"Never trust your fears, they do not know you!"
The second stage of straining had been even tougher than the first stage. I was coming so close to becoming a member of the faction I had chosen, the only thing that was left was the final test. "The fear-landscape—" Four raised his arms to wrap them around his chest as he addressed us all.
Everyone grew quiet the moment he spoke up. "Here you will meet all your fears. Face them like you've done in the fear simulator. One by one you will face them, solve them before they consume you." Four sighed as he stepped back, allowing me full sight of Eric. He was leaned against the wall beside the door that lead into the small rectangular room where we had faced the fear simulator.
"Here you will be faced with every fear you have, normally you will have about ten to fifteen fears. However, that is not always the case, people can have as low as four fears, which is also the lowest recorded." Four explained and I was certain I noticed Eric's jaw clench.
Ever since I found out height bothered him, I had begun to wonder what his fear-landscape would look like. Everyone feared something, even him. I had overheard some of the dauntless talking about the fear-landscape and how Four only had four fears, hence the nickname. My attention shifted back to Four as he finished speaking by calling Tadeo's name first.
I hadn't been listening to the last part. Which meant I was pulled out of my thoughts when Four called Tadeo forth fist. They vanished not long after and Eric pushed himself away from the wall, walking out of the room we had been standing in, with long secure strides. He had looked better than yesterday, though the wounds were still prominent on his face. Even this split lip. I hadn't been able to look away from it.
I was outright exhausted after yesterday's events. First a punishment for the food war in the dining hall, then for fairness I had received another punishment because I hadn't gotten back to the compound in time with the others. I wasn't angry at Eric at all, I was just very, very tired.
With the back of my hand, I covered the yawn that escaped, fighting to keep back any sound that wanted to escape as well. The sudden yawn had made me wince and my fingers found the wound on my own lips. Eric had made Solomon, Hunter and I, clean all the knives and guns. It had taken two hours before I could get back to the accommodation, where everyone else were already fast asleep.
I pushed myself back against the wall behind me, closing my eyes to enjoy the cold wall against my sore body before the door was opened again. Four stepped out and met my gaze before he called my name. My chest constricted the moment my name left his lips, I was not sure what I could expect from this at all.
The room was the same, the rectangular shape, small and barren with only the chair and a computer screen. I rubbed my sweaty palms against my thighs when my eyes landed on the chair, so clearly remembering the needle that would properly follow.
"Sit down." Four gestured to the chair again. I lingered where I stood for a moment longer as Four turned to the computer screen and a small tray of something similar to the serum we had ingested the day we were supposed to figure out which faction to choose.
I had barely placed my rump in the chair and scooted back when Four returned, a small vial of purple iridescent serum in his hand. When he passed it to me, I took it hesitantly from him, bringing it up to examine the purple liquid inside. "No needle this time." Four chuckled when he saw my expression. I mimicked him a little disrespectfully but he didn't see because he'd had his back to me.
I grimaced at him when he turned back to me, trying to bite back the remark I had wanted to shoot at him as well. Shortly after I brought the vial up to my lips, hesitating for a second before downing it in one go. I grimaced, wincing in disgust as I fell back into the chair after I had passed the now empty vial back to Four.
The moment I closed my eyes I was pulled into the simulation. At first there were only darkness but then a blue glow revealed to me I was back in the damn box again. I growled in frustration, hammering a fist against the wall next to me as it began moving inward.
My other hand had already begun searching for the nails I knew would be on the floor somewhere. Once found, I quickly jammed them in under the crevice between the wall and the floor. I was visibly relieved when I leant against the back of the box. It took me longer to calm down because the walls had creaked dangerously, threatening to move inward again.
The simulation was then forced to move on when it detected a steady heartbeat, shifting into the next quite effortlessly. I inhaled deeply, eyes snapping open only to land upon the blue sky above me. It took me less than a second to realize my hands and feet were once again bound. But not like they usually were. They had been bound behind a wooden stake. I exclaimed a furious growl as my head snapped around, trying to figure out where I was.
I was still on the hilltop, the water splashing against the side of the hill several feet below me. Then several black figures materialized, even better than they usually did. This time the shadows held guns as well. The fog made their form ever shifting but I still saw exactly what they were.
"Prepare to fire! Kill those traitors!" The voice that reached my ears, seemed to come from no one in particular as the figures obliged, raising their guns to point at me. I clenched my eyes shut, turning my head away from the sight. I wasn't prepared to die right now, nor was I prepared to face this fear at all.
Then the gunshots exploded. I expected to feel pain, but nothing came. I dared open my eyes again, only to discover that the wooden pole behind me was gone again. I sunk to my knees, releasing a relieved sob in the process. Once done with the small pity party, I got myself pushed upright into a sitting position just as a singular shadow figure came into view.
I clenched my jaw, body going rigid while waiting for the monster to approach. "Stay away from me." I warned and got myself up onto my feet. The creature released a hollow laugher but didn't deter its course at all. For the first time it did something else and released a hollow laugh, making me even more anxious than what I had ever been before.
The fear that followed made me even more annoyed at myself and a small voice in the back of my head reminded me, it's not real. It was faint but it was there and the voice pulled me out of my head. Eyes narrowed, I prepared for whatever would come, already knowing about two different outcomes, I prepare myself for them both.
But a third option presents itself as I'm yet again reminded by a voice in my head, this time stronger and clearer, it's not real, focus! Repeating the words in my head once more the robe that had been digging into my skin, was gone. I jumped to my feet, launching myself at the figure.
This was certainly not like before because the figure didn't evaporate, instead I was pushed back by the sudden materialization of the shape. A cloud of black erupts around the figure, then hands reach down, raising me from the ground by the neck of my shirt before hauling me towards the edge.
I fight with everything I got, digging my heals into the ground, hitting, screaming, buckling, but to no avail before I'm raised off the ground again as if I'm nothing. Something glints in the light, then a sharp pain and something buries itself in my abdomen. I was unable to scream as the hold was loosened on me and I plunged towards the water beneath me.
I hit it not long after and begin sinking immediately. My lungs were screaming, screaming for air, screaming for me to breathe even though I'm under water. Closing my eyes to control the stinging pain in my abdomen, I was once again reminded by the voice in my head. It makes me take a deep breath, expecting my lungs to fill with water, but it's only air that comes down.
Then the simulations shift. I feel ground beneath my feet, but they cannot hold me upright. I slump to the ground, hunching forwards to place my elbows on the floor while filling my screaming lungs with even more air.
When familiar voices reach my ears, I snap out of my exhausted state. I pushed myself upright into a sitting position, attaining a full view of my surroundings. I was back in the pit, many of the initiates standing right in front of me, their attention on me as well.
One figure then emerged from the others, Eric. He was leaned against one of the large stones as some of the words from the others become clearer. "Did you hear, she's been sleeping with one of our instructors, probably Eric, that's why she's become so good so fast." Roxy whispered from a place on my left.
My head snap in her direction. I find her beside Luke, they're whispering together. It is words I'm able to distinguish from each other as Isaac then emerged. "She's cheating her way to the top, just like I said." The grin on his face expands at the horror that emerges on mine.
Overwhelmed, I push myself up onto my feet and dashed forwards. I had wanted to defend myself but when my outstretched hand makes contact with something solid, something invisible, glass once again, the words dry up in my throat. A small whimper was all that escaped me when both my hands reach for the invisible barrier.
Something then dawns in me and I bite into my lip, tasting iron before I tear myself away from the sight. This is but a simulation, it wasn't real. Tears had swelled in my eyes before I tear myself away, sprinting down the corridor on my right, following it blindly.
Next I stepped out into the open room in front of the chasm. My chest constricted in fear at the sight, clearly remembering what had happened here. I hadn't even stepped onto the bridge when laugher reached my ears. I spun around, hunched in alarm as I come face to face with more of the strange shadow figures. Three in total
They never materialize properly as they dashed forwards. They hit me hard, attacking me from every angle. Every thing I had ever learnt from Four seemed to vanish and I sunk down onto my knees, holding my arms protectively over my head. I was just trying to protect myself from their endless thrashing.
A sob leaves me when hopelessness settled within me. My will falters before Eric's voice cuts though my head. Don't let your fear control you, or your actions. And right now I'm controlled by my fear. Something switch within me and I remember everything I've learnt over the last few weeks. Everything Four had taught me.
With an angry scream I push one of the figures away. I grabbed another by its arm, and while holding onto it as tightly as I can, I steer it towards the chasm. With another scream, I face my fear head on before I push the figure over the edge. Never relenting on the tight grip, I fall too. Plunging towards the bottom and the raging water beneath.
My eyes were tightly shut as I wait for the impact, but it never comes. It's just a simulation I remember. And it ends with that.
Next I jerk upright, back in the chair in the small room with four. I cradle both my arms against my chest as my hair whip around my face. Heaving for air, I try to keep the loud lobs at bay. I had faced new fears today. I had even faced familiar fears but never had I imagined how much it would impact me afterwards.
While I steady myself, Four remain in his seat next to the computer. He had already removed the electrode from his head and was just waiting for me to calm myself. "Octavia?" Four's voice is careful, but also worried as a hand then is placed on my shoulder. He had scooted closer on his chair and I hadn't noticed in my panic.
I cry out loudly, recoiling away from him. But I also move off the chair, cowering to the other side of the object. My sudden motion had forced Four up onto his own feet. "Octavia!" He tried more sternly. This time his voice cuts through. My attention snap back to him as I take a few more calming breaths.
Four is clearly worried about me but he cannot provide the safety or comfort I seek. In my frantic state, I quickly seek the door. My frightened mind acts on its own, seeking the only comfort it could recognize at that moment. Eric. Or more precisely, his scent. I had not been wearing his sweatshirt today. A thing I truly regretted right there.
It was as if my mind knew he would be waiting just outside that door. When my eyes lock with his, they widen, and he barely get to push himself away from the wall he had been leaning up against before I throw myself at him. Tears had swelled in my eyes even before I had my arms wrapped around his neck.
Eric was forced back again, his arms securely wrapping around me as the force slam him against the wall he had just left. "Octavia." Eric groaned, sounding equally annoyed and equally worried. I kept my sobs at bay as I tiptoe, raising further up to tighten my hold on him. "You're shaking." Eric sighed as he rests his chin on my shoulder.
The only thing that keeps me present was his own presence and then that damn cologne of his. I was too much of a mess to hear the door open behind me. Four had followed me out into the hallway, getting a full view of Eric and me. "I hope you understand the consequences—" Fours voice is quiet, but serious.
"Shut up Four, for once in you life just shut up." Eric growled at him. I can feel the low rumble radiate through my body, coming from Eric's chest as he lifts his head again, raising a hand to the back of my head before pulling me even closer to him, tightening the embrace.
"I will, just this once." Four's voice was tight, but Eric relaxed anyway. "Get her away from here before Lauren comes back." Four orders, vanishing back into the room again. Eric half sighed, half groaned before he pulled me with him, keeping a firm hold on my waist as he guided me through the hallways.
It take me a while before I understand where Eric is guiding me. The hallway with the six doors, one of them Eric's own apartment, is oddly familiar. With a quick motion, Eric had the door unlocked, opened, and then closed again behind us. Once inside the apartment, arms go back around me. "I have to go back, or else Lauren will notice—that damn woman's too preceptive. Stay here. I'll come get you later."
Eric reluctantly released me. He lingered in front of the door with one hand on the handle, clearly taking in my shaking figure as I raise my arms up, wrapping them tightly around myself. Eric then tore himself away, exiting the apartment and left me to the silence.
Once he is gone, the familiar vile taste grew in the back of my throat. I quickly find my feet before storming towards the bathroom. I emptied the content of my stomach before returning to the couch again. I had been tempted to crawl underneath the covers of Eric bed but clearly remembered how he didn't like anyone touching his stuff.
My strength was failing when I sank back down onto the couch, quickly getting out of my shoes before raising my knees up. I wrapped my arms around them as my feet came to rest on the edge of the couch. I was completely zoned out, trying to keep myself from falling into the memories of the fear-landscape.
I had no recollection of how long I sat there. I just knew it was for a long time before I leant to the side, lying down on the couch. I turned around so I was facing the back of it and snuggled closer, holding my arms tightly against my chest.
I must've drifted off at some point because when the couch suddenly dipped behind me, a hand was placed on the couch between my hip and the back of the couch. Another hand was removing a few strands of hair from my face, girly securing them behind my ear. I stirred, completely waking up again.
My eyes shifted to Eric now seated behind me. He didn't smile, he only carried a serious expression before he gently grabbed my arms, guiding me upright into a seated position before closer to him. "It was just a simulation—there's nothing that can harm you." Eric took in a deep breath as I swung my arms around him again.
Every muscle in his body had pulled taut, but before they relaxed, he had embraced me as well. Eric lifted me into his lap and deepened the embrace as he lent back against the couch. I didn't know for how long we sat there but when Eric moved his hands to my arms, gently pulling them away from him, our eyes locked. "No matter how much I enjoy that, you need to talk to me." Eric sighed as I retracted my arms as well, letting them fall into my lap.
I kept my head low, eyes purposefully on what my hands were doing, fiddling with a hole on my pants. It allowed me to notice the time on my watch, it was almost dinner time. When I redirected my attention back up to Eric again, I began telling him everything. Every fear, everything I had faced, but also the voice in my head telling me it wasn't real. And how his words had helped me.
Eric's demeanor changed the moment I mentioned that voice in side my head. He had lent further away from me, his face falling into deep shadows as I continued talking. Spilling everything to him.