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Have you ever found yourself in a situation so inappropriate that you want to smack your head for being so stupid as not seeing the signs of the betrayal?
Well, I did and I don't regret any second of it.
Because it made me realize the truth of the two most important people of my life and their lies surrounded all this time.
How could I be so foolish for not being able to see their actions, their reactions around each other? The way they worked their secrecy, made me believe myself being even more foolish to yet believe that they might have some solid explanation for their actions.
"Alyssa, I think you are exaggerating a bit out of the situation." Dad handed me a glass of water. I gave him a disapproving look.
"I'm sorry if you thought I'd be calm but I'm not sorry for feeling a little betrayed here, because I'm hurt, dad." I tried not to take all my anger out at him. "I am not overreacting. This whole situation is messed up."
I stood up and walked out of the living room before I took my anger out on the wrong person. The cold breeze hit hard on my face as I shut my eyes. I quickly opened them in disgust with the scene that hurt me.
It's been two days that he has been avoiding me. What did I do wrong this time? I thought he'd sit with me and ask about the trip. Karen said he was busy with work, but I'm sure it is something else. He would never go half a day without seeing my face. It's been two fucking days.
I decided to talk to him. He can act like an ignorant kid, but I want to talk him out as an adult. We can't just keep giving each other a cold shoulder.
I walked to his room and opened the door with you even knocking because I know he will yet again shoo me out saying he is busy with work.
Woah.
Woah.
Holy shit.
Oops.
I was about to shut the door back when the realization hit me.
"What the fuck." My voice came out as a whisper but it was enough to stop their moaning and deeds. He pushed her away as she adjusted her shirt. He was shocked, she was horrified. I caught them in their actions.
"Alyssa.. "
I took a step back and rushed away from his room. A tear escaped from my eye which made me stop right there and realize what just happened.
She was on top of him while he roughly kissed her body. Her heavy breathes and moans showed how she enjoyed his tongue on her skin. Her top loosely fell from the shoulder while he was bare-chested.
"Alyssa wait..." I felt a hand on my wrist as I was turned by him. I faced him and the first reaction to their action came so fast that I couldn't stop myself and my palm landed on his cheek. A tight slap for what they were doing behind my back.
"How could you?" These three words were enough to remind me of the rules that we made for each other in order not to have our heartbroken. But I guess I was the only one to comply with the rules, he didn't give a shit about them and broke the rules as well as my heart.
"How could you, Landon?"
He opened his mouth to speak, to place forward his argument in his defence. I saw her rush out of his room, her shoulder now neatly covered with the shirt that was hanging loose seconds ago. She tied her hair in a bun, which was all over his face while she was having fun.
"Don't you fucking dare take another step towards me." I warned her. She stopped right there. The hurt in her eyes was nothing compared to the hurt that I was feeling.
Betrayal, one thing we promised each other of never doing was breaking hearts this way. We were firm we would never lay eyes on each other's siblings in this manner. I obeyed the promises, why did she break them?
"Let us explain everything, Ally."
"Don't you fucking Ally me and I have no interest in understanding the soft porn that I just watched."
She told me she had some important work this afternoon, so the work was to play with my brother's dick.
"How long have you two been sleeping behind my back?" I asked, crossing my arms against my chest. I just cannot let my emotions take control of me and cry for this. I should've seen this coming.
"I...we.."
"I'm talking to my brother, not you." I hissed, this warning shut her out.
"Alyssa, just stop it." He raised his voice. "Why are you even mad about this?"
"Excuse me?" I gave him an eye. "Why am I mad? Because my brother broke the siblings' rule and my best friend betrayed our friendship. I'm sorry if I should've reacted any other fucking way."
They both exchanged glances, ashamed of their deeds for hurting me in their ways.
"But this is classic, my brother and my best friend fucking each other behind my back as I would never find out." I let out a laugh. Maybe I was laughing at myself for trusting them with their promises. "Jamie and Landon, truly a fuck a remember."
Giving them one last glare, I rushed out of the way. I just couldn't stand there and let them enjoy my misery.
I ran into my room and searched for one thing that would calm me down. My pills. I need them. I need them right now to digest what I just saw. I'm going crazy with all the emotions in me. She lied to me, he didn't have time to talk to me but had all the afternoon hours to sleep with her.
It all makes sense now. Jamie hiding her phone whenever a message popped up because she wanted to lie to me. She was having fun with my brother behind my back, she was betraying our friendship.
I started walking as I exited the street. I didn't care if this weather made me sick the next day. I just need to be alone and away from my house. When I returned from camping, all I wanted was for Landon to come to me and ask me everything. I wanted him to comfort me for what happened the night before. I needed a shoulder to cry because I had another argument with Arthur. I told him to stay away from me, I made myself clear.
But Landon didn't come once, I waited for him. He was not there during dinner, he rarely was home in these two days. I wondered where he was, now I know - he was in my best friend's arms.
Jamie used to tease me when I told her that her cousin was hot in secondary school. She said I could date anyone but her brothers. She made the rule, she was the one to note it down in case any one of us ever walked down the road of breaking the rule. So the one who made the laws, broke them herself. How would she want me to react to this? How would have she reacted if it was the other way round? I'm sure I still am a little less dramatic, she would've called the whole town to punish me for breaking the law.
I didn't notice I stood in front of a cafe that blinked its light on the 'open' board on me. I need coffee, Dr. Payton would understand my situation and let me have a third coffee for the day. Walking into the cafe, I was welcomed with the warm smell of caffeine that instantly calmed me. If anything in the world would work its magic on me, it is coffee.
I took a seat at the empty table in the corner of the cafe. The place was busy and everybody was here with someone. I was the only one alone. I ordered my drink and waited. My phone rang for the fourth time in ten minutes. One call from dad and three from Karen. They must be worried about me. But they don't understand, I was made to react this way. If neither of them had ever made those stupid rules, I would've been fine with the situation. Or even if they had told me about their affair, I wouldn't mind. But they fucking hurt me. They might've thought Alyssa would never know and we could keep this a secret, this way the rule would never be broken. They were highly mistaken about me.
I drank my coffee and paid for it. I stood up to leave the cafe when my eyes landed on the newspaper that had Elijah's smiling face with a headline to catch anyone's attention.
Easy to run for the race, not so easy to win.
Karen told me Elijah had no competition. He would win easily. So why does this article say otherwise? Why do I care? I don't give two shits about politics.
I walked out of the cafe and turned in the opposite direction of the one that leads towards home. My phone rang again. I received the call.
"Where are you?"
"Out." I was in no mood to talk to anyone.
"Are you okay?"
I rolled my eyes. I hate this question, I hate that every single person in this town tosses this question like it would make my heart flatter that that care. I don't want this attention, I don't want their care. I'm annoyed by this question. With this, I'm constantly reminded that I am sick and I should have someone to always check up on me.
"What should I be right now after witnessing whatever happened behind me?" I asked. I heard a sigh. I know he probably was thinking the same, I was overreacting.
"I am coming to pick you."
"Let me be alone. You will not be able to find me."
"You made us download a tracker on our phones, sweetheart. I know exactly where you are."
"Asshole."
I ended the call and started walking towards a Mall. I want to be lost in the crowd. I don't want anyone to see me. I don't want them to know that I was being fooled around. Entering the mall, I walked into a toys store. The security guard welcomed me with a smile. I walked towards the aisle of soft toys. Aurora still has all her toys from childhood. She loved Mr. Pebbles, her pink panther that her favourite teacher from kindergarten gifted her when she was three. I was not even brought into the world then, but I could imagine her jumping happily when she would've hugged the toy for the first time. Aurora loved her things organized while mine were always a mess because of Landon.
Landon
Right now I'm a mess because of him.
I took the Peppa pig and smiled. It was Jamie's favourite toy. Dad brought one for her so that I could gift it when we first became friends. Neil gifted her a barbie. They knew my favourite was always a unicorn. I wanted a real unicorn for myself. I would always say I will find myself a unicorn when I grow up. It will take me to a magical land, away from everyone, away from all the troubles of the world.
I shut my eyes and smiled.
I've found my unicorn tonight. My wish has come true. I'll be taken to a magical.world now, I like my hot unicorn.
An image of two people stumbling as they walked flashed right in front of my eyes. One was a girl, brunette and the other person was a guy. He held her as if she would fall if he let her go. The girl was singing as she trembled and the guy tried to keep her straight. She kept on singing the lines in a way that she must be drunk talking.
I opened my eyes and met with a pair of blue eyes. I sighed. So he found me.
"What are you doing here?" He asked me.
I ignored him and walked towards the next aisle. He walked with me.
"If you could buy a toy for yourself right now, which one would that be?" I asked him. He took a huge blue coloured dinosaur.
"You had a hundred of them." I let out a chuckle.
"I still love my dinosaurs." He hugged that one and then placed it back. We kept walking and flashing toys in each other's faces as we laughed. He bought a toy for his nephew and paid for it. We exited the store.
"Why are you here, Ally?" He asked me. The concern in his voice bothered me. Why is he always there for me? He should be home right now, enjoying his evening but he is here, stuck with me.
"I like this place."
"No, you don't. You hate the crowd. You hate malls. Stop fooling me." He grabbed my arm and made me look into his eyes. "Tell me, what is bothering you?"
"Like you don't already know." I scoffed and took back my arm from his grip. We exited the mall and yet again, the winter breeze made me regret not carrying a sweatshirt.
I stopped. "Do you believe it too?" I asked him. "Do you think that I'm exaggerating the whole situation?"
He continued looking at me like I was an art in the museum. "You have the whole right to react this way, Ally."
I let out a sigh.
"I understand whatever happened is a big deal for you. All those rules and laws that you guys signed in the teenage years was a sacred bond of your friendship and with the most important one breaking, you feel hurt, betrayed."
"How do you know me so well, Neil." I passed a smile.
"Because I'm your best friend, babe. I know you. I know what you are feeling right now and it is completely okay to react whatever way you want yourself to."
A tear escaped my eyes and he pulled me close to him. He took me in his arm and rubbed my back. He let me cry, he let me take out all the emotions that burnt me in these three days.
"It hurts, Neil. They've stabbed me and left me without bleeding. I know it too that I'm overreacting, but I don't want to act any other way. I feel betrayed by their actions. They could've told me. What you do think, would I ever have stopped them from continuing their affair?" I pulled back and asked. He shook his head. I wiped away the tears. "It hurts me more that they couldn't even trust me and decided to keep me in the dark."
"It's okay, Alyssa." He rubbed my arm. "You need time to get over with this. It is your decision to decide. Jamie is broken up right now. Betty called saying she hasn't left her room in three days."
"I don't care. I don't care whatever she does. If she had the fucking balls to break her own rules, she should've seen this coming."
He opened his mouth to speak but I continued.
"Every second person tosses around my heart like it is a basketball to play. Everybody finds creative ways to hurt me. What do I do with this much pain? How do I deal with this?"
I hugged him and cried. "I don't want to be hurt anymore, Neil."
He caressed my hair and let me cry my heart out. I didn't care if we were in the middle of a busy road. I have him and his arms, that is all I need. I need my best friend with me.
"Your dad is worried about you. You should go home." He started as we pulled away from the hug. I nodded. We walked to his car and stepped in. I cannot put the burden on my dad. He is already dealing with some issues in business, I don't want him to be worried about me all the time.
"Are you ready for your interview with Greenfield University?" He asked as he drove.
"I withdrew my name."
He gave me a look. "Why would you do that?"
"I'm not ready yet. I need time. With everything going around, I don't want to rush to interviews. I will mess up and it will only lead to working hard on myself. You know me, Neil. I want my interviews to be perfect."
He nodded. "Kinsley College is coming after two weeks. Their journalism course is great. You should look up."
I told him I would. He has his interview in three days. I know the university will love him. His passion for Business Administration will get him the best university offers, plus he is our star player. No college would want to miss a gem like him.
He dropped me at home. He had to complete his assignments so he didn't stay back. I walked into the house and saw my dad seated on the couch with Landon. They were discussing something. Their eyes shifted to me and they stood up.
"Where were you? You worried us." Landon asked. I rolled my eyes.
"You had time to worry about me? I thought you spent all your time fucking my best friend nowadays."
"Enough Alyssa." Dad scolded me. "You guys solve this mess like adults. Stop accusing each other."
"He created this mess. He couldn't act like an adult." I crossed my arms against my chest as I glared at him.
"Your bitchy attitude is hurting Jamie. Stop with all the drama."
I scoffed. "So now I'm the bitch here?" I asked. "Oh right, I am the wicked bitch who is in the way of your epic love story. Jamie and Landon's story - straight out of Nicolas Spark's novel."
"Alyssa."
"No dad, why is everyone asking me to act like an adult? I'm tired of ignoring the facts, I'm tired of being left out. It fucking hurts me to know that I found out about them this way. They could've been more gentle and told me. It's not like I would disapprove of whatever they have. But no, everybody has something going on in their lives without me being a part of it. I'm tired of being a leftover."
Dad walked to me and took me in his arms as I cried.
I'm also fucking tired of being such a crybaby. Why can't these tears just cry away? Why the hell am I always crying?
"It's all right, sweetheart. It's all right." He patted my back. "You are not a leftover. You are my life. You are the centre of my world. I love you. Don't you ever feel like you are not a part of me." He planted a kiss on my forehead.
I told him I want to have dinner in my room. Karen brought dinner into my room and sat next to me.
"I should not be talking to you right now because you've hurt me, but here is your dinner." She placed the tray on the bed.
"How have I hurt you?"
"You called yourself a leftover in everyone's life. Do you know anything about my life? You are my child, Alyssa. How could you even say that?" She asked.
I let out a chuckle. "You've yet not adopted me."
"The papers will be home soon. Then you'll officially be my child." She winked.
"So you and dad have finally decided to marry each other?" I gave her a playful look. She rolled her eyes and motioned me to eat my dinner.
We talked about how the neighbour's kid tripped while walking because he was on his phone and didn't see the wet road. I told her about the unicorn I saw at the store.
Unicorn.
What I saw then, was that a memory? Who were those people, the girl and the guy? Why did I particularly see them when I thought about a unicorn?
I have to note this down before it fades away. I've had some more moments like this in the past few days. But then I forget them. Dr. Payton asked me to note down the memories so that I can keep a tab on every little detail. The only memory I remember is the one that I first had, about Aurora.
*****
The whole week went by in stress and grave need of being accepted by colleges. Each student was in a race to grab the seat in the best college. Some colleges found their best candidates, while most of them were yet looking for the ones. Neil gave his interviews in three colleges while Zach and Betty gave for two. Skye decided she'd only go for one interview and then think about other opportunities and Jamie, well..she must've done whatever she liked. Not that she'd let me know about her plans.
I talked to my mentor and told him that I need the time to think about college applications. I have a lot going on in my life right now and it will be no surprise if I decide to drop a year. Dad said he was happy with whatever decision I took because it was my choice. Karen said I must think about it and not rush in taking a gap. Landon had nothing to say because, like any other day, he was yet avoiding me like I was the one to blame for some crime. Duh. If anything, I should be the one to avoid him, which I am doing and surely am letting him know that. He is going to feel so sorry for the way he has been treating me lately. Only because my best friend chose him over me does not mean he has to act like a bitch about it.
"Hi, Alyssa. I heard you were looking for the quiz flyer?" Kira walked to me and asked. I nodded.
"I thought I should get back in all the competitions. This may help me build up my resume."
"That is a good idea. The team will love to have you back." She started smiling. I wonder why does she waste her time with Danielle? She has a lot of potential in her, but she ruins all her chances of being a puppet for the blonde barbie.
She walked away and I was left alone with other students in the hallway. The rest of them have their tests. I was exempted from the test because I had no idea of the course. Sometimes it feels so right to be treated special.
The boys of the basketball team marched in the hallway yelling and singing something altogether. It was hard to make out but that surely was a stupid birthday song.
One of them had a huge box in his hand that was covered with a white sheet. They marched to the mirrored case that had all the previous students pictures on the board. They stopped right in front of the case and one of the jock took off the white sheet revealing it to be a portrait of someone.
"Everybody. Today we remember our beloved girl, the true inspiration of the school on her birthday. It has been one hell of a year for everyone in this school. We remember her as a beautiful soul..."
I was pulled from the hallway into the restroom.
"What the fuck, Elizabeth." I groaned.
"I'm sorry but I need a tampon. It's urgent." She stated with begging eyes. I sighed and opened my bag. I handed her the tampon and she asked me to wait for her until she comes back. She came back after three minutes and we walked out of the restroom.
All of the students in the hallway were singing a birthday song and cheering for someone in particular. The portrait was surrounded by many students that I couldn't see who that special one was.
"Whose birthday are they celebrating?" I asked as we walked to the opposite side of the crowd.
"Someone from the senior class. We don't know them." She simply answered without looking at me. We exited the school building and I told her that I need to go to the book shop to buy a particular book. She nodded and said she'll leave for home.
I started walking out of the premises. I enjoy walking, it helps me spend time with myself. I'm always surrounded by people that I can never stop and ask myself if I am all right. I've forgotten what it's like to be completely fine. I'm always on the verge of exploding, due to some emotion in me.
As I walked to the street of the book store, I passed through a restaurant when I saw him. I decided to talk to him. I haven't seen him in days.
He saw me and waved. He walked out of the restaurant. "Hi, Alyssa."
"How are you, Jordan?" I asked him. He passed me a smile and asked about my health.
"Why aren't you at school?" I asked.
"I had some work. My tests are over." He replied. He typed something on his phone and then looked back at me. "How are you walking down this street?"
"I needed to borrow a book, so I thought I should get it right now."
"Hey, I don't know how to say this...but, I'm sorry about that night." He stated. "Only if I had known, or even if Arthur had known anything like that would happen, we would've stopped it."
He knew.
He just chose not to let me know.
"Forget the night, Jordan. Whatever happened, we cannot amend it. I've forgotten about it, you must too."
The truth is, I HAVE NOT.
I still have nightmares about the pool room, about that night, about Aurora.
"What is with all the decoration?" I asked him before he could say anything else about that night.
"It is a surprise for Zoey. This is her favourite place." The smile on his lips as he took her name hurt me for him. He doesn't even know that he is being played on. His best friend is betraying him, just like mine did to me.
"It's her birthday." He then stated. Oh, okay. "I hope she likes the surprise."
The amount of effort he has put in the surprise breaks me. Only if Zoey had put a little of it in their relationship. He truly likes her, but she..she has other plans.
"I'm sure she'll be surprised by your move. I hope she appreciates it."
He nodded smiling. "I just want her to have a good evening. She deserves it."
And you deserve someone who is loyal to you. You deserve a girl who respects your love and doesn't plan on hurting you with her actions.
"I should not take much of your time. Looks like there is a lot to prepare."
He nodded.
"Do you want me to help you?"
"I've got everything covered. Thank you."
I greeted my farewell and turned to leave when he called my name. I turned back to face him.
"Alyssa, after that night...you are not the only one who's trying to cope up with whatever happened..."
He was trying to put the right words.
The right words were.. 'His girlfriend tried to hurt me that night.'
"Arthur is having a hard time too. He feels like all of it was his fault. He is blaming himself for whatever happened with you. Arthur is trying to cope up just as you are."
"You are a great friend, Jordan. I appreciate your friendship with Arthur. But here you are mistaken. He does not feel anything for my bad situation. The only thing he feels is pity for me because he knew exactly what happened and who did it, but he chose to remain silent about it. It was more important to save that person than saving my life. So if you say that he is blaming himself, he should. He must be guilty of that night because I almost lost my life." I tried not to tell because Jordan doesn't deserve my bitterness. The one who deserved it is away because I asked him to stay away.
I took a breathe and sighed. "It was his fault that he decided to be a part of such a game. So please, don't take a stand for your friend. He doesn't deserve this, he actually doesn't deserve your friendship."
He gave me a confused look.
"Also, please remove that night from your memory. I don't want everybody to remind me about it every single day. It's been more than a week and I'm fine now. I'm doing great and I don't want to ruin my day by recalling that night."
He nodded. "I gotta go." He said. I waved him a bye and left the place.
Jordan is such a sweetheart. He must not be friends with Arthur. That guy will only cause Jordan more pain. It's always the one's who are most close to you to cause you pain. Jamie caused me pain and I can see the same pain coming towards Jordan.
People are so smart that playing their cards. They know how to use their trumps on who. Their games of disloyalty and betrayal bring so much hurt to another's lives but they walk away like they ate not to be blamed. It hurts me to know that Jamie and Landon, both chose to ignore me rather than talk to me. Even after three days, they haven't come to ask if their actions hurt me. Landon blames me for hurting Jamie and her, well...she is curled up in her world like she is the victim here. It's not like I kept a secret from her that broke her heart. I don't expect much, but they were my best ones. He is my brother, she is my friend. Why can't they see that I need them?
Why are they blaming me for their wrong actions?
Why can't they see me hurting?
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Hello everyone. I'm back after two whole months. I swear I wanted to update a chapter, but my mind was blank. First I had my exams in early January and after that, I left to visit my grandparents when an accident changed our lives. My cousin brother met with an accident, there was a blast at his workplace and more than 90% of his body was burnt. Three days, we waited for three days to hear news about him, but on 31st January, he passed away. He fought for his life in the hospital bed for three days. His windpipe was burnt, he couldn't breathe. But yet, he was out on ventilator but he couldn't be saved.
This whole month has been an emotional roller coaster for the whole family. He has two kids - one is 3 and the other is 1 year old. It breaks my heart to see his wife crying and begging him to come back. He was our role model. He was the most disciplined and well-behaved cousin of us all.
We all miss him every single day and we hope he is at peace up in heaven. 🕊
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I promise I'll try to update more frequently. This chapter is just a stupid chapter. My mind isn't working. I had so many ideas about Alyssa finding out about Jamie and Landon but my fingers fail to type anything. I had other plans for this chapter. But I might work on them in the next one. I've never felt so bad about writing a chapter, I wish I had better ideas for this one. I hope you guys like the chapter and I assure you, the next one will be better.
I dedicate this chapter to Cryptic_Snowflake because her book is amazingly beautiful. I'm in love with her writing. She is an amazing writer and deserves all the love and support.
❤
Until next time.