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..
" 17, and we got a dream
to have a family a house
and everything in between
and then oh, suddenly, we
turned 23, now we got
pressure for taking
our life more
seriously."
..
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good luck.
________________________________
..
..
,, - ♡
"i'm home," zhongli called. the house was quiet, dark; damp. the same thing every single day, he didn't even know why he bothered. he sighed and slipped off his shoes, placing them on the rack. he was about to step into the living room, but the sound of small footsteps stopped him. ah, his kids must be awake still.
"alright, who is it?"
just after zhongli said that, three small heads poked out from behind the wall. the three girls eyed their father in the dark, trying to figure him out. they had been hiding out in the dark, wanting to play a game with their father; perhaps hide and seek. they had been very bored, and quite lonely, and despite the warnings from their older siblings, they didn't stop playing in the dark.
zhongli sighed and switched on the light on the wall. the hum started before the lights turned on, and flickered slightly. he could see how the wallpaper was peeling, and how much the house was falling apart. hey, he liked it dark, maybe it wasn't so bad; at least he didn't need to be reminded that he was living in a place like this with about six kids.
zhongli walked over to the triplets, gently stroking each of their heads. he bent down and looked at them; their faces were slightly dirty, an indication that probably they weren't able to take a bath. the waters must have not been working again; so were the lights. the triplets would always have dirty faces if they didn't wash up, and zhongli knew it was his job to wash them up if they turned out this way in the middle of the night.
"did you three eat yet?"
the three small girls shook their heads no. zhongli stayed silent; did they not have enough rice? he was sure he went to buy the most he could afford, so they couldn't have not eaten. he gave the triplets a weak smile. "are you hungry?"
the middle one nodded. "very."
"alright."
..
the kitchen was just as bad as the living room; the wallpaper had lost its colour, the lights were constantly flickering, and there weren't even enough chairs. the table was wobbly, old, and creaked with every slight push. the kitchen was mostly empty, as there wasn't much in there; just a small station for cooking, and another spot where vegetables went. but that area was empty tonight.
the triplets sat on their spots on the cold dirty floor while zhongli tried to fix whatever he could for them. there was still a few pieces of stale bread left, so he could work that up with maybe a few small pieces of cheese in between. there wasn't much, and he still had his wife and other three kids to feed; this wasn't going to be fair.
but then again, the triplets were the youngest, he needed to feed them more first. healthy growth mattered to him, and he didn't want them to go sick.
"dad?"
a soft voice echoed through, and he turned his head to see his second daughter standing in the doorway. her face was also slightly dirty, another indication that she hadn't really washed up either. he smiled at her. "yes xiangling?"
"nothing.. just wanted to welcome you home.."
zhongli smiled and gave her a nod. xiangling smiled and happily skipped over to give her dad a hug, happy to see him home safe and sound. zhongli hugged her back, squeezing her tight. he rarely got to see xiangling as she was busy helping earn money for the family, as the second oldest, she tried her best to sell her baked treats which she got from the local bakery. it was tough, but she did it for everyone.
"how's your mother?" he asked softly, pulling away from his lovely daughter.
xiangling sighed and looked away. zhongli didn't need to ask, he already knew now. if xiangling didn't answer, he knew his wife had probably gotten worse. every day, it was getting worse. he nodded and patted his daughter on the head. "alright, its okay. go rest, you have school tomorrow."
"i don't really have clean uniforms dad.. the water stopped today, maybe you forgot to pay the water bills?"
not that i forgot, i couldn't, zhongli said to himself mentally. he always wanted his children to believe the fact that there was still money going around; if they were to find out that their life was as miserable as a bunch of homeless people, then what kind of state would his beautiful kids be in now? the last thing he would want was for the triplets to start crying and screaming. at least the other three kids were matured enough, but the triplets? they were still too young...
"i'll pay them soon alright? can you wear sports attire instead?" he asked, and xiangling nodded.
she actually couldn't, but she could make up the excuse to her teachers. she didn't want to worry her father anymore than he was; he still had her mother to worry the most about, so she didn't want to burden him with her own issues. she could deal with them. she was a big girl.
"alright, good girl," zhongli smiled and kissed the top of her head. "i'm proud of you, and i'm sorry, i can't do anything for you.."
"oh dad please don't apologise... you're doing your best i'm sure," xiangling tried to comfort, giving her dad a big hug again. the last thing she wanted was for her dad to start crying. she hated seeing her father cry, especially since she knew he was struggling too.
"papaaaaaaaaa..." qiqi cried from where she was sitting, as well did klee and diona. they started to get too hungry from waiting for their food, and zhongli had to break the father-daughter moment sooner than he wanted. he patted xiangling goodnight before he started to work on the supper for the three little girls.
..
"xiao?" zhongli called as he knocked on the wooden door that led into his oldest son's room. a small hum came from inside, and he pushed the door that didn't have a knob to open. inside, he saw xiao sewing something. zhongli shut the door slightly and sat on the nearby wooden chair, which creaked and moaned under his weight. "what are you up to?"
"qiqi's clothes got torn, i'm just sewing them back together," xiao said, pulling the needle in and out of the fabric, sewing the holes back together. zhongli sighed, as this was probably the fifth time this week, and honestly, he was about to consider working overtime to earn more money just to buy clothes.
"you're doing well," zhongli said. xiao never really had a good bond with his father, as sometimes xiao blamed him for the state his mother was in; then again, he was matured enough to know that it was nobody's fault, but sometimes he couldn't help but hate his father. of course xiao knew that his mother was the wild girl she was back then, she pretty much called this life upon herself with zhongli, but still...
if xiao wanted to be born, he would rather choose a different family. he would rather leave this than see his mother and father suffer.
"thanks dad," xiao murmured, not even bothering to look up at him. zhongli sighed quietly and got up from the chair. he didn't blame xiao for being angry, it was technically his fault. being a teenager back then with his wife was a bliss, and they didn't think about what would happen after they did what they did. who knew it would turn out this badly though.
zhongli left xiao's room and stood behind the door, trying to hold back his sorrow. he was supposed to keep a strong head for his children and his wife, but tonight just seemed much more cold; much more dark. not even the brightest light could light him up tonight, everything just hurted tonight. maybe it was because of what time it was, but he felt terrible.
"father, its cold, don't stand outside."
zhongli picked his head up to see his third son, xingqiu. he had a few papers in his hand, and zhongli figured he must have been studying late again. xingqiu had a dream to study and aim for the highest, so he could get a good job and support his family, it would just take a longer time than xiao, since xiao couldn't keep up with homework anymore, nor his exams.
zhongli nodded. "i'm just going to see your mother."
xingqiu nodded. his sea blue eyes were a replica of his wife, and when zhongli saw them shining without the light, he thought of you. the way you used to smile so brightly; the way you would cry so easily when he bullied you, and the way you would stare at him with those loving, beautiful eyes.
"mother is... trying." xingqiu said, looking away slightly. not even xiangling could properly tell zhongli how you were feeling, so what more to say xingqiu. someone as soft as xingqiu. "but, it would be best if you went to see her."
"hm, go take a rest my boy, its late."
"i'm going to read a little more, there's a test tomorrow."
"alright, but take care of your health too."
"i will, father."
..
"hi," you said, smiling up at your husband. zhongli's wet eyes found yours in the dim light of the candle beside the mat. he sat beside you and slipped his big hand into your soft fragile one. you brushed your thumb against his fingers, slightly brushing over the ring on his finger. "you're back.."
"always y/n, always." zhongli said, gripping onto your hand tightly.
"how are the kids?" you asked, slowly turning your head to stare up into the ceiling. you shut your eyes since it hurted far too much to keep them opened for a long period of time. it was sad, you wanted to see zhongli's face; you wanted to pepper his face with kisses and stick your cheek with his; stick your nose to his.
just like how you did back then in high school.
"same as always, but how are you? are you getting better?" zhongli asked, his voice was soft and quiet, as if he was trying to hide what he was saying from people. then again, his kids could be outside the door listening in, hoping to get some good news too.
"honey..." you sighed with a smile. "you know that won't happen..."
"can't a man dream?"
"in this case? no dear.." you smiled again.
zhongli started to cry. his hot tears flowed down his cheeks, staining his rough and strained persona. he gripped onto your hand and bent his head down towards it, connecting your fingers to his forehead. his shoulders begin to tremble, but since you couldn't see, all you could hear were his shivering and his muffled sobs.
"zhongli.." your soft voice sounded, which made him cry even more. you sighed as you felt his hand and body tremble.
"zhongli, please."
he didn't stop crying. he wasn't ready; he wasn't ready to throw all this away. you both had six kids to take care of, and it wasn't your fault you turned out the way you did; it was his. he blamed everything on himself. if he hadn't agreed to come over to your house that evening, you two wouldn't even be in this situation.
you wouldn't have dropped out of school to marry him.
you wouldn't have gotten disowned by your own parents.
you wouldn't have gotten poor.
you wouldn't have...
ended up like this.
"zhongli stop crying, we were teenagers..." you said weakly, along with a weak cough. "i was a wild girl alright... i don't regret doing what i did... i'm just happy that i got to bear and give birth to your child..."
"y-yeah but... look at you now..."
you chuckled a little, weakly, as a tear slipped from your eye as well. "oh zhongli... i will always love you... we were young dumb teens alright? things didn't really work out but... we're alive right?"
zhongli gripped your hand even tighter and continued to sob. his shoulders trembled violently. he didn't want to lose you, not after what you both had went through. all the weird and crazy things you both did during high school were nothing more than a distant memory. how he wished he could ask for those moments back; he'd give anything to have those moments back.
he'd give anything to eat lunch with you on the rooftop again; he'd give anything to bail you out from getting into trouble with the principal and teachers again; he'd give anything to see you bully him about being a goody goody prefect again; he'd give anything to fall in love with you the right and proper way.
he wouldn't make the same mistake again; he wouldn't take you up on your offer to head back to your house. he would refuse, and you'd come back to school the next day instead of skipping like how you actually did. maybe if he could turn back time to alter the choice he made... you wouldn't have ended up this way.
"zhongli please," you pleaded, opening your eyes again to stare at your beautiful husband. even if he was crying, he was still the love of your life; the light and shining sun of your youth. how pitiful it was, to get sick at such a young age, and not even have your own parents to take care of you at the very least.
being disowned by them should have been the worst part of your whole life but you didn't care; you had six beautiful kids, and one very loving and beautiful husband. why should you be sad. why should you be ungrateful. why should you not smile.
"zhongli darling, baby, honey, please, stop crying over this, its so silly." you chuckled as you weakly brought your other hand into his soft and messy hair. you ruffled it slightly, before putting your hand down. because of how weak you were, you couldn't hold your body up for more than a few seconds.
ah, the sad truth of having cancer, really. such a sad way to go. you didn't even have enough money to pay the hospitals to treat you, and you didn't want your entire family to be in debt, so you took the best option.
"you know very well this isn't your fault, and please, don't keep blaming yourself.. or i will be... kinda sad.." you smiled slightly, and zhongli's face softened and he started to cry even heavily.
"i love you y/n... i- ... i love you so much..." zhongli sobbed, his voice cracking and shaking badly. it was as if he was terrified and sad at the same time; every fibre of his being was shaking, and he no longer had the energy to rise.
"dad, don't cry," xiao's voice.
"don't cry father... don't cry..." xingqiu's voice.
"dad... don't cry..." xiangling's voice.
"PAPAAAAA.... NO NO CRY!!" the triplets.
ah, how wonderful, all of your kids were here. the six of them collapsed onto zhongli, wrapping their arms as much as they could around him. zhongli broke down even more, having his kids here to see him in this state; so they really were listening behind the door.
"mommy... mommy are you okay?" xiangling asked, coming up to look at your weak face. you smiled and brought your hand to brush her face. she leaned into your touch as she cried; the warmth of a mother was always the most beautiful.
"i'm always okay dear."
"liar..."
you moved your gaze to your oldest child, who was staring at the ground. he had his fists clenched on his knees, tears filling up his eyes. his shoulders shook slightly as he spoke, "y-you... you're lying aren't you..."
"xiao dear, i don't lie to my kids, especially not you, you were my first child xiao... my first ever... son.."
xiao started to cry, his tears falling onto the back of his hands. maybe tonight was the night, thats probably why everyone was crying. you didn't want to leave either, but what could you- a small peasant, do with the destiny that wanted your soul for itself? maybe you were being selfish to live.
you begged for forgiveness most probably; you apologised for disrespecting your teachers, you apologised for not completing your homework, you apologised for not studying hard, you apologised for cheating on that test; everything. you wanted to be forgiven for all that you had done, all those days of tantrums, school fights, random bullying, and a bunch of other stupid shinanigens flooded into your mind.
once, your long strong legs could carry you from place to place; once, your strong arms could carry even the heaviest of books; once, your body could endure even the most dreadful of training; once, you were healthy. once upon a time, you were young and beautiful.
once upon a time, you had a beautiful high school life.
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blame ven.
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