IDENTITY | minsung

29

"and then he went offline!" jisung retold the story for the umpteenth time. "like i said, you told him to go away. he was just following orders," changbin rolled his eyes.

jisung let out an exasperated sigh, frustrated. "you're not getting it! i–" chan walked into the living room where the two were, stuffing a chocolate into jisung's mouth to shut him up.

changbin's face broke into a huge smile. "thank you, channie hyung! he wouldn't shut up!" he went on his knees, exaggerating, earning himself a smack on the shoulder from the youngest.

"we get it sung, you like him. no need to repeat the story," chan spoke, sitting down on the sofa.

changbin nodded uncontrollably, as if mocking the youngest, before going onto his phone. "oh you posted," he looked at the post before just scrolling away. "hey!" he looked up to meet eyes with jisung, whose mouth was still full.

"aren't you gonna like it?" he pouted.

chan and changbin made eye contact. they both knew how obsessed the youngest was about likes and follows. it was as if his life depended on it. "sung–"

jisung immediately covered his ears, refusing to hear a word the elders wanted to say. he already knew what they were going to say. please stop obsessing over the numbers, you mean a lot more than that and the numbers don't determine your self worth sung. he was stubborn. he didn't believe a word they said.

chan sighed, seeing that the youngest wasn't going to listen. "never mind, let's just forget it," he heaved a long sigh, changbin nodding in agreement.

jisung finally removed his hands from his ears, going into instagram to see how his post was doing. he often liked to compare the numbers from his personal with his official account. well, he didn't really like it. he didn't like that the numbers were so drastically different. he just couldn't help himself but compare them.

jisung pouted upon seeing the drastic difference in numbers once again, looking up. "channie hyung~ why cant we just reveal our identities~" chan shook his head. he had heard the youngest complain about it too many times. he knew him all too well. "sung you know we're not allowed to."

"but–" "i'm sorry sung, we're not allowed to give away our identity. you know that."

jisung sighed, looking down to the ground, nodding in understanding, as well as defeat. he stood up, not wanting to make eye contact with the two elders, and just retreated to his room, this time, locking the door.

changbin looked back at jisung's bedroom door, then to chan. "will he be okay?"

"let him be, i think he just needs to be alone. i have the spare key in case anything happens," chan said.

the two of them felt helpless whenever it came to jisung's obsession over numbers. they knew the youngest was stubborn. that was the problem. jisung just wouldn't listen. no matter what they said or how hard they tried to convince him that he was worth more than just some silly numbers, he wouldn't listen

because he was too scared. the numbers assured him that he meant something. that he meant something to other people. without the numbers, he felt like he was a nobody, and he didn't want that.

he wanted to feel loved, and the numbers did just that. the thousands of likes and follows he received made him feel like that many people loved him for who he was. he didn't want to be loved as j.one and j.one only. he wanted to be loved as jisung. han jisung.