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" there is beauty in ice,
but also darkness "
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i'm sorry, there's a little angst here
ahem, but can you trust my "little"?
soundtrack: goodbye alice
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[ your pov ]
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the ice beneath my feet gives way, and i can feel myself drowning deeper into the dark embrace of the cold waters. the icicles cut along my cheek and arms as i drown further, unable to swim upwards. the hole above my line of sight allows the sunlight in, and all i can see are the blurry silhouettes of people staring down at me.
the chains around my ankles seem to pull me down even more. banishment, was that they called it. not that i minded, it wasn't as if i couldn't breathe underwater. then again, what was the point of this? were the snezhnayan people that cold-hearted?
the faces are blurry, and i cannot bear to stare up towards the light that shines through the broken ice. the cold embrace of the freezing water engulfs me, taking me down to the bottom where my bare feet meets the sand. the soft sand welcomes me, and i sink my feet into them as the big metal cubes attached to the chains along my ankles fall beside me.
the seaweed dances around wiggly as i slowly lie myself down on the soft sand. although i can breathe under water, my body will not tolerate the cold from the waters, and most likely, i will die here.
lie and they throw you into the ice.
they weren't wrong.
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i
sit on the ice, watching as this young boy approaches me. his hair is a frozen blue colour, and his balance shakes as he tries to move closer to me. i know what he's here for, he's here to exorcist me; for he should be the exorcist all the way from liyue. how nice, a visitor. i haven't had any of those since i passed on from my original body.
my body lies beyond the glass of ice that i am sitting on, buried deep within the soft sands.
"are you going to come over or what?" i ask. i hug my knees close to my face as the glow from my foggy form melts slowly into the cold air. i bring myself to my light feet and float over to the young boy who seems to be having a hard time coming to me.
i'm surprised he can see me, but then again, he is an exorcist after all.
"are you here to exorcist me from the cold winter lands?" i ask, and he shivers as my cold breath hits his skin.
he looks up at me, and his gaze falls softly onto my dead eyes. i can see the shining life in his, and i wish i could understand what this felt like. being alive; being able to breathe like a normal human being. i try to hold his hand, even though it lasts for a mere few seconds before my hand goes through him, like a fog; a mist. nothing.
for a moment, he takes his time to examine my ghostly figure. a young girl with little to not much to defend herself with, hair a mess, dress tattered and nearly worn out. there isn't much to say from my figure, yet this boy seems to be examining me as if i wasn't real.
"y/n."
is that my name? well thats interesting, he knows my name, and thats nice. rarely anyone knows the name of the girl who died years ago; months ago; days ago. time was nothing to me anymore, it died the moment i did. i went with the last tick of time, and so did time itself. once my eyes fell shut, the world was dark, and i allowed my soul to resurface to sit atop of the glass ice.
the young boy adjusts himself so he can sit on the ice, and i am confused as to why he is doing this. unknowingly, i sit by next to him, even though a little of my body goes through the ice. "aren't you here to exorcist me?"
"i was but... you looked lonely, and you just- i mean you look like you have a lot of things to say." he says. my eyes can't seem to find the message in his, and i move my head to look up towards the sky. the same sun shines down on us both, but the ice doesn't melt beneath these two kids; one alive, and one dead.
i smile and turn to face him, giving him a slow shake of my head as my brushes his arms as they float around. "the dead tell no tales, my dear."
"but could you tell me yours?"
the air must be cold, but i don't know. my skin isn't able to feel anything that was cold, but it must have been, since he was slightly shivering. i could see a cloud of mist escaping between his lips whenever he exhaled, and i look over to his perfectly toned skin colour, and beautifully shaped lips and gentle face.
how nice it was, to be human.
again, i smile and shake my head. "the dead tell no tales."
"but you're not dead, you're here aren't you?"
i move my head down as my eyes fall towards the ice, and i smile down at the reflection; there is nothing there, i only see a young boy, but no me. my reflection doesn't show, and he gets confused. i point down into the ice, and as my hand goes through the ice, i turn my head to look at him.
"my body is down six hundred feet down, or maybe more," i mumble. "this isn't me. i'm not real."
"you're real to me," he says. he moves his hand up to me, and he touches my face. i wait for a while, but his hand doesn't go through me. i stare at him in confusion, and he seems to understand my confusion and takes it. "i am an exorcist, maybe i can touch you."
i nod.
he slowly brings my face up with his hands pressed against my cheeks. he seems to be getting closer slightly, but i don't know what he is about to do. he brushes my face with his hand, but i can't feel the heat from his hands. my mind goes into a cloudy mist when he presses his cold lips onto my forehead.
his lips aren't cold i know that; but i am unable to feel the heat from him. he pulls away and looks at me. "you don't remember me, do you."
i shake my head. "my memories are frozen with my body down below."
he then holds me close before slowly wrapping his arms around my misty body. he hugs me tight, i can feel it, but i am unable to touch him as i would go through him. he starts to tremble slightly, but he stops.
"we used to play together back in liyue," he speaks softly, like a whisper. "you went on a small vacation to snezhnaya and never returned." he then pulls away to stare into my eyes, smiling a little. "it was a few days later when we found out that you had been frozen."
i do not understand what he is saying, and i wish i can remember. nothing goes through my head; all i can feel are the soft haziness of fog and mist. there are no sounds from my mind, and i can't hear the desperation in his voice. he takes my freezing hands and pats my head. "my name is chongyun, your name is y/n."
i nod my head. i'm assuming that's my name.
"if you agree, could i take you back to liyue? perhaps someone there would be able to, bring you back to life again, just like our friend qiqi."
he speaks with softness, like the soft whisper in his tone. i can't seem to understand what he means. "am i not tied to this place? my body can never be found now. how could i return to a place of liyue?"
"i'll just take you back, you, right here. your soul." he says. i can't understand the desperation in his voice that he wants to take me with him. all the memories are gone, and i can't feel anything for him. i am unable to feel the type of remorse one would usually feel whenever they aren't able to remember something from someone.
"you want to make me alive again?"
"not me, but someone i know. so, do you agree to come with me?"
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it isn't weird to have a form that can properly be pressed on the grass, yet i feel like i shouldn't have inhabited someone else's body for the sake of living. the beast of the mountains, they insisted that i take on the form of whoever i wanted, as i could never have my old body back. how confusing it was, yet, i didn't have much complaints.
i could feel the soft red lips of my own lips; i could feel my hair again, and i felt heat. chongyun was happy that he could hug me in a realistic way, and he was happy that i could be reunited back in liyue with... the people he called xiangling, xingqiu, qiqi, xinyan, hutao, zhongli, so on and so fourth.
"this is what we call, water."
"this is a flower."
"this is what food tastes like."
i enjoy the time chongyun spends teaching me about things, but unfortunately, just like how i have always said, the dead could never tell tales. despite having a body anymore, the price to pay was the ability to speak; and the dead tell no tales.
then again, could there be an issue? i could slightly gain my memories back, and i could remember chongyun little by little. he held my face that one evening under the shine and glitter of lanterns; he brushed his thumb across my cheek and pressed his warm loving lips onto mine. instinctively, i kissed him back, and the feeling of love melted into the soul that was once empty.
chongyun held my hand and never allowed me to get hurt, and although we shared the same visions, he never allowed me to use my powers. he worried for me; he cared for me; he loved me despite my denied speech.
the days grew brighter, and my life grew ever better. the days with chongyun lifted my spirits, and i could see the light that once got taken away from me. during the empty days, he would return to my arms and provide me the warmth that i always lacked.
though my heart remained hollow and cold, chongyun provided me the warmth better than any fire could. the cackling of flames from the love he gave were strong, and he sheltered me in the deepest parts of his heart despite every single mistake i had made. i had been a very hard person to take care of, due to lack of memory and speech, but he took all of that.
he never let go of me.
he never stopped loving me.
"y/n?"
i look over towards him as the small child sleeps soundly in my arms, bundled up by blankets near the warm fire we had. chongyun looks at me with the same gentle eyes he once had, and gives me a small kiss on my lips before pulling me into a tight hug.
"i love you."
i am unable to say it back, but i respond in the ways that he understands. i pull him close and kiss him on the lips, gently moving them in sync with his, and he accepts my kiss with his hands on my cheeks.
the fire calms us down, and i lean my head on his shoulder as he continues reading the book that xingqiu had given him. he reads it aloud, both for me and the child in my arms. the days will only get harder, but with chongyun around, i knew there was nothing to be scared of.
it was true the dead tell no tales, but they forget that the dead will always love the living.
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this oneshot made no sense im sorry
but it wasn't angst you see. :D
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