Scale - Tsukishima Kei

Chapter 16

He doesn't say anything, but the look on his face is somber. My shoulders fall as I realize I probably made him uncomfortable.

"I-I'm sor-" I start, but he cuts me off by grabbing my hand and quickly dragging me to the bathroom. "What are we doing?" I ask. He stands behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I keep my eyes down and I feel him tuck my hair behind both my ears.

"Look in the mirror." He says softly, and I quickly shake my head.

"I haven't...um, I haven't done that in a long time." I whisper and he lightly grazes my jaw with his fingertips.

"Just look. For me." He rests his chin on top of my head.

Biting my lip, I shake my head.

"I-I can't." I whisper. "I just-" I close my eyes tightly.

"You are so, incredibly, beautiful. It's a shame that you can't see it. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes." He mumbles close to my ear, pressing his lips against my neck.

We stay like that for a moment, his hands on me and my eyes closed. Slowly, I open back up my eyes, and I feel his head move as I look up at the mirror.

I don't...I don't even know that person is. A small gasp escapes from my lips as I see myself for the first time in god knows how long. I quickly cover my mouth with my hand and just start bawling. Tsukishima holds me in place as the girl in the mirror turns into nothing more than just a blur.

"Don't cry baby." He coos. "You're so beautiful. Everything about you. I think you believe that you're a lot bigger than you actually are. Regardless if you like how you look, this is your body. You have to love it, and nourish it. I think it's perfect. I think you're perfect. I want you to be able to see that too." He rubs my shoulder as he talks.

I turn around, wrapping my arms tightly around him and pressing my face into his shirt, crying.

"It's okay. You're okay." He whispers, embracing me and rubbing my back.

He continues to whisper sweet nothings into my ear until I'm finally able to calm down.

"All better?" He asks once I pull away and wipe my face.

"Yeah." I say quietly, chuckling. "Thank you."

"I'm always going to be here for you. I don't plan on leaving any time soon. So don't you go on about what we have ending one day. Alright?" He chuckles.

"Okay." I smile up at him.

I reach up, cupping his face and pressing a kiss to his lips. He moves his hands to my lower back and pulls me against him.

"Come on, let me show you how beautiful I think you are. Again." He grins and I giggle as he leads me to his bed.

The two of us lay down, him on top of me as we continue kissing.

"Um.." I pull away after a bit, biting my lip nervously and looking away from him. "I think...um. I mean if you want to...I can take off my clothes this time...all of them." I whisper, and I see him pull his head back.

"You're comfortable taking off your shirt?" He asks. "I don't want to force you into anything..."

"It's okay." I look up at him, my cheeks rosy. "I think I'm ready."

He laces his fingers through mine on both hands and kisses my forehead.

"I'm happy you trust me."

After that, I allowed Tsukishima to see me fully for the first time since we met. It was nerve wracking and I almost chickened out, but Tsukishima assured me that everything was okay and I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with.

It may not be a big deal to anyone else, but as someone who's struggled with their body for a long time- having someone see me so vulnerable is a big deal to me.

But not once did he make me feel uncomfortable, or look at me like I was disgusting. He had the softest, kindest look in his eyes that made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

It's the same look he's giving me now, as he hovers over me, trying to catch his breath.

"You're so beautiful." He mumbles, collapsing beside me and throwing the condom into the trash.

"Tsukishima..." I mumble, looking over at him.

"What is it darling?" He asks, propping himself up on his elbow, leaning over me once again to peck my lips.

There's that look again. I smile as I examine his features.

"Tsukishima. I lov-"

In the few milliseconds I was talking, I could see panic flash through his eyes before they turn cold. His dark chuckle cuts my words off, and he stares at me with a hard look.

"You're so. Fucking. Easy."

My eyes widen, as I take in his harsh words. I stay quiet for a moment, unable to respond. Did he really just say...

"Oh my g-" I quickly push him away me, getting up and rushing to put my clothes back on.

"Friends don't fuck each other Mei! He's using you!"

My vision blurs as tears start to spill from my eyes.

"W-Where are you going?" I hear Tsukishima ask, but his voice sounds distant.

I cant breathe. It feels like my chest is tightening and my throat is closing in on itself.

My father was right. He was using me. I'm so stupid. Of course he was using me.

I finally manage to get my clothes on, and I quickly rush out of Tsukishima's room.

"Wait!" I feel him grab my arm.

"I must be pregnant too then, I feel the same thing. They're your butterflies, weirdo."

I yank my arm away, running to the door and putting my shoes on.

Liar. Hes a liar! He never felt those butterflies. Why am I even thinking about that right now?

"Please wai-"

"Don't fucking talk to me. I never want to see you again." I want to yell, I want to scream from the top of my lungs at him. But I can barely make out a mere whisper.

I can't hear his next response. I can't see either, I just blindly rush out of his house.

"Do you think I'm easy?"

Stop, stop, stop, stop! I don't want to think about this right now. Please don't think about this right now.

"I don't think you're easy at all. Promise. If I thought you were easy I'd be using you,"

A small sob escapes my lips, and I start to run.

I hate that memories like this decide to just play over and over in my head at this time.

I cant breathe.

I cant see.

I feel like the entire world is crashing down on me, as cliche as that sounds.

I'm so focused on getting away, that I dont hear the screams of protest. I dont see where I'm walking, and I dont see the car that holds a driver that's not paying attention to road, approaching me.

I just feel pain. Everywhere. But with that pain comes a familiar, comforting feeling of drifting off into the darknees.

But this time, it's a bit more permanent.