Sapphire's Review Store 4.0

Review by Ryan: Guardium

Title: Guardium

Author: SeanScruffy

Reviewer: Ryanmacharika

This has been by far the hardest review I had to write because you write better than me and your vocabulary is just....phew. That is why this took long because I had to read and reread to understand.

Normally after writing a review, I go through it to check for errors, but this time I didn't. I was afraid I would remove some things because I think I might have been too harsh, yet the writing seems a lot better than most I have come across here on Wattpad. If you have any questions just make a comment and I will answer them.

Title + Cover: 

I like your title, it's different, unique and it sets itself apart but I think it could use a follow-up title, like Guardiam: The something of something. That's just a thought.

The cover, however, is just not doing it for me. The guy with the gold chains makes it look like a gangster story. I'm trying to imagine it on an actual book but it's not as eye-catching is the title is. I can't really say what it needs but I know a good cover when I see one.

Blurb + Description: 

When you have a long blurb like the one you have it's better to have a longline first. Chances that someone is going to read the whole thing might be low. But with a longline a person can get the gist of the story and then read the whole blurb to find out further if they want to read it. Otherwise I think your blurb is good. It's interesting but there might be some confusing bits.

"Science and the divine are forced to share a universe to the highest bidder."

Like what does that even mean? How do you share a universe to the highest bidder?

Plot + Structure: 

There are a few plot holes or maybe confusing parts that take away from this otherwise good plot. I actually do like your plot even though it's full potential is not realized because of the lack of information given. Also because of your vocabulary. Sometimes I'm not sure if something is wrong with the plot or if I'm confused or if may be language just went over my head.

In chapter 4 you mentioned that Illian was lying about talking to Gaia before and he was there based on a lie. That got me wondering; Illian mentions in the first chapter that 'he knew what he heard' referring to his 'encounter' with Gaia, which I guess turned out to be fake even though he convinced himself he did. So I'm either missing something or he is delusional making him an unreliable except he shows no signs other signs of being delusional. Also he does the same thing when he argues with is friend in chapter 2 saying he knows what he saw to himself and also to his friend.

And if the job of the messenger is so important and also if not anyone can be a messenger how come he lied and was able to get through the tests. The final test, which you made to be such a big deal turned out to be just him being asked questions and they couldn't even tell he was lying so that doesn't make sense. Couldn't one of them just become a messenger then, if anyone can just lie and become one. There is also the scene where he parted he hedge so that he could pass. He describe that as a privilege almost likened to royal - as if something that only chosen messengers can do. So I he was actually not chosen then why does it work for him. I think for someone who is being a messenger to a god it would mean something more than that and the council could take the whole screening thing a bit seriously. But then again, maybe some of the things went over my head.