Holy
Fucking
Shit.
I HATE YALL FOR NOT TELLING ME ABT THIS, HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN THESE.
IT IS NOW MY SPOTIFY ACC PFP, ALL 6 INSTAGRAM ACC PFP, EVEN MY LOCKSCREEN
OMFG
HE IS SEVERELY BIAS WRECKING ME RIGHT NOW
HOLY FUCK
_________________________
17th September 2023
I spent the last couple days with my family, seeing my sister, parents and cousin again made me happy. They asked me about my career and everything and told me they'll support whatever choice I have.
My sister was a bit different though..
"No! You can't leave Enhypen! Heeseung talked about how lucky they were to have you when you guys visited, you can't leave them!"
"But what if I'm holding back the team?"
"Are you dumb? Do you want to to slap your mind back into it's place? You want me to check your eyes too? Dumb dumb."
"Faith-."
"What. I said what I said. Now bye, Theo and Jiung are doing a live."
I chuckle slightly at myself.
"What?"
I look at Andrea.
"Nothing, I was just thinking of something." I give her a weird smile.
We just came back from an escape room that we would have completely failed if this other couple we 3rd wheeled in our group the whole time weren't a bunch of geniuses.
It said do not press the red button and we pressed it.
We nearly died from getting chased by a murderer we released before one of the girls in the couple whacked the guy in the head while the other girl complimented how hot she looked.
Poor guy though.
She apologised after though.
"Yh it's 1am and your ass is dragging me to the class reunion lunch tomorrow so I'm going to sleep now." I tell Andrea and she nods.
I'm sleeping over at her house today so I get comfy in her giant bed, turning away from her to try and fall asleep.
___________________________
My eyes flutter open, hearing some voices.
"People are attacking me and saying how uncomfortable I must make you as a fan saying you're my boyfriend. I love that I have the privilege to laugh at them for not knowing."
I frown a bit before my mind fully wakes up.
"I know Rhea, I saw them." I hear Jake's voice, a chuckle following them. "They were adorable comments. You're whipped for me."
"Excuse me hun you're whipped for me."
"That's right."
I wanna puke oh my.
It goes silent for a bit as I try and fall back asleep, but the mention of my name wakes me back up.
"Is Lilia still sleeping?"
"Mhm.. why what's wrong?" Andrea asks, concern laced in her voice. "Promise me you won't tell her."
"Boi I probably will."
"Andrea."
"I'm sorry Jake I literally can't keep anything from her. I might not tell her for the next 2 years but she will find out."
"Oh my okay I'll just tell you."
I nearly burst out laughing but I keep it in.
"I'm worried." Jake starts off.
"Why?"
"Enhypen.. you already know how we aren't doing well without her. But there are members who are taking moderately well, while others aren't."
"What do you mean Jake?"
"Obviously Jungwon right, he's not taking it well. He becomes insecure, thinking he wasn't good enough for her."
What?
I made him feel that way?
"According to Heeseung Hyung, he cries at night, even in his sleep. He makes out faint words asking Lilia not to leave before crying again."
I feel a tear slip down my cheek, but I stay still and silent, listening to what he's saying.
"He really loves her doesn't he?" Andrea asks Jake, and I hear a hum in response.
"We all do. Obviously all in different ways. We love her as our family, our member, sister, mother, one of us consider her a lover, but we all deeply care about her."
"And then theres Sunghoon.."
Sunghoon?
"Sunghoon?"
"You know how their friendship is right? They tease and make fun of each other all the time, but in a sense they're very very close to each other."
"Oh yeah I see that."
"Right? I never really paid attention and realised that until I really paid attention to sunghoon. We all stopped during dance practice one day and had a talk." Jake stats to explain.
"Mhm."
"I said that something felt off, and how it was like something was missing. And he clarified and knew it was more of a 'someone' that was missing. He also said she was always there to help him find his direction, in anything. But he's lost now."
"And all of that really sunk in when I heard him wake up crying the other night."
What?
"What?" Andrea responds.
"Mhm. He told me he had a nightmare about losing something important, but he couldn't remember where he had lost it and no matter how much he looked for it, he could never find it. But he couldn't even remember what he had lost. He just, knew he lost something. He said it felt like losing that object, was losing something in himself."
"And that object meant Lilia right?" Andrea confirms and he hums in response again.
They're affected this much by my absence?
I'm not.. I'm not the only one in pain?
I'm so selfish.
I hate myself.
I did this to them.
I did.
Trying to change things for their benefit only made things worse.
I felt more tears roll down my cheeks as I just laid there silently until morning.
________________________
"Okay let's go back now."
Andrea looks at me before slightly rolling her eyes. "You know these people bro. Why are you more nervous to meet old school friends than a whole as concert."
"Uhm because I know my fans will support me, I don't know what they think of me." I point at the doors that led into the large house.
My classmates had heard about my arrival and planned a meet up before I left at Ella's house and Andrea is now dragging me into it.
"Look, it's for you basically. So c'mon."
I look down at my outfit and sigh. "I look fine right?" I ask Andrea and she scoffs. "You look gorgeous, now c'mon."
Lilia's Outfit ^
Andrea's^
(If you don't like them just imagine smth else)
We both press the doorbell and footsteps are heard before the door opens. "Oh my you two look beautiful! Long time no see." Ella smiles brightly. I bow my head a bit before looking to the side and making a weird face.
"Sorry that must've been weird." I quickly apologise and she chuckles, along with Andrea. "Yeah watch her bow at everyone today."
"It's fine, now c'mon."
We go in and Andrea and I are stuck by the hip as we say hello to everyone, laughing at random things before going to the snack table and eating.
"LILIA C'MON SING SOMETHING."
I turn to Aaron with his girlfriend and make a weird face. "I can't-." I stop myself.
"Were you just about to say you can't sing? It's literally your career." Andrea says as we look at each other before bursting into fits of laughter.
Ella passes me the mic she has and I just stand there awkwardly. Ella looks at me from her laptop that's connected to a speaker and I think.
"Broken Record, by Gsoul."
She nods, finding the karaoke version before playing it. I search the lyrics on my phone in case I forget and start to sing.
When the chorus comes, andrea comes next to me and we sing the chorus together, obviously not our best but it was funny.
And like that, we spent most of the day laughing, singing and dancing to the weirdest things ever.
Again, ik, boring,
Will get a bit better