"I've got Quidditch practice today, but I'm sure Neville can help you out," said Ginny, walking beside Astera with her hands in her pockets, twirling a small loose thread, "Besides, he's probably the best in Herbology, so..."
"Yeah, you're right," said Astera, stopping in front of her next class which were to start in a few minutes, "Ginny?"
"Yeah?"
"Erm... You're not like... Mad at me, are you?" Astera slowly said, somewhat monotone yet her expression was clear that she was worried. Ginny raised a brow, showing a confused smile.
"Mad? Why?" she asked, tossing her hair behind herself and resting her shoulder on the wall.
"Because... Harry has been avoiding me, sort of. Hermione and Ron—not so much, but I can tell something's wrong—"
"Look, it's evident Harry doesn't like Malfoy. No one does. Was it a bit weird what happened? Yeah, it wasn't a good look on your side," Astera looked down in embarrassment, "And as much as I hate his guts as well, it really is none of my business on what happened. Besides, there's thing called coincidence. You said it yourself; Malfoy was drunk out of his arse that day."
True, I just pray no one saw me leading him away from the crowd.
A weight felt like it had been lifted off her chest as Ginny smiled, walking off after they bid their goodbyes and Astera made her way to her desk. Class began quickly and the room was filled with students in a matter of moments. Astera sat at the last row next to the wall, bouncing her leg from anxiety that had no right to consume her at the moment. Her eyes caught movement all around her, hearing the chatter of students as they all settled in.
Class ended as quick as it had started, having Astera leave the room quickly. She had felt her head spin and hurt during the last few moments of her lesson. Her throat felt dry as she drank water from the school's bathroom, gulping loudly and breathing quick. She leaned her back against the wall, letting it cool her off for a moment.
What is wrong with me?
There were too many answers to her question, but none of which she knew. For the first time, the answer was so easy, in front of her, and she couldn't find it.
Classes were over for the day and the halls weren't as busy as they usually were, with the occasional friends and couples sitting on the benches or walking around the courtyard. She wanted to go to the Room of Requirement, but a part of her knew he would be there and she didn't want to see him. She wanted nothing to do with him.
Actually, a part of her wished she could see him. Those angry glances and short stares from across the room felt agonising. As much as she didn't want to admit, she found herself missing him. Missing his morning voice and how low and raspy it was. Those days when they woke up next to each other and the first thing she would see would be his closed eyes and freckled cheeks, or the first thing she felt were his hands around her, one on her stomach and the other under her head — she missed it.
There were mornings that felt slow and beautiful like ones in films. Ones where there was sun and chirping birds and warm tea before them, but neither drank the tea because they were too occupied with each other's smiles or tired eyes.
There were days where it wasn't as beautiful as they got used to. Days where Draco felt closed off, or she felt pushed away by him. It didn't matter the reason, they hated those days. When there was a chilly breeze or a cold winter night, Astera couldn't help but wish to throw herself under his covers, and he wished she would.
He missed her.
"There you are!" Elle appeared by her side, a smile on her young face as she held onto the books from her last lesson, "How are you?"
"Hey, Elle," she smiled, "I'm fine, just tired. You?"
"Oh, just the usual chatter from Snape making me tired, as well. He really dragged that lesson out for no reason."
Besides Luna, Elle was the only person who brought her mood up despite being in the worst mental state she had ever been in. Elle had a way with words, jokes and knew when to comfort her. She could easily read Astera and knew when she wasn't well, even when Astera didn't know she was. She didn't let her drown or dwell in her sadness, instead she made all the efforts to get her friend out of bed, away from her desk that was piled with parchment and spilled ink.
"Let's get some food, I'm starving," said the younger one.
"Oh, I'm not really hungry. I'll just accompany you there."
"Astera, it would be a cosmic disaster if only one of us gained weight during exams," she said, "So, yes, you're eating with me."
☆☆☆☆☆☆
"Shut up!" Astera whispered loudly, holding onto her stomach as she rocked herself back and forth, holding in the loud laughs that dared to escape her lips. On the opposite side of the table, Elle buried her face in her hands, her body shaking and the only audible things were her wheeze and sniffs.
"I'm sorry," she slammed her hand on the table, causing a few heads to turn and probably judge. Elle's jokes sometimes got out of hand and nothing could stop the two from laughing. The worse part was that she joked in the most inconvenient of situations.
They managed to calm down, somehow, and drank their water. Astera held her head as her smile stayed on her face, her cheeks almost hurting from how long they stayed up, "I can't begin to tell you how much my body hurts from laughing."
"Don't laugh, but I think I'll throw up if I continue," said Elle and recieved a snort from Astera the same moment, slapping her arm across the table, but joining in nonetheless.
Elle somehow got Astera to eat her food, letting her eat as slow as she needed and being quietly supportive of every bite she took, no matter how small.
"I don't want to intrude and you don't have to tell me either, but... Why did you skip lunch and breakfast so much?" Elle asked, a little more serious look on her face. Her fingers brushed away the strands on the side of her face and tucked them behind her ear.
Astera cleared her throat, adjusting in her seat - something she did when she was nervous or scared, "Something happened. During winter break," she managed to say, "and it was — beautiful. But, it just got ruined. Just like that," she snapped her fingers.
"How did it get ruined?"
"I, erm... I became friends with someone I never imagined myself talking to, to begin with," her mind played back their encounter in the library, kind of like a film, "They were difficult and stubborn. I didn't realise it then, but I do now; I had grown to be very fond of them. We did everything together."
"Like what?"
She couldn't help but smile, "They loved when I read to them. This one time they got really sick and I brought them food and they behaved like a child," she let out a quiet laugh, surprising herself even as Elle smiled back at her, "We used to fight a lot, but my greatest memory is with them. There was a moment where I had doubts and I think they did too, but... Nothing compared to how we felt towards each other."
Elle creased her brows, "Well then, why did it end?"
Astera shrugged, feeling like she was talking to a little sister who had no idea of such relationship, "They told me I was just a time filler for those three weeks. And they found out something I didn't want them knowing," she bit her lip anxiously, "So, when I had to eat or sleep, I couldn't. I couldn't eat without thinking about how they always begged me to make cookies for them or brew water for tea. I couldn't sleep because I always ended my night by reading to them. And now... I don't have anyone to read to."
"Astera..." Elle put her hand over hers, "I don't think this was just a winter fling or whatever you'd call it... You loved them, didn't you?"
Her lips felt dry as she licked them, sighing while pushing her hair back over her shoulder, "I think it's more complicated than that. It ended on bad terms and I don't think I feel the same anymore. They destroyed something and... Me."
"Everything beautiful has a consequence, Astera. I don't know who you're talking about, but I don't think you were just a time filler."
"You just never really know with him, you know?"
"Him?"
She caught her mistake, "Uh, y-yeah, it's a guy."
"Oh, I thought you said "them" because you didn't want me finding out it's a girl."
"What? No," she shook her head, "He's a he."
"You'd look good with a girl," said Elle.
Astera tilted her head, slowly nodding it, "Thanks?"
☆☆☆☆☆☆
The Astronomy Tower never felt so empty and cold even before he came with her. It was always lonely, but not as lonesome as now. The stone ground and walls weren't as cold when she was here. It was like she radiated warmth. Energy.
"What's up with you, Draco?" asked Pansy, her elbows on the railing. She stood on his right side, tilting her head to see better.
"What do you mean?" he asked as if playing dumb. Well, maybe he was.
"I mean, you've been quiet, barely sleeping or touching your food. You don't show up to classes, which I guess isn't too uncommon, but..." she sighed, "Even at parties you rarely leave your seat and just drink like a divorced father in his seventies."
"Wow, thanks, Pansy. I love being reminded that I resemble an alcoholic in his seventies," he sarcastically said, rolling his eyes as he looked at her, "I'm fine."
"No, you're not," she said, almost demanding it to him, "You look terrible."
He gave her a sharp look, almost as if trying to find something in Pansy that resembled her. But, Pansy was nothing like her. Pansy was everything that a Slytherin is. She was bold and cunning, carved like a goddess with the face of a fallen angel. She had mesmerising bone structure and a thin body, pale skin and black hair cut into a bob that suited her more than it should have. To parties, she wore clothes that revealed her and never once felt insecure or ashamed. She never let a boy touch her how he liked. She was everything Draco was. And sometimes, it scared him.
"Why the sudden urge to invade my personal life, Pansy?" he asked, annoyed by the conversation already.
"Not an urge, Draco. Don't be stupid," said Pansy, like an angry teacher scolding a student over a bad grade, "Why don't you talk to me anymore?"
"So you can out me to Blaise? No thanks, Parkinson, I took that train and it got me nowhere."
"Yeah, and I apologized. What I did was stupid and I only did it to get your attention."
"Yeah?" she nodded, "And where did that get you?"
A breath left her lips, shaking her head as she overlooked at the view, licking the inside of her cheeks in desperation of finding out his secret. The only difference this time was that she was actually concerned. It was uncommon for Pansy to ask someone how they were doing, even as a conversation starter.
"You can be too hard sometimes, Draco," she bit her cheek, "You know you can't push me forever, right?"
"That was kind of the plan, actually," he said, finally looking her in the eye after a while of staring at the sky that had been covered with a sheet of fog.
"I know that I screwed up our friendship, but I'm not going to let you be a prick to me when I'm trying to fix it," she pushed her elbows off the railing, standing up, "So either get yourself together, come to your senses or I won't be here next time."
And with that, she walked off. Draco rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing as a cloud of breath left his mouth. He looked down at his right hand, staring at the ring on his ring finger and gently twisting it with his opposite hand. He took it off, staring at the words carved inside of it. The weight on his head felt beyond difficult to carry for so long. He had stopped wearing a piece of cloth over his Dark Mark, for it had stopped burning and bleeding just a day after he saw her for the last time. It was as if the Mark had congratulated him for putting himself through pain and suffering.
He heard shuffling footsteps from behind him, surprised that Pansy was already back, yet still wishing she would just leave, "Do you ever take silence as an answer, Parkinson?"
"Uh, it's me."
His eyes widened as he saw her approach the railing, yet again keeping her distance from him as she too put her elbows on the railing.
"What are you doing here?"
"Am I not allowed to be here?" she asked defensively, "Do you own the place?"
"No need for your banter, Lilith. I've heard enough of it," he roughly said, looking at her as if he was disgusted.
"Well, then you should be used to it by now," she responded.
"If you came here to be a pain in the arse, you might as well just leave."
"Me? I just got here. Maybe you can leave this time. You know, I didn't give you the chance to walk out on me last time, so try now."
She stepped on his nerves a bit too well. Draco was aware that she knew him well and would use that to her advantage. She knew what ticked him off and made him mad, furious even. He tightened the grip on the railing with his fingers, not noticing how she had her eye on him the whole time. An unnoticeable smile of satisfaction left her face as quick as it came.
"I'll tell you this once, Lilith," she felt her breath get stuck in her throat as he stood up, positioning himself before her and making her press her waist in the metal railings, "A pathetic little girl like you has no use for me."
Her eyes recognized that expression of disgust and pure anger inside his eyes, telling her he might not be lying after all. His pupils were cold and icy, sort of like the harsh wind that blew right past them.
"You know, Draco," he almost flinched as he heard his name, "I was right all along. You are a monster. You're evil and cruel and nothing in this world would miss you if you were gone."
The faint sound of his palm against her cheek echoed in the dark night. His hand balled into a fist as he took it down by his side, watching her chest rise up and down heavily, surprised, scared and shocked by his outburst.
He, too, was in shock of his own action, feeling his palm sting and burn just like her cheek did. What once was warm skin, was now cold and empty. He felt the regret ooze in his body as she turned her head back, eyes red and a single tear down her cheek, rolling ever so agonisingly slow.
"Lilith, I-"
A yell full of emotion left her mouth and her palm shot out, a spell leaving her fingertips and shooting him back. He called out for her, yelling for her to stop, but did not realize that his voice fueled her rage and anger towards him. With every new hit, new spell, Draco felt himself push back into a column, the back of his head hitting it harshly and hissing as the pain was quick to shoot through his body.
Her vision was blurry from all the tears she had spilled, using her final breath to cast one last spell his way until he finally collapsed on the ground before her. Unlike last time, he was still conscious. Conscious enough to see her break down and fall to her knees, hearing them hit the ground and listening to her sobs.
"How could you do this?" she asked through immeasurable pain in her voice.
Draco looked back with the same expression, his hands pushing him up and finding the strength to walk himself towards her, kneeling down and hesitantly placing his hand on her back.
"Lilith, get up," he said, holding back his own wave of tears, as if she hadn't already seen him break before her, "Astera, please."
Astera looked up at him for a moment, glancing at his eyes, "How could you hurt me like this, Draco?"