July 22, 2019
I've been working at the BAU for about two months now and it already feels like my second home. Garcia has introduced me to virtually everyone who works on the sixth floor, Emily and I collectively agree that we're each other's best friends, Hotch has started to let me call him Hotch, Reid high-fived me for the first time yesterday, Rossi taught me how to make the best bolognese, Morgan and I work out together every morning, and I'm still into JJ. I've had no success in advancing that relationship, no matter how hard I try. I wouldn't mind a workplace romance, but I know she's not super keen on it. Emily told me that. Emily has shared some other interesting things about JJ with me, but for the most part JJ has no problem telling me about herself. She explained how she's divorced and has two boys— Henry and Michael. She shares custody of them with her ex, some guy named Will. Emily told me he's a dick but Garcia said he's a "dreamboat," so I'm not sure who to believe.
Other things about JJ I've just noticed on my own. She has, what I would call, an unhealthy obsession with Cheetos but I love them too so who am I to judge. She keeps her own blanket on the jet and refuses to fall asleep using anyone else's. She loves to bake and brings in some kind of baked good at least once a week for me to critique. She's secretly a HUGE Star Wars nerd, and her favorite character is Yoda. She binged Tiger King in one day, and then rewatched it two weeks later. And the list goes on. I'm starting to think that nothing more is ever gonna happen between us, and I don't know how I'm gonna recover from that.
One morning in the bullpen, Morgan caught me staring off into space— toward JJ's general area— and came up behind me, "Yo, Y/N. You good? JJ got ya in a daze? Haha!" He laughed it off, but knew the answer to his own question. Morgan is the only one who I've told about JJ. Not even Emily yet. I would tell Em, but she can't keep secrets when she's drunk. And she's drunk pretty often.
"Go ahead, Derek. Laugh away. Laugh at my pain. Does my heartbreak amuse you?"
"Haha sorry, sweet cheeks. In all seriousness, don't you wanna talk to Emily about this at some point. She's known JJ for almost 5 years and you two have already gotten really close since you've been here. She'd be more helpful than I am. Just saying." He got up from my desk and made his way over to Reid. I kept longingly looking at JJ. I glanced slightly to the right and saw Emily writing up a case file. She's so focused. I shouldn't bother her now. Ugh. But if I don't do it now, I'll never be motivated to do it again. Morgan is right, Emily would know what to do. I've had enough of this, I'm going over there. I shot up from my desk and speed walked over to Emily, grabbing her arm and pulling her up.
"Hey, Y/N. You ok—"
"Shh. Just shhh." I dragged her into the utility closet down the hall from Garcia's office and locked the door behind us.
"Y/N what are we doing in here I was writing up a report for Chicago P—"
"I like JJ!" I blurted it out. No going back.
"Haha! I know, you idiot." She laughed it off.
"Y-You know? What do you mean you know?"
"You are. So obviously. Into her. Since like, day one. You need a lesson in faking it."
"Pfft. Okay, whatever, do you think she knows, too?"
"I mean... yeah. She's not gonna make a move, though, you know that."
"Yeah, I know. Ugh I always go for the straight girls."
"Um no, Y/N. Wow your gaydar is ass too, huh? JJ is bi, you fucking loser."
"What."
"Yeah. And she's not gonna make a move because she thinks you will."
"I— wha. Ok. Okay, okay, okay. First up: if you knew she was bi and that I was 'into her' why didn't you say anything to me?"
"Look I-I wanted to I really did but Garcia and I talked about it—"
"Pen, too?!"
"Yes, her too. She convinced me not to say anything. She was all 'let it happen naturally' and 'love will find a way' and all that happy shit. I really wanted to tell you, I promise."
A sigh. "I trust you, I do. What's done is done. Just— Second thing, what should I do?"
"Ask her out? That's how people get together? I mean, at least from what I've heard. I've always just made it a habit of letting girls go after m—"
I cut her off, "Will she say yes?"
She made a motion toward her own body, "Do I look like JJ to you, sappho? You gotta ask her."
I sighed and unlocked the door. Knowing I needed a second opinion, I thought I'd secretly pay Garcia a visit. "This stays between us, Emily. Got it?"
"Yep, I got it. Let me know what Pen says though."
I hate profilers.