Sapphire's Review Store 4.0

Review by Shravani: Arthur and the King of Bones

Title: Arthur and the King of Bones

Author: BudhadityaSaysHi

Reviewer: shhravanii

Title: 3/5

Arthur & The King Of Bones.

Huh. Classic title; adding the protagonist's name and something that challenges the protagonist. I won't say that I'm disappointed. Honestly, I can't say much since I haven't read the whole book. However, I'm assuming that the King of Bones is the antagonist/ villain. I like the title but I do think you could do better on that. You are under no obligation to change the title as my opinion about the title lacks foundation since as stated previously, I'm not sure where it originates from.

Cover: 2/5

I like your previous cover more. The picture quality and the fonts along with the colour palette matched fabulously. To attract more readers, I suggest you change it back to the previous one.

The cover that you currently has an uneven colour palette along with blurred images.

One more assumption coming up; does the cover have Varanasi in it?

Summary: 3/5

The summary is...fulfilling its purpose but beginning the blurb with more than 3 rankings followed by cover credits was kind of a turn-off point for me. Begin your summary with the paragraphs, followed by the small excerpt (the conversation between Sam and Arthur) and then the rankings as well as cover credits.

Back to the actual summary:

The first paragraph was captivating. It was brief and had enough information to hook your readers. I loved the first two lines, describing how everything is catching up with him. However, if possible, change the first sentence. "Though he lived off of it" might confuse a few readers; jumbling it up would be great.

The second paragraph was...well, it was long and unnecessary. While adding questions is a plus point, but doing so you must keep in mind that too many questions will shove the readers away. Instead of adding all the questions, keep the ones that are the most important ones or the ones that would bring more readers. I recommend the following;

Follow him on an electrifying race against time as he attempts to uncover the threads of an ancient prophecy, and the blasphemous mission of a secret society while questioning whom to trust....(followed by the first and last two questions).

In the last statement, I must ask you to remove the "no pressure, though." It's unprofessional and a turn-off point.

Grammar: 4/5

Little to no grammar mistakes; colour me impressed. I found minimal typographical errors and grammar mistakes. However, the use of - was excessive and in unnecessary places. What you have failed to understand that there's a difference between a hyphen and em dash.

A hyphen is often used to connect two words. For instance, two-thirds, high-tech.

An em dash is used when you're elaborating on something. For instance, she is my best friend—the one who always made a point to listen to me.

This is just a suggestion but you don't have to use italics and single inverted comma every time there's code-mixing.

For instance: "We call them tulpas." would be sufficient rather than "We call them 'tulpas'."

Character Building: 3/5

The characters that were introduced were unique—both of them having a different personality. Arthur's scepticism of magic is one of the most important traits. I hope you keep that in mind while writing the further chapters. The flow of the plot will come across a huge bump if Arthur suddenly starts believing in everything. Make it slow and interesting.

As for Sam, I found her kinda funny and well, powerful. Sam knows what she is doing. Her background was introduced in the correct way and at a proper time. I would like to find out more about her in the upcoming chapters.

Writing Style: 3/5

*rubs palms and stretches my hands* let's get ready for the important things;

The writing style that you possess is easy to read. The choice of words and sentences ranges from simple to complex which is a great factor in writing. However, there are a few places that you need to improve and edit;

After the conversation that Arthur and his customer had, you introduced your protagonist as "yes, my name is Arthur" which is unnecessary and unprofessional. The reader already knows that the person whose POV their reading from is Arthur's.

While reading the first chapter itself, I found the repetitive use of 'then' which was completely redundant. Eliminate that. You don't have to add it every time an action is completed.

In the next chapter where Arthur met Sam; Sam poured all the information about magic on him altogether. In other words, it was info-dumping. I can understand that Arthur needs to know the information and the happenings but you have to make the readers starve for information. Make them crave for it. Make Arthur dig deeper to find out who he is. To eliminate the info-dumping and make the readers starve, you can injure Sam during the attack since she is the main source of information. Harm her somehow; challenge Arthur. Don't serve him with everything. However, this is only an idea. You can reconsider while editing.

Next comes action; the fight between Sam and the villain. It was satisfactory and provided correct information but the formation of sentences was compound or complex which needs to be changed. Arthur is confused and shocked which means he can't process everything. Writing short and swift sentences make it easier for readers to understand what's going on amidst the chaos.

Beginning of the First Chapter: 2/5

In the first paragraph, you began with the minor descriptions of Arthur's attire and what he was doing. However, removing the 'fake' in the 'small (fake) ball' would be better. Add it in the part where you tell the readers what he was doing was fake.

The other thing that I noticed was that you must separate the paragraph where you describe Arthur's background and then what he was doing. It might confuse the readers.

Furthermore, adding more descriptions about how John was reacting would be helpful rather than just dialogue tags or dialogues.

Plot + Originality: 3/5

I don't read much of fantasy. The only fantasy books I have read are Harry Potter by J.K Rowling (big Potterhead, by the way) and Crescent City by Sarah J. Mass, so I'm unfamiliar with the cliches of that genre, however, I enjoyed yours.

The end of the third chapter i.e. chapter 2.1 hooked me in the end but due to the minimal time I had, I couldn't read more than the first 3 chapters even though I wanted.

The descriptions used were immaculate. Making a few changes here and there would polish your book to the next level.

OVERALL SCORE: 23/40

A quick rewriting of a few scenes and mixing the scenes as well changing the book cover would be great. Also, I think you can do better with a blurb by removing "please vote" line. You can always end the chapter with a gif/banner, reminding the readers to vote and comment.

Make sure you volunteer in book clubs to receive feedback and constructive criticism.

I hope this review was helpful.

Happy writing!