gender fluid | fluff + angst + slight... ( ͡°ω ͡°)
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' there's no use
slacking around
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the shadows made you worried, but then again you had nothing to fear. standing tall in all his glory beside you, was the calvary captain kaeya. he looked different today, most probably because today was the grand festival of mondstadt, and he had a little too much to drink. his face was a bright red, and his long blue hair was draped over his shoulder messily.
his jacket was off, and so he was left with only his long white shirt and grey vest. one of the buttons were off from his shirt, and so his chest was slightly exposed. you weren't sure why he insisted on walking you home, but maybe it was because that night had more wandering souls than there should be, so naturally he was worried about you.
the shadows worried you. you could see so many of them, but that was just because the people wandered aimlessly around the city with no regards for whether they were going to bump into anyone. it was a ruckess, but with kaeya beside you all drunk and wobbly, you knew you could deal with the wandering people that knocked into you.
"hmmm... the sky is pretty..." kaeya slurred. you giggled at how adorable he was being. kaeya was usually flirtatious, confident and always kept his posture perfect. however, he lost all of that whenever he was drunk. oh but how his flirts stayed. "just like you."
"right right, that's the fifth time tonight kaeya." you chuckled and finally found the road that led back to your home sweet home. you had a small dog waiting for you on your soft mattress in your room, and you couldn't wait to get home to him. he was your favourite cuddle buddy, and who needed friends when you could just cuddle up at home with your pet?
kaeya's weird ramblings continued on while you unlocked the door to your house. you spun your head to look at him while he adjusted himself so he was leaning against the wall. "what's up beautiful?"
you smirked a little. you couldn't take him seriously whenever he was drunk. his voice was so deep, yet it was filled with the sweet drunk of a young man. his hair was disheveled and messy just like his clothes, and damn were they tightly fitted around his body. you had taken too long to stare, and he caught you.
"enjoying the view, i believe?"
you giggled and turned your back to face him. "goodnight kaeya, i'll see you at work tomo—"
you saw kaeya slamming his hands against your door and you spun around as he trapped you against your door, pinning both his hands beside you to prevent you from moving. you didn't move though, your heart just started to beat faster. you could feel his hot breath trickling down your neck as he leaned in closer to your face, nuzzling his face close to yours.
you made a sound; he seemed to enjoy that, but only for a moment. he didn't pursue you, and he didn't make any moves on you like how you'd expect, he just started coming closer. his body coming closer. you could feel something; you could feel his... sad vibes. it felt like, he had something to tell you, yet he couldn't open his mouth to say the words. you felt like hugging him, and the dim lights around the area you two were in had encouraged you to do so.
nobody could see you two here.
"y/n..." he began. his voice was heavy and sweet, but there was sadness in there. all in the days work of heavy drinking you guessed. he moved his hands towards your shoulders and gripped them before he leaned his head down on your shoulders. "do you... enjoy my company?"
you nodded without much thought. you gave his body a tight squeeze as you wrapped your slender arms around him. "mm-hmm."
kaeya paused a while, not knowing how to speak. he had many things he was hiding, and he never showed his true intentions. one second he could be the most serious person on earth; and then the next, he would just start flirting the hell out of you. he was just like that, and it was no wonder that he would feel that others may not seem to like him or respect him as much.
especially his brother.
"y/n do you think i'm just... useless?" he asked. his voice was soft. it was gentle, there was no kaeya feeling to it. he sounded so lost. as if he didn't know who he was speaking to, he just wanted to speak. so you allowed him to. "i feel as though not many people seem to understand me. they see me... as just a flirty man, and that i am however... i know.. i'm more than that...? y/n... am i just like how the others say... useless and just a good for nothing waste drunk young man who flirts with all the people in the city... do you see me that way... too? someone you don't seem to care about... someone you just, don't really want to be around because of the things people say about me?"
he was pouring his heart out to you which he never really did. you never saw this side of him; the kaeya that felt his heart, and the kaeya that made you want to cry. he always had his masculine side shown, and he always impressed you by how strong he was – but now here he was.
here he was. stumbling to find words to express how he actually felt about everyone just using him for useless matters, and that nobody actually valued how good he was but just used him for the jokes and for the small issues that could be avoided or done alone. he felt unwanted. he felt outcasted. he felt alone.
you moved and managed to hold his face in your hands. his eyes were deep and hollow, you could barely see any life in there. his lips were parted slightly, as if he was going to cry. you were surprised he hadn't yet. if you were to speak like this, you would have surely started to weep. you brushed your thumb across his cheek as you smiled up at him.
"kaeya..." you began. "i see you more than that. you are so much better than that," you pressed your forehead against his as you shut your eyes. "you are not as good as they say, because you are better."
"but how do you know?" he asked, almost like a whisper. you moved your face closer to him and kissed his lips before moving back.
"because i trust in you, and i love you."
he didn't find this weird. he knew you loved him, and so did he. he just couldn't bring himself to love you the way you did, because he knew he was weak. he was worried that the moment he showed you his flaws and his pain, you wouldn't love him the same but... no. you were still with him, and that gave him the boost of slight confidence.
he moved his hands, without a word said, towards your waist and hugged you closer before be locked his cold lips with yours again. he was starting to burn up when you gripped onto his vest and shirt, making it more creased than it already was.
he kissed you slowly, taking his time. you could taste the sweet alcoholic smell when his tongue brushed against your lips. you blushed as you giggled a little when he pinned you against the front door of your house, hiding you both under the dim lights of the streets. nobody was around, just you two.
he kissed you again and again, but not rough; not like usual. his kisses were more sensual, loving, affectionate and more heartfelt this time, like he wanted you to feel his love through them. he wasn't kissing you just for the sake of kissing you, he was kissing you because he loved you. you could feel his heart beating fast under the clothes he was wearing, and that made you blush even more.
he eventually pulled away from you due to the lack of oxygen and stared into your glassy eyes as he smiled, his eyes filling up with love and beauty again. "i love you, y/n."
"you can tell me that when we get inside," you pointed out. you gave him another small peck on the lips as you opened the door. "its cold outside."
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the cold woke you up from your slumber, and when you realised the sun hadn't even come up yet, you assumed that it was still the middle of the night. you hadn't remembered much of what happened when you let kaeya in, but you remembered making him some tea and cakes while he drank some water to sober up. it took a while, but he managed to get into bed and started kissing you again.
you weren't sure if you two did anything too major, since you couldn't remember as you were too tired.
you leaned closer to kaeya's bare back sleepily as you kissed him. you kissed the scars on his back as well as the nape of his neck, stirring him in his sleep. he awoke to you kissing him, and he slowly turned his head to face you, giving you a smile under the dim candle lights. "awake so soon?"
you smiled as he turned his body to face you, happily wrapping his arms around you as your legs went over to wrap around his waist under the covers. you leaned in to kiss his lips and he returned the kiss, running one of his hands through your messy hair as he kissed you again and again.
you pulled away and nuzzled yourself into his neck. "we have work later..."
"take the day off, i'm allowing it." he said softly, patting your head.
"jean won't be happy about this," you giggled.
kaeya kissed the top of your head as he stroked your hair, carding his fingers through your strands. "its alright, i'll charm my way through like i always do~"
you moved your head so you were facing him and pouted your lips with a scowl. "hmm... always being close to jean like that... what if i get jealous..."
he pinched your cheeks with his hand and kissed your pout with a smirk. "are you though, darling?"
you huffed. "yesh." you said as he was pressing your cheeks.
he chuckled and brought his face down to kiss your lips. he moved his hands over and down your shoulders affectionately, not even remotely hinting that he wanted to touch you inappropriately. he was so respectful to you, and it made your heart throb. he brought his lips to your jawline and started kissing downwards to your neck and stopped after a few kisses to look up at you.
he smiled. "how could you be jealous of jean? aren't you... just much prettier?"
you giggled and hit his shoulder. "i don't think you can say that dear."
"hey, what she doesn't know won't kill her~ and i never said she wasn't pretty, i merely just said you're pretty-ier. there's a difference, baby." kaeya pointed out as you cuddled in closer to him.
"are you saying you love me just because i'm pretty?" you asked with another scowl. he chuckled softly at how cute you were being and slightly ruffled your hair.
"not just that my dear, but for you," he kissed your lips gently. "i love you for you," he kissed your lips again, making you blush a little. "now, may i hug you?"
"mmh." was your response as you happily allowed him to embrace you and pat your back rhythmically. you shut your eyes again as you were getting tired, and started to drift back into sleep, sleeping in kaeya's warm embrace again.
kaeya felt warm, and he felt love. suddenly he just didn't care about what others thought of him anymore, if he had you, he already had the world. nothing else mattered, just as long as you were here right by his side.
he kissed the top of your head, and he too drifted back to sleep.