Last Chapter
Thank you to all of my dedicated readers and followers who made my first story such a success. Don't worry, there will be an epilogue.
I love you with my whole heart.
•••
Josh's POV
She wouldn't. Not after all that's happened. I need to contact her. Why wouldn't she tell me she'd be flying to London, especially with Nicholas? I should just get on a plane and meet her there.
No. I trust her. If she really loved me- no. She does love me. It's stupid to even be questioning that. That I know for sure. I grip my hands together, trying to be rational about my next move. I could fly to London, but what good would that do? It would only set back the promotion, and she wouldn't even know I was coming. Plus, I don't know how she'd react to it. She'd either be really excited I'd met her there, or call me stupid for flying all the way to London for her. A phone call isn't enough for me. Hearing her voice only makes me want her with my physically. I need to see her.
Jen's POV
"I'm sorry you got stuck with me," I frown to Nicholas as we walk up the stairs to his flat.
"It's okay. I don't mind, but I think I know someone who might.." He half heartily laughs. I try to force a smile, but I know Josh is probably angrier than ever.
"I won't be long, I just need to call Amy so we can book a hotel. And hopefully a flight," I sigh as we reach his floor.
"You don't have to stay in a hotel. I have a spare bedroom if you'd like to stay for tonight. I mean, just so you could settle down for a while.." He offers. His kindness is almost unbearable, but he makes it almost impossible to say no. I shouldn't, but he's right. It's getting late, and I really don't feel like packing everything up and staying by myself tonight.
"Just for one night," I clarify his offer.
"One night." He nods with a smile. He pushes open the door and turns the lights on. The large flat is exactly how I remember it. Wood floors with white brick walls surrounding the open plan living room and kitchen. The kitchen counter top is the same black marble it was before and the fireplace still closed off and unlit. Nothing's changed since last I was here. I think I might throw up.
"Do you want some water?" He asks hanging up his jacket and setting our bags down by the bench near the doorway.
"Yeah, sure. Um, I'm just going to use the bathroom real quick," I set my purse down on the couch.
"Okay. You know where it is, right?" He asks and I raise an eyebrow at him. "Sorry. Of course you do." He laughs. I sigh and shake my head to myself. Stop it.
Nothing has changed here. The same white walls and creme colored couch. The glass coffee table with a stack of magazines. The four large windows that act as a fourth wall that are never drawn by curtains. I remember the way to the bathroom and the rest of the rooms from all the previous times I've been here. Down the hall, take a left, second door on the right. I twist the doorknob and quickly close it behind me as soon as I step in. I run the water and begin to pace. I need to talk to Josh. I need to hear his voice because I'm getting tired of hearing my own. I reach in my coat pocket and look to see any phone calls. Two missed calls from Josh. Even reading his name on my screen makes me frantic. I unlock my phone, automatically dialing his number on the number pad. Having his number memorized by heart makes calling him all the more fun. Dialing it just gives me something to look forward to.
The dial tone continues until I'm sent to voice mail. There's a burning hole in my chest. Why isn't he answering? I dial again, still no answer. I'm growing impatient, but I continue to call. Five calls might be enough. Is he ignoring me on purpose? He wouldn't.. Would he?
I lean against the counter, hanging my head above the sink. The water moves swiftly down the drain, and I wish it would pull me down with it. I hate it here. I hate how everything looks exactly the same from last time I was here, which was probably over a year ago. I hate how it reminds me of the memories I have with Nick. I hate how it ignites me to want Josh even more, making the hole in my chest deeper and making it more painful to be without him. I shut the faucet off and look at myself in the mirror. What a mess. I return to the living room to see Nick in the kitchen with two glasses of water.
"Hey, I think I might actually stay somewhere else tonight. Amy already booked me a room somewhere," I lie. I can't stand this place anymore.
"Are you sure? I mean, you look stressed," he says. I can see his knuckles turning white as he grips his glass.
"I'm not, I just really need to be alone tonight," I shake my head. God, I can't even look him in the eye.
"Jennifer, I know you.. And you shouldn't be by yourself tonight," he argues, but I don't have time to listen. I need to get to my home. Josh.
"Nicholas, I can't. I just can't be here anymore, I'm sorry," I turn from him and take in a deep breath.
"Jennifer, please tell me what's the matter," I hear the sound of his shoes shuffle on the wooden floor. I turn and see him residing by the stools underneath the counter. I can already tell he's trying not to get too close to me.
"Why haven't you changed your flat?" I say abruptly. He looks caught off guard, like I'm speaking some foreign language and he's trying hard to decipher it.
"I just- haven't gotten around to it.." He trails with his jaw tightening.
"It's been a year, I think normal people would have at least done something new, but not you. Why?" I say with a crack in my voice. Why am I getting so worked up? There's too many memories in here.
"Because.. This is the way it was the last time you were here," he answers politely. "I don't want to see it any other way."
"Oh my gosh.." I tilt my head back with my hands over my face. How many times are we going to have to go through this?
"Jennifer, I know we've had our differences.."
"Nicholas, you said you moved on.." I lift my hand up from my forehead. Coming here was a mistake.
"And I have.. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to miss you," he uses as his rebuttal.
"I can't do this right now," I've had enough for one night. I need to sleep. There's been too many nights spent longing for the comfort of my own bed and the touch of Josh's hands on my skin.
"Then when, Jennifer? You know we ended things in a mess, not to mention without either of us really having any closure. At least I haven't gotten any," his face looks drained from exhaustion.
"We've been over this before.. I don't know how many times I have to say it. I'm in a relationship now, Nicholas-"
"You haven't ever even thought about me? Not once? You can't even bother to recall, let alone remember the two and a half year relationship we had together? Because I do," his voice is hurt and it's then when I realize what I've done. I broke his heart. Without an explanation, I left him simply high and dry. His mind must've been scattered in a million pieces all thanks to me. I take a deep breath to face the problem I've been avoiding for so long.
"I can't hold on to the past anymore, Nicholas. I loved you. So much. But not anymore," I try to sympathize. Nicholas was important to me. He was my best friend. Was.
"And I still love-"
"No. You don't. You're in love with the idea of me. Of what we had. It doesn't exist anymore. I don't know how to tell you otherwise," I shake my head. This whole situation has extended into much deeper territory than I anticipated.
He stares to the floor in between us, opening and clenching his teeth together. The look on his face is unbearable, and I feel like burying myself twelve feet underground. But he knows I'm right. But I wish I wasn't. I want a redo. I want to start from the beginning. From the night I drank too much in Josh's trailer. I would've done everything differently. I would have known how I felt about Josh. We wouldn't have had to endure so much turmoil together. I wouldn't have been afraid to tell the world I loved him. And I wouldn't have had to break Nicholas's heart. He was a victim of nothing except for my selfishness. How could I be so inconsiderate?...
"I'm sorry I brought you here thinking I could- I don't know.. I shouldn't have said those things," he furrows his brow as he takes in deep breaths.
"I'm sorry I put you through so much. With Josh and all. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to leave you like this," my mouth is dry, and I could really use that glass of water sitting on the kitchen counter.
"I promise I wasn't going to try anything.. I just wanted to know how you felt. How I felt.. Just know I'll always have a place for you here," his words make me want to cringe, but I know he's being sincere. I sigh and drop my purse back on the couch.
"I'll stay for one night. Just one. But I plan on hopping on the earliest flight first thing tomorrow morning, okay?" I'm not going to leave him alone tonight. Plus, it's really getting too late to book a decent hotel for one night.
"Okay. I'm sorry. For everything that's happened. I know you've-"
"I forgive you. Just please tell me you forgive me too," I can't bear to hear anymore of this. I need to sleep and get on the earliest flight back to Berlin.
"I do." He nods, finishing the conversation for the both of us. I let out a sigh, a signal for both of us to relax.
"I'm gonna go to bed. I'll see you in the morning," I break the silence. He nods in agreement and walks to his own bedroom before I have a chance to leave the room. He disappears down the hallway and I let a breath of relief escape me. Just one night and then Josh. That's all that counts.
I grab the glass of water off the counter and start back towards one of the spare bedrooms. I pick up my bag and decide to stay in the room farthest from Nick's bedroom. The walls are white with a large king sized bed in the middle of the room. I toss my bag near the foot of the bed and dial Amy's number.
"Jennifer? Are you okay?" She says picking up after the first dial tone.
"I'm fine, just tired. I'm at-"
"Nicholas' flat! I know! Do you want me to get you a hotel room? I already booked you a flight back to Berlin," she says and relief washes over me.
"No, I'm staying in a spare here. What time is the flight tomorrow?" I ask impatiently.
"Nine. You should be at the airport at seven," She finishes. I don't know what I would do without Amy.
"Thank you," I say in relief. "Did you get a hold of Josh?"
"Sadly no. I think he's in Spain for a promotion," She says.
"For what? Paradise Lost?" I ask raising an eyebrow. Paradise Lost. With Claudia.
"Yeah.. I don't know when he'll be back, but-" I pull the phone away from my ear when it starts buzzing with an incoming call. The hole in my chest is filled when I see his name light up on my screen.
"Amy, I gotta call you back, Josh is calling!" Without saying anything else, I switch to answer Josh's call.
"Josh?" I say into the phone.
"It feels so good to hear you say my name," I hear his soft voice say into the speaker. I smile and feel myself come undone as I lay back on the bed.
"Josh, I will say your name endlessly, Josh," I smile to myself. We're miles apart, but it feels as if he's lying right here next to me.
"Where've you been, I miss you like crazy," the way he says crazy makes me want to go mad. I need him so bad.
"You're driving me insane yourself. When do you get back from Spain?" I ask as I clutch one of the pillows.
"Um, not sure. Hopefully the day after tomorrow. How did you know I was in Spain?" He asks with a slight laugh in his voice.
"Amy called me. I got stuck in London, but I'll be in Berlin tomorrow morning," I reassure him and hear him sigh.
"But I heard you're seeing Claudia," I joke.
"Heard you're seeing Nicholas," he retorts and I laugh. "God, I miss you," I can picture him smiling. "We can't keep saying goodnight to each other like this."
"I know. We'll see each other soon. I mean, two days will fly by faster than you think. I really miss you," My heart aches for his touch.
"I probably miss you more. Are you tired?" He asks softly.
"Yeah, kinda. Are you?"
"Yeah. Am I keeping you up?"
"Yes," I smile.
"Do you want me to leave now?"
"Never."
"Knew it," He finishes and I laugh.
"I never want you to leave, Josh," I sigh with satisfaction.
"Good, because I wasn't planning on going anywhere." Just as he says, I hear voices mumble in the background.
"Who's that?" I ask trying to hear what the other person is saying.
"Shit- Jen I gotta go," My heart is shattered as I hear the words from his mouth.
"Okay.. Call me back whenever you can," I sigh.
"Well don't get all sad, " he says with a slight laugh.
"I'll try.. I love you," I say with a smile.
"Guess it's back to missing you. See you soon. I love you, I love you so much," And with that, the line ends. I'm left alone again in the white room in Nicholas' flat.
•••
Josh's POV
I didn't tell her because I wanted her to be surprised. I wanted to see the look on her face when she saw me waiting for her at the airplane gate.
Canceling promotion was a risk, but they'll be fine without me. I could always just rerecord interviews for the producers. I know it's only a few days without Jen, but it's been almost a week, and I just can't stand it any longer.
Hearing her voice last night pushed me over the edge. After I hung up, I was hurried out to a jet to be flown back to Berlin. I should've told her, but her plane lands in four minutes, so it's far too late now.
I wait on a bench with my hands intertwined. I can't stop imagining her hand in mine, I'm so excited.
"Hi," I hear a small voice next to me. I turn and see a girl about thirteen or fourteen years old next to me. She has a heavy german accent.
"Hi," I nod back to her and focus again on the gate.
"You're Josh Hutcherson, right?" She asks me in a hushed tone.
"That's me," I smile to her.
"I read Hunger Games and watched the movies hundreds of times," she smiles. Her glasses move up and down as she crinkles her nose.
"Thank you, I'm glad you like them," I nod again with a smile. She stays quiet for a little while, swinging her feet back and forth underneath the bench.
"Are you waiting for someone?" She speaks up.
"Yeah, she's actually gonna be here soon," I say looking to my watch. Two minutes.
"Is it Jennifer Lawrence?" She beams again.
"It is," I admit. "You can't tell anyone though," I hold my finger up to my lips, indicating Jen's arrival be kept quiet.
"I promise," she nods in agreement. "I like you two," she says with a smile. "You know, together." She nods again.
"Thank you. Me too," I nod with a smile. It's seems kind of ridiculous, but I let my mouth run. "You know what, I haven't told anyone this, but I kinda think she's end game for me."
"Of course she is!" She smiles. "I can't imagine you with anyone else."
Just as she finishes, my girl walks out of the gate into the airport. "I couldn't agree more."
•••
Her.
Her smile is so radiant, I swear she's laughing. As soon as I stand, she's already practically running towards me.
It's hard to imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't taken this one movie role. I wouldn't have made friends with the people I now call my family, and I wouldn't have met one of the most important people in my life. Everything would have been different if I hadn't invited Jennifer into my trailer, and we both got drunk off our asses.
Everything that's happened happened for a reason. It was all meant to be like this. Even all the fights and days we spent mad at each other. It was all worth it in the end because here she is standing in front of me, and she is so beautiful to the point where I can't hold myself anymore. That's when she comes in just in time and engulfs herself in my arms.
"You said you were in Spain," She says with an exasperated breath.
"I know, I just wanted to surprise you," I smile into her shoulder.
"Well I'm glad you did," she hugs me tighter. She kisses my jaw and works her way up until her lips meet mine. A touch I've been waiting for for so long.
"I love you. Like a lot, Jen," I pull away from her in a serious tone this time.
"I don't doubt that for a second. Are you okay?" She says rubbing her thumb against my cheek.
"I'm perfect." I answer, kissing her over and over.
She's perfect. Everything about her is. I don't know if it's the glimmering look in her eye, or the fact that she's wearing sweatpants, but I feel more in love with than I ever have before.
Her.
She's going to drive me crazy.
But I can't wait to keep falling for her every time. Everyday. Together.