EIGHTEEN

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------- ELAIA --------

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------- ELAIA --------


The rest of the day is a blur. When Trinia joins us for dinner it makes me smile.

She listens as Castine, Naya, Albia, and myself hold a conversation, but she doesn't talk much. She doesn't talk at all. I'm worried about her. Worried that I'll never get my Trinia back, and I've hardly been sleeping because of it.

I want to hunt down the man that did this to her and scream at him until my cheeks are so blue, they match my eyes. Scream until I have no more words left. I want to destroy him. I want to watch him burn. I want to destroy his home and his relationships and his career, and any chance he has at a family until his life is nothing more than a pile of smoldering embers at his feet.

The violence of my own mind startles me. Girls aren't supposed to be this violent. We're not supposed to be violent at all. We're told not to be angry because it makes us less desirable. We're not to enact vengeance upon anyone, no matter what they've done to us because it will harden our hearts. We're told not to lie, we're told not to speak out of turn. We're told not to hate. 

But I hate the man that did this to Trinia. I can feel my hate for him coursing through my veins. It surfaces every time I look into Trinia's eyes. Where there used to be so much light and joy, now, there is only emptiness and pain. 

My hate surfaces every time I see one of the handlers lash out at one of the girls. I felt it when Archer hit me earlier, and when he had Castine by her hair. In that moment, I hated him with every fiber of my being. I wanted to watch him burn. I wanted to set him on fire myself, and I still do. 

I know I shouldn't hate anyone, and I shouldn't be angry either. But whenever I try to just be happy, it feels wrong and my anger feels right. And everything feels like it's been turned upside down.

The men that run our city would say I've been spending too much time with Castine, or that I caught Valas' sickness while I was at the camp. A few weeks ago, I would have thought that was true. I would have politely agreed with them, completely disregarding my own feelings on the matter. Now, I'm beginning to rethink everything. 

"You okay?" Castine asks, pulling me from my thoughts. 

I nod. "Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking about things," I reply calmly. I don't know how much the men like for us to think, either, but it's better than admitting that I'm daydreaming about revenge. 

She nods. "I have my eight week evaluation tomorrow," she says with a groan. "And guess who it's with?" She adds, her words dripping with disgust. 

"Let me guess," Naya pipes up in her deep, strong voice. She glances around the room dramatically until her eyes settle on Sebastian a few tables away. He doesn't usually eat in the cafeteria with us, but he's decided to this evening, which is odd. "That guy?" She asks playfully, nodding in his direction. 

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