Dinner with Stella lasted longer than I'd hoped, and I found myself not leaving until we'd exchanged numbers and I promised we'd see each other again soon. I wished I hadn't felt cornered, like I had to tell her we'd talk again, because I feared what would happen if I started spending time with her again. The more we saw each other over this summer, the more likely it woul dbe that I'd end up seeing the boys, and that meant seeing Zack.
After I'd escaped the noisy crowd of the restaurant, replacing it with the clatter of my car and the muffled sounds of traffic, I shut my eyes, sighing deeply. I'd barely had the opportunity to think in that restaurant, due to the constant conversation Stella kept and the noise that made it nearly impossible for omething to focus on a thought. Now, being alone, I was forcing myself not to spend too much time thinking of Zack and everything that had happened.
Rubbing my eyes, I turned my car on, rolling my windows down slightly to let air move through my car. I kept the radio off, too tired for the distraction. I was heading back to my apartment, knowing it was too late to go to the library to study. I would have to make due with studying in my room.
After finding an empty parking spot and turning off my car, I leaned over the console to the back seat, pulling out a bag of notebooks an textbooks I'd planned on bringing to the library. Tiredly, I adjusted the strap on my shoulder and left my car, heading inside to my apartment.
I heard the TV faintly through the closed door, and I sighed, imagining the scene inside as I opened the door. I shut the door behind me, making it loud enough so that a pair of eyes looked up at me, meeting mine across the dimly lit room. The TV volume went down as I walked into the kitchen, flipping on a light to brighten the area.
"I didn't think the library was open this late," came from behind me as I searched for a clean cup to fill with water.
"I didn't go to the library," I muttered, seeing the almost empty cabinets and realizing that the dishwasher desperately needed to be run. I picked a clean glass and set it on the counter before running the dishwater.
"Where'd you go then?" I looked up at Craig, who had gotten off the couch and moved towards me. I brushed a few strands of hair to the side, deciding if I should tell him who I was with today or not. I didn't think he'd take it badly, but he might be surprised.
"Nowhere," I decided, softly rubbing my nose absentmindedly. I stopped at Craig looking at me with an amused expression. "What?" I asked, remembering that I'd gotten a glass from the cabinet. I filled it up as Craig lifted himself onto the counter in front of me, looking towards my right, his feet hanging off the end. He turned his head to look at me, still smiling.
"You're lying," he said, calling my bluff easily. I started to shake my head, unable to talk because I'd just taken a sip of water, and he continued to talk. "Yes you are, Laur. You always rub your nose when you're lying," he told me, pointing at my face. "I know you better than anyone else; I've learned a lot of things over the years."
I rolled my eyes as a cover, but I turned to grab that I'd dropped on the ground, my cheeks grew warm, and I let my hair fall around my face to hide it. Craig was my best friend, still, but hearing him point out a little quirk about me, one I barely even noticed myself and was sure the majority of people I know hadn't noticed, somehow made me flustred.
"So, where did you go?" Craig pushed, hunched over, leaning his arms on his legs as I held my bag onto my shoulder, planning to escape to my room.
"It doesn't really matter," I shrugged. Did I really feel that way, though? Seeing Stella did matter, in a way, but my past and the way I felt now told me that it shouldn't matter because I didn't want to move in the same direction Stella wanted to.
"If you think it'll be awkward if you tell me you were on a date, it won't," Craig started, and I barely registered his words as he continued. "I've told you about the girls I've gone out with."
I shook my head suddenly, holding up a hand for him to stop. "I was not on a date," I said firmly. I was single, my last serious relationship being Zack. After I moved out here with Craig, he pressed me to go out with a few guys, trying to help me get over Zack. I'd gone out with a few different guys more than once, but it never lasted any more than a few dates, because I knew exaclty who I had feelings for.
"Why do you want to know where I was so badly?" I asked, walking away from him towards my room. I heard his feet hit the floor as he hopped off the counter and followed me, leaning against my doorway with his arms crossed as I dropped my bag onto my bed. He didn't answer verbally, but I saw him shrug as a response from the corner of my eye.
"I went out to dinner with Stella," I mumbled, knowing that Craig would keep asking until I told him because he clearly wanted to know.
"Stella? As in Stella Harrison? From Maryland?" Craig questioned, his eyebrows raised in surprised. I nodded, sitting on the edge of my bed. "What's she doing here?"
"She got a job out here for the summer teaching kids the guitar and piano, while the guys are here recording a new album," I said, quoting her words.
"Did you see any of the guys?" Craig asked, his expression changing slightly. He didn't need clarification as to who 'the guys' were; he was well aware of All Time Low.
"No, but Stella wants to catch up again and seeing the band might become unavoidable," I sighed, running my hands over my face. I spoke again before Craig had the chance to mention Zack. "I have a lot of studying to do, if you want to talk about this, can it wait?"
Craig nodded once, reachig out to grab my door handle, shutting the door as he backed away. When I heard the door click into place, I fell onto my bed, closing my eyes.
High school seemed like it was so long ago. Everything was so different, and seeing Stella made me realize that even more. Even she wasn't the same person she'd once been, her style choice showed that, although her personality was more or less the exact same.
I wondered if she could see how much I'd changed. I didn't doubt it, really. Between school and work, and helping Craig pay for the apartment, I was stretched pretty thin sometimes. I had a habit of biting of more than I could chew, but nothing had every made me feel this exhausted and strained. I wondered if she noticed the bags I had under my eyes, and if she told Alex that she'd seen me. She was probably so excited ater she left the coffee shop that she tld him, since she'd want to tell somebody. If she told Alex, what were the chances that Zack knew? And how did they all feel?
I could maybe understand Stella forgiving me, or at least acting like she forgave what happened, but I didn't know if it'd be different with the guys. I didn't know how they felt about what happened, since, after all, I ignored every message, call or email they sent me, even from Zack, which was the hardest for me.
I wouldn't be surprised if they all hated me, in fact, I wouldn't mind it. It would make me feel better, because I didn't think I deserved Stella's kindness when she saw me, and it would give me a reason to avoid seeing the guys, because after I left, I didn't plan on talking to any of them again.