[twenty four hours]
L A U R A
// 12:47pm //
"Laura." I hear a faint voice say.
"Laura." The voice gets louder.
I felt something touch my shoulder and it seemed to shake me. Whatever it was it wasn't moving from my body. That voice kept repeating my name over and over again. It was like an annoying alarm that wouldn't turn off.
I opened my eyes slightly and saw someone bending down in front of me. They had a look of concern across their face. Once the blonde in front of me saw my eyes open they stopped saying my name but their hand didn't leave my shoulder.
I felt so exhausted it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. I don't remember the last time I got a good night sleep. It'd been like this for months now and it was only getting worse.
"Hey Laura." The person bent down in front of me spoke softly.
I looked around a bit, maybe there was some news. Everything looked the same though. Surely there would be more commotion if something happened, good or bad.
"Did something happen while I was sleeping?" I ask, my voice still croaky from my nap.
My body started to ache everywhere, this happens every time I fall asleep like this.
"No." They look down disappointed. "Still nothing."
"Oh." I tilt my head up then look down again.
"I woke you up because you look exhausted. Go home and get some proper sleep."
"I'm fine." I lie.
I see the look on Rydel's face. I knew she didn't believe me. I know I can't keep lying to myself but if I leave and something happens... I cut my thoughts short, I don't want to think about it.
"Maybe later, I'm just going to get some air first." I tell Rydel.
Her face instantly lights up. Even though I wasn't actually going to go home once in a while I would tell them I would just to get them of my case about it.
I walked through the halls as if they were my own. This place is pretty much my home at the moment. I look at the walls and I know every detail of this building. I wish I didn't but I can't change the past.
I walk out to my favourite spot to sit. I shouldn't have a favourite spot but I'm here so often that I do. It's this little garden area. It has some benches and tables you can sit on but no one really comes out here. I go to my bench and sit down like I've done everyday for the last couple of months. It's under a tree in the furtherest conner. Even though it's under a tree you still get some sun on you, maybe that's another reason why I picked it. Even when it is covered the light finds a way to shine though and I guess that's the way I like to think about this situation.
I stretch out my body to relive some of the pain from earlier. I shut my eyes and replay my dream from earlier in my head. This isn't the first time I've had this nightmare. These dreams with Noah happen almost every night and I don't know why. They all go the same except they're slightly different. Today's dream I was waking up like the morning this all happened. These dreams are real life situations but with the wrong person. All these things that I dream have happened but not with Noah.
I've only seen Noah once since that night I walked in on him getting yelled at and discovered that Noah had left me for Becca. It's not like I even talked to him. He was here with Becca and he didn't talk to anyone. Becca's come a few times but only once with Noah. The last I heard they were getting married.
I start replaying that awful day in my head. It started so perfect how could it end up like that? I think back to me waking up and Ross not being there but then hearing him singng in the kitchen. Now when I wake up he's not there but there is no singing coming from the kitchen. I think to us cuddling and how he promised we would be back there later. We should have never gone to that cafe, it's bad luck. I think about the beach and our intimate shower together. I think about the conversation about our future.
I think back to our last kiss, touch, everything. What happens if that morning was the last time I got cuddled by him? What if that shower was the last time I got kissed by him? What if when he got out of the car was the last time I ever got touched by him? What if that was the last time I ever saw him alive? I know this might be weird but I'm jealous of someone who saw him walking past on the street with a smile on his face while he was on the phone to me, still alive and still happy.
I think to now. How everything has turned out. How extremely unhappy I am. Then again things could be worse, much worse.
Ross is in a coma and had been for the last four months. He's not improving, but he isn't getting worse either. He is staying the same and there is no signs of anything. I don't know if I should be glad for now or worried.
When Ross wasn't replying over the phone I thought nothing of it but when I heard that loud crash I had this feeling in my stomach that something wasn't okay, and I was right. It was both the driver of the car and Ross' fault that this happened. Ross wasn't paying attention and wasn't completly focused on where he was walking. The driver also wasn't paying attention and was going over the speed limit. Ross got serious head injuries, among other things, and he is lucky to be alive but why do I feel anything but luck?
I open my eyes and my vision is blurred. What would be a nice tree above me is now a blurred mess. It's only a matter of time before the tears start rolling out of my eyes. And once they start they don't stop. I lay there on the bench crying until I can't cry anymore. This is usually how I spend my days. I know it isn't healthy but I'm afraid if I leave something will happen, but when I don't leave this is what happens.
Eventually the tears are stopping and my eyes are red like never before. I sit up and look down on the ground. This helps get my breathing back to normal.
"Laura, there you are." Rydel surprises me.
I look up at her forgetting about my state and what I look like. Her face goes into shock and she rushes over to me when she sees me. She immediately starts comforting me. This makes me feel even worse. I feel like I'm taking all the attention away. Ross' family is going through the same thing as me and I'm not there for them at all. I keep to myself unless they catch me in this state then they come rushing to my rescue.
"Rydel stop." I say trying to get away.
"Why?" She asks worried.
"I'm fine. You need to stop wasting your energy on me."
Rydel seemed amused when I spoke. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm being selfish." I mange to say. My breathing pattern isn't back to normal and there is still some tears.
Rydel looks at me speechless. She looks like she really didn't know what to say. I'm not being unreasonable here.
"That's it I'm taking you home with me so you can get some sleep ." Rydel demands.
"I said I was going home in a little bit, I'm fine." I lie.
"Laura, I know when you say you're going home you just come here. I see you and you lay here for hours rather crying or staring off into space. You need to get some sleep and have decent food. Sleeping in the hospital chairs everyday can not be good. When is the last time you slept on a bed?"
"I, I.." I stutter.
"Exactly you need to be in a familiar place and have a good nights sleep. I'm making sure at least one person is at home with you at all times. If anything happens with Ross we will let you know but you can't be here all the time, you need rest."
"And as for the selfish thing. Don't be ridiculous." Rydel scolds at me.
"Can I see Ross before we go?" I ask quietly.
"Of course."
Rydel escorts me to Ross' room. Even though we had that talk she still said she didn't trust me. Do I blame her? No. I wouldn't trust me either with the way I've been acting.
I walk through the halls once again looking at the detailed walls I know so well. My palms started getting sweaty and my breath quickened as we got closer to Ross' room. Seeing him made me nervous. You can still see some of the scars and bruises but it's not as bad as when he first was here.
Once I was in the room and sitting there with Ross everything was okay and people had to drag me out to get me to leave. Even though I got this nervous before going in I would still go every single day. It was hard seeing him like this, so helpless, but I tried to be strong for him. I didn't cry in front of him often I would try and do that on my own. I know he isn't awake but if I hold his hand and pretend he is then it made things seem not as bad. Then I remember everything and this feeling of emptiness and loneliness washes over me.
"Okay, take all the time you need, but remember that I'm right out here if you try and run away." Rydel reminds me.
I let out a light laughter, the first one in weeks. "Thanks Rydel."
I stand in front of the door and I can see him lying there. I see his face and all these feelings start rushing all over me.
I open the door and I can hear the machines beeping in a perfect pattern. I walk in closing the door behind me. I look over to Ross and I feel this warmth like he is giving me a hug. Just being in his presence makes things even just a little bit better. I walk over to him and it seems like there are a million things he is hooked up to. It's hard seeing him like this.
I bring the chair closer to the bed and sit with him, like I've done every other day. I hold his hand and sit there thinking. Ross said that day was going to be the best day of my life. What happened to that? That probably had to be the worst day of my life. Everyday going through this consist worry of what's going to happen. I don't know how much more I can take of it soon I'm going to be in here with him because of the stress. I can't eat, sleep, anything. I can't go out knowing that he is stuck here.
Soon some tears start to fall out my eyes. I put my head down not wanting to be seen.
// 3:16pm //
"So do you want to sleep in here then?" Rydel asks me nodding her head to his room.
I turn around and look. It has been awhile since I've been in there. Mostly everything of his was gone and I could picture where all his things used to be and where they are now, at our house. Tears threatened to fall out my eyes. I couldn't dare look back at Rydel. The last thing I need right now is Rydel seeing me cry. She's probably exhausted and wants to go back to her own room and rest before she goes back to the hospital later. She told me in the car ride over here that she was going back later tonight and then someone else was coming back home to look after me. I feel like I'm a child the way they are trying to take care of me.
"Yeah." I mumble not trusting my voice.
I start walking towards the door trying to get my eyes dry of tears. I turn around and smile at Rydel before shutting the door. I wait by the door and I can hear her door close shut. I wait a few more seconds and then I know I'm save. I let out a deep breath. It feels good to finally be alone again. I strip down to my underwear and look through his draws to see if Ross had left anything behind but apparently he's really good at remembering everything. Since no one else is here I decide to sleep in my underwear, a little uncomfortable but bearable. I was really looking forward to taking off my bra but I guess I can do that later when I have a shirt.
I get into Ross' old bed. I was expecting that I would be smothered in his scent as soon as I got in his bed. But it seems like Stormie has changed his sheets. I guess that makes sense because he has been moved out for a long time now. I was hoping that I'd get into his bed and that everything would still be the same, but it wasn't. In a way though even if the sheets smelt freshly washed it was like he was here with me. In an odd way it was like I was a teenage again cuddling as we slept in his room.
// 6:07pm //
I wake up looking around at my surrounding and I smile and cuddle into the blankets even more. There was some light coming through the window but not much. Was it early in the morning? Did I sleep through the night for the first time? I know one thing for sure it was my first night in what seemed like forever that I didn't dream about Noah. I guess it must be being back in Ross' room.
I look over to a clock and I try and read it but I struggle a little since I just woke up. Does that say six o'clock? I guess I didn't sleep for too long then. Maybe Rydel might even still be here. She did say she was going back to the hospital later tonight.
Remembering that I'm just in my underwear I stick my head out of the door hiding my body. I look around and see no one. The house is very quiet, I hope Rydel isn't sleeping.
"Rydel?" I call out.
No answer. Maybe she is asleep, or maybe she just didn't hear me?
"Rydel?" I say a bit louder.
I open the door slightly more to get more of a view. I look down the hallway and just as I go to look the other way I feel something bump into the back of me. I jump back and turn around scared by whatever just bumped into me. Now I was completely out in the open, not door was hiding me.
"Uhh." I hear him mumble.
"What are you doing here? Where's Rydel?" I ask confused.
"She went back to the hospital. She said you were sleeping so she just left you a note?" He explains.
"A note?" I repeat.
I go back into the room and look next to Ross' old bed and there it is a note. She said in it that she went back to the hospital and that Rocky was staying here for the night. She also told me to take care of myself and make sure I rest. She underlined that and put lots of exclamation marks, she still made the dot a heart though.
I remember that Rocky was just outside the room. I turn around and he is standing in the doorway awkwardly waiting for me to read the note. I now notice that Rocky must of changed because he was wearing something different than at the hospital. He was wearing the same shirt but instead of jeans he was wearing sweatpants. I walk over to the door and shut it slightly. I stick my head out so he can't see anything else.
"Is there anything I can help with that you wanted Rydel for?" Rocky asks me backing away from the door.
"Uh yeah. Do you have a spare top I could borrow? I don't have any another clothes with me."
"I'm sure I can find something. One second."
He walks off to his room and then a minute later he comes back with a shirt. He hands it to me.
"Thanks." I smile.
I shut the door and then put the shirt that Rocky gave to me on. I looked down and realise this is one of Ross' old shirts. I remember it. Ross must of left it here and Rocky took it. I smile to myself until I remember Rocky. I open up the door and see he is still standing there.
"Are you hungry?" He asks.
"Starving." I reply.
I don't remember the last time I was home having dinner, or sleeping in a bed. Ever since Ross, you know, I haven't done anything normal. I don't go out, eat or sleep properly, nothing. All I do is stay at that hospital waiting for Ross to wake up.
I walk into the kitchen and see that there was a dinner cooking. I wasn't expecting a full home cooked meal. Since everyone was rarely here I was thinking maybe leftovers or something but not this.
'Did you do all this?" I ask shocked.
"Partly me but mostly Rydel." He laughs. "She thought you'd be hungry when you woke up."
"I can't wait to try it." I say excitedly.
I lift myself up on the kitchen counter and watch as Rocky puts our food on plates.
Rocky and I ate our dinner on the kitchen counter. Since it was just us we didn't bother sitting at the table. It was more relaxed this way which I liked. Rocky is very good at distracting me, he always was. It's nice to laugh even smile. Today is one of the first days I've spoken to anyone, really. I usually keep to myself.
"Do you want to watch a movie or something? It's still early." Rocky suggests.
"That'd be nice." I reply.
// 7:23pm //
I was trying to keep my eyes open because I didn't want to fall asleep but I could feel myself drifting off. I guess I was really tired since I haven't gotten proper sleep in a while. I was lying down in a little ball with my head rested against the couch arm rest. Just as my eyes shut a ringing noise woke me up and I sat up. I looked around to see where the noise was coming from. I probably looked funny. Messy hair, confused face, I can imagine it. Rocky, who was sitting on the other end of the couch to me, was half way through getting his phone out his pocket. He was looking at me and he let out a little laugh before he continues getting his phone out.
He looks at it then up at me then back at his phone.
"I'm just going to take this." He tells me before walking off.
"Hello." I hear him say faintly.
I wonder who that could be. Maybe it was someone from the hospital. Has something happened to Ross? Why wasn't I called as well? Maybe they thought I might still be asleep so they called Rocky and they'll tell Rocky to tell me. If that's the case then why did Rocky act so weird?
He comes back and sits down with no expression on his face. He continues watching the movie like the phone call never happened. Maybe it was just a friend or something? I go back to watching the movie but I have to know who it was. If something did happen I need to know. I try telling myself to not worry about it and focus on the movie but I can't it's eating me away.
"I have to know! Who was on the phone? Has something happened to Ross?" I almost scream.
Rocky looks over at me stunned by my sudden outburst.
"No he's still the same as you left him, don't worry." He tell me.
"How do you know?" I say unsure.
"It was Riker who called, telling me that everything was fine."
"Oh." I say embarrassed.
I get comfortable again on the couch again staying to my side still. My eyes started getting heavy again.
"You can put your feet out if you want." I hear Rocky say softly.
I stretch my legs out and it felt good to finally get to do that. After that there is not much I can remember.
// 10:34pm //
A loud noise was going off and it wasn't stopping. I didn't want to be awake but this definitely made sure I was.
"Shit." I hear someone mumble.
I could feel movement near my feet. I groaned because of this interrupting my sleep.
"Shhh, go back to sleep." They say softly.
I don't open my eyes but I don't go back to sleep either. I can't seem to no matter how hard I try. It's like something is keeping me from sleeping.
Since I can't sleep I decide to get up. The only thing that's on is a movie I don't recognise. It's completely dark besides from that. I don't know where anyone is. I hear what seems like someone talking so I follow the noise.
"So what does that mean? What's happening now?"
What is Rocky talking about and who is he talking to?
He lets out a big breath. "Okay, okay. I guess I'll be there as soon as possible."
Be there as soon as possible?
He hangs up the phone and I try and quickly run back to the couch before he sees me. On my way back I trip over something and fall to the floor.
"Ow." I mumble to myself.
"Laura?" I can hear Rocky rushing over.
He turns on a light and comes over to me.
"What happen?" He asks helping me up.
"I was trying to find you and then because it was so dark, I tripped."
"Uh Laura.." Rocky starts nervously.
I look at him confused waiting for him to continue.
"We've got to go to the hospital now."
// 3:28am //
"I don't understand why we can't see him if he is just lying there alone." I say frustrated.
"I'm sure they will let us see him soon." Rydel tells me.
"That's what you said an hour ago." I spit.
Rydel looks hurt by my words and I only realise after what I did.
"I didn't.. I'm sorry." I stutter. "I'm going for a walk."
I walk to my spot and go to open the door but it doesn't open. Is it locked? I try harder but it doesn't budge.
"Who locks a door that leads to outside?!" I say angrily.
I bang on the door one last time then I drop to the floor. I sit with my back up against the door and breath heavily.
I don't know what's happening with Ross. The doctors are being vague and not saying too much details. He showed some sign of movement today but they are watching him carefully because they think that this could be a bad thing. The way it happened made them think this. I just want to see him. I should have never left. This is what happens when I leave, bad things. If this is goodbye I want to be there.
// 6:56am //
I'm making my way back to the everyone and I hear them talking about something secretly.
"Did you ever tell Laura what was in Ross' pocket when they found him?"
"No, no of course not."
"So if this is it she'll never know then?"
"Don't talk like that!"
"Sorry but I think we should have told her."
"What makes you think she doesn't already know?"
"I was talking to her about what happened before, you know the whole date, and she said he had to go back to the apartment and he told her to meet her at the lookout."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"Ross Lynch..." Everyone looks over and stands up before the doctor can finish what they are saying.
"You can go see him now." The doctor tells us.
We all look at each other.
"So who's first?" The doctor says saying what we were all thinking.
// 10:12am //
I was next. It was finally my turn to go see him next. I said I wanted to go last and I wouldn't let anyone else let me go before them.
He still wasn't awake but things were looking good now. The doctor said that if he heard our voices it might help.
"Laura, you're up."
I look up and see Ryland coming back. It was really my turn.
I was walking to his room. My heart was beating faster than it ever has before but I felt calm. I don't know why but for some reason I wasn't as nervous as I usually was.
I get to his door and I see him, it feels like it has been so long. I open the door and slowly walk in. The chair is already right next to the bed. I can't think of anything to say just yet so I hold his hand and stay like this for a while.
// 12:32pm //
"Laura do you want to go back in?" Riker asks me.
I nod and make my walk to his room.
I didn't say anything last time I was in there, I couldn't think of anything. After I came out we all went and got some food. I didn't want to leave the hospital so we settled on a place just around the conner so we were close by.
When we came back we started going in again to see him.
"Hey." I say quietly.
I sit there playing with my hands not looking at him. I didn't know what to say so I stared telling him about my day. He always used to love when I did that.
"So I finally left the hospital today. You can imagine it wasn't easy to get me to leave. I went back to your parents house and slept in your old bed. I wish you were next to me. That was the first time in months I didn't have a Noah dream. I think because in a way it felt like you were there." I continued to tell him all about my day in full detail.
I look up ever so slightly to see his peaceful face. I look at him and my face softens. I start to look down again and I swear I see him move. I stand up out of my chair. I put one hand to his and hold it. With the other hand I put it on his chest. I lean over the rail on the side of his bed to get a better look at his wakening face.
"Ross?" I ask.
/ / / / / / /
So finally here is the epilogue!! I have been working really hard on this to try and make this the best that I can! If you have anymore questions about this that you didn't understand feel free to ask me!
I hope you all enjoyed this book as much as I enjoyed writing it!! Thank you everyone for reading it and all the positive feedback on my last chapter, I really appreciate it!!
Keep your eyes out for something new from me! I've been working on a few things!
One last thank you!! Really everyone has been so amazing and great!! THANK YOU!!!
// H e r e C o m e s F o r e v e r _ x o 💕 //