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behold, crack au.
i legit cannot with this picture.
xiao doing this dance has given
me an extra life right now.
pretty sure yall know the
"gentleman" dance by the
mondstadt boys in a youtube
video right ? now behold, liyue version.
by the way i totally rolled for scaramouche
thats definitely not chonyun's boyfriend
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disclaimer;;;
sorry i didn't update
these few days, i have
been preparing for
today's "fake"
graduation day in
school and since i
won't see my friends
anymore after all this
its basically goodbye
high school for me ~ ♡
yumi's growing up folks,
can she get some fish.
anyways behold, the fandango
and also after a few chapters
today its gonna be the week
yall have been craving for 😒
( also the week i dread )
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"hey there childe, what'cha up t-"
childe quickly turned around to slam his lips onto yours to shut you up. you widened your eyes at the sudden affection and blinked multiple times before he pulled away and placed a finger in front of his lips. "shhh, im trying to get a few people to dance so i can record that onto the kamera for bribe and fatui business."
you blushed and wiped your lips a little before you cleared your throat. you noticed that he was directly spying on scaramouche who was yelling at the top of his lungs at signora, who was just staring down at him with her cold eyes. you then looked at childe. "you wanna get scaramouche-"
"to do the fandango, yes."
you dramatically gasped and pretended to bite onto the cloth you had in your hand and cried out softly. "how dangerous, how would you ever convince him to do the ever so popular fandango?"
"oh i'll get him to do it alright ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"
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childe was staring at you for a while before he came over and handed you a very big plate that consisted of almond tofus. it was quite heavy so you almost dropped the whole plate due to the weight. you grunted. "damn childe... whats all t-"
"i want xiao to dance too."
you looked up at him and shook your head. "forget it, he's never going to do it."
"he will once you send this almond tofu to him, its poisoned with fatui spells that would probably make him agree to everything after eating, its signora's perfume ingredient." childe said before sitting down on the floor.
you nodded your head. "hm, no wonder scaramouche agreed to liking signora when i asked the other day, it was her perfume wasn't it."
"yeah, i knew zhongli wouldn't actually agree that his size is smaller than mine."
"i beg your pardon?"
childe blushed and whipped his head around to see zhongli, in his glory, staring at him with the same expressionless face. though you and childe were dating, zhongli and childe's weird friendship never got in the way. childe smiled nervously as he waved his hand. "hi... zhongli.."
you then turned around and started to walk towards wangshu inn. "oh well this isn't my issue now, good luck dear."
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you drummed your fingers on the table of the pavilion in liyue as you waited for your food. you had been hungry the whole day, and after xiao nearly killed you when he started to strangely agree to everything you said, you had to make a break for it, so you ended up even more famished than you already were.
childe then burst the door opened, scaring every single customer inside the restaurant. you got scared out of your skin that you almost knocked over your glass of water. you kicked his leg when he came over to sit next to you with a very evil smile. he curled his lips upwards evily as he tapped his fingers against each other. "hehehehhehehehehehhehehehe....."
you took a sip of your water and then looked at him, curious. "did you get someone else to dance or something?"
"i fed chongyun jueyuen chillies. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that boy will be high tonight."
you spat out a bit of your water out of laughter and started to laugh loudly, not caring who was watching you. you wiped away the tear that was drooling down your eye and slowed down to a giggle. "you... you actually fed that poor boy chillies?"
"hey, you should thank me," he winked and pulled you in for a cheek kiss. "and also, i think xingqiu would be thanking me too. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"
"oh my god childe HAHAHAHAHA."
"just wait 'till tonight baby."
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you started laughing your lungs out as the curtains rose from the stage, revealing the three men that nobody would have ever anticipated to be standing there in dark black sunglasses they stole from your cupboard since you came from fontaine and fontaine had weird style costumes.
xinyan and xiangling were sitting beside you, and they immediately covered their face the moment they noticed that it was xiao, chongyun and scaramouche on the stage. childe was in the front, kamera in hand ready to record everything.
xingqiu looked up from his book and spat out the tea he had been drinking when he saw chongyun on the stage next to the other two in those sunglasses. you saw keqing running over to slap xingqiu's back as he coughed violently, a heavy tint blush on his cheeks.
"this is the best night ever," you said through your heavy laughter while ganyu, who sat the furthest away from you three, tried to cover qiqi's eyes from the stage. she then sent a death glare over to childe, who flashed her a smile.
zhongli, who was sort of in on the whole idea, started to start up the music, and the moment they started to swing their s l e n d e r hips side to side to the music, you, xinyan, xiangling, keqing, and even ganyu started to scream and blush. the way their hips moved side to side was very much erotic.
you started to hold your stomach and laughed loudly the moment scaramouche appeared in the middle to twist and contort his body in the most s e x y yet girly way possible. xiangling stood up and started cheering, and xinyan joined in while you just laughed your head off.
keqing was patting xingqiu, who had his red face covered by the book. he couldn't even look at chongyun properly after that one hip thrust move they all made. xiao had probably been out of it after all the poisoned almond tofus because he started to run his hands through his hair and bite his lower lip whenever a sexy move came.
you were screaming with the other two girls at this point when ningguang and beidou came, the both of them just shaking their heads with a smile at the whole chaos. scaramouche then came over to the front again and started to move his hips very very smoothly side to side with his legs opened on the stage. he licked his lips and started to make sexy moves all around.
the three of your screamed when he ran his hand down his body and stopped just at the hem of his shorts, licking his lower lip in the process. chongyun followed in pursuit and started to make wild moves on the stage while xiao just moved his body side to side.
everything was either in sync or not, and you couldn't stop screaming. the fireworks went off when they neared the ending, and you watched as scaramouche slid his sunglasses down a little and started to slip his outer wear down, exposing his bare shoulders, which prompted all of you to shriek.
scaramouche untied the outer wear and threw it towards the three of you, and of course, xinyan caught it with her fire guitar and started to scream even more. scaramouche had already started to dance all over the stage, and he ended the whole song with the sexiest of poses.
everyone clapped, but it was very obvious the loudest waves of claps came from you three. keqing was blushing at xingqiu and you had to take a moment to figure out why she was blushing and trying to cover his crotch area with a small pillow.
you nudged xiangling and whispered into her ear as she snickered. you then ran over to childe to hug him, and he hugged you back right as xiao, scaramouche and chongyun came down the stage. he hummed and kissed your lips. "thanks for coming over after swooning over the three men."
"hehehe well, i never knew they could dance this sexily~"
he giggled and hugged you up slightly, your feet barely touched the ground anymore, and he pressed his lips onto yours. he pulled away and smiled. "i would love to kiss you more dear, but i'm afraid that im in grave danger right now."
"what kind?"
"w-"
"CHILDE YOU BASTARD YOU GET YOUR SORRY BUTT HERE RIGHT NOW," xiao screamed. you turned to see his yaksha mask appear on his face as black and dark green smoke echoed all around him. in the distance, scaramouche and chongyun were both holding their own weapons at hand; it was electro plus cryo.
scaramouche then grinned as his eyes narrowed. "you are never,"
chongyun then continued as he summoned his spirit blades. ".. going to see the light of day again."
you looked over at childe and laughed before placing a kiss on his lips. "good luck my dear."
he chuckled nervously as xiao, scaramouche and chongyun started to fly at him. he nodded at you, gave you one last kiss and started to dash away. "well, see ya later girly~!"