My phone conversation with Stella ended and I found myself in the room, leaning over my desk, pouring myself into my notes and books. It was all I had to do until I had to get ready to meet Stella. Studying was usually my best distraction, but today I was going in and out of concentration. I found myself focusing for an hour or so but then I stopped, leaning back in my chair and checking my phone, stupidly hoping that I'd somehow missed Craig's call, too immersed in my studying to hear the ringing.
I also thought about what conversation tonight with Stella would bring. She didn't want to pry into the past few years of my life, knowing I wasn't exactly ready to tell her what had been going on with me, and with Craig. But, there was only so much the two of us could talk about, and I felt that topic was almost inevitable.
When morning changed into early afternoon, I abandoned my books, changing into plain white shorts and a t-shirt. My attention span seemed to have shortened today and I couldn't focus on studying anymore, so I headed out to my car, planning to do some food shopping for lack of something better to do.
I turned the air conditioner on in my car first, leaving it running with a window down to move the hot air out of my car. While I was waiting, I started digging through the console beside me, searching for CD. I preferred listening to my own CD's over what the radio played, so I actually liked the songs that were playing.
My hands faltered when I came to a CD I'd forgotten I had; one with a cover of buildings and the outlines of four black figures. I'd forgotten that I had it, and as I pulled it out slowly, I tried to remember why I bought it in the first place. It must have been an impulse or something, a stupid one, because I was living in California when the CD came out a few years back. I had already left Maryland and Zack behind.
I was at the mall, and I'd seen posters of the album plastered all over the windows of the music ship. Stupid curiosity brought me inside the store and a few minutes later I was walking out clutching a small plastic bag. I'd only listened to a few songs from the album before I had to take it out and stash it away beneath the piles of CD's that weren't so strongly connected to my past.
That was the last time I'd heard their music. I avoided their songs on the radio or TV appearances, but no matter how hard I tried to keep Maryland out of my life, it always came back, like it was now.
I slowly put the CD into the drive, pressing forward to Remembering Sunday, the song I knew best since Stella and Alex had written it together senior year. As Alex started singing, I remembered how much I loved this song.
I kept the CD in, listening to the entire track this time. I could better understand how All Time Low had gotten so huge after these years. The songs were catchy and almost exactly as I'd imagined. I could imagine them on tour and on television, with fans reacting wildly to them moving around the stage, doing something they loved.
It'd be different than how I saw them in concert, but almost everything was different at this point.
When I got back to my house, I headed for the shower after unpacking the groceries into the fridge and cabinets. I wasn't short on time, so I didn't rush getting ready. After my shower, I changed into a pair of dark jeans and a simple, flowing white top with a scooping neckline. After I put a little make-up on, I figured it was safe to leave. It might have been early, but it was the time when everyone got out of work, which meant that traffic would be awful.
I left, switching the CD to something different and pulled out into traffic, heading towards the restaurant. I reached it just before seven, parking in one of the only empty spots left. I noticed Stella getting out of her car across the parking lot from me, and she spotted me as she started walking away, smiling and walking towards me as I shut my door.
"Hey," she grinned, giving me a hug. "I guess we had the same idea, trying to beat the traffic."
"Yeah, I guess," I laughed lightly, as we fell into step heading towards the entrance.
Her phone rang as we neared the door and she stopped, digging throug her purse for her phone. "Sorry, one second," she said, smiling sheepishly. She took a step away, talking softly into the phone, greeting the person with a pet name which told me it was Alex.
I instinctively checked my phone, seeing no missed calls or messages, and suddenly remembered that I'd been waiting to hear from Craig. I frowned slightly as I turned my phone back into my pocket.
"Sorry, that was just Alex. They're out of the studio already, and he was wondering where I wa. I just told him I.." she explained quickly, and I nodded, feeling upset and pathetic again.
"Are you okay?" Stella asked, reading my expression perfectly.
"Oh, uhm, yeah. I guess. I just haven't heard from Craig at all today. He was supposed to call me when he landed, but I haven't heard from him," I said, trying not to sound too upset. I didn't want to give Stella the opportunity to think there was something more between Craig and me, I wasn't sure I wanted her to know yet.
She nodded, walking up to the door beside me. "He's probably just trying to get himself settled in, find the place he's staying and what not," she said, trying to reassure me. "I'm sure he'll call soon."
She smiled warmly, and I smiled back, almost unable to. I almost wanted to tell her everyhting, explain exactly what happened with Craig and me, and what was going on. I could get her advice on what to do or how I should be acting, but I always thought twice and thinking twice made me sure I shouldn't.
Stella was too close with the guys for me to tell. Even if I was sure I could trust her to keep it to herself, and not tell Alex or Zack, I just couldn't. She might try to appear neutral, but I could imagine that she would think differently of me. I'd been lucky enough for her to forgive me once for leaving, and I should be more grateful than I seemed, but I guess I really didn't want to push her away again.
Once she had been my best friend, and I still cared about her that way, even if I may have thought I hadn't, but seeing Stella was bringing back a lot more than memories.