The Slut's Guide to Chess

chapter 25

I let Arwyn pull me out of the house and I didn't look back. My insides felt cold and my head was messy. I was numb with nothing to say or do. We walked down the lane, back across the hill, along the orange trees and over the bridge until we reached the bus shelter. Only then did it hit me like a wave.

The first few tears that ran down my cheek soon turned into hard sobs that felt more like retching. Arwyn brought me to his chest as I wailed into his jumper and he stroked my hair. My eyes felt heavy.

"It's not true," he whispered in my ear. My forehead was pressed against his chest and I felt the blossom of embarrassment in my gut. "Things are never just black and white. Life is complicated. Bad people do good things, good people do bad things. It might be hard to understand but we all matter in a way. Not everything is surface level. I think the meaning of life is to find meaning in life, and it takes a special type of person to see past the glitz and glamour or lack thereof. You're not a slut. You're just...Zora. You're Zora." He sounded so sure that it was hard not to agree.

I turned my head so that my cheek was on his chest instead and with the heel of my hand, I wiped the tears.

"That was really cheesy," I confessed, voice scratchy.

He laughed and I followed suit though it sounded more like a cough from me.

Arwyn held me at arm's length and looked at my face that was probably splotchy from crying. He smiled shyly. "Close your eyes," he murmured. I did.

I felt the whisper of his fingertips as they danced across my face. They elegantly swiped along my eyelids and made contact with my eyelashes. He took a deep breath and continued on the journey, wiping under my eyes and drying the tears. Then, he pressed a kiss to my forehead with a deep sigh.

"The bus is here," he whispered against my skin, leaving room for me to say something.

"Thank you." I opened my eyes slowly though they stung slightly. "For everything. You're the best thing I could've asked for. Thank you for helping me with chess, for coming with me here, for comforting me. I don't know what I'd do without you." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a hug.

My heart burst with gratitude. I truly didn't know what I would've done without his help.

The bus halted beside the shelter and I reluctantly let go of Arwyn. I gripped my bag tighter around my shoulders, hiking it up further up my back before following him onto the vehicle. We found a seat in the back where he let me sit next to the window. Then, I watched the small town as it passed by in greens and oranges that whizzed past the glass. I left Eliott.

"Do you think I wasted my time?" I asked quietly as my voice took on a hint of vulnerability.

"Nah," he waved off and grabbed the tin of brownies. To my surprise, he took a brownie and popped it in his mouth without question. Lying back in his seat with unfurrowed brows and chocolate lined along his lips. I was glad he was comfortable with me now.

"I think we needed this. Well, I did, anyway," he said.

I stroked my chin. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. It can sometimes feel like a cage at Blackwell. It's nice to get away from the buildings and the dorms and the nosy people. I love it there, but often I hate it too. And, guess what? I was in the girl's toilets, the one by the maths block, and one of the stalls had this sentence. It said something crude like 'Zora is a slut' or 'Zora is a bitch'. I don't even remember exactly what was written, but I remember the feeling." I clenched my fists and knocked on my chest softly. "It was, like, so personal and exposing. I don't know...people can be so mean."

"You're not a bitch," he repeated his words from earlier today.

I scoffed, "You say that..."

"It's because I mean it," he jutted out his chin in defiance. "And we've already been through this, you're not a slut either. You're just Zora. You're...Nora. Okay? You're Nora and I'm Nick. And even though we didn't actually find Eliott's address on our own, we still snuck into the storage room of the pharmacy. And sure, we didn't steal anything or pass any high-security locks to get there. Hell, the laptop didn't even have a password. But, we did it anyway, and I'm proud."