⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: LIGHTLY MENTIONS SEXUAL ASSAULT ⚠️
* A WEEK LATER *
Rachelle's P.O.V:
Today hasn't been good. I woke up writhing in pain and my skin felt like it was on fire. Everywhere I looked I saw him.
Garrett insisted I went to the hospital, but there's nothing they can do. They can't erase what happened. They can't treat me. Pills won't help what's wrong with me.
Ever since last week, the nightmares have been getting worse. I can't leave their apartment, I can't eat, I hate sleeping, and I had to explain to my boss what's been going on.
She was not happy I didn't tell her sooner. She said she didn't need me as of now, but what scares me is that she gave me two months before she has to fire me. If I'm not "cured" in two months, I'll be out of a job.
My therapist said talking about it helps, and I don't know if J.P.'s right, but I'm going to try and explain to Garrett what's wrong. I'm sure it's obvious by now, but I don't want him to guess anymore. I want him to know.
"Hey, Elle. Garrett said he's on his way home and wants to know if you need anything from the store" Marshall said, pulling me from my thoughts.
"I want Kit Kat's... like a lot" I mumbled.
"How much is a lot" he asked.
"A lot a lot" I said louder.
"Got it" he said turning to walk out before I halted him.
"Please don't leave me" I whispered.
"Ok. Ok, I won't leave" he said sadly.
He walked over to the bed, laying next to me as the next episode of the Golden Girls played. I turned into his side, laying my head on his hip bone.
"You don't mind if I lay here, do you" I asked, thinking how this might be weird for him.
"Uh... no. It's- no, it's ok" he stuttered.
"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable, I just can't be alone right now. If Garrett were here I'd cuddle with him, but you'll do for now" I said honestly.
"It's ok, Rachelle. You don't have to be sorry for needing someone" he said sweetly.
I laid there thinking of all the times Marshall was sweet to me. Marshall never let me feel alone, or like I was burden. Besides Garrett, Mo is pretty much the only one I feel comfortable around.
As I laid there, I realized that Marshall was just as much apart of my life as Garrett was. They both made me feel loved, cared for, and supported.
"Marshall?"
"Yes?"
"I've told Garrett time and time again that I love him and that I am so appreciative of everything he's done for me... but I'm just now realizing that I don't do that enough with you" I said sincerely.
"Rachelle, you don't—"
"Please don't interrupt" I said softly.
"Ok. Go ahead" he said looking down at me.
"I— I know this isn't what you planned when we met. You didn't expect to have to take care of me, to deal with my nightmares, to lose sleep almost every night I'm here, and all the other bad things I've brought to your guys' life... but you haven't complained once."
I chuckled as I remembered the first time I had a nightmare here.
"I remember the first time I had a nightmare here. Do you?"
"Not really" he said as his face scrunched like he was thinking hard.
"Well, the morning after, you came in and told Garrett to take an easy on me. You made a bunch of sex jokes and said you didn't think Garrett would've been that good" I laughed.
"Oh, God" he said as he palmed his face.
"I feel so dumb now" he chuckled.
"No! Don't!! You literally made my day that day. I didn't even know I had a nightmare, but when Garrett told me it made it easier because I couldn't get your words out of my head" I admitted.
"I still think of that. Sometimes when I'm having a rough time with... it... I think of you and it makes me smile" I said honestly.
"Well, I'm glad I could help" he smiled.
...
"So, what got you into the Golden Girls" he asked.
"Well, my grandma and aunt were absolutely obsessed with it. My parents never let me watch it so it kind of became mine and my grandma's thing. I'd go over her house and we'd watch Golden Girls til my eyes burned" I reminisced.
"Awee. That's sweet. I guess you and your grandma were close, huh?"
"No, I hated her. She was a bitch if I'm being honest. I liked watching the Golden Girls with her, but other than that I hated her. She only adored Annastasia. She never payed attention to me or my other siblings. Her and Anna clicked because they were both assholes" I said seriously.
"Wow" he laughed.
"I'm being serious. I mean, thank God she showed me this show, but that woman was the Devil's sister. So awful" I giggled.
"Damn. She must have been really bad if you're saying this" he said.
"What do you mean?"
"You wouldn't say a word about Denise, and she was absolutely awful to you that day at dinner" he said.
"Well, your aunt was definitely not fun that day, but I don't think it was personal. She just has unresolved personal issues" I said.
"That's the Rachelle I know" he laughed.
***
"So... I have something I'd like to share with you guys" I said nervously as I fumbled with the paper in my hand.
"Ok..." Garrett said slowly.
"What's up" Mo asked.
"I want to explain my nightmares" I said nervously.
"Babe, you don't have to do this" Garrett said.
"I know. I— I want to" I started.
"You both have been so good to me. Not once have you guys made me feel bad for what's been happening... and I feel like I at least owe you an explanation" I finished.
"Elle, you really don't have to" Mo said.
"I understand that I don't have to you guys. As I said before, I want to" I said, visibly annoyed.
"Ok... it's up to you baby" Garrett said calmingly.
I held up the paper, glancing over the words I'd written earlier. I wrote everything I thought they should know in black ink, and I was finally ready to share it.
I think.
"As you have probably already guessed, my nightmares are flashbacks of my past."
My voice shook as I read from the paper.
"I know you guys didn't ask, but I'm telling you both what I think you should know."
I looked up to see both Garrett and Marshall looking at me with the most attentive looks on their faces. They really cared what I had to say.
"I was molested by a close family friend for almost 8 years... I never told anyone until about three years ago, and that was probably the hardest day of my life... today being the second one. Besides my therapist, my super close family members and super close friends, you guys are the only ones who know about my past. I trust you both with my life, so I'm telling you. Garrett, you love me in spite of this problem. You are so sweet and loving about all of this. Mo, you've been such a good friend through this. If I need you, you drop everything and are right there... thank you" I said, stopping for a breath.
"I don't know why you guys haven't thrown me out of your lives yet, but I thank you for it. You guys have no idea how much you mean to me" I said starting to tear up.
Garrett grabbed my hand, and I grabbed it back, squeezing it to let him I enjoyed this gesture.
"I can't go into detail because it's too hard, but what I will say is that he stole my innocence and childhood from me. I've built such high and tough walls to protect myself. I have trouble trusting and loving people, but you guys make it so easy. Thank you" I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.
I set the paper down, trying to keep it together. Garrett squeezed my hand before saying "you did so well baby."
"Ya, Elle. I'm very proud of you" Mo said with a heavy smile.
***
As Garrett and I cuddled I thought about everything that had happened this evening.
I finally explained myself enough to make me feel good. I know I didn't give much detail, but I felt like I had achieved a lot.
Admitting you were vulnerable isn't easy. Admitting you weren't vocal is hard. Admitting you're not ok isn't easy, but telling them made me feel much better.
Even if they don't know everything, they know that I appreciate everything they do for me. Nothing goes unnoticed.