The Slut's Guide to Chess

chapter 11

I hadn't seen Xander since finding the video, nor had I tried. In fact, it had been almost a week and I was avoiding him. I'd never actively avoided someone before but it was exhausting. Every time I turned a corner, I expected to see him and it scared me because I didn't know what I would do. If it actually was Xander, I'd like to say I would slap him and demand to know why he'd done what he did. I'd like to think that just my cold stare alone would be enough for him to explain it all; to apologise to me and that boy he'd hurt and to my dead sister.

But no. The real reason I was scared was because I knew that if I did find Xander, it wouldn't go like that at all. I'd either forgive him or not say anything at all and neither of those options were okay.

"Hey, Zora. What did you get for the third one?" Timothy Sullivan asked over my shoulder. We'd been friends way before he let me play him in the chess room that day I met Arwyn. I only ever saw him in the maths classroom but we spent it exchanging answers to worksheets and bullshitting through our homework together. He was nice and I liked him a lot.

His words tore me from a daze I didn't realise I had been dragged into and I glanced down at my paper only to screw up my nose. I hadn't even written the date.

"Oh, doesn't matter then," he chuckled softly upon seeing my empty page. Timmy wasn't one to judge when I didn't pay attention, he usually wasn't any better than I was anyway. "Hey, at least you brought your book this lesson."

I threw a half-smile towards him but couldn't help the feeling of shame that blossomed through my stomach. It wasn't as if I purposely decided against doing the work and I never purposely distracted anyone either; anyone except myself that was.

Sometimes I got bursts of inspiration for certain things where all I'd be able to do and think about for hours on end would be that certain thing. It mostly happened when I knitted or baked but I tried to do it with schoolwork too. I once finished a whole term's worth of maths homework in one night within my burst of concentration. I hadn't done anything since though.

I threw my hand into the air.

"Miss," I called. "Can I go to the toilet?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you desperate?"

"Yes!" I automatically answered.

Her thin lips turned down into a frown as she thought it over. "Fine," she finally answered. "Just be quick, alright."

"Thanks, miss," I sang out while rising to my feet, grabbing my bag and slipping out of the classroom.

My shoes echoed against the stone floor eerily as I walked down the empty corridor towards the girl's bathroom. It was a long stroll and the wind whistled against the windows harshly causing the hair on my arms to stand up. I pulled my blazer tighter around my body.

I turned right and pushed the bathroom door open. This was one of the bathrooms that hadn't been renovated recently. Dried up tissues hung from the ceiling, the cream paint crumbled from the walls and the mirror held one nasty crack along the middle. I jumped into a stall, pushed down the toilet seat and sat down with a sigh.

The turquoise of the bathroom stall walls that surrounded me shimmered across my face and I was hesitant to fully relax against the wall. Sure, it wasn't as bad as the boy's toilets but I didn't quite trust this place's cleanliness either.

It smelt strongly of Victoria Secret's fruity perfume and smoke, I shook my head.

I didn't truly need to go to the toilet but the construction going on outside the school window was giving me a headache. The work was giving me a headache too along with the pressure that had begun to press down onto my chest. I never worried about my lack of school work completed until somebody pointed out the fact to me.