"I feel like I'm on the edge of being fired," Taro said, standing in Sage's bedroom, buttoning up his black shirt. Sage had barely spoken a word to him. He had barely looked up from the wooden floor. "Am I?"
"Not yet, but you're really not making an effort here."
"Sir, then, if it really pleases you."
"It does."
No more was said between them. Sage was moody, tired, and snapping at not just his Valet. He snapped at his brother when he snuck up on him in the corridor on the way to breakfast. "You know what, I can't do this today. I'm going back to bed. Don't bother me until tomorrow."
Oxley paused in front of him. "Has what happened at the funeral really gotten to you this much?"
Sage had almost forgotten about that. "I'm just not well, and the last thing I need to do is pretend that I'm fine."
"Should we call for a doctor?"
"No, I just need to rest."
Once in his bedroom, Sage only managed to shut his curtains, slip off his shoes, and unbutton his waistcoat before falling on his bed. He fell asleep quickly out of exhaustion, but woke just as abruptly when it sounded like something tumbled over.
Sage shot up, fearing the cleaner had entered to get the plant and saw him drooling on his pillow. Instead, he saw Taro sitting on his desk where he had left the plant, wearing his casual clothes and looking startled. "What?" Sage mumbled with eyes half open. "What are you doing?"
"Go back to sleep."
Sage was so sure that the veins around Taro's face were bright green, and that his eyes were glowing in the dim light of his bedroom. He convinced himself that it was a dream and flopped back down, mumbling about dressing appropriate.
He fell back to sleep, a very deep sleep, and woke when the sky was a deep red, and the sun was a burning orange ball at the edge of the world.
He rolled over to glimpse at the clock. Dinner would be ready in ten minutes. Sage ruffled his hair and sat up. He reached over to his three buzzers, one for his Valet, one for tea, and one for food. He rang the one for food. Osier would know he wanted dinner in his room.
Sage stood by his large window and watched the sky. The sunset was beautiful but wasted on his sad eyes. His gaze kept searching beyond the Palace grounds and to the city beyond. He judged Oxley for climbing the walls, but now Sage wished for a taste of that freedom.
In many ways, he was jealous of Oxley's view on the world. He could look positively at his future while all Sage saw was an approaching storm, a storm that could only promise devastation.
When his food arrived, Sage expected a servant, not his Valet. "Mister Vinea," Sage said to show his surprise. "Are they short of staff?"
"No, I offered to bring this up." Taro put the silver tray on Sage's desk. "You have uh..." Taro peeked under the silver lid. "I don't know, sloppy stuff and a cup of tea. Enjoy, Sir." He turned on his heels, and Sage's heart leapt out of him when he asked Taro to wait.
The Valet froze, and Sage fidgeted. "If I'm to keep you on as my Valet, this awkward tension needs to go."
Taro turned, clearly expecting him to say something else. "I agree. Its been hard to focus today. I thought Osier was going to kick me out at any moment."
"I apologise for earlier. I've concluded that it sounded as though I was only concerned about myself." Sage was very aware that he was making the awkwardness even more intense. "Please, sit down." he sat on the end of the bed, and motioned for Taro to sit on his desk chair.
Taro ignored his hand gesture and sat next to him on the bed. Sage pursed his lips. Taro left only an inch between them.
"Why wouldn't you be concerned with only yourself? It's your reputation after all. I've not got much to lose if the papers turned on me. I know I can be pushy with my opinions but I just-" Taro sighed heavily. "No, I have no excuse. I had no right to disrespect your wishes."
"You were a bit pushy, and a little uncaring of my situation, but you were also right," Sage said eventually. "I am repressed, although that is for a reason. I'm sure you understand why."
"Because of the papers?"
"Not just that. I'm the future king and the line can't end with me." Sage's heart drummed so hard that he felt it all over his body. "I know my entire future, and that doesn't include me getting what I desire. So yes, I am repressed and scared to look at another man, but that's just the way it is right now."
Taro didn't speak, so Sage finally looked at him. His face was soft and sympathetic. His eyes were usually bright with defiance, but now they were shaped with concern. "I don't believe that's your only option."
"Then what do you believe?"
"I believe that you've not spoken about this to anyone, not even your parents. If they push you out, then you're free to abdicate and live your life somewhere quiet. If they don't, they'll help you be happy."
"If they don't, they might make me keep the secret and live a lie anyway. And it's not that simple. I'll never be out of the public eye, no matter how hard I try. It's bad enough that I stuff myself into this room all the time."
"If they do make you live a lie, then threaten to abdicate the throne. I'm sure the thought of Oxley taking the crown is worse than the thought of their future king being gay."
Sage's head snapped up. He tensed all over. Someone else said it. Someone else knows. He wanted to recoil and go into full attack mode, kick Taro out of his room, out of the Palace, out of his life.
"Even that word has you all anxious. You can't live like this." Taro shifted on the bed. His shoulder touched Sage's shoulder. "I've decided that I'm a blessing in your life."
"I- uh, what?" Sage stammered.
"I'm not exactly on the straight side of life, in fact, I dip regularly into the bendy side if you know what I mean." His smirk returned. "You've obviously never met a- not straight person. I don't blame you. This place is so full of tradition and rules, and none of them have adapted around positive changes, such as a Prince being... not on the straight side."
Sage could barely breathe. Am I really having this conversation with my Valet, my new Valet, a man I barely know? "If my brother walked in and saw us sitting this close, I would jump off the bed and make up some excuse about you fixing a button. I would explain and explain until I was sure I was safe." He swallowed thickly. "I don't feel safe right now."
"Because you're exposing yourself. This is good, and this is why I can help. From one not so straight person to another, in a place like this, we have to stick together. I'm sure Osier would fire me on the spot if he knew."
"All the more reason to keep this a secret, forever." Taro chuckled, and Sage frowned at him. "Nothing about this is funny."
"You're so dramatic, it's both cute and annoying." Taro got up. Sage's blush had spread to the rest of his face. "I won't speak a word of this to anyone because I run the risk of my face being all over the papers too. Trust me, I don't want that, as much as I love my face."
Sage didn't move from the bed. His expression was as stunned as ever.
Taro sighed and grabbed him by the shoulders. "You need to eat something." He dragged the Prince to the desk and sat him down. He shoved a cup of tea in one hand and a fork in the other.
Sage only stared at him. "Please don't tell anyone about this conversation," he whispered.
"I would never do that. I guess I have much to lose too, this job being a start. I didn't know Valets got paid so much." Taro tilted his head when Sage sipped his drink. "So, I won't be fired then?"
"No. Please don't make me regret it."
"I won't." Taro dared to reach out and touch Sage's chin with the tips of his cold pale fingers. Sage's hazel eyes widened and finally connected with his. "I promise, Sir."
Sage pulled back his chair and Taro's fingers slipped away. "Good." He cleared his throat. "You're dismissed for the evening. I'll see you at dawn. I have a busy day tomorrow."
Taro bowed his head ever so slightly. His blond hair fell in his eyes and he left with a higher head than when he entered. Once the door shut behind him, Sage put down his tea and rubbed his face. He slumped in his chair and sighed until his lungs had no air.
His mind raced, while his body was so exhausted, he couldn't bring himself to raise his fork to the plate. "Did that just really happen?" he said aloud. Someone was out there who knew his secret, someone Sage barely knew but decided to trust.
Taro was right, Sage was exposed. He was yet to decide if that was good or bad. So far, his nerves would decide on the latter. However, his heart thumped with a new sound, one of triumph and pride that he had finally admitted the truth, and not just to himself, but to another living human being.
Sage shook his head and grinned into his palm. If he didn't laugh, he'd cry for the rest of the evening, and his tears often turned sour.