Gerard's eyes are staring at me for answers but no words dare escape my lips.
"I-uh, I mean-" I start but I'm cut off by the door swinging open and revealing a frightened Ryan standing in the hollow frame.
"Oh. I didn't know I would be interrupting something... I'll just go," he stammers, turning away and pulling his jacket tighter around him as he goes.
"Wait!" I shout after him, however it doesn't stop him at all. My legs catch up to my mind and I push myself out of the room and race down the stairs after the fragile boy. I'm chasing the safe bet while the one who wants me is awaiting an answer from me and I honestly don't know how to feel about it. I mean, of course I fucking love him but he also fucking terrifies me.
"Ryan! Wait," I call out, my voice cracking and the air being evacuated from my lungs as I lunge forward and catch his arm, turning him towards me.
"Did you really just leave a guy who proposed to you without an answer?" He asks me, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Yeah, I guess I did. I need to think a little. Want a smoke?" I offer, trying to turn the conversation away from me.
"Uh, sure."
I pull my pack out of my pocket and hand a cigarette to him. I didn't notice how shaky I was until I was trying to light the cigarette and had trouble with it. I swallow the lump in my throat and sit on the front steps of the apartment building. Ryan sits down beside me, his body slumping down like a corpse. I'm almost tempted to reach over to make sure he doesn't fall over. He's grown into a shell of a boy and I feel an ache in my heart for partly making him this way. His eyes lack colour and warmth. His fingers deeply mutilated from his own teeth, the skin flaky, red and torn around the stubbed nails. I consider reaching a hand to him and rubbing his back gently but decide against it. I don't want to make him jump. His fingers are almost as shaky as mine are as he takes a few drags of the cigarette before putting it out beneath his heel. I had barely noticed how much mine had burnt up while I thought. I put it out beneath my heel and just sit with my head between my knees for awhile but soon I lift my head to avoid tears from bubbling out. I look up towards the heavenward vista of our chemical hazed sky, watching the dripping pastel colours falling from the sunset. The artificiality of the pinks and blues made my skin tingle with warmth though I was sitting on cold stone in the middle of a snowstorm. The snow pelting my face didn't distract me from the fading fire in the sky but in fact pushed me to try harder to keep the image in my mind and never let it simmer away like the sun disappearing behind the skyline. I stand up, the snow moving around my feet, and reach a hand out to Ryan. I help him to his feet and lead him back upstairs.
When I push open the door to the apartment, the tension is thick enough to eradicate the air in my lungs. I tell Ryan to sit on the couch and I go to find Gerard. The bedroom door is closed with light slipping through the bottom so I decide to check there first. I open the door and find him crying into his palms on the bed.
"Yes," I whisper, barely audible. I repeat the word slightly louder and he turns to face me, the sadness disappears from his face as a smile curls up and lights up his eyes. I go sit down beside him on the bed, letting it creak slightly beneath my weight. He fumbles for the ring embedded in his pocket with despair and he pulls it out and slides it onto my ring finger. I thumb over his cheeks, wiping the tears away before crashing my lips to his. I push him so he's laying down and climb over him, leaving rough and hungry kisses along his soft lips.
"I wouldn't have said 'no', I just want you to know that. I was thinking and I just want you to know that I live for your touch and your warmth and your skin and oh god when you're not with me, I'm physically ill beyond comprehension. I shake, I sweat, I feel nauseous and dizzy and there's this ache that just- it just shakes my core and then I see you and I feel like I just got dosed with the best drugs and I can't help smile and god fucking dammit, you are the only reason I can stand staying at school anymore. The only reason I've stayed for the past three years," I boast, not unhappy with the outcome of the mini proclamation. The little trill of a ringtone starts going off in Gerard's pocket and I sit back up a little, letting him reach into his pocket and check the caller.
"It's Mikey, just give me a sec," he informs me before answering the call.
"Yes. I'm busy. I'll call you back later," Gerard whispers into the phone with a crazed grin.
"What was that about?" I ask the moment he hangs up.
"I'll tell you later," he sings, pulling me back to him. It doesn't take long before his fingers lift my shirt overhead and throw it to the floor. His hands resting on my hips as the kissing continues on our swollen lips. I grind down into him, earning myself a moan and feel for how hard he is. I begin to slowly unbutton his shirt, exposing his fair complexioned body. My lips move to his neck where the love bites I once left have started to fade. I run circles over the skin I have marked as my own with my tongue before deepening their colour. He bucks his hips up and I groan against his skin, letting him feel my hardening length.
"He's in the other room, isn't he?" Gerard asks, his voice more curious than angry.
"Y-yeah," I stammer, unsure of why he's asking.
"Doesn't that just make this ten times better? I'm gonna have to silence you, now won't I? And didn't I tell you I didn't want him here again?" He purrs, clicking his tongue.
"In that case, maybe you ought to teach me a lesson. Spank me, Mr. Way," I whisper in his ear before nipping at his earlobe gently. He wriggles out from under me and heads over to the door, closing it before making his way to his closet. He breathes out a laugh as he picks up a pair of laced garter fishnet tights. He throws them my way.
"Strip and put those on. Only those should be on you," he orders strongly but quiet enough that his voice shouldn't escape the confines of the room. Slowly, I tug off my jeans, teasing Gerard as slide on leg out at a time. I touch myself over my boxers, moaning quietly as Gerard watches. I bite my lip as his eyes catch mine, anticipation and lust written all over his face.
"We don't have all day, Iero," he growls, biting his cheek to keep himself in check. I slip off my boxers and throw them in his direction, letting them land in front of his feet. I roll the tights over my foot and up my leg, snapping the elastic band against my skin, feeling Gerard's eyes on me. I repeat with the other leg and the second they're on, Gerard approaches me with his hands behind his back. What does he have planned now? He holds out a ruler.
"Going all teacher student roleplay on me, are you?" I tease him. I get on my hands and knees, shaking my ass a little for him.
"You really love testing me, don't you?" He chuckles, slapping my ass with his palm at first, before slapping the ruler against my skin. I moan and he hits my ass again, warmth rising to the surface of the skin. I close my eyes as he continues to let the ruler strike my skin. Almost as suddenly as it had began, it stops. I hear the ruler hit the floor as I feel his lips on the wounds. I flip over, letting the pain bury itself in the sheets and pull him by the belt loops towards me.
"One other thing," he whispers with a devilish smirk. He places pink bunny ears on my head and kisses my forehead. I wink at him before shaking my head with a small laugh. I shake his pants down a little before using my feet to push them off completely. I play around the band of his underwear for a moment before removing them. I grab his cock in my hand, running my thumb over his slit, feeling the pre-cum that coats the tip. I run my hands over his chest before reaching behind his neck and pulling him down to me. I kiss him playfully, smiling a little as the kisses echo through the room. His gaze lowers as he positions himself and pushes into me. His teeth dig into my lower lip slightly, tugging and moaning. I feel his fingers find my waist and begin to dig a little the faster he moves. Quiet whimpers escape his lips as he closes his eyes and lets my lip go. His hand moves to my mouth, muffling my moans. I tilt my head away from him, closing my eyes but still completely able to picture his facial expressions. At this point, his teeth have sunken into his lip as he stifles the moans that grow in the back of his throat like roses with their thorns ready to attack. His sweat just barely coating his skin and his hair sticking to his forehead. His muscles in his arms flexed as he slides in and out of me. I feel my erection throb as he swears under his breath. I can feel him lean closer by the heat seeming to glide across my skin and the breath reaching my collarbones.
"Fuck," he curses, breaking through the flesh in his mouth and tasting the blood. I open my eyes just as he tilts his head back, groaning and releasing. He pulls out and sinks to his knees in front of me. He pulls me closer to the edge of the bed by the hips and grabs my dick in his hand. He runs his tongue over the base before taking me in his mouth, coating my cock in spit. I lean back and grab onto the sheets around me. He takes me deeper into his mouth until I touch the back of his throat, making him gag a little. Oh God, his mouth is so warm and wet. Fuck. He licks up the shaft before his mouth disappears completely from me.
"Gerard! Fuck," I whimper as I come on his face and in his hair.
"Oops," I say, laughing a little. He stands up and smiles.
"There are some sheets in the closet, you should bring some out to Ryan if we haven't already scared him away," he instructs as he picks up a towel that was hanging on the doorknob. I do as I'm told after I pull a pair of pants over the tights.
I carry out some sheets and a pillow for Ryan as well as a pair of clean pajamas of mine. Gerard opens the door for me and Ryan looks up at me, warmth returning to his eyes slightly. He pulls out his earbuds and stands up, walking towards me. He grabs the sheets out of my arms. I help him set up a little spot to sleep on the couch and give him a pair of pajamas to wear.
"You can get changed in the bathroom if you want," I tell him and he nods. He heads to the bathroom and I stand in the empty room, running my hands over the back of my neck where I feel heat and feel a slight pain there. There's probably a nice big mark there. I should've covered it up. I don't want to make Ryan uncomfortable. Well, anymore than he could probably already feel having been only a couple meters from Gerard and I having sex. I go to run my fingers through my hair and feel the bunny ears that are still there. My cheeks get hot and I can feel myself overflow with embarrassment as I take off the ears and hide them behind my back. Ryan comes out of the bathroom, causing me to jump out of my thoughts. The pajamas are loose on him but they'll have to do.
"Thanks for the pajamas and don't worry, I started listening to music the second you closed the door. I didn't hear anything," Ryan says, a smile present on his face. I hope to God he didn't hear any of that. If he had, I think he would've gotten out of here though. I wish him goodnight and go back to Gerard.
I crawl into the bed next to Gerard and he pulls me into his chest, where I gladly rest my head. I close my eyelids that seem anchored down and see only images of Ryan's littered skin. The bruises that tattered different shades of soft velvet and are reminiscent of a low sustained note on a church organ. The colors emulating the pain that you could tell were in his coffee eyes that no longer shone as bright as the shiner he tried to conceal but for lack of reason, stopped trying to hide. He was wearing a shadow of hurt over him with his sorrow clear on his once youthful face. All that is left on his face is the painful reminder that someone he loved threw him away and I wanted so badly to sew him back to the crisp doll he once was but I know that once the seams have ripped, you can't repair the stitching with the wrong tools. Eventually, after what seems like an eternity of tossing and turning, I find a few hours of sleep.
-
I open the bedroom door, leaving the room the next morning to find Ryan curled up in a ball with his eyes open, sleep obviously evading him completely.
"Rough night?" I ask, heading into the kitchen where I make myself some coffee. Ryan nods and sits up on the couch. He runs his fingers through his tousled hair and yawns.
"Want some?" I offer but he turns the offer down. It doesn't take long for Gerard to stumble from the bedroom after the smell of coffee wafts through the air, probably slapping him in the face to wake him up. His eyes are heavy with sleep and the remnants of last night's celebration caught in the strands of his hair, only visible due to the fast fading white and the fast growing roots. I pour him some coffee and hand it to him and watch as he goes from exhausted zombie back to Gerard Way in a matter of minutes. He shuffles back to the bedroom and gets dressed. Unlike me, he actually has to go to school today. Ryan stays seated and we remain in silence until Gerard returns, looking like a Sherlock Holmes version of a teacher.
"Mikey is coming by later today, just to let you know," Gerard informs me before he kisses me and heads to the school. Fortunately for me, I have a few days off. Hours pass by of me and Ryan simply watching TV. I don't want to press him for answers or make him tell me anything he isn't comfortable with no matter how much I wish I could. I don't know how to deal with this situation and it's tearing me apart because I so desperately want to help him.
"Frank?" Ryan mumbles shyly.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Can I ask you something?" He asks timidly.
"Of course you can. Shoot," I offer.
"Did you ever really care about me or was I just the revenge, the pity sex?" He asks, the hurt coming across very prominently in his tone. I'm taken aback by the question and it truly takes a couple of seconds for me to come up with an answer.
"Yeah, I did care about you. But I also cared about Gerard and I knew that you wanted Brendon and I guess that you were the safe bet but I kinda get off on fear," i reply, staring straight at Ryan, trying to decipher the emotions washing over his face. Pain, understanding and sadness.
"Call me the safe bet all you want, I'm betting I'm not."
"Say what you will but you were the less complicated option in the complicated situation. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
"I just want you to know that none of it is your fault... I don't know if you're blaming yourself for what happened but I know if I were in your situation that I would feel that way so I just want you to know that you shouldn't. Okay?" He tries to reassure me but there's still an uneasiness in my stomach.
"Do you wanna talk about it? What happened with you and him?" At that moment, there's a rapping at the door followed by a momentary silence as I remember what Gerard told me this morning. It's probably Mikey. I get off the couch and head to the door.
I swing it open, and to my surprise, find a boy with a large forehead and chocolate hair rather than a tall boy with glasses and awkward knees.
"Is... Is Ryan here?," the boy asks with tears in his eyes. His words pass by me completely as I stand in shock at who I'm seeing without ability to react to anything.
"Brendon?!"
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