CHAPTER FORTY:
THE FRIENDLY GHOST
[officially the longest chapter in this book]
After he absolutely destroyed Reginald, Alex lead everyone outside and then arranged for their transport to their respective destinations.
After Diego finished hugging him to death, he asked them if they wanted to stay with him and Klaus for the night which some declined, and some accepted.
So he sent Diego and Luther, and Five with Klaus —and of course, Ben— with a stern look and hands on his hip to not antagonize each other for the night. Five rolled his eyes and stated that he was the oldest so he didn't need to be lectured by his baby brother and then before Alex could start his 'why I'm the eldest and you should listen to me' speech Diego and Luther quickly grabbed Five by the arms and led him to a car and then shouted for Klaus, who was kissing Alex, to get in the car before they left without him — which they wouldn't but still made Klaus clumsily go to the car. Alex chuckled at the sight.
Allison had her husband waiting for her back so Alex called her a cab and then gave the driver the scare of his life when he threatened him to safely drive his sister home or else. Allison huffed —but was secretly pleased— and promised to call the mansion when she arrived just to ease his mind and then told the cab driver to start when Alex agreed.
Vanya left with a stunning woman which made Alex applause his sister in his head for her taste. He, after introducing himself and charming Sissy, asked them if they were all right for the night and didn't need a place or transportation home which they declined nicely and then left.
After that, he took a deep breath before going back inside to the Tiki Lounge, where he knew Reginald would be waiting for him.
"Sup," Alex greeted him with a nod of his head, no sign of his previous hostility.
"You seem to be their leader," Reginald said as he mentioned for Alex to sit down next to him by the bar.
"I'm the second eldest, but since Five is a kid too, no matter how much he hates to admit it, I get the responsibility. It's not about being the leader, it's about the respect we have for each other," Alex shrugged as he ordered a Martini, shaken not stirred.
He took a sip and looked at the barista, "someday, you'll get the joke."
He got a weird look before he turned his attention back on Reggie who was studying him with calculative eyes.
"The other night, your brother quoted Homer at me, why?" Reggies said as he pours himself some cognac.
Alex groaned, "Oh that book, you forced us all to learn it as kids. In the original Greek which was a pain the fucking ass."
Reginald looks at him and before he could open his mouth, Alex beat him to it, "So the whole point of this meeting was to tell you the worlds gonna go boom poof in Five days, so we came here to ask if you know anything or can help or whatever," he waved his drink around a little, "We need to stop it and go back to our original timeline. Gosh, I wonder what the people are up to now? Do we finally get flying cars? I bet they're having the time of their life-"
"Stop!" Reginald said as he felt a headache starting to form, "Tell me about this time travel."
And that's how Reginald and Alex spend the next hours, talking theory and about Five's powers. Despite what everyone thought, Alex was actually educated and understood shit. He went to college for god's sake and so he knew shit, okay?
The more Reginald spent time with Alex the more he understood why he was his favorite.
He didn't know the others that much, Alex was right about that in his dis track, but from the brief interaction he had with them he could come up with how his feelings might have been towards the children- his children apparently.
Alex was straight to the point when he wanted to and protective of those he loved, making him dangerous. He would do anything for them and Reginald silently felt bad for those who have the intentions to hurt Alex's loved ones.
When they were done, Alex and Reginald outside, where they shook hands and Reginald offered Alex to drive him to his destination which he declined and instead got himself a cab and left after throwing a "see you later Old Man!"
When he got to the mansion, most of the residents were asleep.
Most of them.
When he opened the door he was greeted with a few 'Faithful one' here and there.
He stopped a passerby cultist and asked them about the others.
He was quickly assured that they were placed in rooms near to the 'prophet and the faithful one's'.
Alex thanked them and left to go check out on Klaus. He would've gone and checked on the others but he knew how jumpy they all were and the slightest distribution in the air's particles could wake them up.
Quietly opening the door to their room, he spotted his husband sprawled on the bed and snoring softly. Elizabeth raised her head from where she was sleeping by the foot of the bed but when she saw it was just Alex, she softly wagged her tail and offered her belly for a late-night belly rub which Alex happily provided.
He quickly shed his clothes and joined Klaus with only his underwear on. Sleeping with clothes on is uncomfortable as fuck, he's gonna be comfortable in the comfort of his bed. Fuck everyone else.
He didn't dare cuddle up to Klaus afraid that he would disturb him. So he stayed on his side —which wasn't a lot, Klaus was taking up most of the space but Alex made do with the space left— and closed his eyes.
Before the darkness could take over completely, he felt a familiar warm body sliding over close to him and then he was hugged by his octopus of a husband. A leg was thrown on his and warm breath tickling his neck.
He laid a kiss on Klaus head before gathering the smaller man in his arms and making himself comfortable.
They both had a peaceful night.
(For smut scene please text 0 to this number: 12345678) (lol no <3)
The next morning, Alex offered to drive Luther and Diego to Elliott's.
So after breakfast, Alex talked to Five about what he and Reggie had discussed and then got ready and left with the idiot number one and two and after a short drive, they arrived at the lair.
Upon arrival, Diego was the first to notice the blood.
They shared a look before following the trail left for them. The trail leads them to the medical chair placed in the middle of the room, overlooking the railings.
Diego, not seeing it, shouted for Elliott, and then took out one of his many knives and went into a room.
Alex looked around the place looking for anything out of place. The place was a mess and Alex didn't spend much time here but he still looked around.
Luther was the first to see it, slowly walking towards the medical chair, seeing someone was sitting on it.
"Diego? Alex?" He called out to them and they came from two different directions, looking questionably at him before seeing the body.
"Shit."
They looked at the body and Alex made a confusing sound.
"That's-"
Suddenly the doors opened making them all jump and ready themselves for a fight.
"Hey- Woah!" The knife in Diego's hand went sailing towards the newcomer and landing next to his head.
Elliott looked at them scared, "what the fuck guy?"
Alex grinned, "Elliott! How was date night?"
The man in question blushed and scratched the back of his neck, "It- it was nice? We went to the place you suggested and," here he blushed even more, "I spent the night over..."
Alex's grin widened and he laughed, "you sly dog! Hope you treat Vivi nicely cause she usually handles the paychecks and if this blows up I'm probably going bankrupt."
"No! I would never- is that a dead body?"
Diego and Luther had overcome their confusion and with that, the four turned to face the dead unknown body in the chair.
"Who's this?" Alex said as he examined the corpse that was killed. Yes, he deduced that. Friends and foes, the new Sherlock Holmes!
"That's Greg!" Elliott exclaimed and then vomited on the floor.
Alex grimaced, and awkwardly patted the man on the back while giving help me eyes to the other two alive humans in the room.
They avoided eye contact and Alex vowed he would not rest until he had his revenge.
When Elliott stopped, he looked embarrassed but Alex stopped any apologies or whatever with a swift, "Impressive, now who's Greg?"
"He's- he was my friend, he asked to stay the night-"
Alex interrupted him and lead him towards the bathroom, "well you're one lucky man, not only did you get laid last night by avoided death itself! Congrats man!"
"My friend is dead."
"Yeah, but forget Greg! Who the fuck is named Greg anyways? Psychopaths, that's who. Don't worry I'll find you a new Greg-"
Luther and Diego stopped listening to Alex's horrible conversation and instead went back to examining the crime scene.
Diego found a new trail of blood and looked over the railing.
"Holy shit."
Luther joined him and looked down at the words written in blood.
Öga för Öga
—☂︎︎—
𓀡
While Alex was solving a murder mystery, Ben and Klaus were doing...something.
Klaus stared at Ben from his place on a cushion on the floor and Ben smiled innocently from where he was sitting in front of him.
"Hate to disappoint you Benny boy but you're not getting in this body. The only thing going in this body is my husband."
After Ben's discovery of possession —which took him years to discover? The hell was he doing all those years?— he was hellbent on possessing Klaus and had kindly waited for Alex to leave so he could corner Klaus.
"Well, you have to fall asleep eventually," Benny boy blew Klaus a kiss. All while smiling his 'I'm an innocent rabbit uwu' smile.
"This is nothing!" Klaus said, "once in Rio, I spent eight gay days up."
"Without chemicals assistant?"
"Listen the point is I'm not going to let you win, I need my body for smoochie times."
Klaus briefly closed his eyes and when he opened them Ben had moved closer. Klaus could hear a horror song playing in his head.
"God, I hate your face."
"I hate all of you."
"Please, just," Klaus trilled off, nearly asleep before sitting up straight with a jolt.
Ben was nearly in his face.
"Shh, shh, shh, it's okay, sleep."
Klaus was going to do just that when there was a ringing sound and he woke up again to be face to face with Ben, startling him and causing him to spill the tea, "Ben! Hey! Jesus Christ! Can you please... look I'm going through a lot right now! I need to figure out what I'm going to wear to date night and for after it when it's night time, and Benny ghosts are asleep in their rooms-"
"You're always going through a lot! And that's not even anything Klaus! Alex will make heart eyes even if you show up in a plastic bag cause you're trash!"
"Ben-a!" Klaus threw his hands up in the air, "We live in an evil world where the love of my life's gonna end up dead somewhere between stopping the apocalypse and going home!"
"Alex has died like 10 times already-"
"Two, which is surprisingly a small number I expected it to be higher."
"-you don't know about some of the times he's died in while he was invisible so, anyways, even if he dies he's probably coming back [plot twist: no he's not] so stop being dramatic!"
Ben sighed before gently speaking again, "Klaus, the way you feel is the way I feel every single day, all I do is watch you being oo-woo with Alex and making dumb decisions. Welcome to powerlessness."
"Oh my god, that must suck."
Ben looked down coyly.
"I'm sorry."
Ben was silent for a second, "you wanna make it up to me-"
"No! You can not possess me! Alex will kill me!"
"Come on! Please! Just for a few minutes!"
"No! Why? What's so damn important!"
"Jill!" Ben struggled to form words, "I wanna talk to her."
[benny boi in love uwu]
"Jill?" Klaus thought, "oh that's the-the Moroccan girl with the limp? Right?"
"Seriously? We've been over this. With Alex."
At the mention of Alex, Klaus lightens up, "I rarely listen to you when Alex is around. Or in general. I rarely listen to you at all."
"Klaus!" Ben whined.
"Alright, fine." Klaus knew when to surrender and this was not a fight he was going to win.
"Yes!" Ben said excitedly and rubbed his hand together, not knowing how to contain his joy.
"But wait! No! We need to talk about grand rules."
—☂︎︎—
𓀿
After cleaning up Greg's body —which was just throwing a sheet over it— They started trying to figure out who had done it. Which was going perfectly. Note the sarcasm, please. Thanks.
Idiot number one and two came to the conclusion that öga föröga was a person.
So they looked her up in the phone book.
And Luther, the genius, found her number!
"That must be her!"
"Call the bitch." Diego told Luther.
Alex watched with rapid interest as Luther started dialing the number.
He sent Elliott to the mansion, so he could feel safe and not be around a dead body.
As Alex watched Luther calling öga föröga, he heard the familiar sound of Five's teleportation.
He took another bite of his pizza and waited for whatever was about to happen.
"It's ringing," Luther told Diego. Alex saw Five looking under the sheet and finding Greg.
"Uh, hello, Ölga?" Luther said before whispering to Alex and Diego, "it's her, she sounds old. what should I say?"
Diego did this circle hand gesture which meant keep talking, "just-"
Luther looked at him before continuing, "Excuse me, ma'am. Um, I was just wondering— what? My name? Is, uh, Luther Hargreeves, and-"
Diego took the phone from Luther, "you killed one of ours, Ölga," he looked at Alex who gave him a thumbs up and took another bite, "Now we're coming after you. You will be dead by nightfall."
Diego's voice was very threatening. 10/10 horror.
Alex took a sip of his coke and wondered what Diego meant by 'one of ours', he didn't know Greg but if he did, Alex was sure they'd be enemies.
"It's Öga För Öga, idiots. Swedish for 'an eye for an eye'. It means the Swedes killed Elliott."
Alex snorted mid-sip causing him to spit coke everywhere — especially on his expensive three-piece suit.
Diego smiled and gently said, "Wrong number, have a lovely day." Before hanging up the phone.
This just made Alex cough harder as he tried to breathe. He was no on his hands and knees, desperate for some of that sweet sweet air.
#OxygenForPresident
"We would've gotten there." Diego said looking at Luther, who looked back, "Eventually."
"Yeah."
Five sighed and started taking off his bloody clothes.
Alex was still coughing, he had gone red and had a hand on his throat.
"You have some blood on you." Diego pointed out the obvious, "A lot of blood, actually,"
"Five, what did you do?" Luther asked in his 'authority' voice.
"I found a way home, and can someone please help Alex?"
Luther went towards Alex, making the choking man widen his eyes, and gently —gentle for a man with Luther's size— patted him on the back till finally, Alex could breathe.
"Dude," Alex said as he took a deep breath, "Why did you pat so hard?"
"That was gentle."
Alex looked up at Luther from where he was still on his knees, trying to regain control, "your poor wife..."
Five came out of the bathroom clean.
"Wait how?" Luther asked.
"All the details are irrelevant, but, I made a deal to get back to our timeline."
"What about doomsday?" Alex asked as he poured himself a glass of water, and took another piece of pizza in his hand, ready to devour it.
"Won't happen."
"And the 2019 apocalypse?"
"Everything will be back to normal, all right? Now, no more questions."
"I feel like you just jinxed us," Alex mumbled as he fixed his clothes.
"We gotta go, we have to find the others, right?" Five said as he fixed the collar of his shirt.
"Yeah."
Alex clapped his hands, "Luther, you get Allison. Diego and I'll get Klaus, and Five you get Vanya. We'll meet back here in the back alley in," here Alex looked at Five who quickly looked down at his watch, "77 minutes."
"In 77 minutes, so chop-chop!" Five handed them clocks that showed the time they had left.
And with that, they separated to find their assigned Hargreeves.
—☂︎︎—
𓃟
"No cutting of the hair, I love my looks and it has the seal of approval from Alex. No kissing Alex, that's my hubby so if he tried, stop him or something I don't want to get a divorce. No touchy touchy down there, that's private property, if you have to pee it's okay, but don't look cause I'm shy," Klaus was laying out the grand rules for Ben's possession.
Ben was counting them on his fingers and looking thoughtful.
"And finally, I'm dairy-free. Trust me on that."
They stopped next to a window overlooking the garden and Ben faced Klaus, shaking his hands to get ready for some possession time, "thank you."
"Whatever, just," Klaus opened the window which is actually a door, and then faced Ben again, "make it quick and don't tell Alex. I'll be as dead as you."
Ben rubbed his hands and crouched a little, like he was getting for a race and Klaus wiggled trying to relax before holding himself as stiff as possible, crunching his face and looking away.
Ben ran into Klaus and thus Blaus was invented.
Blaus looked at his-not-his hands and grinned.
He walked out of the doors and touched his face, before tugging the waistline of his pants forward to break rule number something.
"Can you just focus?" He took a deep breath and didn't look down, "stay focused."
He giggled and then went around the garden. Passing the cult members who bowed and reached a hand out to take an orange from the tree he saw and opened it with his bare hands — and with a straight cut, truly impressive— and took a bite.
The sour taste made him grimace before he took off again to another part of the big mansion.
That's how he's standing on dirt with bare feet, "I love dirt."
At least he doesn't love sand, so Blaus's love is acceptable.
He laid face down on dirt and moaned.
"Hello?" Jill said as she found Blaus on dirt.
Blaus, upon hearing the sound of the love of his life, slowly looked up and then sat down.
"Hello, Jill."
"Cool if I join you?" She asked nervously.
"No. I mean...yeah, of course." Blaus patted the dirt and smiled as Jill eagerly took off her shoes to join the 'prophet'.
She laid on her back and Blaus joined and they started making dirt-angels.
The dirt-angel ended and Blaus and Jill ended up eating small tomatoes.
"You're different today," Jill said with a smile as she looked at Blaus.
Which I, as a narrator find offensive cause if she's acting interested in Blaus — who she thinks is actually Klaus— even tho she knows Klaus is happily married, then...
"Really? How so?"
"You're...dorkier."
Blaus made a sad face, so now I have no choice but to kill Jill for making Blaus sad.
"No no! I like it,"
Blaus felt confident and went in for it, "you know, I haven't been able to take my eyes off you since you joined."
"I don't believe you," Jill looked down shyly.
"It's true, you love your garden, you sing to your turnips, you're so good with people. Everybody comes to you for advice and you give it so freely..."
Jill chuckled.
Once a wise man said never do what you're good at for free, Jill. Take notes.
"I love the way you tug on your earlobe when you read." Blaus touched his ear to show her what an ear is.
"I had to buy a cream for it." She said as she touched her ear as well.
"I know."
Stalker alert.
They both laughed.
Blaus looked at her, "can I-" he took a deep breath, "can I smell your hair."
"Sure," Jill said with a smile.
The narrator shifted uncomfortably, the fuck was going on.
Blaus leaned closer and smelled Jill's hair.
Jill sighed, "you're incredible."
"You're incredible too," Blaus said with a cute smile on his face.
Jill leaned back, "wanna do it?"
"Do what?"
"Have sex, the holy union of our multiple spirits."
Blaus spluttered, "Sure, but, eh-"
"But what?"
Virgin boy squeezed his eyes shut, "there's something you need to know-"
He interrupted himself when Klaus slapped taking control for a brief moment.
Jill looked at him weirdly, "are you okay?"
"Yeah, never better." He held down his arms to not slap or punch himself.
"Good," she disregarded the weird behavior and threw her legs around his waist And put her hands on his shoulders.
"Jill, you don't know the real me..."
"Yeah? I know everything about you, I have pored myself over your teachings, I have sung your Vedas, I have committed every part of your body to my memory."
Back of lady!
"But Jill, that's not me, I'm somebody different, I'm... a virgin."
Virgin boy confessed.
Jill looked at him weirdly, "what about your husband?"
"Ha?" Blaus asked confused.
"You and your husband. Me and Keechie found you guys in the sex wing. You guys had incredible stamina and we took notes of the moves you pulled off."
For once, a place Alex and Klaus had banged was revealed.
"Klaus, you're so filthy!" Blaus said frustrated.
"Yes, you are, Daddy."
The narrator cringed so hard she was about to get sick. No seriously.
Jill then started kissing Blaus,
And Blaus the virgin boy didn't know how to react.
Until a voice interrupted them.
"Hey, Daddy," Diego said as he walked up to them, Alex behind him skipping over with a small flower in his hand and a grin on his face.
Jill and Blaus separated. Mortified by being caught.
"The fucks going on here?" Alex said as he tugged the flower behind his ear and then did the hands on the hips, I'm not mad just furious look.
"I can- explain," Blaus said as he looked at the body's husband who just found him in a very intimate moment with another person.
If he had just ruined Klex he was gonna die.
"Not you sweetie," Alex said with an amused smile before turning to Jill furiously, "What do you think you're doing with my husband?"
Jill spluttered and looked at Blaus for help but she was alone in this.
"Out!" Alex shouted and pointed in a random direction causing Jill to quickly getting up and running away in fear.
"The nerve of that girl! Daddy? Pfff," Alex huffed and crossed his arms, "she knew you were married! Also, she saw us? Stalker much?"
Diego was informed last night about Klaus and Alex being married. He raged, pouted, and only gave in when Alex promised him a new knife collection. He was really happy for them and told them so. After he pulled both of them in a hug he gave both of them the shovel talk and scarred them for life.
Diego glared at Blaus. Diego who had many knives glared at Blaus. Diego with killer aim glared at Blaus.
Oh shit.
"Umm..."
"Come one," Diego said and took a hold of Blaus's arm, "we gotta go."
"Where?"
"Five found a way home."
"It's so great to talk to you again, Diego."
Alex rolled his eyes and hanged back a little.
Diego looked at Blaus weirdly, "did you hear what I just said?"
"Yeah."
"Are you high, Klaus?"
Alex came and stood on the other side of Blaus, "No, it's hi, how are you."
He got two weird looks for that before Blaus turned to Diego, "no, I'm not Klaus."
He then turned to face Alex, "Which means he didn't cheat on you so please don't fill the divorce papers, I promised him I wouldn't tell you cause then you'd kill him and we don't want that. Okay maybe I wanna kill him a little but that's not the point so please don't," he took a look at Alex's amazed face, "which you already knew."
"Yup," he popped the p.
"How?"
"I know my husband's mannerism, you couldn't have fooled me, hun," Alex pinched his cheeks and then drew him in a hug, "missed you."
Diego looked at them weirdly, "guys?"
Blaus looked at Diego after he released Alex, "I'm Ben."
Diego stepped closer to Blaus, "you are...high. Look I don't have the time for this."
"I can prove it, ask me something only Ben would know."
Alex watched the interaction with a smile.
"Okay," Diego looked at Alex for reassurance, "when we were little, what did you program Allison's Teddy Ruxpin to say?"
Blaus singsonged, "Luther sniff's dad's underwear." And then chuckled.
Diego looked at Blaus in a new light, "holy shit."
Alex laughed with tears in his eyes when Diego pulled Blaus in a bear hug.
"I don't get it, I mean... Klaus said you didn't make it to Dallas." They separated.
"Well, Klaus says a lot of things but guess what? I can possess him now and it's freaking awesome."
Alex smiled as she walked closer, "which reminds me," and then slapped the back of Blaus's head earning an ow, "what the fuck is this? Did he agree to this?"
"Yes, yes, he set ground rules which I've broken nearly all of them, I haven't touched the hair so that's something."
Alex's glare didn't falter.
"Okay, you can tell me all about it on the way back to 2019, okay?" Diego said as he took a hold of both Blaus and Alex's arm and lead them towards the exit.
"What about destiny's children? We can't just leave them, Klaus should be the one to tell them-"
"I talked to Cindy —the woman who found me— before we got here so I'm all cleared up. I also had papers ready for a change of ownership for Ouija, it's going to Dave and Robert. Dave doesn't know how to dress for shit but Robert is a fashion god and I believe in him."
Blaus nodded.
Diego looked at Blaus as they kept walking, "you stay in this body, we need someone responsible behind the wheel, okay?"
"Fuck off Diego! No! Ben isn't going to walk around as Blaus! That's not how this works!"
Neither of them asked what the fuck is a Blaus and they kept walking and ignored Alex.
"I just need ten minutes, okay?" Blaus pleaded.
Diego looked down at his clock, "actually there's something I gotta do first okay? Meet me in the alley behind Elliott's in 30 minutes, okay? Don't be late."
"I won't."
Diego gave a short hug to Blaus, "good to see you brother," and then yelled over his shoulder as he walked off, "and stop pouting Alex! He'll be back!"
And with that, Blaus ran towards the mansion while trying to stop Klaus from taking control, and Alex behind him
★彡WORDS: 5000★彡
Privyet!
This shit took me like 5-6 hours to write. it's the rest of the ep.6 and 1/2 of ep.7
I don't have the heart to kill many people but I'll kill Alex before you can even blink. So yes. Elliott is still alive and eating his Jell-O.
No hate on Jill but Klaus is married.
The choking incident is based on me actually nearly dying while my friends laughed at me dying. It was funny at that moment, dw.
Stay safe and wear your masks and stuff,
Love ya! ❤️
And now an actual meme :
[@truetuafacts on Instagram, posted with permission] ^