THE HISTORY OF US (MewGulf)

FOURTEEN

"MEW! WHAT THE FVCK?" Kaownah yelled, surprised by my sudden outburst. The sound of the glass breaking echoes throughout the room.

I was still growling as I stared at the broken pieces of the bottles. My heart feels so heavy. I can't decipher my own emotions. My wolf is just—so silent. Am I even still myself?

"Mew—" I turned to him and his eyes immediately soften.

"Is this about—is this about them?" I blink my eyes a couple of times, trying to push away the tears that were threatening to fall.

I laugh. I laugh hysterically. To cover up the pain. Because, yes. It's about them. It's always about them. I'm not ready to face the past. I can't. I can't do it.

"No. Pfft. You know what? I'm tired and I appreciate you visiting me but I need some alone time, kaownah." To prove my point, I knelt down and tried to clean up the mess. I bit my lip to stop myself from breaking down.

Please. Just leave me alone.

I heard some shuffling behind me, before a hand rested on my shoulder. I tensed, immediately.

"Mew. Stop. Stop. Mew." I shook my head and smiled. It's okay. I'm used to this.

"No. I—i need to clean this up. I'm sorry if I made you all so worried. I'll come back tomorrow. I promise." I pick up the broken pieces of the bottle not caring if it hurts me. I'm used to it. I stopped myself from hissing when the glass dig deeper onto my skin drawing some blood.

"Mew! Stop! That's enough! You're bleeding!" I sniff and finally, a tear escaped from my eye. Why can't they just leave me alone? Why can't they understand?

"Mew. It's okay. You can cry." With that, I slumped down the floor, the broken pieces of glasses I was holding fell from my hands, and I let myself cry. Why does it feels so heavy? So—colorless?

The pain that I was holding these past few days finally caught up to me. I was lost. I still am. When Hiter showed up, the memories weren't my shadows anymore. They have become my present, once again. I'm not ready. I was only starting to get better but—all of it has crumbled down. The Mew from 6 years ago came back. I can feel that everything will change. And i'm so fvckin' scared.

"Mew. You're gonna be okay. We'll be here, alright? You're not alone. You're gonna be fine." Kaownah pulled me into his embrace and I leaned into his chest. It wasn't the warmth I was looking for, but it was enough to make me feel safe and comforted.

"It—it was my fault, wasn't it? I-if only I got there in time. If—if only I run a little more faster. If—if only i trusted my wolf. If, I have done those things. Will—will he still b-be here? Kaownah, will he still be w-with me?" I managed to let out as I sob between my words. Will he have stayed by my side like he promised?

I felt fingers slowly caressing the back of my head, "I—i don't know, Mew. But, everything wasn't your fault. Don't think like that, okay? It's all in the past now. There are things that we cannot control, Mew. And i'm sorry that you had to go through all of this, but, we'll be here okay? We'll stay with you. We can change the present and the future, together." He whispers softly.

My heart feels so heavy. I just want to be free. To be happy, again. Why can't—why can't I move on? Why is it so hard to let it go?

"Thank you."

"You're not alone."

But, why do i feel like i am? I just want—i just want to love. And be loved. Why does fate always makes it hard for me to achieve that?