hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 6

But instead of seeing all that, she saw a fragile, thin woman who looked like she was on the verge of breaking to pieces. Who looked like if the wind was a little too strong, she'd be blown away by it.

Considering I was in the suite all alone and would remain alone for hours to come, I didn't bother putting makeup on or calling anyone to do it for me. So now, the dark circles under my eyes weren't concealed. And just how her eyes popped with the complimentary makeup, mine surely looked like they were about to pop out of their eye sockets with how dark the shape of purple around them was.

Unlike her full red lips, mine were chapped, appeared thinner, and lacked color. They weren't even a natural pink-ish or brown-ish hue. They were just, white. Lifeless. Just like my entire body, safe for the only source of actual life growing inside me.

Her hair was the same brown shade as she must've continued to refuse hair dye despite her current lifestyle. Because although I haven't been present in her life anymore, I kept tabs. It wasn't hard, anyway. And considering the way she lived, one would expect her hair to be a crazy color. But just like when we were younger, it was a rich brown color as it fell in waves over her shoulders. You could tell it was healthy and experienced the touch of expensive products from the way it shone under the light.

And then there was me. My still blonde hair was thrown up in a messy ponytail, so it wouldn't get in the way as I was pacing up and down. In all honesty though, other than the way I "styled it", my hair was the only presentable part about me, seeing as it was just styled, washed, and taken care of yesterday before the ball.

Yes, I let my eyes roam her. How could I not when I haven't seen the woman standing before me anywhere other than magazines and internet blogs? When I haven't seen the woman who I used to call a friend in years and only now got to share a space with her.

If her looks weren't intimidating enough though, one look at her attire, and I thought I was going to die out of embarrassment. Because while she looked even more expensive than she did in college, with her full Chanel outfit, I rocked a pair of sweats and a hoodie. And if it wasn't embarrassing enough as was, it wasn't just any hoodie either.

It was the biggest one I owned. Big enough to cover the bruises and marks on my body that ached with each movement of my limbs. It was the only article of clothing that could provide me with comfort whenever I needed it. Though the print was cracked and certain parts of the text fell out completely, you could still tell what kind of hoodie it was. And I knew she recognized it all too well, as her eyes ran me up and down only to stop at the grey article of clothing a little longer.

Since yesterday, since seeing your face for the first time, I was craving to wear it. To feel its softness. To bury my nose in the fabric despite the hoodie losing its scent ages ago. Despite it not feeling like yours anymore, I still felt your ghostly touch when I pulled it over my head and wrapped my arms around myself because you no longer would. It wasn't fair. I didn't deserve the comfort, or the tiniest bit of love when I wore it. But I couldn't stop myself from gravitating towards it every time I remembered you, or when things got too hard. Though I didn't pull it out in quite some time now. And yet, I carried it with me everywhere, just in case I'd need to feel you. At least this way.

But of course, this was the only time I could wear it. Because if Chanyeol saw, he would be livid. So the only time I could draw from it was when I was all alone. Just you and me, but not really. However, I took what I could get. Thankfully though, this time around, the fabric wasn't soaked in tears the way it usually was when I've worn it. Thankfully, she came after I calmed down, after the initial breakdown I've had the second I put it on.

I felt awkward with her here, though. I was glad to see her, of course. To see a familiar face for once, but what was I supposed to say. And aside from struggling with words, I looked like a mess compared to her, which made me that more uncomfortable with each glance she took up and down my body. But at least she couldn't see what was hiding beneath the clothes, which was a great relief.