Sapphire's Review Store 4.0

Review by Sunshine: Ensemble

Title: Ensemble

Author: SEKTORV

Reviewer: ray_of_sunshine9

Summary: 5/5

You know a summary is very good when you are itching to get right into the pages. Not only do you cohesively introduce your character, the conflict and stakes, but you also show the world-building and backdrop immediately without it feeling overwhelming. The tone of the summary also has that sense of urgency, and the rhetorical question at the end was a brilliant way to tie it all together and really get the curiosity prickling. I like the way you contrast the two warring sides, and show how your protagonist is caught between the two – with his own ongoing battle with his family's fate.

Really well done! I'm very excited to read!

Grammar: 4.5/5

Your grammar and punctuation was practically perfect, so well done! There was only really one rule that I saw broken, but it was only broken like once or twice, so my guess is that it was a mistake more than anything. It's this one:

"You shouldn't be concerned about your family." Lebanchek added.

When dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'they exclaimed – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question, and an exclamation mark for an exclamation). So, it should be:

"You shouldn't be concerned about your family," Lebanchek added.

Characterisation: 4/5

Stanley is immediately a character that readers want to succeed – he's all about his family, always worrying them, and considering how the latter aspect of your book because about eliminating humanity, he's immediately depicted as a rather sympathetic character because of his compassion when he's surrounded by all the sci-fi and technical jargon. He shows to be a complex character, having a moral grounding but ready to lie so that the Ministry will maintain his value and keep him and his family safe. Great work!

I also love the bits of humour you have in his narration – the way he keeps himself going, narrating his own actions by going like, "the world's best time traveller uncovers Ministry secrets held by dark Sweeper Agents... maybe even his kids will think he's cool! Okay, probably not..." – that got a good chuckle out of me, and made me just sympathise with him more. Your characterisation overall is great and easy to follow, so well done, as it makes engaging characters and a great story.

Side note, I also loved following Maddy's side of the story. She's as cool as they come, and she's clever – she knows when something is suspicious, and senses hints of betrayal coming, which gave additional tension within the story. Really well done! Just be careful of constantly showing instead of falling into telling territory. For example, in chapter thirty-five:

She was loyal to a fault and would continue to solider on and do her best to minimise any and all risks that she could identify.

No need to spell it out for us – we can see how she feels through her actions and thoughts. Don't tell us she's loyal to a fault, but show it to us in her internal monologue or the internal debate she would be going through and the side she essentially picks.

Writing Style: 4/5

Your writing is fantastic. Very well attuned to the genre you're writing in, very heavily characterised, and some incredible descriptions. The overall writing always has some underlining tension moving the plot forwards, and it was incredibly fluent and engaging. Well done! There were only a few things I took note off.

Towards the start, there was a moment with Teller and Tree-Hand, were bullets are being fired by a Ministry agent at all three of them. I wish that moment was fleshed out more! I think the fast-paced nature worked because it matched the scene, but there were a few specific things I wanted to see. I wanted to hear the bullets, I wanted to feel the heat of the room, feel that crackling fear.

Also, I think when you write:

"I am soooooo happy to see you!"

You can just write:

"I am so happy to see you!"

That'll make it more professional. And finally:

He saw both Edward and Stanley Jr, his other daughter Patricia and his beautiful wife Maria all come out of the van to greet him. No one seemed upset at all. They looked very happy to see him.

How do we know they don't seem upset? Show it to us. Are they smiling? If we were in that moment, what would tell us that they are happy and not upset? Big grins? Show us the moment and flesh it out for us!

Plot + Originality: 5/5

I thought your introduction was really powerful with the gambling – where we're expecting the worst when he's caught, or we're expecting him to just be dragged out. Then, they rip the sleeves down, and it's like, huh? And bam! The traveller mark is exposed and we launch straight into the crux of the story.

Overall, your plot was never short of exciting. From the beginning, we have the stakes of his family being kidnapped – but then there's immediately so much more drama, like time travel obsessed people nearly killing Stanley in that free-for-all shoot-out, a trip to an alternate dimension where there's other versions of him and his family running around. The story screams sci-fi, but it's woven in a way that isn't overwhelming and is really easy and engaging to follow.

I loved the clear direction the story took when he met the opposing force against the Ministry in the form of Maddy, and the way his new role in that aspect of the story is introduced (though it's immediately clear that there's some serious stakes involved, with that agent Herrara literally having to self-terminate for him not long ago).

Then, you throw in all sorts of action – A Russian mob even! There's a lot of coldness within the themes of the story, with some people just not caring about human life and finding humans expendable. It's really great because, as readers, we become extra compassionate and want humanity to win – especially when we reach that end part.

Speaking of the end, wow! The whole story was one big hook for the sequel, which is exciting – because, somehow, the stakes are amped up even higher. Galactic Council, aliens, human existence – well, the elimination of the human species being threatened – with Rhuitus and Toeth leading that charge. Consider me excited to hear about where the rest of this story works! Plot wise, I have nothing more to say than you really knew how to keep the pages turning.

OVERALL SCORE: 22.5/25

Overall, a really impactful story! You seriously know how to keep the heart racing as we read. Well done on such a great story, and I wish you the best of luck in all the sequels to come!