gender fluid | crack crack and more crack + fluff
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how are you guys doing today?
dont answer that question,
because you know i don't
care- im joking. ♡ i love
yall thank you very
much now laugh.
.. ˓ ✿
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♡
step 1:
you need to randomly call out his name.
you walked over to the tippy top of mountain aozang. you placed your basket of flowers on the side and cleared your throat.
"ohhh XIAO XIAO XIAO XIAO OAIX OAIX OAIX YAKSHA THE MIGHTY O MIGHTY OF YAKSHAS YOU VIGILANT YAKSHA XIAO XIAO XIAO AHHHHHHH XIAO XIAO XIAO X-"
"shut it."
xiao appeared right beside you, grabbing one of the flowers in your basket and stuffing it up into your mouth to shut you up. you could tell that he was upset with you by the way his tone of voice and his furrowed brows. you giggled and spat out the flowers as he pinched the space between his brows angrily.
"hello x-"
"is there a reason for this."
"no, b-"
"then i shall be off."
he didn't even let you protest, and he just vanished into the air. seems like you needed to practice more on how to annoy him rather than summon him. you grabbed your basket of flowers and started to make your way down the mountains without slipping and falling to your death.
step two:
keep throwing things at him
if there was one thing xiao detested more than anything, it was things being thrown at him at random times of the day. you snuck up the stairs of wangshu inn and found xiao resting on the railings of the inn, just sleeping peacefully.
little does he know... that peace shall end.
you still had your basket of flowers, but you had some small slime balls that you had made from killing some cryo and hydro slimes earlier. you didn't want to hurt him by throwing rocks so this was the best you could come up with. you took a few steps forward and put on your mushroom hat.
you then whispered in a soft robotic voice as if you were speaking to someone. "target locked."
you then yeeted the slime balls towards xiao. the slimes came in contact with his face and he screamed. literally screamed. he was struggling to understand what the heck just happened and almost fell off the ledge. he gasped and hissed as he held onto the railings, and he was about to destroy the whole inn until he saw you hiding like a mouse in the corner.
his eyes went a rage and he started to dash towards you with fire in his eyes.
"WHOOPS-" you screamed and started running down the stairs as xiao zipped his entirety over towards you, wishing nothing more but to kill you at that very moment.
step three:
start randomly singing, but make it sound terrible
you and xiao had finally made up over the bunch of almond tofu you had made, and you two were finally able to sit together again without him wanting to banish you from the lands of liyue. he was eating his almond tofu, and you smiled quietly as you cleared your throat.
you started to sing, very brokenly. "EYyYyYaghGyy Im gOnNa tAkE mY sEeLiE tO tHe oLd tOwN rOaD iM gOnNa... FFFLyyYyy tIlL i cAnT nO m-"
xiao grabbed his spear and directed it straight towards your throat, pointing directly at you. you could see the death in his eyes, and there was dark green and black aura emitting from him as he growled under his terrifying tone.
"another word and i slice your throat."
you nodded your head profusely as he threw his spear to the side and resumed eating his almond tofu. he refused to acknowledge you after that.
step four:
steal his almond tofu
you wanted him to forgive you, so you had to make another few batches of almond tofu. you were in liyue, back in xiangling's kitchen for the probably 100th time. while you were busy preparing the tofu, xiangling and zhongli both shook their heads at you.
they both knew you were trying to come up with ways to annoy xiao, and though they never understood why you did it, they just respected you and allowed you to do as you please. either that, or they were just a little too afraid to get involved.
you finished up the five bags of almond tofu and rushed over to wangshu inn, ready to give xiao his food.
when xiao saw you, he tried to jump off the ledge of the inn and dissapear but you stopped him by running over and grabbing his sleeve. he sighed and slowly cranked his head over to stare at you, death in his eyes once again. "what is it this time... y/n?"
you held up your bag of almond tofu perfectly wrapped and secured. his eyes lit up slightly as he slowly climbed down the ledge and sat on the wooden ground. you kneeled in front of him and opened up the bag and took out a few boxes of almond tofu for him. he was happy to see his favourite food, but he didn't show it to you.
he was also happy to see you again, but you didn't need to know that.
"this is for you, so.. i hope you can accept my apology... again." you giggled, trying to act as innocent as possible. he nodded his head and picked up his spoon and was about to scoop up a tofu, when you grabbed it and ate it instead.
at first, xiao just stared at you. maybe you were hungry, and he didn't mind sharing his food with you. he hummed a little and moved his spoon over to pick up another tofu, but you grabbed that one too and ate it.
okay now he knew you were doing this on purpose. he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down and tried to scoop up another one.
once again you grabbed it and popped it into your mouth.
"DISPERSE!" xiao screamed as his polearm flashed before your eyes. he leapt into the air and plunged down, sending you flying to the back of the inn as the plates cracked and created a big mess, as well as leaving the wooden floor dented.
you laughed as you quickly made an escape with xiao chasing after you at an inhuman speed just behind you.
step five:
call for his help when dealing with small enemies
you took a few days off from going to wangshu inn, much to xiao's comfort. he was beginning to fear going back to the inn, wishing not to see you. but you had other plans in mind.
these days, whenever you saw a slime or a boar, you called out his name, and whenever he appeared, he would slaughter more than you asked him to out of sheer anger.
today you had peeked the bushes, and ended up finding a small group of hydro slimes.
hah. hydro slimes. the easiest of them all.
"xiao, i need help."
silence. xiao must have learnt his lesson and not come to your rescue, but you weren't about to give up just yet. you sat in front of the slimes, but they didn't seem to want to attack you. instead, they slid over and started to hop around you, kinda like they were hugging you with their cute eyes staring at you.
you giggled and leaned against the slimes, but they still didn't attack you, so you called xiao again.
"xiao help me, childe is h-"
instantly, xiao appeared and plunged down, sending all the slimes flying and vanishing into the air, leaving some excretions. xiao looked around, and sighed once he realised he was lied to again. he saw you snickering and grabbed you up by your collar, generally hissing at you at this point.
"why have you been so annoying lately?"
you giggled and shrugged your shoulders. you didn't want xiao to be mad at you, but you were very close to your final result of annoyance, you just wanted to keep going.
he was being so cute.
step six:
start randomly poking/touching him
it was apparent to many people that you and xiao weren't just friends. nobody really knew what you were, whether you were human or adepti, but whenever they saw you and xiao together, they assumed you two were dating, or maybe just adepti friends.
you never told anyone anything, and xiao kept your identity to himself as you did yours.
xiao was sleeping under the tree near wangshu inn, as he didn't want to stay in the inn anymore after you had completely ruined his peace for him. you found him after a while of searching too, and took his amazing opportunity.
you slowly sat down beside him, careful not to make much noise. when you saw that he hadn't awoken due to your noise, you started poking his face repeatedly. xiao woke up and when he realised what you were doing, he grabbed your hand. "y/n, stop."
you giggled and used your other hand to start lightly patting his cheek and shoulder and arms. he growled at you and shoved you away from him, but he shoved you a little too far and you went tumbling down the small hill and splashed into the waters.
xiao peeked over from the top, not because he wanted to make sure you were safe or anything, he just wanted to make sure you were actually in the water so you wouldn't bother him anymore.
you laughed and swam towards the ground and sighed. there were so many more ways to annoy this man, you just needed more time.
step seven:
start making weird noises whenever he called
"y/n, are you in here?" xiao called as he opened the door to one of the inn rooms. you then started to make weird noises.
"squaaaakkkkk."
xiao blinked in confusion. "excuse me?"
"bllllleeeekkkk bleeeekkkkkk bleh blah blah." you crossed your eyes together and made weird faces at him. he sighed and left you alone.
a few hours later, he came into the room with a small pouch in his hand. "hey, is this yours?"
again, you replied with weirdness. "mmmmmmmmmmoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa."
xiao groaned. "y/n im serious."
"wahhhhhh uwahhhh uwahhhh shhhwahhhh~"
sensing that you weren't going to cooperate, xiao made his way towards the windows, opened it, and tossed the pouch down into the waters. you laughed and quickly ran out of the room to retrieve your pouch that he had flung.
step eight:
purposely put yourself in danger
xiao had been suffering the whole month, not just because you were bothering him, but also because you were purposely putting yourself in harms way just to annoy him. while you two were walking in the fields, you purposely threw yourself off the cliffs and he had to save you.
a few days ago, you practically invited the abyss mates, treasure hoarders, hilichurls, and the goddamn geovishap to kill you. you were doing this on purpose, but as much as he didn't want to save you to teach you a lesson, he didn't want to lose you.
you were walking alone today, as xiao had other matters to attend to. you stumbled upon a few whopperflowers that were too busy sprouting to notice you.
you knew xiao could sense whenever you were in danger, so you casually waltzed towards the whopperflowers. once they saw you, they immediately came towards you, charging their attacks at you and slapping their leaves at you.
you dodged some of them, but you didn't fight back, and when xiao had sensed that you were getting hurt, he quickly demolished all of the monsters over on the other side before he came speeding to kill all the whopperflowers.
he sighed in annoyance as he saw that you were sitting on the grass with a smile on your face. he came over and gripped your shoulder tightly. "can i kill you."
you wanted to annoy him even further, so you grabbed his spear and pointed it towards your head. before you could say anything, xiao panicked and yanked his spear away from you, groaning at how annoying you were.
step nine:
keep crying for no reason
verr goldet pitied xiao, as you just kept annoying the life out of him. she hardly spoke to you about it, as she knew that you knew what was out of line and what was not. these days however, you've been pretending to cry a lot.
you would cry every single time he came around, and the first time you cried in front of him, he actually thought something bad had happened to you and was terribly worried, but the worry vanished when he saw you laughing.
tonight, he was eating his almond tofu in peace beside you, when you just started crying. he got shocked, but then slowly calmed down when he came to remember that you were just doing it for no reason.
your wails and sobs became louder and louder, and xiao started to get annoyed as well as irritated. once your voice reached a certain pitch, xiao couldn't take it anymore.
he grabbed a fistful of almond tofu and practically shoved them into your mouth just to shut you up.
"COULD YOU PLEASE..." he sighed. "just... be quiet for one day?"
you giggled, trying to swallow the pain that he had just yelled at you. he raised his voice at you all the time, especially throughout this month where you had been constantly annoying him, but something about his tone today felt like he meant it.
but, since you were tired, you kept silent for the rest of the night.
step 10:
kiss him repeatedly
xiao was pushed against the walls of the room you two were in, and before he could protest, you pressed your lips against his. he didn't fight back, yet he couldn't help but wonder if you were messing with him again.
then again, even if you were, this was quite a nice way.
you kissed him again and again, but he didn't seem to be annoyed. in fact, he was smiling.
he wrapped his strong arms around your waist as he hoisted you up and flipped the position; now he was the one who slammed you against the wall, a little forcefully as he was trying to take his anger out on you for the whole month.
he kissed you harshly, but still gently as he didn't want to hurt you. once he pulled away and saw the flustered look on your face, he smiled. "did you forget that i was your husband? of course i won't be annoyed by your kisses."
you blushed a little as you made a mental note.
step 10:
× kiss him repeatedly
start declining his kisses
whenever he tried to kiss you afterwards, you either pushed him away or just turned your head away from him. of course, he got annoyed by it.
he sighed and let go off you. "if you don't want my kisses, that's alright with me." he turned to leave, but you grabbed his hand. he huffed and turned his head to face you. "what is it."
you held his hand tightly as you sighed a little. "kiss me..."
"will you decline it this time?"
you shook your head.
"hm, alright dear."
he slowly held your hand, and pulled you closer before he dragged you onto the soft mattress. he kissed you gently, running his hands through your hair, hugging your waist in the end. you smiled whenever he kissed your lips, and despite the fact that you had been trying oh so desperately to annoy him, in the end, he could never be annoyed with you.
after all, he loved you far too much.