"Sarah!" Lily says, throwing her arms around the woman and pulling her in for a hug. "It's so good to see you."
"You too, birthday girl!" She looks past Lily and straight to me, the smile never leaving her face. "Is this gonna be awkward?"
"No, of course not. We're not awkward unless we want to be." I say happily, pulling her in for a quick hug as well. She squeezes me back, tightly. "It's great to see you, you look good."
"I look good? Are you kidding? Look at you!" She pulls away, the same way Jessica did before and looked at me up and down. I honestly didn't think I changed that much but I guess when you don't see me for a year you notice the little things.
"Oh, stop it." We keep eye contact, her hands still on my shoulders.
"Should I leave or...?" Lily interupts, snapping me out of the supercut I was just drowning in. Sarah's hands drop from my shoulders, the three of us share a laugh.
"No, no I have to get the quiche out of the oven so i'll go. It's great to see you." I say with a smile my hand finding her forearm as I walk away from them.
Feeling my back gradually get sweatier and an eruption of butterflies spread in my stomach, I forgot how much I just loved looking at her.
Her eyes, her smile, her laugh.
It's so easy to say you're over someone when you haven't seen them in a year. But seeing Sarah again felt like the first time, it felt like a new start.
Walking towards the oven, I pull the door open and see the little egg dishes are perfectly brown. I smile to myself proudly and reach behind me for the oven mitts.
"Did you see her yet?" Dakota asks, appearing from virtually nowhere. I jump a little at the sound of her voice.
"Yes, Dakota."
"Listen, don't be mad at us for a decision you made."
"I'm not mad!" I protest a little louder than I expected because all the eyes in the kitchen shot over to our direction, even Sarah's. With a sly smile I turn my back to the people, grabbing Dakotas arm and dragging her out the side door. "I'm not mad."
"Really? Cause you just yelled at me." She laughs slightly, my expression remains cold and that's when her tone changed. "What's the matter, babe?"
"I - I just, I don't know."
"You miss her and you want her back but you don't want to feel like an idiot for going back to someone who you haven't been with for over a year just because you're seeing them for the first time again?"
Yep, that was pretty much all of it.
I just nod, solemnly looking at the ground. "I don't know if I trust her still, I don't know if I trust her not to hurt me."
A beat of silence passes.
"Fuck it." My eyes shoot up to hers.
"Huh?"
"Fuck it, if she hurts you we'll deal with it then. But you need to stop being so afraid of being hurt, Scout. Because that woman in there loves the fuck out of you, and you love her back just the same." She puts her arms on my shoulders. "It's time to live your life, babe and stop being so afraid of everything. Be spontaneous."
She was right. Obviously she was right.
I had been letting fear control my decisions for far too long. I want to be with Sarah, and right now, that's the only thing that matters.
_________________________________
"So," A voice calls from behind me a few moments later. I reach into the oven for the pans and for just a split second, consider just climbing in with them. "how have you been? I see you've been staying in LA."
"I've been good, keeping it low. I just signed onto my first project in over a year so that will keep me busy, how about you?" Taking the pans out and setting them on the rack she follows my movements closely.
"Same shit, different year." She answers with a slight laugh. "Can you believe it's been a year since we've spoken?"
"No, I actually can't and every time I think about it I actually want to puke." She laughs, I lean up against the counter top, facing her.
Our bodies are only inches apart but there is still so much space between us, it was strange. She was so close but so far away at the same time.
"What just happened there?"
"Huh?"
"You started thinking about something? I could see it in your eyes." She says pointing her finger up at me with a small smile on her face, biting her bottom lip.
I forgot how much she knows me, like truly knows me. She knows what i'm thinking before I can verbalize it, she knows how i'm feeling before I tell her, she sees me.
"You two just can't keep away from eachother, can you?" Jessica asks, strutting into the kitchen with a kind of confidence only she could have.
"We're just chatting." Sarah says with a small smile, Jessica slowly nods, standing in between us, and leaning back against the countertop.
"Scout, Lily was calling for you. Something about getting the grill started."
"Right, yeah i'll get to that." I hurry off, leaving the two standing there.
"You do realize that you two were meant to be together right? And the Universe will never stop until you just give in and let it happen." Jessica speaks, Sarah's smile drops as she stares down at the floor, nodding her head knowingly.
"I know, but I really hurt her Jess. I don't think she'd be willing t-"
"She will always love you, it just wasn't your time before." Reaching outward, she places both her hands on Sarah's shoulders and gives them a tight squeeze. "But it is now. You both learned to live on your own without eachother and in that time still missed one another. That's how you know it's real."
"If you love something let it go." Sarah says quietly, almost as if she was telling herself.
"Go get her girl, Sarah. It's time."
_________________________________
"Hey, there you are. What are you doing up here?" I ask, walking up the stairs and seeing the woman standing in front of the large window overlooking the city.
"Do you think we were meant to be together?" She asks abruptly, turning my direction. "Was it just not our time or were we just not meant to be?"
"Uhm," That was a loaded question. One that I had tried not to think about almost this entire year. "I- I don't know, Sarah."
"Do you still love me?"
"What? Of course I love you, I'm always gonna love you." I take a step towards her, standing beside her in front of the large windows.
"Do you miss me?"
"Yes, of course." As if she didn't know the answer to these questions already. "Do you miss me?"
"Of course, Scout. I miss you everyday." She says with a small laugh. She brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, her hand laying gently on the side of my face. "What are you feeling?"
"I- I uhm, i'm a little nervous." I say with a small giggle, she just smiles. "But it's good, it's good nerves."
"Don't be nervous, I got your back."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
unconventional
THE END