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Every time my mom used to speak to me, I felt like splitting my skull open against a wall. She misunderstood everything I said or did, and always regarded something as deeper than it needed to be. She made a big fat hairy deal out of every damn thing and it pissed me off so much that sometimes I just wanted to scream and scream and scream with nobody to stop me.
So naturally, when she saw me crying one day, she asked me what was wrong and I told her nothing. I would rather jump off a cliff than share my feelings with her.
She was angry at me for not telling her, too.
I wanted to tell her that if she wanted somebody to open up to her, lecturing them about how horrible they were probably wouldn't do the trick.
I could tell why my dad was so sick and tired of her.
But at the end of the day, she was my mom. And despite how much she frustrated me, I felt a little bad for her. How must it have felt to be so insufferable that her own husband and daughter cowered to speak to her? She must have felt horrible about herself.
How must she have felt when my dad neglected her for so many years of their marriage? How must her self-esteem have struggled when she knew that even her husband didn't want her?
It made me feel awful.
And it made me feel even more awful that I didn't like her despite how much pain she had suffered her entire life.
