Kabanata 48
Bad News
"Guess, somehow she's fighting this," Kale uttered under his breath. "I think she thought that she can't die without seeing or talking to you."
"She can't die even after she saw me," I said with finality.
"Let's just hope for that." He shrugged.
Umayos ako ng upo at hinarap siya. I frowned while looking at him.
He arched his brow. "What?"
"It seems like it didn't matter to you at the thought of her... dying." Singhal ko habang mabigat na nakatingan sa kanya.
He rolled his eyes. "Of course, it matters to me, Amaia. She's my-" He paused and cleared his throat. Na parang may hindi siya dapat na sabihin. "She's my boss and she's pretty important to me that's why it hurts seeing her like this, suffering from that fucking illness of hers. That's why even if it hurts more when she dies... at least her suffering will end. And let's admit it... she's really dying, and we need to accept that now so it would not fucking hurt much the moment it happens." He explained.
Biglang bumigat ang dibdib ko sa narinig mula sa kanya. What he said is kinda true and I don't know but his voice is hard, rasp and strong but I can see the pain in his eyes while he's telling me that.
I guess he really cares about her. And I'm so stupid to doubt his sincerity.
"Sorry if I offended you." Ako at yumuko.
"Don't be sorry. You didn't offend me." Aniya at marahan na ngumiti. "I'm the one who needs to say sorry. It's not good to say that especially to you her... daughter." He looked away.
"It's okay." I smiled simply.
We're still here at the hospital. Waiting for her to transfer to the ICU. I don't know what would I do next... should I go home for now? Or should I stay until she wakes up?
"Umuwi ka muna, Amaia. Wala pang kasiguraduhan kung kauilan siya magigising kaya mas mabuti munang magpahinga ka sa inyo sa ngayon. Don't worry I would contact you the moment she wake up." Kale said to me.
Sinabi ko kasing mananatili ako hanggang sa magising siya. Nagpresinta din akong asikasuhin siya habang nandito siya sa Hospital.
And still, I didn't see her which is why I wanted to stay here more.
"Gusto kong manatili." I uttered.
He tilted his head a bit and stared at me for a couple of seconds. "Are you sure? What about your Grandma?"
Lumunok ako at nag-isip. "She'd be fine... My aunt will be home."
He scowled. "Your aunt?"
"Yes. Kausap ko siya kanina at pauwi daw siya ngayon sa Sta. Valeria."
Matagal siyang tumingin sa akin habang nakakunot ang noo hanggang sa tumango ito. "Okay then. You'd stay."
We both go up in our seats when we saw her, lying in a hospital bed and taking her to the other room. Agad kaming lumapit at sumunod dito hanggang sa huminto kami nang nasa may pinto na kami.
My eyes went blurred with tears when I saw her. With her, closing her eyes, her skin and lips are very pale that makes me think that she's not sleeping anymore, that she's... dead.
I erased that thought from my head and looked at her once again before someone closed the door behind us.
I sighed and wiped my hot tears.
"She has a lot of clothes at her place here. You should change first then just come back after." Aniya habang nagtitipa sa cellphone. He lifted his gaze at me and put his phone in his pocket. "I texted Manong to drive you. Parating na din 'yon."
"What about you?" Tanong ko sa kanya.
"Ako muna ang magbabantay dito."
I nodded and do what he said when I saw manong walking his way here.
Naisipan kong icheck ang phone ko habang magbabyahe. It's already seven in the evening at saktong namatay ang phone ko at sakto din namang nasa harapan na kami ng bahay ni mama.
The moment I entered the house, two maids went to me and do their job.
I was quite stunned while looking inside the house and the way they treated me as if I'm their boss or a special guest. Pinaghanda pa nila ako ng pagkain sa sala bago sila tumalikod at sinabing aasikasuhin daw ang susuotin ko.
"Grabe, kaganda pala ng anak ni Ma'am." I heard the one maid said.
I shifted in my seat, feeling uncomfortable at the thought that they were talking to me.
"Oo nga. Kamukha ni Sir David."
The other one whispered and I didn't hear and understand since they were far at me now.
Marahan kong hinawakan ang baso at uminom. They offered me a juice earlier pero inilingan ko 'yon at sinabing tubig na lang.
I was quite amazed at the interior design of this house. Wooden floor, white wall, and wooden ceiling. I'm sitting on the grayish and comfortable sofa and there's also a table in front of me. Walang masyadong display na furniture pero madaming naka display na halaman, I didn't know if those are fake or real. Anyway, It was honestly very good and refreshing in the eyes that makes me somehow feel that I'm at home.
"Hatid po namin kayo sa magiging kwarto niyo, ma'am. Nakahanda na po ang susuotin niyo."
"Uhm... sige salamat." Ako at sumunod sa isang maid. Habang ang kasama niya'y nagtungo sa may kitchen ata.
"Uhm... May charger po ba dito?" I asked her.
"Eto naman si ma'am. Wag na kayong mag-po sa akin. Mukha lang po akong matanda pero magkaedad lang po tayo." She chuckled and looked at my phone. "Ano po bang cellphone niyo?"
Ipinakita ko sa kanya.
"Meroon po akong charger para d'yan. Kunin ko lang po, teka." Aniya at agad tumalikod.
"Thank you!" Pahabol ko bago pa man siya makaalis.
I sighed heavily and took a seat at the edge of the clean and neat bed. Hindi din nagtagal ay pumasok ulit ang kausap ko kanina at inabot sa akin ang charger.
"Thank you ulit." I smiled simply and took the charger from her.
After I charged my phone, I thought about taking a bath since I'm feeling sticky and dirty, good thing there's a bathroom inside this room kaya naman nagawa kong makaligo ng malaya.
After taking a bath- still with a towel in my head. I opened my phone and send a message to Kale.
Ako:
I would get back there at nine.
He replied immediately.
Kale:
Don't want to get rest?
Ako:
I can't, knowing the situation.
Kale:
k.
I clicked Bea's name when she popped into my notification.
Bea:
You heard about the news? Where are you?
I frowned while typing a reply.
Ako:
No? What is it?
Bea:
Oh god.
Bea:
You're not at your house. Nasaan ka?
Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. I got nervous for some reason and I hate it.
Ako:
What about the news, Bea?
Matagal akong naghintay ng kanyang sasabihin hanggang sa umabot ng ten minutes at wala pa din. Tinawagan ko na ang number niya nang mainip sa kakahintay. The problem is I can't reach her, it seems like her phone is dead or something. Isa pang tawag at hindi ulit siya sumagot. I decided to stop calling her at baka tawagan din ako mamaya dahil baka nalowbat din. But the news she's saying really bothers me.
I don't know but I have a feeling that it's not good, it's bad news that makes me think deeply again while we're heading back to the Hospital. I wondered what's that all about. And I wonder how bad is that.
Wala sa sarili akong lumabas ng kotse at hindi ko namalayang nasa may loob na ako ng Hospital at nakaupo sa may tabi ng nanay ko.
I was just staring at her the whole time. Kale as what we've talked about, came home to change and will get back again later.
"I hate you, honestly." I didn't realize I was talking to my sleeping mother.
Punagmasdan ko siya. She has a lot of tubes in her body making me to felt pity for her.
"I hate you for leaving and abandoning me and for being a bad mother to me back then. I was supposed to ask you why'd you do those things knowing that I'm your daughter... but this happened."
There's a shallow pain in my stomach while looking and talking to my mother. I never thought that this is would be our reunion for more than ten years without seeing each other. She, helplessly unconscious in a Hospital Room. And me- looking so miserable.
"I hate you for doing things that lead you here," I whispered and felt my eyes blurring again for the verge of tears. "I-I hate you because you hurt me and I hate you because even of the many things that you've done to me, I still love you as my mother." Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at tinanggal ang tingin sa kanya. Seeing her like this really breaks my heart.
I fixed my self when I heard my phone rang for a call coming from Bea. Hindi ako nagdalawang isip na sagutin 'yon at pinunasan ang basa ko pang pisngi galing sa natitirang luha.
"Where are you, Amaia?" She greeted without a hi nor hello, sounding so nervous. "Kasama mo pa rin ba 'yung lalake kahapon?"
"I can't tell you where am I but I'm fine. I'm with Kale." I answered with a frown. Curious about her concern.
"I think you need to go home now."
"Why?"
"It's about Gen."
I shifted in my seat and pressed my lips in a thin line. I clenched my jaw before I speak. "Look, Bea. I thought you understand me pero bakit-"
"He got into a car accident, Amaia."
I'm too stunned to be able to speak or react. It's like my senses left me that moment until I heard her said something again.
"He got into a car accident on his way here to you. He's unconscious and 'til now I didn't have any news about him but I heard na malala daw 'yung naging aksidente." She explained that makes me felt goosebumps all over my body.
Bigla akong nanlamig at parang tinakasan mg kaluluwa dahil sa sinabi ni Bea. Nanginig ang labi ko at buo kong pagkatao. I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I felt my heart beating so loudly, seems like it wanted to break and get out of its cage.
"Amaia?" Bea exclaimed, making me to startle in my seat. Making my senses get back in me and makes me to realized what I've just heard.
Making my heart breaks into pieces- No, because as of now. I can't felt my heart anymore.
"I- I can't go home right now," I said painfully while looking at my mother.
"What?!" She exclaimed.
"I can't make you understand this but... I have a very important thing I'm dealing." I wanted to cry, still looking at my unconscious mother.
"More important than him?! Look, Amaia. If you still felt resentful to him because of what he did then sorry to say this, but you're a very cruel person! I mean... does he even do something?!"
I don't know.
Still, either he did or didn't do those, I'd still feel the same way as I'm feeling now. It's because I very much fucking love him. It hurts for me to admit that. I blinked several times while I'm looking at my mother. Until my tears are suddenly coming out in my eyes. I was so fucking helpless and tired! I was looking at my mother, thinking that maybe it is better if I'm the one who's laying here.
"This one is more important, Bea." Naiiyak kong sinabi. "He's important to me too but... I just can't." Wala akong nagawa kundi ang maiyak habang nakatingin sa aking ina.
"Ano ba talagang problema, Amaia?! I'm so much worried about you! I just wanted to know the answer but you don't want to tell me! Can I remind you that I'm also one of your friends! Not the best one but still!" Umiiyak na din siya sa kabilang linya.
Hindi ako nakapagsalita, patuloy na umiiyak pa din hanggang sa nagsalita ulit si Bea makalipas ang ilang minutong pagkatahimik.
"I will just text you if I heard any update." Malamig ang boses niya.
"I'm sorry." My voice cracked.
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-jazwritee:)