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"THERE. RIGHT. THERE." xiangling screamed as he pointed towards venti from wanmin restaurant, sitting with many others as they looked over to venti who was strumming his lyre to a crowd of people in liyue. amber glared down at venti as she squinted her eyes. "look at that pale well-tended skin... look at that killer shape he's in. look at his slightly stubly chin, oh please he's gay. totally gay!"
zhongli chuckled and put down his tea cup as he tangled his fingers together and leaned against his arms that he pressed on the table as he watched venti sing. "i'm not about to celebrate, for every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate, this man's not gay; i say not gay."
xinyan and you rubbed your chins while you both looked towards xiao. he sighed and stared at venti with focused eyes before he placed his spoon down. "that is definitely the elephant in the room."
you shrugged and looked at everyone. "well is it relevant to presume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fay?"
xinyan slapped her chopsticks down and stood up, jabbing her finger straight towards venti as she glared. "but look at his coiffed and crispy locks!"
zhongli sipped his tea. "look at his silk translucent socks."
xiao then nodded and wrapped his hand around xiangling's neck to pull her closer to speak his point. "but there's the eternal paradox; look what we're seeing."
"well- what are we seeing?" xiangling whispered to xiao as xingqiu and chongyun leaned closer to listen in, as childe and zhongli focused on their food.
"is he gay?" xiao asked.
"of course he's gay!" xiangling argued.
"or mondstadtion?"
with that question, everyone looked up at xiao. some eyes were wide; and some were squinted. you looked over at xinyan and hutao, who were both confused. childe, zhongli, xinqiu and chongyun both were looking at everyone with intent, and everyone started to wonder.
"oohhhhhh...."
xiao had a point, because you never knew what the mondstadtions were like, so maybe it was just culture in mondstadt.
"gay or mondstadtion?" childe asked, looking towards zhongli, who shrugged his shoulders. despite being the archon of liyue, and having met venti on many other occasions, not even he was sure.
"its hard to guarantee." zhongli said.
"is he gay or mondstadtion?" you asked before you turned your head to both childe and zhongli; and xingqiu and chongyun. xinyan then turned with you to look at them, so did xiangling.
"well hey don't look at us!" xingqiu said with a blush as he turned his head as chongyun patted him. childe chuckled as he gave zhongli a kiss on his cheek while everyone else sighed.
ganyu then perked up, earning everyone's attention. she knew more about mondstadt, so she could say a little more than all of you. she cleared her throat and folded her arms in confusion, but still spoke with confidence. "but you see they bring their boys up different behind those beautiful gate walls."
xiao and you scratched the back of your head as he adjusted himself on his seat to get more comfortable, and ganyu began to speak again. "they cook different meals, in tiny pots and tiny pans!"
"gay or foreign fella?" xiao asked, turning to look at you and xinyan.
you both shrugged your shoulders as you both exchanged confused looks. "the answer could take weeks..."
hutao then looked over at venti, watching him closely as he giggled and gave one of the girls watching him a kiss the young blushing woman on both cheeks. she gasped and pounded her hand on the table for everyone to notice; then she pointed straight towards venti.
"look! they say things like 'ehe' while they kiss you on both cheeks!" hutao yelled, folding her arms, wanting to prove her point.
xiangling rolled her eyes and furrowed her brows. "oh please-"
"gay or mondstadtion?" zhongli asked, looking at chongyun who was busy feeding xingqiu his dumplings.
chongyun chuckled a little. "indeed many shades of grey, but depending on the time of day... we liyuen people go either way~"
xingqiu blushed as childe looked over to the side with a flustered face while you just scratched your head at the two couples. you then moved your head to face xinyan. "so is he gay or monds-"
hutao suddenly slammed her hands on the table, making you and xiangling flinch as she screamed, pointing her finger towards venti. you quickly turned your head along with everyone else, and saw venti smirking towards a young woman as she got flustered under his head pats.
THERE RIGHT THERE!" she yelled. "look at that condescending smirk! i've seen it on every guy at the funeral parlour! that is a metro, hetero jerk; that guy's not gay, i say, no way!"
xiao then placed his hand on the angry girls' shoulder and sighed, making her sit back down as he looked at venti. "that is the elephant in the room, but is it relevant to presume?"
you placed your hands on your cheeks as you giggled. "that an archon in that costume is automatically radically-"
xinyan continued your words. "ironically, chronically-"
then xiangling resumed it. "certainly flirtingly-"
hutao finally screamed out. "GENETICALLY MEDICALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY G-"
before hutao could say anything, all of your eyes sparkled when venti smiled when the young woman offered him a cecilia flower. he hugged her and patted her back, and everyone of you assumed someone had just confessed to him.
"DAMNIT! ಠಗಠ " hutao screamed as she angrily sat herself back down to cross her arms with a huff.
"hmm, so is he gay or mondstadtion?" xiao asked, rubbing his chin as you leaned on his shoulder suddenly, making him flinch.
you brought your mouth to his ear and whispered, "he's so stylish and relaxed..."
he then turned to you, looking into your eyes as he scoffed. "so is he gay of mondstadtion?"
childe then suddenly perked up, swallowing the food that zhongli had just fed him. "i think his skin is waxed-"
ganyu then sighed once again, earning everyone's eyes back on her. she then put her hands up, slightly in front of her chest. "but they bring their boys up different in mondstadt its culturally diverse. its not a fashion curse, if he bears teal shorts or a lyre."
"gay or just exotic?" xiao asked, looking towards ganyu, who sighed and shrugged her shoulders at the yaksha. "i still can't crack the code..."
you listened as venti continued to sing his song while playing his lyre. you rubbed your chin as xingqiu and chongyun started to pay more attention to this weird discussion. "yet his accent is hypnotic, but see his shoes are feminine."
"huh, so gay or mondstadtion?" xinyan asked, folding her arms at you as you also shrugged your shoulders. "so many shades of grey~"
you then giggled. "but if he turns out straight i'm free at 8 on saturday."
xiao then shot you a glare as you giggled while xiangling and xinyan exchanged bored looks. you leaned against xiao as he wrapped his arm around you while ganyu sat beside hutao as everyone started to look at venti.
"so is he gay or mondstadtion?"
"gay of mondstadtion?"
"gay or m-"
suddenly, zhongli slammed his hands on the table and stood up. he cleared his throat and moved his long ponytail to the back from his shoulders as he looked at his friends. "wait a minute, give me a chance to crack this archon, i have an idea i'd like to try."
xiao nodded as you snuggled closer into him. "the floor is yours."
zhongli then left his seat and walked over to venti. venti nodded his head at what zhongli had said and was brought back to the restaurant where everyone was intently staring at him, while hutao and xiangling were about to blow a fuse that they couldn't prove that he was gay.
zhongli then cleared his throat. "so, mr. barbatos. this alleged affair with the woman from earlier has been going on for...?"
"just a moment ago," venti replied sweetly.
"and your first name again is?" zhongli asked, rubbing his chin.
"barbatos." venti replied.
a smirk crept up on zhongli's face as he chuckled. "and your boyfriends' name is?"
venti, who wasn't really paying attention, replied quickly. "aether."
the whole restaurant gasped, and hutao and xiangling cheered in excitement as they locked hands and started jumping around happily. zhongli clapped his hands as childe cheered him on while xingqiu and chongyun just giggled quietly.
venti then realised he had exposed himself, so quickly shook his hands at them. "i-i'm sorry! you guys misunderstood! morax said boyfriend i thought it meant best friend!" he then cleared his throat. "aether is my.. best friend."
before anyone could say anything, a loud shout echoed from the side. "YOU BASTARD!"
everyone looked over to the side where they saw aether; the young traveller with long blonde hair. he looked angry, marching straight up to everyone at the restaurant. "you lying BASTARD!"
hutao and xiangling smirked at each other as they both gave each other fist-bumps. xiao pinched in between his eyes as aether marched right up to venti and gave him a slight push.
he then yelled, "thats it! i'm not covering for you, no more!" he then turned to all of you and raised his hands. "PEOPLES! I HAVE, A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!"
aether then pulled an empty stool out and stood on top of it, jabbing his hand straight at venti. "this man is gay AND mondstadtion!"
everyone gasped, and childe spat out his tea due to the shock. "WOAH..."
aether then nodded. "and neither is disgrace!" he then turned towards venti with a scowl. "you've gotta stop your bein' a completely closet case!"
xingqiu and chongyun giggled as ganyu laughed with you, xinyan, hutao and xiangling as you five held your stomach to stop from laughing.
aether then pointed to the woman who had given him a cecelia flower from earlier, who was now speaking to someone else. "its me not her he's seeing! no matter what he says! i swear he never ever ever swing the other way!"
aether then angrily got off the stool and marched up to venti, each step, yelling at him with a glare. "you are so gay! you big parfait! you flaming one-man cabaret!"
venti then screamed. "I'M STRAIGHT!"
aether then smirked, pulling the side of his scraf to the side to reveal to all of you a bunch of hickeys and red marks. you, xinyan, hutao and xiangling started screeching as childe, xingqiu, chongyun, and zhongli smirked in the distance. ganyu and xiao just giggled at each other.
aether then smirked and patted venti's head. "you were not yesterday~"
aether then turned to everyone and inhaled deeply. "so if i may, im proud to say... HE'S GAYYYYY!"
"AND MONDSTADTION!" everyone cheered.
"HE'S GAYYYYY!"
"AND MONDSTADTION!"
"HE'S GAYYYYYYYY-"
everyone then joined in on his screaming, holding onto each other. "-AND MONDSTATION AND GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
venti then folded his arms in anger and embarrassment knowing that he had lost the argument. he then turned his head as he blushed. "FINE OKAY I'M GAY!"
the whole restaurant erupted in screams as you hugged xiao and xiangling, while zhongli and childe clapped their hands. ganyu, hutao and xinyan all started screaming about it, while xingqiu and chongyun gave venti a thumbs up for admitting it.
"HOOORAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"