After getting into the driver's seat of my car after work, I pulled out onto the busy streets of Los Angeles. I hated how loud it was here, how there was always something going on. I was a homebody, even if I barely had time to be at the apartment anymore. It was times like these, driving on the crowded, bumper to bumper streets of California that I missed my small hometown in Maryland.
My mind always wandered to home, wondering what it was like not, and if anything had changed. I always thought of the memories, and the friends I lost in the process of moving to this ridiculous city. None of them understood why I came, why I bothered to risk it all, to move to a city that I barely called home. None of them would udnerstand that I came here to move on, not to be stuck in a rut.
For such a short drive, finding my way to the restaurant was difficult with so much traffic. I found a parking spot near the back, noticing how crowded the place actually was. I was almost positive I wouldn't be able to find her in here.
I maneuvered my way between cars and to the front door. I didn't bother to look at customers staring at my clothes, knowing they were dressed for the occasion. I wasn't going to dread that I couldn't impress people with my clothing. I learned over the years that I couldn't let strangers and their impressions of me affect me. If I did, this city would eat me alive.
When I glanced around the resturant, the waitresses were moving swiftly between the tables. I would never be able to work as a waitress; I'd end up dropping things or knocking into someone who could get me fired. I stuck to the simple life of making coffee that I'd never be able to undestand why people drank.
I almost turned around after a few minutes, giving up on finding her in such an intensely compact and noisy place. I heard her voice suddenly, just barely, over everything. She was calling my name, and I scanned the room one last time before seeing her sitting at the bar, smiling in my direction.
She was dressed in a strapless teal shirt that flowed to her waist with a pair of white shorts and gladiator sandals. She looked like a million bucks, and I tried to ignore the fact that I've been living here for years and couldn't afford a single piece of clothing that Stella wore today. I felt my old high school nerves getting the best of me, making me feel self-conscious around Stella, something I hadn't felt in years. I never worried about what people thought because I always told myself that they don't know what I've been through, where I've been, where I'm from, or what I'm doing here. Being next to an old best friend that was so much better off than me made me feel like a failure.
I decided to go through with it anyways, moving past the workers and customers. I gave her a small smile while she moved her purse from the chair next to her. I eased into it, noticing the soda and margarity placed in front of me. She leaned closer, voice normal speaking to me above the hustle of the bistro.
"I just remember you didn't like drinking in high school, so I wasn't sure what to order you," she explained, and I laughed once with a small nod before pikcing up the alcoholic beverage and bringing it to my lips. She smiled brightly, taking a sip of hers. I guess I'd pay her back at the end of this get together.
Seconds later, the bartender brought over two small appetizers of chips and salsa. I reached for them willingly, unable to control my hunger from not being able to eat most of the day. Stella joined me, and it almost reminded me of the first time we hung out at her house, eating chips together while talking about Alex and Zack and how we missed them while they were on tour.
Wow, things really have changed.
"So, what are you doing in LA?" Stella finally asked what I'd been anticipating. I knew she wanted to ask me why I took off at the end of that summer, why I never answered back her text messages, or Zack's for that matter, why everyone had started rumors about me and my best friend, Craig. I knew there were more questions under the simple ones she asked. She wanted to know how I could do it, how I could get up, leave, and never look back.
"I'm getting my master's in business management at UCLA," I said before sipping the drink again. It was fruity, and I liked the tingle of the alcohol in my throat. "I managed to get the university to let me customize a five year program instead of an eight year and worked my ass off over the summers. By the end of August I'll be done with school."
"Jesus, Laur," she said with a gaping breath, probably thinking about all the time I've spent in calss instead of at the beach. I laughed at her choice of words, nodding. It amazed me how easy it was to talk to Stella. How it felt like only a few months, instead of years, had passed. "Wow, management in what?"
"Anything, really," I said, shrugging at the thought, knowing all of the extra classes I took just to have the selection once I left school. "I've spent a lot of time in class since I came out here."
I was aware that she vaguely understood the actual reason I came out here, why I packed my bags and left. At first, everyone was convinced it was because of the fact that I couldn't stand being around Stella with Zack there. I guess what I realized in the end was that it was more than Zack. It was Craig, it was my hidden feelings, and my need to smell fresh air. Sure, Zack was an extra reason to get on the first flight here, but I knew there was more to it than that.
"How, uh, did things turn out with you?" she asked, curiously. It wasn't prying, just concern.
"I'm still going," I said without adding much to it. I didn't think she needed to know. "He's heading off to Europe for the summer for an exchange program at the end of this week. He'll be back when I'm done with school.
"That's always good," she gave me an off smile; I knew how close she and Zack were. It must've been awkward to hear.
"So, how is everyone?"
Stella thought about it for a moment, her face fell just barely, thinking about all the things in the past that had changed for the better and worse, all of the things I missed out on. I was still trying to figure out if they bugged me or not.
"Well, Jack's the same, still single and definitely doing his own thing," she rolled her eyes. "He's just as immature as he was five years ago, I can tell you that much.:
I felt my lips curl up in the corners. Jack was always someone that could make me laugh. He was always the first to introduce himself, the one to break the ice.
"Rian and Kara broke up about a year ago; things just didn't end up working out with them. Kara still visits, and is pretty close with everyone, including Rian. He had a new girlfriend from a band they toured with a few months ago. She's a sweetheart, even under the circumstances," she said, a sour expression at the thought of her best friend and her boyfriend not being together anymore.
Kara and Rian had been together since their junior year of high school and everyone assumed they'd be the first to get married, have babies, and settle down. What the heck happened?
"What about, uh -- Zack?" I finally asked hesitantly, not sure how I liked the taste of his name in my mouth.
She gave me a sweet smile, considering her words. "He's still the same old Zack. He really didn't change much, maybe a little less shy," she said, laughing once. "But he's still the same, sweet kid."
I nodded at the thought, taking in the image of Zack now. I saw their pictures and I knew when they were in town for shows because their posters were everywhere. They were pretty famous now-a-days, even for an alternative band. I could never see Zack changing, or acting differently than he did in high school. It was almost a relief to hear that his personality didn't change with the new fame.
"Well about you and Alex? How is being apart going?" I asked, curiously. I was almost surprised they lasted this long. I was shocked that Stella managed to hold Alex's attention over the years.
"Uh..." she started awkwardly, a large smile appearing on her mouth as she fiddled with a finger on her left hand. I was almost confused about what she was doing before I noticed a glint; her ring finger had jewelry on it.
I reached for her hand, steadying it to make sure I wasn't imagining the princess cut diamond on her finger. A large stone set in the center with an X pattern under gallery. There were three smaller diamonds of the same cut on both sides of the larger one on a beautiful silver band. It was gorgeous, modern, and my heart jumped into my throat when I realized what that meant.
"Oh my God!" I breathed out, looking at it with wide eyes. Her eyes were on me, beaming. I laughed, unable to believe that Alex proposed to a girl. He committed to settling down. I couldn't even believe it. "No way! When?"
"Two months ago," Stella said as she admired the ring now comfortable on her small fingers. It wasn't too big, and it wasn't too small. Alex must have spent weeks trying to find a ring that matched Stella as well as this one did. "He was about to leave for a short tour and we went golfing at 7/11," she said with a beaming smile.
I remembered the time Zack brought me with them to 'golf' off the local 7/11 roof. It was a tradition the group had, something I'd completely forgotten about. They had old clubs and balls they'd smash into the parking lot, venting about things that bothered them.
I encouraged her to keep going by rolling my wrist, hand making a circular motion while I took another sip. She began again with a bubbily voice," He put it at the bottome of the bucket inside the box. He had this long, stuttering speech about how he didn't let me fall off the roof the first time he brought me, and it was just..the sweetest thing I've ever heard."
"That's amazing," I grinned at her, feeling like we've never been apart. Stella is a girl that's so easy to get along with, effortless to be happy for. Her grin was wide and bright, she was glowing. "What did your dad say?" I asked, remembering how much her dad hated him when we were younger.
"He was actually really happy," she laughed, so much joy in her voice. "He finally realized a few years ago that he was a pretty decent guy."
I leaned back in my chair as Stella ordered two more margaritas, unable to wrap my head around how many things have changed. "I can't believe you got Alex Gaskarth to settle down," I mumbled quietly, looking around us to make sure they weren't any nosy listeners. I'm sure the last thing they needd was someone to grill them about it, especially if it was fan blog.
"Not yet, it's going to be a long engagement," she said giggling, leaning her hand on the counter. "He hasn't even realy announced it to their fans yet, even though I'm sure most of them know. I don't know, though. We'l have to plan it aorund al the band stuff, but they're so big right now, and I just, I don't want to add to the stress he's feeling. He can barely gocus on one thing at a time, let alone plan a wedding."
She rolled her eyes, but there was only adoration beind the gesture. She was in so deep, and if he proposed, it was obvious he was more seirous about it than anyone would have thought. I could imagine the way he showed off the ring to the guys before asking her, the look on Zack's face. I wondered if he was happy for him or if he thought he was ready for it. He was always so good at things like that, I always used to go to him for advice.
Then I felt something in the put of my stomach, something I've been pushing away for years. This was something I thought I could forget happened. I thought I could forget the guy that impacted my life so much in high school. Zack. It was right then, with Stella smiling at me, and Zack's picture in my head, that I remembered how much I missed him.