Three things:
1. I'm not making Blaire the bad guy. Though it might seem so. But I am not.
2. Please do not ask me about Blaire's book. I've said this time and time again that right now I am working on this book. I don't know when I'll he able to focus on that.
3. I don't have any five year old friend, so if Belle's behavior seem like a bit too not like a five year old, I'm sorry.
"Your disappearance- it- it affected your mama and I in an unexpected way." Papa says sipping his espresso sitting on the club chair in his office.
"Princess, the situation pushed us away and brought us closer at the same time." He sighs. "A year after you left, mama and I welcomed Belle. I thought it would heal us. It would heal your mama from the loss she felt way too much."
I look at the flower arrangement placed on the coffee table.
Unlike the glass jars I had at home this wasn't clear. Made of fine China, it blended with the old theme of the library like room.
"Belle made us feel your absence more than she made her presence known. Mama and I, we were left out from your childhood, you teen age, not paying attention to what you were going through and what passed through you as a result, amore mio." He added. "Mama and I separated shortly after Belle's birth."
I look at him, for the first time in thirty minutes since we started talking.
Since he started talking, rather.
"It was too much for her and I to cope with the loss of you and beginning of Belle." He apologetically says.
"Mama quit her designing things and focused on Belle after the divorce. I rarely see the pair of them."
"Yesterday at the showroom when you saw mama, it was her first collection launch after almost six years." Papa replied. "To say she blamed herself for your disappearance would be putting it lightly, she fell into a pit of darkness after, duckling."
"I wasn't hiding." I reply to his explanation.
My father looks up at me.
"I- I really wasn't hiding." I repeat. "For a year after leaving, I was in Florence. Then to Rome. Then to Venice and finally Naples- I wasn't hiding."
My father sighs.
"Papa- papa, if you really tried and if it hurt you that much- why didn't you look?" I ask. "Why didn't you look for me? Why didn't you ever tried to contact me?"
"I was angry at you, princess." He replies.
I scoff.
"I was angry, that you felt the need to leave your home. I felt beyond raged when I found out that my daughter- my little girl had left, throwing a handful of dirt in my eyes." He says.
"You weren't close with your mama, but you could've told me. You could've come to me for whatever was bothering you." He adds.
"You- you were angry?" I ask. "That was your reason, papa?"
"And then I felt guilty." He continues. "I felt guilty, I felt the anger toward myself that whatever it was, it was my fault that you couldn't come to me or talk to me. I felt ashamed of myself as a father."
"That's why you never called?" I ask, my voice small.
"Princess-"
"I, at least expected you would call." I add, chewing my lip. "I at least deserved a call, papa."
"I know princess."
"I hate you." I sniff. "I hate you."
My father discards the chair he was sitting on coming to sit beside me.
Close to tears, my papa pulls me close to him, resting my head on his shoulder as I feel a sense of comfort and protection wash over me.
"I know, mama." He sighs placing a kiss on the top of my head. "I know-"
I sniff.
"And if it were upto me, I would have never let you leave my straight." He sighs. "Not for a second."
It breaks me.
"But now you a big girl having a big girl's life, sí?" He asks.
I nod.
"Does he treat you right?"
I nod. "He does."
Fat, ugly drops of tears escape my eyes as I find my unable to stop them.
"Shh." Papa coos. The hand that was hugging me by the shoulder now patting my head, as I was small again. "Shh, duckling."
The door to the office room opens revealing mama and little Belle on her heels. A small bowl in her hand.
I wipe away my tears, sitting up straight as the woman and the small girl walks in.
Belle climbs up to the sofa beside me, placing the bowl of her chocolate munchies first and then placing them on her outstretched legs, loosing her small self into the chocky world.
"You want?" She asks holding out a log shaped chocolate cracker for me. "Its for the berry you shared."
"Grazie." I thank my little sister accepting the chocolate log cracker from her.
"But you only get one." She says. "Maybe two. I took one of yous toy."
I take the second chocolate log cracker that she offers me in exchange of whatever toy she took.
"Grazie." I thank.
"You are welcome." She nods absentmindedly, picking on her munchies, moving them around with her tiny little pointer finger.
"How old are you, Belle?" I ask pushing the dark curls escaping from behind her ears.
"I be five in three days." She replies. "Right, mama?" She asks.
My mother gives her an encouraging nod.
"How old is you?" She asks looking up at me.
I can't bring myself to fathom the similarities between the pair of us. Our hair, the eyes, her a shade darker, her nose-
"I'm twenty two." I reply.
She hums nodding. "This much?" She asks holding up two fingers on each hand.
"This much." I reply, patting her head.
"That's big." She replies. "Do you have toys?"
I shake my head. "I have two doggies at home."
"Two?" She asks as if surprised.
I nod.
"Really?" She jumps excitedly.
"Two doggies? I really want a bunny but I'm not allowed because I'm still small." She shrugs. "Mama says, I'm too small to take care of a bunny."
I smile. "Well, mama is right. You are really small to take care of a bunny."
"You're no fun, too." She replies. "Can I see your doggies in your phone?"
"Sure." I say, pulling out the phone from my bag, scrolling through the gallery, videos of the pups showing Belle the filmstrip of the videos.
"Cute." She mumbles popping another bite of the crackers into her mouth. "What's their name?"
"His name is Poodle." I point to the one year old Shepherd chewing on a little bee toy. "His name is Coco." I point to the Welsh corgi while he basks in the sun at our backyard.
"Nooo." Belle whines. "Both are boys, why no girls? Boys no fun!"
I giggle. "They're really fun."
"I wanna see!" She pipes up. "Can we go to your house? I wanna pet them."
"I live really far away, bun." I say patting her head.
"No worries." She says. "We take a car and we drive to your house, no papa?" She asks. "It will but take ten minutes!"
Papa laughs at Belle's assumption. "Sure, amore mio."
"See, we can go see your doggies."
I giggle placing a kiss on her head. "Soon."
"Okay." She says popping her attention back to the phone, swiping hurriedly finishing another video clip of the pups. "Cute."
"I'll let you girls chat." My father says followed by a sigh getting up. "I'll be in the garden, if anyone needs me."
After papa leaves closing the door behind him, mama asks of I would like another cup of tea.
Shaking my head, I place the cup and saucer I was holding on the coffee table beside papa's abandoned espresso cup.
"Needn't you be at the showroom for your launch?" I asked sitting back on the sofa, straight. Poised.
"I decided it would be better for today to be a holiday." She replies back.
With a polite smile I offer her a curt nod focussing on Belle swiping on my screen enthusiastically pushing one video after another.
"It's gorgeous how she almost looks like you did at that age." Mama replies drawing her attention back to me.
I smile.
"I can not justify myself enough, Ariel." She sighs. "I wish I could."
"I wish you could too." I reply. "I wish you could justify too when having me felt like shackles to you."
She sighs.
"How did I become your cuff, when you didn't even give me an ounce of your time?" I ask. "Funny how you feel the need to justify now."
"Sometimes you don't realise your treasure until you loose your treasure." She replies. "Loosing you was a wake up call for me, darling."
I shake my head.
"You say that." I add.
"How are you?" She asks, her eyes pleading for me to tell her what I really want to.
Well, I really want to tell her a lot of things.
I want to tell her, that I don't want to be here.
I want to tell her that, Belle does in fact look like me.
I want to tell her that she has been a horrible mother to me.
I want to tell her that I can't do this act any more, that I am breaking and I so close to flood myself with tears again.
I want to tell her that running away from home wasn't all fairytale and freedom like I imagined it would be.
I want to tell her that I hate her for being such a bad mother to me.
"I told you I was fine." I reply.
She smiles, nodding.
"Your papa said you would leave after lunch." She prompts.
I nod.
She probably wants me to leave right now.
"Won't it be possible for you to stay the night?" She asks.
Oh.
"Not really." I reply. "No."
I don't want to stay the night.
"I suppose, I wanted to see you for a while longer." Her lip trembles bit she manages herself. "I can't look at you enough, baby girl. You've grown into such a remarkable young lady-"
"Mother, please." I replied.
"Of course." She whispers. "I suppose- I suppose I'll get lunch started while you bond with your sister."
"So am I just ought to sit here like a porcelain doll while both of you get engorged in your own work?" I ask. "What's the point then?"
My mother stares at me dumbfound.
"What's the point of me being here if you are going treat me like a guest?" I ask.
She smiles. "I can't look at you without crying, Ariel."
I bite my lip, stopping myself from busting out into tears again.
Hell, I can't even-
"I can't look at you without going back and think what a horrible mom I've been to you, my love." She whispers. "It hurts me so damn much when I look at you and yet I can't stop looking at because I haven't seen you in so long-"
"Mummy." I whimper, chewing on my flesh, trying to stop myself from rushing to her and hugging her and crying while resting my head on her lap.
So I do.
Getting up from the seat I was occupying, I stumble toward my mama, kneeling on the carpeted floor, placing my head on her lap.
"Baby." She sniffs running a hand through my hair. "I am so so sorry, I have been such a horrible mother to you. I am so so sorry that I missed out on your life only for my selfish need, mama."
I sniff, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. But I don't tell her its okay.
I don't tell her that I am sorry too that I have been such a horrible daughter to them.
I don't tell her, I accept her apology because no matter what, one visit and one crying session was not something worth of forgiving some one who had always been the absent character of your story.
Instead, my eyes find Belle, still sitting on her seat.
But she was not looking at the phone anymore or picking through her snacks anymore.
She sat there, with tears swirling in her large eyes. Rosebud mouth quivering.
"Come here, you." I snuffle, holding out a hand for her to take.
The little human scampers down, pushing herself on my lap, arms around my neck, small face pressed on to me.
"I'm sorry too, bun." She weeps. "I'm so sorry too!"
"Shh." I whimper, rubbing her back. "Shh. It's okay, Belle."
She cries some more.
I however, have no idea why does she feel the need to apologise.
But kids work in an unusual mostly surprising way. And Belle embracing me, softens me by a far margin today.
"I won't take any more of yous toys, I pwomise." She cries on to my neck. "Please don't leave us, bun."
Shushing her, I rub her back, rocking the little girl back and forth, while my mama, runs her hand through my hair, herself unable to stop the tears falling from her eyes.
I don't delay my departure after lunch.
Saying goodbye to Belle seems like the hardest thing there is, because she looks like close to tears, hugging papa by his calf.
Uncountable times, the small human has begged for me to stay and that she will return all the toys she took and she wouldn't ever touch them and wept, wept some more for me not to leave.
"I'll be back for your birthday." I said kneeling down to be levelled with her red face. "It's just three days."
Belle shakes her head, hiding her face behind our father, as if expressing her displeasure toward my departure.
I place a kiss on her head telling she can keep whatever toys she took before standing up. She still refuses to look at me.
"I'll be going." I say to the pair of my parents, taking a step down.
"Be safe, princess." Papa says offering me a smile, patting my cheek before giving my shoulder a squeeze.
"Thank you for having me." I replied with a smile waving the three of them a goodbye as I slipped into the car.
The driver closing the door after me.
Walking into the suite, I take off my shoes, placing the bag on the centre table, walking inside, the soles of my feet hurting.
"Angelo?" I call out entering the room but halt when I see his form splayed out on the bed.
Still clad in the pajamas he was wearing early this morning, asleep on his back.
It takes me fifteen minutes before I can join Angelo on the bed, dressed in one of his T-shirt.
As if awake, the man throws his arm around my stomach shuffling closer to me, his head dropping on the apace between my breasts.
I giggle when he nuzzles me, prickly stubble poking through the material of his soft worn out shirt.
"You napping, for a change." I whispered pushing his hair back to reveal his handsome face.
"A nap was long overdue, tadpole." He grumbles in his sleep.
"You are right." I reply, playing with the smaller hair at the nape of his neck, curling those silky strands between my pointer finger.
"Go back to sleep."
He hums in response before lifting his face up, looking at me with sleep stained eyes.
"You aren't crying." He points out making me shake my head.
"I'm not crying." I reassured.
"So, I suppose all went well with your parents?"
I give him a nod. "Somewhat, yeah."
"Is that good?" He asks.
I nod. "That's good."
"Did you talk?"
"I did." I chew on my lower lip. "We cried and we talked and we hugged."
Angelo smiles lazily dropping his head back on the valley between my breasts. "That's rather charming."
I nod. "I have a little sister."
Angelo chuckles.
"She'll be five in three days." I add. "Angelo, she's the prettiest thing ever."
"Like you?" He asks.
I laugh. "Much much more than me."
"What's her name?" He asks, his hand creeping to the hem of the shirt, slowly pushing it up as he glides over my skin, leaving me bare.
I don't complain.
"Belle." I reply.
He laughs.
I giggle.
"On the contrary." Angelo says. "I'll be taking you to dinner tonight."
"Oh?" I grin. "How romantic, Capo Bestone."
"How romantic, indeed." He sighs. "I booked us a table at LA Giostra. By seven sí?"
I pull my face back, looking down at him.
"Fancy." I reply, a small smirk playing at the edge of my mouth. "Shall I dress fancy too?"
"Wear red." He urges, his hand now completely has disappeared under the material of the shirt, feeling the coolness of my skin just out of the shower.
I haven't worn red in a while.
"And?" I ask. "Any other speculations that you'd like me to follow, mio re?"
"No."
"No?" I reply with a laugh. "Go back to sleep, then."
"Angel?" I ask when he drops his head on my chest.
"Hmm?"
"What about Roman and Blaire?" I ask. "Did he-"
"Roman and your friend went back already." He says with a grunt.
Pushing the man off my embrace, I frown at him. "What do you mean, went back already?"
"They went back to Napoli-" Angelo frowns. "I thought Blaire told you."
"She- she didn't." I whisper. "She didn't tell me."
"Well I suppose." Angelo frowns as well. "Are you both alright?"
I give him a nod.
Of course we are alright.
However I haven't seen the woman or heard from her after she helped me into this room and left.
Being caught up so much, I didn't really pay attention to the fact that she wasn't here the night prior.
And I was- well, since breakfast I was at the mansion, which-
I sigh, placing a palm in my forehead.
"Is- is everything between her and Roman okay?" I ask tentatively. "Did anything happen?"
"Not that I know of." Angelo replies.
"Maybe she didn't get the chance to call me." I say with a smile.
"Possibly." Angelo reassures. "Now close your eyes, baby."
I do.
My sleep doesn't last long.
Abruptly I find myself starring at the ceiling, Angelo's head still resting on my chest, his hand under my shirt pressed flat against my stomach.
Absentmindedly, I reach for my phone. Two missed call on my notification box, thinking it was a call from Blaire I quickly open my logs but it's my dad.
Dialing Blaire's cell, I wait for the device to be picked up.
"Hey." Blaire breathless picks it up on the last ring.
"Hi." I reply. "Heard you went back."
"Yeah." She chuckles nervously. "Went back."
"Is something the matter?" I ask.
"No." She says quickly. "Nothing the matter. Just wasn't feeling good here."
"I thought you were excited for the visit-"
"You're dense as fuck to think that we were there for a visit." She laughs sarcastically. "And that too for me, Ariel."
I frown at her reply.
"Anyways, how was your visit with your parents?" She asks.
"I-it was good." I reply. "I have a little sister."
Blaire stays silent over the other end.
"A little sister you never knew you had?" She scoffs.
"No." I smile at the little memory that Belle occupies in my head. "She's almost five."
"What a slap." She chuckles.
I frown.
"Shit." She grunts. "Sorry bubbles, didn't mean to say-"
"Did I do something?" I whisper to her. "Are you- are you upset- with me?"
She snorts on the other end.
"Don't pretend, Bubbles." She replies. "Don't pretend."
"What-"
"Oh you know exactly what I mean, Ariel LaRusso." She snaps. "Do you reckon I am pathetic?"
"Blaire-"
"No." She yells. "Do you think I am desperate? Like do you think I am that much of a needy person?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, right." She sighs. "Always the oblivious. Why'd you ask Roman to take me out, huh?"
"I-"
Oh?
"No. Don't stutter you bitch." She cusses. "Don't you fucking dare to pull that innocent card on me! I didn't ask for your fucking help!"
"I'm sorry-" I whisper, tears leaking out of my eyes.
I- I never thought of a consequence such as this one.
And Roman was never supposed to tell.
"Don't call me Ariel." She sighed. "Just- just don't call me. I can't stand you and all that you are."
"Okay." I reply.
"I'm sorry for whatever I did known and unknown to you." I add with a shaky breath. "And- I'm sorry you feel that way."
Blaire ends the call from the other end. I stare at the ceiling, silent tears streaming down my face.
My phone vibrates on my hand yet again.
Papa.
"Hello." I answer the call.
"I miss you." Belle mumbles from the other end.
"I miss you." I say with a sigh.
"Hmm." She hums. "You be back for my birthday?"
"Hmm."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Don't cry."
"I won't."