gently tapping on my arm. "I didn't know you dabbled in weed."
"I dabble in a lot of things."
Theo's eyes glinting; he brought the joint to his lips and took a deep inhale. With a finger under my chin, he brought my face closer to his and exhaled the smoke right into my mouth.
I inhaled it. Theo leaned back to watch me exhale.
He smirked, impressed as he handed me the joint to continue. "Help yourself."
"Elysia?"
I glanced over. Draco approached with his eyes narrowed. He looked between Theo and me. His jaw set.
"Draco."
Draco's eyes grew dark. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" With the joint between my index and middle finger, I held it out to him. "Want some?"
Draco inhaled sharply as he pushed by hand away. "No." His voice was cold.
"Loosen up, Malfoy." Theo didn't look at him as he spoke, laughing. "It is a party, after all."
I gave Theo the joint back as I stood and rounded the couch to stand in front of Draco. My heart light as a feather, I grinned giddily. "Hi, there."
Draco's lips pursed as he peered down at me. His expression was unreadable but I could gather, at the least, that he was not pleased. "Since when do you smoke?"
I rolled my eyes. "It's a party, Draco."
I'd didn't resort to smoking often but had a few times in the summer.
"Bubba, let's go dance!" I was pulled away from Draco when Pansy took my hand and dragged me towards the dance circle in the middle of the room. Out of my mind and body, arms flailing in the air as I danced with Pansy. I was at the peak of both my drunk and high. Soon, the twins joined us. Then Hermione and Ginny. We danced for hours, our bodies coating with sweat and hair sticking to our faces.
My body pressed against Pansy's as we danced and pulverized. My eyes flickered onto Draco's. He leaned against the wall across the room, his dark and reserved eyes already looking at me; boring into mine like they could see all the way into my soul.
Drunk; clumsy and without a thought in my head. I felt the music like it was coursing through my veins. Nothing in the world could take me down, not with this ebullient feeling. A warm fuzzy glow floating between my chest and stomach, working its way up to my brain to make me feel whimsical. Everything feels great; nothing matters at all.
And thus, it made sense why I ingested chemical waste; for a desire to elude myself. It was like using these substances allowed me to place the monster within me inside a box, calling checkmate. I wanted to feel less, be less, so I would consume take more and more.
When my feet began aching too much to keep me standing, I slithered my way through the crowd. Weaving through the huddled bodies that jumped and danced to no end, I bumped into someone.
"Sorry!"
"It's you." Enzo held onto my shoulders as I stumbled. "Hello, gorgeous. I was wondering when I'd run into you."
"Lorenzo!" I pulled him into a hug, without thinking. I was far too intoxicated to produce a single coherent thought. Everything just felt so good in this moment. I felt so good. After a long time, I felt alive and ecstatic-and it was thrilling. I love being drunk.
Enzo laughed as he hugged me back. "I see you're thoroughly pissed already."
I grinned as I pulled away from him, my body swaying from side to side. "And you don't look nearly drunk enough."
Enzo's eyes were glinting brightly, swimming in glee as he peered down at me. He was far taller than me, nearly towering over my small frame. "I'll catch up. Don't you worry."
"Oh, trust me. I don't have a single worry."
"Elysia." An arm slithered around my waist and pulled me away from Enzo and into someone else's side. "There you are."
Enzo's eyes flickered from me to Draco. "Hey, mate. I'm Enzo Silvius." Enzo held out his hand. "I don't think we've formally met."
Draco stared at Enzo's hand for a long moment before he reluctantly shook it. "Draco. Draco Malfoy." His voice was thick, detached.
Enzo offered a smile before his attention fell back onto me. Draco watched him carefully with a blank expression, watching his every movement, watching every small shift of Enzo's gaze.
I glanced up at Draco, peering through lashes. "Hi."
Licking his lips, Draco glanced down at me; I leaned into his side with his arm still around my waist. I could feel his warmth through the fabric of my clothes.
"Hi," he said impassively.
An awkward silence upon Draco, Enzo and I. Enzo glanced between Draco and me while Draco kept his gaze fixated on my eyes only.
"I'm going to go get a drink." I pulled myself away from Draco, looking between the two boys. "You handsome fellas enjoy your night, yeah?"
"I'll see you around." Enzo nodded his head once in acknowledgement before heading off whereas Draco followed me towards the table that was stacked with an endless supply of Firewhiskey and other muggle alcohol. When I reached for a bottle, Draco's hand clasped on top of mine.
"Don't you think you've had enough to drink tonight?"
My eyebrows drew together as I looked at him, disbelieved and baffled. "It's a party."
"So you've said." He stared me down until I felt like I was physically shrinking.
"There you guys are!" Pansy swung her arms around both mine and Draco's shoulders. She was panting for air after having danced so much. "Let's go."
"Where are we going?"
Pansy pulled Draco and me along with her, her head swinging from side to side in her intoxicated state. "Games await." She winked at me. Then, we found ourselves sitting in a circle with a dozen other people.
"What is this?" Draco's face twisted in abomination.
"Truth or dare." Fred grinned before bringing a bottle of Firewhiskey to his lips and taking a long swig.
Draco exasperated a breath. "This is pathetic."
I leaned over Pansy who sat between Draco and me I. "Don't tell me you're scared of a party game, Malfoy."
Draco met my stare with a frosty one of his own but never had the opportunity to counter.
"Don't tell me you planned to start the game without me."
With her hand resting on the back of Theo's recliner, Mara's eyes twinkled with mischief. She leaned forward and took the joint Theo was holding, bringing it to her lips and inhaling deeply. As she did, her eyes remained boring into mine.
Theo's eyebrows drew together as she handed him back the joint. "Oh. Yeah. Just go ahead, I guess."
"Mara, don't-"
"Oh hush, brother." Rolling her eyes, she cut Enzo off before he could utter a word. She helped herself to a bottle of muggle Vodka sitting on the carpet, taking a seat on the arm of Theo's chair. His eyes flickered to her bare legs.
"Ignore her," Pansy's slurring words whispered in my ear. "Don't give her the satisfaction she's looking for."
Something told me, with this new unwarranted addition to our parties, this was not going to be any ordinary game of truth or dare. I don't think I was the only one thinking that. With the look in her eyes and the smirk on her lips, Mara was looking to galvanize the night. She held matches, awaiting the perfect moments to light things up.
"In that case," George tipped his head as though he were wearing an invisible fedora. "Let the games begin."
Despite my intoxicated state, I couldn't help watch Mara in suspicion. She sat on the arm of the chair, her eyes watching everyone's movements. Like a hawk. Like a predator scouting out their prey.
The game had been going on for some time-Pucey had to do a keg-stand, McLaggen had to strip to his boxers and sit like that for the rest of the game, Ronald had to do a terrible seductive dance which he quickly bowed out of.
What left me confounded was Mara remaining silent all throughout.
When it was finally her turn, I realized she had been waiting. For the perfect moment to really swoop in and stir things up.
"Draco," she sat up straight, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger. "Truth or dare?"
Draco scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm not playing."
She quirked an eyebrow challengingly. "You're sitting in the circle, aren't you? That means you're playing."
Draco scowled. "Then I'll leave."
As Draco was about to stand up, Marcus Flint who sat on his other side pulled him back down. "C'mon man. It's a game. Relax."
Draco's jaw clenched as he glared at Flint before his eyes rested on Mara again.
"Truth or dare?" She smiled innocently.
I knew he was going to pick dare. He would never pick truth, he never had in the past-he believed it was a coward's choice and would take the opportunity to call any Gryffindor who chose truth a wussy.
"Dare."
Mara's eyes grew dark and devious, momentarily flickering towards me. "I dare you-to kiss me."
My heart plummeted to the pit of my stomach. I hadn't realized how tightly I was gripping the edge of the couch's cushion.
Draco laughed, adamantly shaking his head. "No. Definitely not."
"Mate, it's a game-and why would you refuse that offer anyways? Have you seen-"
"Shut up, Flint." Draco gritted, his expression terrifying as he looked at Marcus who shrunk further down in his seat.
Mara hopped off the recliner and slowly made her way towards our couch. She brushed her thumb across her bottom lip. "It's my dare. I get to choose what it is and as the rules of the game state, you have to go through with the dare."
Draco stared up at her with his eyes glazed but darkened. "I said no."
Mara stopped when she stood in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Since when do Slytherins cower out?" She bent forward, leaning down so her lips met his ears. "Don't tell me you're a coward, Malfoy." She spoke quiet enough for the others to not hear but Pansy and I being close enough, we heard.
And just like that, Draco's eyes flashed.
A coward. The last thing Draco Malfoy would accept being called is a coward-and Mara with her manipulation skills, knew it was exactly what she had to say.
Draco glanced at me. His eyes searched mine for an answer, for some sort of indication that would tell him what to do. As if he needed me to tell him to go ahead, or to not.
Don't kiss her. God, please don't kiss her.
Instead of letting him see that plead in my eyes, I shrunk back into the couch until he could no longer see me because Pansy blocked his view on me.
Mara followed Draco's eye-line and smirked when she saw the pained expression on my face. "Well then, Malfoy. Time to do your dare."
She didn't falter for a second as she climbed onto Draco's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Draco's body tensed as he looked anywhere but at her.
Pucey, Flint, Crabbe, Goyle-they all hollered and whistled while the others remained silent. My friends, they all looked between Draco who had Mara on his lap, and me.
Oh God. Please don't let this happen. Please let this be over with. Why is this physically making my heart hurt?
It was a kiss. A stupid kiss. A stupid dare. It didn't mean anything.
But what if Draco really enjoys it?
Oh, God. That shouldn't even matter to me. But it did. It was killing me. And it shouldn't because really, Draco and I were just friends.
Draco's hands remained frozen at his sides, not touching her at all. Mara took his face in her hands and tilted his head up, smirking as she leaned her face down.
My heart hurts. I don't remember how to breathe.
This was torment.
Mara kissed him slowly, pressing her chest into his. She pulled away when Draco remained frozen, his eyes closed but lips unmoving.
"Malfoy, it won't count unless you kiss me back." Her eyes held an evil glint. She was enjoying both that Draco did not want to do this, and more that it seemed to agonize me. Her eyes momentarily flickered to me as she brought her lips down to meet his.
This time when she kissed him, Draco responded. His lips moved against hers for a second, two seconds, three seconds-
Merlin, please fucking stop.
Four seconds. Five seconds. And then Draco pushed her off. Mara stumbled as she got back onto her feet.
Draco grimaced as he harshly wiped his lips with his thumb before snatching the bottle of Firewhiskey from Fred's hand and taking a long swig. Then another. Then another.
Mara's smirk remained as she pulled Crabbe out of the recliner he sat in and took the seat for herself. Crabbe didn't seem the least bit bothered, seeing as it meant gorgeous Mara had to touch his arm in order to yank him from his spot.
"A good snogger you are, Malfoy. I had no doubt about that."
Draco only glowered down at his lap.
As much as it stung my heart to see them kiss, it made me feel better seeing how much Draco hated it. I couldn't help but fawn over that.
The game continued on and I watched tiredly, my head resting in the palm of my hand. My mind still spun from the amount of alcohol I had drank.
When it was Mara's turn again, I was taken by surprise to see she chose her brother. "Enzo. Truth or dare, brave Gryffindor." Mockery in her tone.
Enzo shook his head as he stood up. "No. I much rather not play at all than play into your games."
Mara rolled her eyes. "Sit the fuck down, Lorenzo. Merlin, you're so dramatic."
Enzo's jaw clenched as he glared at his sister. "And you're a bitch."
Mara laughed. She was amused. She enjoyed knowing how effectively she could get under her own brother's skin. She loved that she held that epitome of control over him. "Save your theatrics, Enzo. Either sit down and play the game or walk away and show everyone just how spineless you really are."
I felt for Enzo. He was visibly frustrated and growing enraged as he sat back down, the entire time his gaze burning holes through Mara's skull.
"What'll it be? Truth... or dare?"
"Dare." Enzo hissed the word out. I didn't need to know him well to know that out of enmity, he was choosing a dare, not able to take the easier way out when it came to Mara. He would only make her more pompous by choosing truth.
Provoking suspense, Mara grazed her tongue across her upper teeth. Somehow, I knew she already had the dare sitting on the tip of her tongue. She waltzed into the common room tonight with an implement of what she planned to do to ruffle feathers.
In a flash, her eyes flickered from Enzo to Draco to me. "I dare you to take a body shot off Ambrose."
Draco's jaw and fists clenched.
My world was whirling. Both from the alcohol and her ludicrous dare-but I could almost be impressed by how shrewd and calculating she was. She knew how to play a perfect game. She was even better at manipulating. She was absolutely callous.
Check-fucking-mate.
Enzo glanced at me, worried and reluctant but there it was, the slight glint in his eyes. "I'm not-I can't do that." He shook his head.
"Bloody hell, it's a game and you lot really need to learn how to loosen up." She turned towards me, an eyebrow quirked. "Let's see that Gryffindor bravery I've been waiting to witness."
I pursed my lips. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, anticipating my next move.
Draco. Because of him, I didn't how I could take part in this dare.
But it also occurred to me-five seconds. It could have been one. It could have been a quick kiss. Yet it kept on when it could have ended. He kissed her back. As repulsed as he made himself seem, he kissed her. Five bloody seconds, seconds I didn't know could seem so long.
But I don't want to get back at Draco. I don't want to be like Mara. I don't want to play games.
And then there was Mara. Lounging back with a smirk so smug. In the drama she instigated, she relished. She knew this dare would provoke tension which was precisely what she aimed for.
Because of that, because she would be all too smug and satisfied if I blatantly refused and walked away from the dare, it was the exact reason I couldn't. Walking away would prove us cowards and her efficacious. That would allow her to win.
Really, it seemed either way, whether we went through with the dare or not, she would win.
My legs wobbled as I stood up. "It's just a game."
Mara looked nearly surprised. "It stands true. There's that charming bravery."
Enzo approached me, talking quietly. "You don't have to go through with this. Mara's just-"
"It's okay, Enzo. It's just a game."
It doesn't mean anything.
Oh, how I hoped Draco would understand that.
My eyes flickered to Draco who had his gaze fixated on me, his eyes boring into me with such depth and darkness but for the life of me, I couldn't decipher an emotion behind those grey eyes. I found myself searching him the way he had searched me-desperate for an answer, for an indication that would tell me whether or not to go through with the silly dare.
When my silent pleas fell ignored, I pushed the empty plastic cups off the coffee table and laid myself on top, pulling my tank top up to reveal my stomach.
"Alright, then." Fred leaned over me, giving me a sheepish smile as he sprinkled a line of salt across my abdomen. He proceeded to pour muggle Tequila in my navel until it pooled. "You okay with this, Lys?"
I stared up at the ceiling, sighing faintly. "Just a game, Freddie." It's just a game.
Fred placed a lime wedge in my mouth before turning to Enzo, patting him on the shoulder. "The floor is yours, mate."
From the corner of my eye, I glanced at Draco. He leaned back into the couch, his jaw clenched and eyes dangerously dark. He was terrifyingly angry. The way he camouflaged his anger was almost more terrifying.
Enzo hesitated. "Are you sure?"
I moved my gaze to meet his eyes. I nodded, seeing as I couldn't speak with the lime slice between my lips.
Enzo got on his knees apprehensively, his eyes flickering from my face to my exposed torso. He inhaled deeply.
I could feel his warm breath on my skin, nearly making me shiver. His face grew closer to my stomach. Enzo hesitated before he finally mustered his courage-his tongue swirling up my abdomen as he licked away the salt.
Fuck.
My insides fluttered. My eyes closed.
In a slurp, Enzo sucked the alcohol from my navel. My breath shuddered as his tongue swirled inside my belly button. Parts of me fluttered-parts that should not. Bloody fucking hell.
Merlin.
My eyes opened when Enzo was leaning over me. He hesitated, his eyes boring into mine. He leaned down. His soft lips brushed against mine as he took the lime from my mouth.
Shuddering as I pushed myself up on my elbows, I felt so dizzy I could pass out.
"An adorable pair you two are." Mara's vain voice broke the silence that fell upon the circle.
I pulled my tank top down and got off the table, my eyes instinctively falling on Draco who stared at me with a coldness that nearly made me fall right over. His jaw twitched.
My heart was racing painfully.
"I reckon that indicates the end of this game." I tossed Mara an insincere smile as I walked away from the group.
As soon as I left the common room, my wrist was grasped and I was pinned against the stone wall in the empty corridor.
"What the fuck, Draco."
Draco's chest pressed against mine. I could smell the Firewhiskey on his breath and I knew he could smell the same on mine. His eyes flashed with danger. "You let him put his tongue all over you." His voice, a low whisper that made me shiver against his warm figure.
I peered up at him. "You let her kiss you."
Draco scowled. "I had to watch Lorenzo do far more."
I tilted my head to the side, almost feeling smug. "You're jealous."
"You're damn right I am." His voice came out in a quiet growl that made tingles run up and down my bare arms. I had goosebumps.
But then I remembered that bloody kiss.
My lips fell into a straight line. "Well, you're not allowed to be."
His eyes narrowed. "Why the hell not?"
I jutted out my chin, seeing as his body against mine refrained me from crossing my arms. "Because you kissed her. Technically, I just lied there doing nothing for my Silvius."
Draco slowly unwrapped his hand from around the wrist he held, sliding his fingers up the palm of my hand to lace them through my fingers. "Your Silvius, huh?"
I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."
Draco closed his eyes as his face came closer to mine. He inhaled deeply as his lips brushed against my cheek.
My eyes fluttered closed, my body involuntarily shivering under his touch.
"I didn't want her to be the one kissing me, Ambrose."
My eyes shot open and it suddenly became very hard to breathe as I looked at Draco. Going up on my tippy-toes, my fingertips grazed along Draco's soft, beautiful lips. "Then let me kiss you, Draco." My voice came out in a whisper.
Draco's eyes flashed-with lust or desire, maybe even neediness.
I leaned into his touch when he cupped one side of my face. "I want you to kiss me, Elysia, but I want you to kiss me when you're sober." His smile was delicate.
Oh, Draco. The days I remained sober had become so rare, I could count them on one hand.
Draco tucked strands of my hair behind my ear as he took a step away from me. His warmth washed away as the coolness in the corridor pricked my skin.
He leaned his mouth close to my ear, making me stop breathing entirely.
"If you ever, and I mean ever, let Lorenzo's tongue anywhere near you again, I will kill him."
Draco gave me his charming smile as he backed away from me and disappeared down the hall.
I almost passed out before I remembered to breathe again.
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a/n: I'm sorry i feel like this chapter is written very poorly and honestly don't know how to edit it bluurgrhhgr