Mortals meet Percabeth (and others)

Bad Habits

Nico and Percy trauma bonding! this is like part 5 to my Percy Falls alone AU, guess I just like torturing my baby and I don't think this needs to be said but I don't condone anyone's actions in this chapter. Also TW for abuse, torture and self-harm suicide idealisation but I hope you enjoy it all the same and I hope you have a happy ( and safe ) Christmas. Please do stay safe I want you all safe in the New Year

*****  

Bad Habits 

NO MIST

Smoke curled in his lungs and he released a breath, the smoke being released with it and back into the air before he took another drag. The cigarette resting in between his lips and forefingers and he sucked in another deep breath before he released that one too, coughing slightly at the end not having meant to take that much of a breath, but hey he hadn't done it in a while. Not since Smelly Gabe got out of his life. 

Percy sighed as he looked to the sky, Zoe Nightshade's constellation shimmered in the sigh and he closed his eyes, he didn't need a reminder of who he should be. Zoe thought Percy was an honourable man. Oh, how wrong she had been. Look at him now smoking and pulling away from the people that wanted to help him, he didn't trust himself to be around them not since Tartarus and not since he killed the Goddess of misery 

He thought he was healing but a few weeks after he came out from ... down there ... he started to fall into the pits of depression. The depression sucked at Percy until he only has one emotion left and then suddenly you don't really care anymore but he didn't want to die either. Percy was kind of stuck in this go-between that nobody really understands and all everyone wants you to do is smile!

At least Nico got it partly 

He took one last drag of his cigarette before snuffing it out and putting it back into his pocket until he could find a bin because if he threw it in the ocean he and his dad would both not be happy and if he threw it in his cigarette into the sand, it was most likely the Harpies or Grover would chew him out

No one knew he was smoking again. 

No one knew he smoked in the first place, he had kept that a secret from everyone. Percy didn't know why he figured he just didn't want to relive the memories of what Gabe did to him. The broken bottles that were smashed against his skin. The bruises. Scars. Cigarettes burns, the list went on

One may ask: Why smoke if used a form of torture of Percy using the cigarettes to burn his skin, why to Percy the answer was simple, it was an act of rebellion against Gabe, something that that monster thought he was doing to hurt Percy was actually one of the one things that caused him to have some sort of release ... that and his mom's blue cookies ... so what if he poisoned his lungs in the process?

It hadn't been an easy rode to quit either, but he had to, it wasn't a viable option for him to run for his life while fighting monsters when he couldn't bring himself to run four miles without feeling out of breath and so he quit cold turkey, and while he struggled for a year on and off, but finally he managed to get rid of his cravings

He thought he wouldn't touch another cigarette ever again

But then turmoil started within himself, and he couldn't think straight every time he thought about closing his eyes the flashbacks were starting and he would wake up screaming and even though Annabeth tried to help him, she couldn't get in his head and take the pain away 

And so Percy pulled away and now their relationship was nearly as good as dead. 

Neither one of them wanted to lose the other one, but it was hard for Percy to open up, he just didn't want to talk about it and Annabeth kept on pushing and pushing on her quest for knowledge until Percy couldn't take it anymore and snapped, digging in his nightstand draw he pulled out a packet of cigarettes, snuck down to the beach and lit the cigarette letting the smoke act as both a poison and a relief 

"Percy?" He heard a familiar voice ask and he sighed but found himself turning around to see Nico, the small Italian boy was dressed in dark clothes, his Avatar jacket drowning him and dark purple rings were sunk around his eyes into his cheeks. He looked like he was half dead and hadn't slept in a week

"Nico. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question, you know?"

"Couldn't sleep. I just needed a break" Percy shrugs, it was the truth he couldn't sleep but it wasn't the whole truth. Even when he was awake, it felt like he was walking in a nightmare every time he looked he could feel the monsters bending to his will thanks to his bloodbending power, controlling the poison and turning it against a Goddess. Everything to him haunted him followed him around like a fucking shadow and he was sick of it

He couldn't breathe. Why couldn't he breathe? He was underwater. When did he get underwater? No, that wasn't right he could still see the blurry images of sand. So he wasn't underwater. He was okay, he was safe. But why didn't he feel okay

"Percy listen to me, okay? I need you to take a deep breath hold it in for four and let it out with the count of eight it will help get your breathing under control" Nico told him, but the voice sounded so far away, like he couldn't quite here it

"I can't breathe" Percy gasps out, his eyes widening in his panic

"You're going to have to okay? I'm not going to leave you, I promise but right now I need you to take a deep breath hold it in for four and let it out with the count of eight it will help get your breathing under control" Nico explained and Percy tried to do what he was told and even though it took him longer than he thought it would. Eventually, one by one his senses came back to him and his hands didn't have a pins and needle situation 

"Thank you" He whispered out, voice low as if he was ashamed "I didn't mean for you to see that, I didn't want anyone to know about them. Whatever they are they make me feel weak and I don't like feeling like that but ever since I went down there I've been having them more frequently and I don't know what to do. They make me feel sucked of all emotion an--"

"Slow down Perce. I know what they are, Will told me about after I had one in front of him I was so ashamed. I cried for hours but when I calmed down, he told me what they were: Panic attacks. Will said with all we went through it isn't abnormal for our brains to think we're in danger and make our bodies react in that way" Nico explains patiently

"You have them too?"

"I do" Nico nods "Me and you need to stick together. Depressed brothers in arms"

Percy let out a laugh "You're the only one I can talk to about this, you know? Annabeth tries but she doesn't understand what I've been through, what I've had to do, what that place has warped my mind into making me want to do"

"Oh I know, I wanted to skin Eros alive when he outed me as gay to Jason"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know I guess I was ashamed and I sort of had a crush on you"

Percy shot a puzzled look at his cousin, not understanding what he was hearing and it just confused him more "Why would anyone have a crush on me?"

"Dude, Annabeth Rachel and I were all with you that one summer. We all had crushes on you and you didn't notice"

"Well excuse me for prioritising my life over crushes"

"Nope you're just dense" Nico teased with a horrifying grin that chilled Percy to the bone and he curled his fingers as if he wanted Percy to give him something before speakinh again "Give me one would you?"

"What?"

Nico raised an eyebrow "One of the cigarettes that you have stashed in your pocket. What are you going to deny it? You may be good at hiding it from everyone else but I saw you. I know you have a pack"

Percy grumbled fishing the cigarette packet out of his pocket and handing one over to Nico "Nico's going to kill me, you know that right? If he ever found out about this but he wouldn't kill you because you're his precious boyfriend"

"Dude" Nico levelled him with a look "You gonna quit?"

"Nah not right now" Percy answered, looking back up at the stars