ROSMARY AND THYME - Novigrad
It was almost a midnight but in the whole Tavern was a big quiet. Jaskier closed it because of Geralt. He wanted to give him at least some rest without music when he couldn't help him differently. Yennefer stayed in Geralt's room almost a whole day. He started feeling better but he was still very weak. She was sitting on the chair next to him and her eyes started closing. Geralt suddenly murmured something and she came back to the mind and quickly opened her eyes. He looked at her.
"You're awake." Yennefer smiled at him and softly caressed his face.
"And you still here.." he smiled.
"Well.. I wanted to be sure if you're not gonna die at any minute again.." she laughed a bit.
"I'm glad you stayed." Geralt squeezed her hand.
"Are you okay?.. Not that I care.." she lowered her eyes.
"I know that's not true.. I think you care a lot.. I've just been too blind to notice.." he told her honestly.
"Yeah.. I thought that is something between us.." Yennefer admitted.
"Yen.. you're not delusional. There is a connection between us.. it's always been." Geralt was determined.
She smiled at him and then she hugged him tightly. He sighed painfully.
"That hurt.." he laughed a bit.
"Oh.. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it.." she wanted to pulled away from him but he stopped her.
"It's okay. This kind of pain doesn't bother me at all.." he smiled and pushed her closer to him. She kissed him on his cheek and snuggled closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her. He never wanted her to let go.
"You really scared me Geralt." she said honestly.
"I know and I'm sorry." he admitted and caressed her back.
"You could die." she slowly pulled away from him and looked at him seriously.
"I know." he looked into her eyes.
"But you did it anyway.." she was confused about that.
"Yes. And I would do it again and again.. Don't you know that Yen?" Geralt told her honestly. She gave him surprised look.
"I.. Thank you.." she said kindly. He nodded. He couldn't let her eyes from her. She took a deep breath.
"I wanted to ask you something since you.." she hesitated. This word was really bothering her mind since he told her this.
"Go ahead." he said calmly.
"I.. when you saved me, I asked you why you did that and.." she hesitated again. "And you said something about family... What did you mean by that?" she was confused.
"I told you the truth Yen." Geralt's face was calm.
"But.. I.. I.. how can we be a family?" she was trying to act strong in front of him but deep down inside her this topic was literally killing her. "I mean we're not even married.. and family also mean kids.. and.." he interrupted her.
"We are a family. I know it sounds strange for you but it's a truth." Geralt looked into her eyes. She gave him confused look. She was trying to understand his words but nothing made sense to her. All that he told her cannot be true. It was impossible and she knew it.
"No.. no, that's not true. I can't have my own children.." she started to be irritated.
"I know you can't have a children but we have them.. We.." she cut him.
"Why are you messing with me Geralt?" she raised her voice and stood up from the chair.
"I'm not messing with you. You just don't understand it because.." she interrupted him again.
"Because of what?" her eyes were on fire.
"Because you have an Amnesia." he straightened himself in the bed. He wanted to have a better look on her.
"You're unbelievable.." she shaked her head. "For the first time I almost believed that you really care, that you care about me.." she was disappointed.
"Yen, please let me explain everything.." he looked at her worriedly.
"There's nothing to explain Geralt.." she was holding her tears. She couldn't believe it. After everything what happened between them he did it again. He let her down. She then turned around and started leaving from the room.
"Yen! Wait!" he shouted on her. But she didn't stop walking away.
"Fuck." he sighed. Then he managed to sat down on the edge of the bed. His whole body was in the pain. But he had to do this. He had to do this for her. Then he stood up and sighed painfully. He immediately saw a stars everywhere. The pain was unbearable but he was not ready to give up on her. Then he slowly started walking towards the door.
He find her in the main room. She was ready to leave from the Tavern.
"Yennefer, wait!" he shouted at her. She stopped walking. She wasn't sure if she wants to see him again. She wasn't sure if she was ready to let him break her heart even more. But she still cared about him and she also knew that he came after her despite that his whole body was hurting like a hell. She took a deep breath.
"Please Yen. I know that deep down in your heart you want to hear an explanation." he said sadly. She turned around and looked at him with pain in her eyes.
"No. You know nothing Geralt. You don't know me.." she stated.
"That's not true.. I know who you are Yen. Just stop pushing me away and I will show you." Geralt was trying to persuade her.
"If I would betray you in the first opportunity because something would be more valuable for me or I let you kill you just to save myself because I am selfish, would you want me then? Would you still trust me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself?" she looked at him questionable. She wanted to know it. She wanted to know if he is the one who she once thought he is. Geralt looked at her worriedly.
"No.. I'd tell you I'm right here. Not going anywhere... Look if you really think that I wouldn't forgive you for your mistakes or your flaws, if you think that I don't know who you really are by now, you're wrong." he risked it. He knew he could ruin everything with those words. But he had to try it. He had to show her that he cares about her. She gave him surprised look. She didn't expect these words. She expected everything but not this.
"Fine.. Then tell me the truth or a very good lie because I can't stand it anymore.." she said without emotions. But the truth was her heart was screaming from the pain and she didn't know how long she can handle to act strong.
"You don't remember anything but.." she interrupted him.
"I told you something Geralt." Yennefer warned him.
"I'm telling you the truth Yen. We're two are really together and we are a family. I was trying to tell you this but I didn't know how. I was scared that you wouldn't understand." he lowered his eyes.
"You're right, I really don't understand.. I don't understand how I could have a feelings for somebody like you.. I mean, I really liked you.. but you're just a liar Geralt and right now you're hurting me.. a lot." she said with pain in her voice. She couldn't hide her emotions anymore. Geralt looked at her sadly.
"So, please just step outside and get some air.." she stated.
"But I don't need air.." Geralt was confused.
"Well, I do.." she looked at him frustrated.
He opened his mouth to say something but in that moment Jahve entered into the room and Triss followed him right after. The situation couldn't be more worse, Geralt thought.
"Mum!" Jahve called on her when he spotted her. Yennefer frozed in that moment. She looked at Jahve with fear in her eyes. Geralt lowered his head. He knew what was coming and he didn't want to watch this.
"Jahve don't." Triss stopped him with his hand when he was ready to go after her.
"I want to go after her!" Jahve wanted to escape from Triss. "Please..!" he started crying. Geralt raised his head when he heard that his child was in pain. Triss raised him to hers arms. She looked at Geralt. He nodded. Then she started leaving with him from the room.
"No.. Triss please.." Jahve was crying so loudly. "Mum..!" his tiny voice failed him.
Yennefer couldn't even move. These words were too much on her. She slowly turned to Geralt.
"Why this child called me his mother? Is it kind of joke Geralt?" she looked at him with panic. She was barely standing on her feet and she was not too far from break down.
"It's not a joke. You're really his mother. We adopted him." Geralt was trying to calm her down. He tried to go closer to her but at that moment he sighed painfully. His wounds hurt. But he continued in his way anyway. Even if his every step was hurting like a hell. He wanted to touch her if it would be necessary.
"This is ridiculous.." she started breathing slowly.
"You were cursed. You don't remember anything because of this. You and I are married and we're raising Jahve and Ciri together." Geralt stood up in front of her. She gave him surprised looked but her face quickly changed.
"Are you lost of your mind..?!" she didn't want to believe his words.
"Yen.. please.. I know it's hard for you to understand it now but I'm really telling the truth." he was trying to be calm.
"But I can't be a mother! I'm damaged.." she said irritably. She was trying to hold her tears.
"You're not damaged." Geralt took her hand.
"Do not tell me this.. you know it's true." the tear rolled down her cheek.
"You're perfect Yennefer." he stated.
"No, I am not." she shaked her head. "I am a cruel person.." she lowered her head. "I can't have my own children Geralt. I will never be happy if I can't never be a mother.." she said sadly. Her eyes started to be wet from tears. She let all her emotions out from her.
"You're perfect for me. You always were and you always will be." Geralt was trying to smile. He caressed her hand with his thumb.
"I'm broken... and.. no one will ever truly love me.." Yennefer was hurt. She pulled away his hand.
"That's true.. no the way I love you." Geralt looked straight into her eyes. He had to told her that. He had do something to stop her bad thoughts about herself. Her mouth almost fell down open.
"What?" she was shocked.
"I love you Yen and you don't have any idea how much.." Geralt was honest.
"So, that's why you saved me? Because you love me?" Yennefer wanted to be sure.
"Yes." he was trying to act strong. But this whole situation was killing him.
"That's why you've been trying to protect me?" she looked at with doubts. Their looks locked.
"Yes." he started breathing slowly. This was too much even on him. He once had a conversation like this with her and he didn't know if he is strong enough to handle it again.
"But I still don't believe you Geralt.." Yennefer said with tears in her eyes. Her words felt like a dagger into his chest. It was even more painful feeling when she left him for the first time.
"Damn it! You know what?! I really can't stand it too anymore.. Do you have any idea how hard is it for me?!" he raised his voice. "How hard is to see your beautiful eyes which are looking at me like on stranger?! Do you know how hard is for me to pretend everything?!" he started to be vulnerable and irritated at the same time.
"And do you have any idea how hard is for me to never have my own children?!" her voice started trembling.
"I do! I do because I once let you down because of this!" he almost yelled it. But then he realized that he was shouting at her and this was the last thing what he wanted to do. His voice changed then.
"I broke you heart because of this." he said sadly. She noticed it. He continued.
"Long ago we said something we regret which tear us apart but we forgave each other and moved on." Geralt explained. "Then I helped you to go through all of this. We got through this together." he begged her to understand it. He started to be helpless.
"I don't know what are you talking about because this never happened." she gave him sad look. "But even if this was true.. it won't change the fact that I'm damaged." Yennefer stated.
"Just because something is not perfect does not make it any less worthy of love!" Geralt raised his voice again. She get surprised, she didn't expect reaction like this from him. Then he took a deep breath and he softly grabbed her hand to calm down himself. Only she has this effect on him. To his surprise she didn't pulled away his hand this time. He looked straight into her eyes.
"People made you believe otherwise Yen. They made you believe that you needed to be without fault in order to be loved, but they were wrong. Should you need any proof of matter, then look just here. I am here and I am tired of pretending.." he sighed. "I can barely stand on my own legs thanks to my injuries and yet I am here because I care about you. I really cannot continue acting as if I do not love you. Because I do. I love all of you. Even the parts that you believe are too dark and too shameful. Every scar. Every flaw. Every imperfection. I love you Yennefer. I love everything about you. You may think you are too damaged and too broken to ever allow yourself to be happy, but you can choose differently Yen.. You can choose to love me as much as I love you. That should not be up to anyone else. That cannot be up to to anyone. It can only be up to you." Geralt told her honestly. He was trying to hold his tears. She couldn't believe her own ears.
"Why are you telling me those things?" Yennefer started to be vulnerable.
"Because I've known you almost ten years and I've never stopped loving you.. and I can't pretend like I don't know you anymore.." he put his hand on hers cheek.
"But how... How could I ever forget on someone like you.. This doesn't make any sense. I don't get it.." the tears started rolling down her face again.
"Even if you may never remember on me, I'm gonna be always here for you. Forever. No one's going to harm you. No ones going to ever harm you. You have my word." Geralt told her with emotions and kissed her forehead. The tears started rolling down his cheeks too. He needed her more than ever. He needed her to remember. But in that moment he also somehow made a peace with that. If she would never remember anything from their past, he will rather have this Yennefer in his life than not have her at all. He couldn't live without her and he was also ready to start everything with her again if it would be necessary.
"I don't deserve you.." Yennefer whispered.
"You deserve everything my love.. and know that I won't stop loving you no matter what you do, no matter where you go, no matter if you choose to stay with me or not.. I won't stop loving you Yennefer." he pulled away tear from her cheek and caressed her face.
"No.. this can't be true.. this is just in my head, this can't be happening.." Yennefer lowered her head.
"Look at me." he raised her face but she lowered her head again.
"Yen. Please look at me." Geralt begged her. She then slowly raised her eyes on him. She was totally vulnerable.
"There's always much more in our lives.." Geralt told her kindly.
"Then show me.." she said with tears in her eyes. She still didn't understand anything. Then he slowly pushed her closer to him. He didn't want to rush anything. He wanted to show her how much he loved her even despite her mistakes. He wanted to show her that she means everything to him. He then slowly pressed his lips on hers. He kissed her with desire but also gently. She gasped into his mouth and looked at him unsure. She wanted him as much as he wanted her and they both knew it. They both felt it. He softly kissed her on hers lips again and he was waiting on her reaction. It felt like a millennia for him. But then a small smile appeared on hers face. He then knew it. He didn't wait any longer. He kissed her passionately, he was literally eating her lips. She pushed him closer to her and she caught his neck. Their tongues were dancing in their mouths like a flames. They were starving for each other because it felt like an eternity being without each other.
"I love you damn fool.." Yennefer whispered to his mouth. Those words meant everything for him in that moment.
"I love you too.." Geralt smiled at her.
Suddenly Yennefer's head spun and she lost coordination but Geralt managed to caught her. He felt how his wound opened with this move and it started bleeding again. But he didn't care about it. He only cared about her and that she was safe.
Yennefer came back to mind.
"Are you alright?" Geralt asked her kindly. He helped her to stand up straight. She narrowed her eyes on.
"What happened to your face again? It's full of scratches." Yennefer asked him worriedly and she caught his face to have a better look on him.
"What?" Geralt was confused. He would expect any question but not this one.
"Have you used that potion I made you on these scratches?" Yennefer looked at him strictly. "I guess not.. Geralt how many times I have to tell you that.." her words stucked in her throat.
"Oh my God.. You're bleeding Geralt!" she said with fear. "Sit down. Quickly." she commanded him and helped him to sit down. Geralt didn't protest. He slowly started to understand what was happening but he wanted to be sure.
"Now explain to me how this happened. I'm really curious." Yennefer looked at him seriously while she was trying to stop the bleeding with her hands.
"Is that really you Yen?" Geralt didn't want to believe it.
"What kind of question is that Geralt for fuck sake? You're going to bleed to dead in any minute and all you care about is your stupid jokes.." she rolled her eyes. Geralt smiled from ear to ear.
"You're back!" Geralt said happily. She gave him confused look.