The Power Of Love

Happy Place

''Sometimes'' I admitted truthfully

''What about now?''

''No, I don't want to hurt myself-not now because everything feels perfect''

''Me too-I keep having to blink to see if this is all real because it feels weird, normally I wake up and I do my usual pain release and then I put the mask on pretending as if everything is okay''

''You don't have to pretend with me'' I whispered

''I know and it feels good. I don't want to go back, I just want to be with you''

''Me too''

''The first time I cut myself was an act of frustration, and then it became a routine-whenever the pain was too much-I'd cut, but then the pain increased and the cutting increased''

Eric smiled as he reached over and took my hands in his.

''I started smoking because the other guy liked it. My mother hates smoking, which is weird because my father smokes a lot, he liked it and the other guy wanted to impress him. I'd smoke and smoke because it was supposed to release stress, but it never did. And I'd be going through 100 cigarettes a day and nothing-and so I started burning myself with them. My mother saw the marks, but she said nothing because she accepted it as my way of dealing with things''

''Did it hurt?''

''Yeah-but it was nothing compared to what I felt inside''

''How was it? -Seeing your family?'' I asked

I watched as his mood suddenly changed, he stood up and walked over to put his clothes on as he ignored my frantic eyes. I felt this shot of pain going across my heart as I watched him getting ready to leave me. I gulped painfully, he ran his fingers through his hair multiple times and breathing out loudly before turning to face me; his eyes remaining so distant.

''I should go before the nurses come by'' He said avoiding my eyes

''Eric-I''

And before I could finish what I was saying he looked up at me, his eyes softening at my fragile state.

''I'll see you later''

''Please-dodon't leave'' I said, closing my eyes

He said nothing as he walked over and embraced me into a deep hug, and I clung onto him painfully, regretting ever asking about his family, and not wanting him to go, but I didn't have a choice as he released me from his grip, and left my bedroom without another word.

I could feel my heart sinking within my chest, and then the walls started caving in, and then the light within my bedroom faded and it kept getting darker and darker, and then they were laughing at me for even thinking that I could have a happy carefree day, and then I can see their venomous eyes staring at me, and then I can hear the voices, and now the pain's returned and I do nothing but give in to it.

And then the tears spilled from my eyes, and then I feel emotionally sick, and I'm not strong enough to stand anymore and so I crawl into bed and I cry and cry, and I know that I'm crying loudly but I just can't stop, and I continue to cry, and I cry until I couldn't cry anymore. And my eyes hurt from crying too much, and I grip onto my sheet inhaling his smell, and then the pain in my heart returned.

●●●●

There was a knock on my bedroom door at around 8 am, which was weird because normally Camille would have come earlier to wake me up for breakfast but she didn't. I faintly called out for the person to enter and it was Dr Francis, who smiled at me as she walked over.

''Hey'' she smiled

''Hi'' I said

''May I sit?'' She asked

I nodded my head as she sat down on the edge of my bed

''It's cosy in here''

I shrugged my shoulders disinterested

''How are you?''

''I'm okay'' I whispered

''Camille said you were crying this morning-do you want to talk about it?''

''Not really'' I said, realising how ridiculous I must have sounded

I wasn't crying because Eric left and possibly hated me, I was crying because the minute he left was when all the bad feelings returned and they came at me like a wave of a tsunami and I couldn't handle it.

''I think it's great''

''What?''

''Crying-I think it's great because it shows that you're alive and that you have feelings and it's a great way to release stress''

''Yeah'' I whimpered

''It's okay Louise, you can cry'' Dr Francis smiled

I didn't hesitate to do just that as I completely broke down, and she did nothing, she didn't comfort me, and she didn't ask me any questions and I was grateful for that because it felt great to just cry.

After crying, I composed myself nicely and was escorted to the medication section where Dr Francis announced that she would be updating my doses of antidepressants to 60grams. Which was okay because I honestly just wanted to be numb to everything in life. I took my pills and had a small snack from the canteen, and then I joined the other patients in circle time, avoiding the piercing eyes, I sat down.

Eric wasn't in circle time and I tried my best to ignore his absence, as I focused on the bullshit that spewed out of Jeffreys' mouth. Today's topic was about anxiety and ways to overcome it, and then we had to practically try things out. Like taking deep breaths in, and panting calmly, and closing our eyes as we envisioned our happy place, and my mind instantly went to Eric's arms wrapped about me.

And then I felt somewhat better because I remembered the feeling of his arms, I remembered how perfect everything was this morning, and I didn't have to be sad anymore because I found my happy place.

He was my happy place.

He's the one that held my sanity in the palm of his hands.

A/N - It was my birthday last week and so I am officially 21! Quick announcement. I've noticed that the reads, votes, and comments have gone down so much, and sometimes I fear that it's because the story has gotten really shit, which isn't very motivational to even finish it. I hope it's not too much to ask but please can you guys comment, and vote? xxx

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