CalPal

-38-

Chapter Thirty Eight

This morning Clay woke me up with his arm outstretched. It was my phone with the medical center on the line. I sighed and put the phone on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Ms. Johnson?"

"This is her," I deadpanned, not really wanting this lady's voice to be the first thing I hear in the morning, or more-so whatever she was about to tell me.

"Your mother's health has been severely deteriorating from the timespan of last night to this morning. The doctors think it's in her best interest that a video call with her family be set up. Are you free to do that?"

I handed the phone back to Clay and buried my face in his chest, tears already beginning to fall down, "Would she be able to call back in about an hour?"

"That'd be fine."

"Alright, talk soon," he farewelled and ended the call. Clay placed the phone back behind us on the pillows and held me tighter in his arms. He didn't say anything, just let me cry which seemed to be a regular occurrence since I found out about my mum. I woke up in the middle of the night four separate times and each time, he was awake with me to comfort me.

"I actually can't do this anymore, Clay."

"What do you mean?" He asked, his tone laced with worry.

"I just can't," I responded, getting out of bed and his embrace. I grabbed my mask from the nightstand and walked out of my room, leaving him on the bed.

I knocked lightly on my bedroom door, but got no response. When I grew the courage to throw my mask on and drag my feet into the room, Indi was laying on the bed, scrolling through her phone. I couldn't tell how long she's been awake or if she even went to sleep. I'm sure this is just as hard on her as it is me, maybe even harder as she'd been with Mum for the past year. I haven't been there for either of them.

"Hey Indi," I spoke in a hushed tone, as if my regular decibel would crumble the walls built up around the peace of the room.

"Hi puddles," she replied, only glancing up at her phone for a split second before going back to looking at whatever was on the screen. We had silly little nicknames for each other which just goes to show how insanely close we are, or used to be. She's cabana; I'm puddles.

"Um, the hospital called. They think it's best if we have a video call with Mum," at this point I didn't care about contamination. The mask seemed good enough for me. I wanted to be there for my sister. We each needed each other and I'm not going to force her to isolate herself. I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, "I don't think she's gonna to make it," I whispered.

"I know," she whispered back, locking her phone and turning to face me, "What do we do if we lose her?"

I placed my hand on her side for comfort, "We'll figure this out, okay? I'm not leaving you. We still have each other."

We sat there in silence just finding comfort in each other's presence before we finally addressed the elephant in the room. She sat up in the bed and we held each other's hands as I called the hospital back. It took ten minutes to set up a video call, but once we did, seeing how bad our mum looked actually pained me.

"Hi—" my mother coughed like she was hacking up a lung, "Hi hunnies. How are—" she coughed again and wheezed as if she couldn't get a breath, "How are you doing?"

"We're doing good mum. Indi's visiting at my house right now so I'm taking care of her. She met my boyfriend; he's visiting as well."

"The one—" cough, "from—" cough, "Florida?"

I nodded, "Yeah mum, the boy from Florida. He's a really good guy. You'll love him."

"I can't—" cough, "Wait to m-meet him when—" cough, "When I feel better—" Her wheezing seemed to get exceptionally worse, then we heard different beeping noises. The sound I feared to hear through the speakers initiated and we heard almost a siren type noise as nurses and doctors rushed into the room, "CODE BLUE!"

Indi and I sat there staring at the doctors and nurses grabbing things, talking to each other in frantic tones, messing with the wires and things on her body. It's like they forgot we were even there. Finally, the chaos subsided, our mum was still flatlined, and they all simultaneously took their hands away and stopped helping.

"Call it," one of the people said and I saw her eyes dart to the screen.

"Time of death—" someone began saying.

I didn't register anything else that was going on. I didn't even realize that the call had deadlined. There was a buzzing in my ears and I couldn't hear any sounds. I felt my sister shaking from beside me as she gripped onto my shirt tightly, but I was just staring off into space. Finally, I knocked some sense back into me and wrapped my sister in the tightest hug I could muster. As much as I wanted to have a mental breakdown, punch something, do whatever I could to take this pain I felt and transfer it to something else, I needed to be here for my sister. She needs someone strong to help her get through this; even if my strength is a facade.

"It's going to be okay. I'm right here. I'm not leaving. We'll get through this together," I just kept repeating words of clarity to her and held her as she sobbed in my arms. It's one thing to get a phone call announcing a death, but another to witness it happen and then just be hung up on as if you mean nothing.

Finally, Indi had cried herself to a point of exhaustion and fell asleep in my arms. I continued to pet her hair and cuddle with her until I was sure she was in deep sleep, then I left the room. Clay wasn't in the bedroom when I went back to fall asleep. In the end, my walls came crumbling down like sand in a palm. With no one around to act strong in front of, I cried myself back to sleep.