hi, me again. this chapter features cady having a meltdown due to sensory overload, so if that could be triggering for you please avoid this bit. i based this on a personal experience so if you are also a person who experiences sensory overload and things are different for you, kindly Do Not Come For Me. also, cadnis has only been dating for about a month and a half here, so they're still deep in it. anyway, enjoy!
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"Ooh, Jayjay, what's that one?" Cady asks, dragging Janis and Damian by the hand towards yet another painting. Janis is honestly convinced Cady is having more fun here than she is; hauling her and Damian around and asking a thousand questions every second, but she happily answers what she can.
"Caddy, darling, you know I love you, but my delicate hands cannot take this kind of manhandling," Damian whines dramatically, pulling gently out of her grip. "I saw a place that looked like it had food back that way, do either of you want anything?" He asks, already backing towards it.
"I'm good. Cads?" Janis responds. Cady doesn't, still lost in the artwork around her. "Cads. Caddy. Cady. Baby." The last name finally gets Cady's attention as she suddenly snaps back into the real world.
"Huh? Oh, no, I'm good. Thanks Damian,"
Cady says, seemingly still in a daze. That's strange for her, she's usually much more alert. Janis looks at her oddly but decides not to mention it.
She rolls her eyes as Damian shoots both of them finger guns and continues dancing away, putting her arms around Cady's waist and peppering kisses up the column of her neck, ending with one on her cheek.
"Are you having fun, Peanut?"
"Uhhuh," Cady nods, leaning back into her embrace. "I love listening to you talk about this kind of stuff. Your eyes just light up every time you know something I've asked about. It's adorable." Janis flushes scarlet, tucking her face deeper into Cady's shoulder.
They stand there a while longer before Cady grabs Janis' hand again, much gentler this time, and leads them to where Damian is standing dejectedly.
"What's up, Dame?"
"No food. But I took about twelve maps and some free souvenir magnets instead," He says, brandishing the maps and fanning himself with them.
"Christ, dude, how did you even- never mind." Janis mutters, shaking her head at his antics. "Anyway, are you guys ready to go?"
"Ugh, yes, please. This was fun but I've had too much Da Vinci and not enough Dicaprio for one day, thank you very much. Also I demand to be fed so we will be stopping by that McDonalds on the way."
"I'm ready to go too, I left my allergy pills at home and I can already feel the pollen," Cady says, ending with a violent sneeze that prompts a giggle from Janis. "I brought four different medicines with me in case someone got hurt but left the ones I was most likely to need at home." It's nearly April now, so her allergies are in full force and will be for several weeks, much to her dismay.
——-
Cady feels off. She's much more on edge than she was a few minutes ago, and hyper-aware of everything going on around her. She takes deep breaths and tries to process everything as best she can, realizing she's over-sensitized from her time at the museum. She's never been great at realizing when input gets to be too much for her until it's too late. Luckily, she'll be home soon. All they have to do is follow Damian through the drive through and then she can go home and spend some time in her quiet room with her weighted blanket.
She's not expecting Janis to pull into a parking space in the lot at McDonalds, and looks around confusedly before realizing this McDonalds doesn't have a drive through. This was not in the plan. She doesn't realize she's basically locked in her seat until Janis pokes her head in through the window.
"Cads, you coming?" She asks, holding out her hand for Cady to take.
"Can I just stay out here and wait for you?"
"But the line goes on for, like, ages. I don't wanna be away from you for that long," Janis whines with a pout. Damn those expressive brown eyes; Cady can never resist her no matter how hard she tries. Shakily, she undoes her seatbelt and steps out, taking Janis' outstretched hand and trying to hide the tension in her shoulders.
Surprisingly, she makes it about five minutes in the restaurant before it all gets to be too much and she finally breaks. She can feel it building inside her, the buzzing pressure in her chest threatening to burst through her ribs. She's still trying to process all the input from the museum, now with the added stimuli of the brightly colored booths and menu and the smells of grease and salt and the muffled conversations of everyone around her and the way her hair is down and tickling her face and how her shoes are new and still a little too tight and the pressure in her nose from her allergies and Janis' tight but gentle grip on her hand and- it's too much.
She wrenches out of Janis' grasp to slam both hands over her ears, pressing as hard as she can, but it's still not enough to block out the noise. She can feel the tears streaming rapidly down her face, which also isn't helping. Janis turns to look at her, understandably confused. Cady loves holding her hand, loves when Janis touches her, she's never pulled away before.
"Babe, what- oh shit. Angel, what's wrong?" Janis asks, eyes full of concern as she reaches out to Cady. She only grows more worried when she lunges away and starts shivering violently, still clutching desperately at her ears. "Okay, no touching. Let me go tell Damian real quick and I'll get you out of here. You'll be okay, my butterfly." Janis rambles, running to Damian a few places ahead in line. Cady watches her tap his shoulder and gesture to her, sees his shocked and worried face when he takes in her current state. Janis hands him her debit card and then comes jogging back to her side.
"Alright Caddy, come on, let's get you home." Janis says, holding the door for her. Cady sprints across the parking lot, practically jumping into her seat and slamming the door after her. She's in such a state she barely remembers to buckle herself in before putting her hands back over her ears and shutting her eyes tightly. She feels Janis slide into her seat and start the car, feels the car back out of the lot and onto the road. She's nearly home. Home is safe, she'll be okay there.
——
Janis is terrified. She's seen Cady sick, seen her cry, seen her scared near out of her mind whenever they watch Janis' favorite horror movies. She has never seen Cady like this. She has no idea how to help her, no idea how to even approach this.
She did a fair bit of research on autism when Cady had first told her and Damian about hers after they had all reconciled at Spring Fling last year, but everything she can use in this situation varies by person and situation. She thinks it's a sensory overload, Cady certainly seems to be having an issue with noise if the hands over the ears is anything to go by. She tries to whisper "It's okay, angel, we're nearly home," in what she hopes is a comforting tone, but Cady only sobs harder and clutches at her ears with so much force Janis is worried they might bruise. Wrong choice.
She finally pulls into the Heron's driveway, not even having time to shut the car off before Cady is ripping her seatbelt off and flying into the house at full speed. Secretly, she's glad Cady's parents are out of town for the weekend, not wanting them to think she's done something to hurt their daughter this severely, especially this early in their relationship. What the fuck, she thinks to herself as she closes the car doors. How did I fuck up this bad?
She follows Cady inside, closing and locking the front door behind her. Damian has the key Cady gave him, he can let himself in whenever he gets here. She decides to check Cady's room first, it's the most logical place for her to be.
Sure enough, there's a little Cady-shaped lump under the weighted blanket on her bed, still shaking, and she can still hear muffled sobs coming from it. Janis sits at the foot of the bed, not knowing what to do other than wait this out and see what happens. Holding as still as she can so she doesn't jostle her girlfriend too much, she pulls out her phone to shoot Damian a text, letting him know where they are. He answers once he pulls into the driveway that he'll be waiting downstairs with their food, and to take all the time they need until Cady is better.
She relaxes a bit knowing Damian is there, but still wrings her hands in front of her, scared for her Peanut. She about jumps out of her skin when a small hand suddenly rockets out from under the blanket and starts frantically patting around on the bedspread, seemingly searching for something. Unsure of what to do, she grabs it and squeezes gently, wincing a little when Cady grabs back with a vice grip. The shaking seems to lessen once she does, though, so Janis decides she doesn't mind the loud popping of her knuckles.
After what feels like several hours but couldn't have been more than 45 minutes, Cady's tear-streaked face peeks out from under the blanket and her hand starts making shapes in Janis' grasp. Cady is fluent in sign language and started teaching Janis a while ago. They started with the alphabet so they could spell things out for each other if one of them ever went nonverbal (and sometimes just for fun). Janis lets go and watches as Cady spells out "hold me?"
As if Janis would ever deny her. She nods and holds out her arms, letting out a soft "oof" as Cady jumps into her, throwing her arms around her neck and legs around her waist, continuing to let out little sobs and whimpers into her shoulder. She tries gently rubbing circles on Cady's back, but she gives an uncomfortable shudder so she stops almost immediately and settles for just holding her to her chest gently, worried about hurting her.
Cady chokes out a soft "tighter, please," into her ear, so Janis squeezes, increasing the pressure until Cady gives a relieved sigh. She rocks them side to side gently, which seems to soothe her further. Finally did something right, she thinks.
After a very long, very tense period of rocking and Cady desperately trying to match her breathing, her sobs gradually slow before finally ending with a snuffle. Janis stops rocking but doesn't move otherwise, content to just hold Cady close for a while.
"I'm sorry," Cady mutters after several minutes, crying lightly again.
"Oh, baby, no. Don't be sorry, why would you be sorry?" Janis squeezes her before inching her back so she can see her face, wiping tears from under her eyes.
"You-you just wanted to have more fun and get food with D-damian but instead you had to-to bring me home and then you stayed to take c-care of me-" Cady sobs out before Janis cuts her off with a soft kiss.
"Princess, it's McDonalds. I can get garbage fast food with Damian anytime. I care more about making sure you're okay and healthy and happy. I want to keep the one Caddy I've got safe much more than I want to sit in a loud, garish restaurant and eat shit that'll clog my arteries anyway. Understand?" Janis says, cupping her chin to look into Cady's clear blue eyes until she gives a sheepish nod.
"You have questions," Cady says bluntly after another few minutes, having calmed down again.
"Um, a few, yeah," Janis responds anxiously, looking briefly at her lap. Cady's been through the wringer today, she doesn't need Janis accosting her.
"Go ahead."
"Are you okay?" Janis bursts out desperately. Cady gives a chuckle and presses a kiss to her cheek.
"I am now, yeah. You helped a lot, actually. This time was a lot shorter than normal." Jesus. They'd been in Cady's room for at least an hour, and that doesn't even include the time in the restaurant or the ride home.
"What happened? What do I need to do if it happens again?" Janis is still near frantic with worry. She hates feeling helpless, and she had no idea what to do for Cady while it was happening.
"That was a sensory overload turned meltdown. I didn't realize it was so bad until we were in the car, there was a lot happening at the museum but I was focusing on you and the art and Damian. I get overloaded a lot, but I haven't had a meltdown because of it since I was still a Plastic." Nearly a year, and she had one because of Janis. God, she feels like such an idiot. Cady seems to notice the guilt in her eyes, because she cups her cheeks and says, "Hey, stop beating yourself up over this, mpenzi. I can see you thinking. This was not your fault, okay? You had no way of knowing, and I should've told you I was feeling bad. Once it started you did almost everything right." Janis gives a weak nod, feeling slightly better and finally grinning widely as Cady pecks her nose.
"As for what you can do, that usually depends on the situation, unfortunately. But, as some general rules, don't touch unless I reach out or ask you to, and try not to talk. If you have to, just speak softly, don't whisper. I don't like the way it sounds even when I'm not overloaded, but when I am it's like nails on a chalkboard." Janis nods again, taking in the information.
There is one thing Janis really wants to know. "What-um. What does it feel like?" She asks gently.
Cady thinks for a moment. "That's a good question, I don't really know how to explain it without sounding totally nuts."
"Try me," Janis responds with a chuckle. She knows that feeling at least, some of the metaphors she's come up with to explain what her panic attacks feel like have bordered on nonsensical.
"Okay, well, um. Physically all I really feel is a kind of buzzing or pounding in my chest and my muscles lock up. Most of it is mental, for me anyway. It's sort of like- what's that game we played with Damian and your sister last time we had game night? With the little blocks? Jungle?"
"Jenga." Janis laughs, kissing her forehead.
"Yeah, that one! Anyway, it's kind of like that. Every piece of sensory input is like a block gets taken away. In the beginning it's only a few, so it's still pretty stable. But after a while it starts to build up and get more wobbly. That's usually when I notice what's happening and most of the time I can do things to soothe myself and get back, but every once in a while something happens that just knocks the whole tower over and I fall apart. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, actually. It really does. Good job Peanut." Janis says, slightly stunned. "What about now? Are you still good for movie night or do you want Damian and I to go home...?"
"No don't go!" Cady yelps, locking tight around Janis again. "I don't wanna be alone. But I don't know if I can handle a movie, could we play Animal Crossing together instead?" She murmurs, burying her head in Janis' hair, inhaling her comforting scent of apples, vanilla and paint. An odd combination, but Cady absolutely loves it.
"Hey, whoa, easy baby." Janis soothes, easing her back again. "We won't go if you want us to stay, I just wanted to check. Animal Crossing sounds great, I'll send Damian to grab some stuff from our houses while we eat. Speaking of Damian, he has been downstairs this whole time, can we go let him know you're okay?"
"Oh god, yeah. I'm gonna change, I'll be down in a minute, you go get him. I totally forgot," Cady says frantically, scrambling off of Janis and rushing to her dresser. Janis laughs at her sudden haste, walking towards the door until she hears Cady call her back. "Janis?" She turns to look at her with a questioning hum. "Thank you." She says softly, melting Janis' heart just a little further.
"Always, baby." She answers with a cheeky wink, closing the door behind her.
The second she hits the last stair Damian is there, frantically pestering her with worried questions. "What the hell happened to her? Where is she? Is she okay? Is she dead?"
Janis bursts out laughing at the last one. "Damdam, chill, she's totally fine, she's just changing. She had a sensory overload, I'm sure she'll tell you more once she comes down." She hugs him tightly to calm them both before making her way to the kitchen to heat up their food.
"God, thank fuck. She was shaking so hard I thought she'd explode and we'd get done for manslaughter." Damian jokes as Janis arranges Cady's chicken nugget happy meal into a smile on a plate before sticking it in the microwave. That'll cheer her up a little more.
Sure enough, Cady comes padding down the stairs as Janis makes the apple slices into hair, now wearing a soft t-shirt she definitely stole from Janis along with a pair of leggings and her hedgehog slippers. She's also wearing her clunky, thick glasses instead of her contacts, and Janis has to bite her lip to prevent her lesbian monkey brain from saying anything totally embarrassing.
She shuffles up to Damian for a hug, and Janis watches her lead him to the couch to explain what happened as she grabs Cady's allergy pills from the counter and pours a couple out for her.
This conversation is much shorter, and after a few minutes Cady takes a seat at the counter, laughing goofily when she sees what Janis has done with her meal. "Alright, I'll be back in, like, ten. I'm gonna go grab our sleepover stuff. No canoodling while I'm gone." Damian says, pointing at Janis accusingly, laughing as she raises her hands in surrender.
——-
They're just finishing eating as Damian comes bursting back in with his and Janis' sleepover bags and Nintendo Switches. "Your mom and Juliana say hi and they love you, Jan." He says; heaving a sigh as he puts his bounty down by the door. She makes a mental note to text them before bed.
Cady puts her dishes in the sink and goes to grab her switch, settling in on the couch with her favorite blanket and making grabby hands at the both of them. She's much more lethargic than normal, having spent a lot of energy during her meltdown.
Janis and Damian take turns changing into their pjs before grabbing their own consoles and settling in on either side of her. Janis had introduced Cady to Animal Crossing around New Years and she had become absolutely obsessed, begging her parents to buy it for her until they finally caved for her birthday. She's designing her island to be half Kenya and half Chicago, and Janis is frankly amazed at the progress she's made. Her birthday was only in February.
——
As they run around playing hide and seek on each other's islands, Cady is secretly deep in thought. She never thought she'd have people she'd be able to trust the way she does Janis and Damian. She'd hoped, obviously, but quickly lost hold of that after her move from Kenya. Once she'd turned full Plastic, it had gone entirely.
But as she sits here, nestled firmly between her two favorite people and falling asleep on her girlfriends shoulder, she realizes she's finally found her group, her herd, her flock.
She's found where she belongs.
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hope you enjoyed, do please tell me what you thought! i also wanted to make it clear that janis is the one blaming herself for cady's meltdown, cady doesn't blame her and neither do i as the author.
thanks for the read,
ezzy 🦕