Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

twelve

Dex obliges in my distraction, as he does sometimes when he thinks I will eventually come around on my own time. The internet connection is a bit weak, the picture sort of fuzzy, as the wireless in my shitty new apartment sucks something terrible.

But still, I hear Dex clearly when he says Parker was released last week.

"He didn't call me," I mutter, sort of confused by the stinging sensation I'm feeling. Why didn't he? Why do I care?

"His family is a lot to handle at once, maybe." Dex shrugs. "You could call him, you know. If it'd make you feel better."

"I don't want to talk about Parker." I snap, immediately ashamed. I brought him up, didn't I?

"What do you want to talk about?" Dex asks patiently.

"Emma's got an appointment tomorrow." I chew the skin around my thumb, iron bitter on my tongue. "I'm going - I'm taking her, actually."

"Thats exciting. It's a big step," He nods and I wonder why he doesn't have kids of his own. "How do you feel?"

I shrug, struggling to find the right word. "What if there's something... wrong with the kid?"

"Do you have reason to think there would be?" Dex's brows raise at me through the screen.

I shake my head wordlessly, guilt eating me from the inside.

"That's a normal fear for parents, I think." He continues in an even voice. He always has it so together and it's infuriating.

Angry energy courses through me and I can feel myself barely keeping it together.

History repeats itself. My father had said those words. They replay again and again in my mind until I'm shaking my head, muttering to myself, completely oblivious to Dr. Williams as he tries to get my attention.

"Beau - what's going on? There's obviously something more you aren't saying." His stare is unwavering, even through the screen, and I know he won't let me cop out of this one.

"Before I ever came to LA," I blurt out, shame and guilt pushing the truth out of me. "I had a girlfriend - the only person who didn't want me to change everything about who I was. My family didn't like her very much - probably because she didn't dislike me like they did. But we were young and I fucked up and..." I close my eyes, Zoey's young, tear-stained face burned into my brain. "I got her pregnant."

Quickly, in one long rush, I finish the rest of the story as abruptly as I can. "Obviously my dad kicked my ass when he found out - I, their problem child, was just bringing more and more problems their way. And her parents," I shake my head, running my hands through my hair. "They were so disgusted with me, with her for being with me. They sent her away and I never saw her again."

"It seems like you were just a kid yourself, Beau. You have to forgive yourself for things that weren't your fault." Dex's words barely register.

My hands are shaking and I suddenly feel like I can't take it anymore. Not the stuff with Zoey and my supposed son, not Emma and the new baby, not with Beck or my dad, and definitely not with Dex's "we can fix it" attitude.

"Of course it was!" I explode suddenly. "It was my fucking fault! I got someone pregnant knowing I had no business being a father. Not once, Dex." I glare through the screen, "But fucking twice. How could I do this to Emma?" My head falls in my hands and I tug at the roots of my hair. "And Zoey," I groan.

"Zoey?" Dex mutters. "Beau, am I hearing you correctly that your ex, the one your parents sent away, is the one your brother is engaged to now?"

Slowly raising my head, I paint a sarcastic grin on my face. "Engaged and starting the perfect little family with, yes. That is correct."

"Okay." He sits straighter, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Well there's a lot to unpack there, no?"

Suddenly the apartment is too small, the air too thick, and I can't contain the restlessness coursing through me. The back of my throat burns and my heart beats faster and faster against my rib cage.

"I'm sorry, Dex." I shake my head, and reach to hang up the call. "I can't do this."

Slamming the laptop closed, I pace the short length of my living room back and forth, back and forth, memories flooding my senses.

"You think you're keeping it?" Dad's face was almost purple as he roared across the dinner table at me. Beck put his blond head down, becoming intensely interested in his dinner, and Mom cowered at her spot across from me, too nervous to speak. "Ha!" Alcohol scented spit landed on my cheek. "What a fucking idiot,"

"I want to do the right thing." I knew better than to talk back. But I'd have to grow up at some point.

"The right thing?" Dad shook his head, voice getting louder. "You couldn't do the right thing if we left you step by step instructions,"

"Jack," Mom squeaked.

"Not now." Dad snapped and she put her head down.

Anger boiled inside me and I finally stood up, slamming my hand against the table in a defiant, if incredibly stupid, act of rebellion.

"It's my choice, Zoey's choice. You can't make her-"

"It's done!" Dad roared, an air of finality to his booming voice. "Shut up and be grateful we took care of your mistakes, again."

All survival instinct went out the window as fury finally overcame me.

"Fuck you!" I spit at my father, bracing myself for the reaction I knew would follow. Fear bubbled somewhere deep inside me, but it had nothing on the intense hatred I felt in ever fiber of my being.

"Beau," Beck muttered under his breath as Mom gasped.

Dad stood and made eye contact with me; immediately I knew it was coming. Holding my jaw out defiantly, I closed my eyes and didn't even feel myself hit the floor once the back of his hand landed across my face.

Two for one special because I kept you guys waiting ): thanks for reading babes! My heart hurts for Beau but what else is new?
In happier news - more Bemma content coming soon as they go to her appointment together ❤️