I sat in the small table in my kitchen, sliding my phone open before letting it close again. I looked away from the screen wondering exactly where Craig was in Europe. He said his first stop was Greece, and that he was working his way around from there. He also said he'd call as soon as he landed which was hours ago, and here I sat, early on saturday morning waiting by the phone like an eager, little puppy.
My eyebrows pulled together and an unsatisfied frown adorned my lips. It was completely like Craig to not call back, to stop texting when we were in the middle of a conversation, to leave when we're talking in person. It was just who he was, and I didn't understand why I was fretting about all the things that only girlfriends should be worrying about.
I wasn't his girlfriend.
Letting out a deep breath, I stared at my phone again. I couldn't be this pathetic, could I? Maybe I should call work again and see if I could take someone's shift. That would definitely get my mind off things.
My thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing from the phone in my hand, and I jumped at the vibrations, hitting the answer button without so much as a glance at the caller ID.
"Hello?" I said breathlessly, biting my lip in anticipation of his voice. I really was way more pathetic than I thought I was.
"Lauren?" A familiar voice asked through the phone, girly and bubbly. My eyebrows furrowed at the confusion. That was most definitely not Craig's strong, throaty voice on the other end of this call.
I pulled my phone away from my ear, glancing at the name. I closed my eyes tightly, cursing at myself quietly. I really needed to stop answering the phone like that; it's only getting me into trouble.
"Hi, Stella," I paused, unaware if I should have just hung up or not.
"Alex and the guys left for the studio a while ago, and I was wondering what you wanted to do today," she said casually. I could hear the ruffle on her end, most likely making something for breakfast. It couldn't be past eight or nine.
I smacked my head with the palm of my hand, gritting my teeth and hissing at myself. I forgot all about the plans that I'd agreed to with Stella earlier this week. Craig was distracting me. I did it out of impulse so I could get off the phone because he was all over me. I couldn't even think, let alone remember what I'd promised her.
The long break of silence allowed Stella to draw the same conclusion in her mind. "You forgot, didn't you?" she seemed disappointed with the realization and my stomach sank. Guilt clouded my mind, picturing my old best friends face fall the same way her voice did, biting the inside of her lip at the let down. I ran my fingers through my hair, unable to find the right words.
"I'm so sorry, Stell," I paused, remembering the way the nickname tasted on my tongue. "I was just -- everything's been crazy these last few days. Craig left yesterday and I was focused on him before he went away and.."
My excuses were really pathetic. No matter how important Craig was to me, Stella was still someone I didn't want to hurt. I didn't want to make her feel bad because I was an emotional, unsure twenty-something year old that couldn't control my lustful emotions towards my best friend. Just because everything in my life is messed up isn't a good excuse.
"No, it's really okay, Lauren," she interrupted, trying to hide the emotion in her voice by giving a little, fake pep to her words. Even a stranger could read her like a book. "Maybe some other time then..."
"No, no," I jumped, feeling terrible. I didn't want her to feel bad, I really hated it. Letting out a breath, I tapped my nail against the table, trying to think of something. "I really need to study for a huge test on Monday, but maybe we could get together for dinner or something? How does that sound?"
It's funny the way I wanted nothing to do with her earlier this week, too scared of what hanging out with her might entail, but here I am, trying to make her accept plans that I wasn't even sure I wanted to make. What the hell is wrong with me?
"Lauren, you don't need to make plans with me if you don't want to." There she goes again, reading my mind like she used to. "It's not a huge deal. I get why you wouldn't want to. It's a big step, and I get that."
"No, I want to," still unconvinced at what I was saying. I decided to go for it. If Stella didn't mean anything to me, I wouldn't have a problem telling her no and hanging up. She was one of my closest friends before I left. She deserved more than what I was giving her. She deserved a friend if she wanted one, and if that friend happened to be me, then I would just have to suck it up and do it. "Give me a time and place and I'll be there."
She was unsure as well, giving a long pause before letting out a breath. I could tell she was giving into saying I didn't have to come. I knew she wanted me to hang out with her. Why she wanted to is still a mystery, but if someone I used to know is willing to take me back in so easily, I might as well take it. Stella might be my only small window left into what things used to be.
"Roy's on Florence Avenue at seven," she said softly. I grinned, hearing the smile on her face when she said the address. I still wasn't sure why I wanted to make her happy so badly, but I guess there doesn't have to be a reason. Stella still meant a lot to me, even if I let her out of my life so easily the first time.